1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,730
-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-I'll get it.

2
00:00:05,260 --> 00:00:06,730
[CHATTERING]

3
00:00:07,630 --> 00:00:10,760
Okay, this is why I have a strict rule
against blind dates.

4
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:12,200
Um...

5
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:13,800
Mom?

6
00:00:15,330 --> 00:00:17,560
Sam, is there something
you forgot to tell me?

7
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,660
Uh, yeah.

8
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:23,460
Fredo's owners are going out of town
and I told them we'd take care of him.

9
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,460
It must have slipped my mind.

10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:30,430
You volunteered us to babysit a chimp
and it slipped your mind?

11
00:00:32,730 --> 00:00:34,700
-[SCOFFS]
-But he's way cuter than Matt,

12
00:00:34,830 --> 00:00:36,730
and I'm sure
he has much better table manners.

13
00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:39,930
Here's his stuff, Sam-a-lama.
Thanks for looking out for him.

14
00:00:40,230 --> 00:00:42,560
Sure thing. Good luck
at that lumberjack competition.

15
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:45,730
Thanks, man.
I hope we do better than last year.

16
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,300
Ow!

17
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,600
Okay, Fredo buddy.

18
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,160
Now, you're going
to behave yourself, right?

19
00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:55,530
[FREDO CHATTERS]

20
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,630
JEREMY: Ma'am. Thanks again, Sam.

21
00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,030
Did you mention this to Matt?

22
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,600
Nah. Why?

23
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,960
Well, the last time Fredo was here,

24
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,000
he and Matt
didn't exactly see eye to eye.

25
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:06,830
Oh, that's just
a little misunderstanding.

26
00:01:06,930 --> 00:01:08,100
I don't see any trouble.

27
00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:10,130
[SCREAMING]

28
00:01:10,330 --> 00:01:11,930
[SCREAMING]

29
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,230
Oh, you're right, Dad,
he should be fine.

30
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:20,900
[THEME SONG PLAYING]

31
00:01:59,630 --> 00:02:00,960
[LAUGHING]

32
00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:02,900
I wonder if Carrot Top
is his real name.

33
00:02:03,060 --> 00:02:04,200
-Right.
-[GASPS]

34
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,200
Holy moly, who is that guy?

35
00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:10,900
Wow!

36
00:02:11,260 --> 00:02:12,360
Allow me to translate.

37
00:02:12,430 --> 00:02:14,060
Wow!

38
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,730
Who is that guy?

39
00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:20,930
He is obviously the Greek god
who has come down to Earth

40
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,060
to teach social studies at our school.

41
00:02:24,930 --> 00:02:26,760
LIZZIE: No, he cannot
be a teacher here.

42
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,730
Our teachers here look like
they came from a carnival sideshow.

43
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,230
Well, maybe he's a model
posing for a magazine

44
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:36,960
and he got lost
on the way to the photoshoot.

45
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,760
-Let's go give him directions.
-[GASPS]

46
00:02:39,930 --> 00:02:40,930
BOTH: Oh!

47
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,500
Locker face for Beth Nezznut.

48
00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:46,100
Who is that guy?

49
00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:47,300
[SIGHS]

50
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,600
My name is Keith.

51
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:53,960
Ewan Keith.

52
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,400
[GIRLS SIGHING]

53
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,400
I'll be filling in for Mrs. Stebel
for several days.

54
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,000
What's wrong with Mrs. Stebel?

55
00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:00,300
Who cares?

56
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,430
Zip it, Tudgeman.

57
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,060
Let the man talk.

58
00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:07,530
Mrs. Stebel actually broke
her collar bone parasailing in Cancún.

59
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,300
There. You happy?

60
00:03:10,330 --> 00:03:11,430
Now, who can tell me...

61
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,060
Where we are in the textbook?

62
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,600
Uh, you.

63
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:19,030
Um, chapter...

64
00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:22,400
-Um, chapter...
-[SIGHS]

65
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,130
Okay, um...

66
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,430
-How about you?
-[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

67
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,630
Uh...

68
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,030
Fractions.

69
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,600
This is an English class.

70
00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:41,600
-Right. English.
-Huh.

71
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,300
Um, actually we were getting ready
to begin, um, learning about poetry.

72
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:46,760
Thank you.

73
00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:48,830
And you are?

74
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,060
Guire McLizzie. [GRUNTS]

75
00:03:52,330 --> 00:03:55,460
Flitzwire Mc, Mc,
Mc. Izzie McGizzie.

76
00:03:55,930 --> 00:03:57,730
Um, Lizzie McGuire.

77
00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,560
Hey, that came out right.

78
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:03,430
Well, we should all be grateful
to Lizzie McGuire

79
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,630
for starting us on the long
and winding road of poetry.

80
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:08,860
[CHUCKLES]

81
00:04:08,930 --> 00:04:09,930
[GASPS]

82
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,200
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

83
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,800
And tripping over the starting line.

84
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,800
Before we're done, we'll all have
our personal favorite poet.

85
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,630
Did you know, mine happens to
be a Scotsman named Robert Burns

86
00:04:21,030 --> 00:04:23,700
who said the fairest hours
he ever spent

87
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,630
were spent among the ladies.

88
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,560
And this was well before
the existence of Ms. Britney Spears.

89
00:04:30,130 --> 00:04:31,300
[STUDENTS LAUGH]

90
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:36,600
Now, who here
thinks that poetry is dull?

91
00:04:38,230 --> 00:04:39,360
Oh, come on.

92
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,030
[CHUCKLES] Let's be completely honest.

93
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:42,830
Huh?

94
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,330
Right. Now who here
actually knows any poems?

95
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:50,160
<i>Beans, Beans, the Musical Fruit</i>
doesn't count.

96
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:55,260
The truth is,
is that a lot of poetry is dull.

97
00:04:56,400 --> 00:05:02,400
But a lot of poetry
is about love and passion.

98
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:03,700
[GIRLS SIGHING]

99
00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:06,830
And if you're a guy, it's how to get
the women to fall for you.

100
00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:11,360
[EXHALES]
All right, I'm on board.

101
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,060
This guy's cool.

102
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,260
He's like a cross between Hugh Grant
and James Bond.

103
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:19,730
And he has blue eyes
you could just drown in.

104
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,900
MATT: All right, you don't like me
and I don't like you.

105
00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:26,200
But, we're stuck together
for a few days

106
00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:28,230
so here's how it's going to work.

107
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:31,900
You stay on your
half of the house

108
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,460
and I'll stay on my half
of the house.

109
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,800
Matt, you are not dividing the house.

110
00:05:38,260 --> 00:05:40,130
Why can't you get along
with this little guy?

111
00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:42,400
Because he's a demon in a chimp form.

112
00:05:42,460 --> 00:05:43,460
FREDO: Huh?

113
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,960
Son, you know, you could have
a lot of fun with Fredo.

114
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,860
He could be like your little brother.

115
00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:52,800
I guess if I can put up with Lizzie,
I can put up with a chimp.

116
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:55,900
It might be fun
having a little brother.

117
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,300
[FREDO CHATTERS]

118
00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,330
I'm not getting one from you guys
anytime soon, am I?

119
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:05,660
-Hey, how about this cute chimp?
-Hey, there, Fredo.

120
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,800
[BABBLES] Ooh, yeah.

121
00:06:08,130 --> 00:06:09,230
Come on, honey.

122
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:10,830
-All right.
-See, he's sweet.

123
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,300
-JO: That's my kid.
-SAM: Yeah, that's the boy.

124
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,730
So, did you read the poem last night?

125
00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:19,400
Oh, yeah. Actually that
Robert Burns guy wasn't that bad.

126
00:06:19,530 --> 00:06:21,600
Yeah, we Scotsmen
sure do know how to write.

127
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:23,830
Scotsmen? Gordo, you're Jewish.

128
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,860
Excuse me? Hey, Gordon's
a Scottish name.

129
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,660
My great grandfather was from

130
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,630
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] a wee village
in the Mull of Kintyre.

131
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,230
I'm one-eighth Scottish
and I'm going with it.

132
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,000
Ah.

133
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:39,260
What? The brooding Scot
routine works for Mr. Keith.

134
00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:41,730
So I'm just going to break me off
a piece of that and make

135
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,630
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]
every fair lassie

136
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,300
troubled with a passion over me.

137
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,030
[NORMAL VOICE] I mean, something
to make all the girls like me.

138
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,600
Oh, yeah. It's working already.

139
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:53,730
[GASPS] I feel a bit, um, faint.

140
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,330
[GASPS] Oh!

141
00:06:56,030 --> 00:06:57,530
Lizzie, are you all right?

142
00:06:57,660 --> 00:06:59,300
Have you been eating in the cafeteria?

143
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,760
No, I... I was just fooling around.
[CHUCKLES]

144
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:05,000
Yeah, well, you take the high road,
I'll take the low road,

145
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,630
but I'll be in math class
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] afore you.

146
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,000
[CHUCKLES]

147
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,960
Um, so I... I had a question
about our homework last night.

148
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,460
You know, the poem that you gave us?

149
00:07:14,930 --> 00:07:16,030
Okay.

150
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,800
"But pleasures
are like poppies spread,

151
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:20,500
"You seize the flower,
its bloom is shed,

152
00:07:20,630 --> 00:07:22,860
"Or like the snow falls in the river,

153
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,960
"A moment white, then melts forever."

154
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:27,400
Um, what does that mean?

155
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,360
Well, what do you think it means?

156
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:30,830
Um,

157
00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,300
I think it means that
fun doesn't last forever

158
00:07:33,460 --> 00:07:36,560
so when it's over,
you should get on with your life?

159
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:38,230
That's exactly right.

160
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,500
Oh, that stinks. [GRUNTS]

161
00:07:40,630 --> 00:07:41,860
Talk about depressing.

162
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,430
That's very good, Lizzie.

163
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,900
You're... You're getting
the deeper meaning of things.

164
00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:48,960
-I like to see that in my students.
-[CHUCKLES]

165
00:07:53,930 --> 00:07:55,000
He likes me!

166
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,360
Ewan likes me. [SIGHS]

167
00:07:56,500 --> 00:08:00,200
"Oh, my love is like a red, red rose
that's newly sprung in June."

168
00:08:02,430 --> 00:08:03,460
Drink up, Fredo.

169
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,730
I knew you'd like grape soda
with chocolate syrup.

170
00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:10,200
Hey, you wanna
play baseball with me?

171
00:08:10,430 --> 00:08:11,800
[CHATTERS]

172
00:08:12,060 --> 00:08:13,500
Come on, let's go.

173
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,030
You can pitch.

174
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:58,300
"And the two chimps
lived happily ever after.

175
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:00,300
"The end."

176
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,660
Well done on your papers, everyone.

177
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,100
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] Oh, an A.
I'm ever so proud.

178
00:09:13,230 --> 00:09:16,060
And I'll be feasting the merriment in
Castle Gordon tonight.

179
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,400
[GRUNTS]

180
00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:18,800
Lawrence,

181
00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:22,330
the parallel you drew between
the character of <i>Tam O 'Shanter</i>

182
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:25,130
and Jabba the Hutt in <i>Star Wars</i>
was quite imaginative.

183
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,730
-Thank you.
-And completely wrong.

184
00:09:27,830 --> 00:09:28,860
[LIZZIE CHUCKLES]

185
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:31,030
Uh, Lizzie, splendid work.

186
00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:33,330
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

187
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:34,900
"Splendid work."

188
00:09:35,030 --> 00:09:38,500
Now I'll grow up, marry him,
and we'll split the Nobel Prize in...

189
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:40,330
Rhyming things.

190
00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:43,660
Uh, class, please read
chapter three by tomorrow.

191
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,830
I'll see you then.

192
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,430
-Mr. Keith?
-Yeah.

193
00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,630
MIRANDA: I got you this
book at Booktapus.

194
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,330
I thought you might like it.
It's about Robert Burns,

195
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:56,800
where he grew up and stuff.

196
00:09:58,260 --> 00:10:01,460
So why is Miranda sniffing around
my future husband?

197
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,330
Thank you, Miranda.
That's very thoughtful.

198
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,900
Aw, Miranda has a crush on Mr. Keith.

199
00:10:09,030 --> 00:10:10,960
Miranda must be destroyed.

200
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:13,460
Miranda, what was that?

201
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:15,830
I gave Mr. Keith a book.

202
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,760
Well, don't. I saw him first.

203
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:20,100
-Okay, you don't own him.
-Neither do you.

204
00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:21,660
Well, he thinks I'm thoughtful.

205
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,400
Well, think about this.
Back off, okay?

206
00:10:24,530 --> 00:10:27,130
[CHUCKLES] Don't waste your time,
kids. He likes me.

207
00:10:27,530 --> 00:10:29,930
He gave me two stars
and a smiley face.

208
00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:32,600
That's because he feels
sorry for you, stretch.

209
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:34,430
It's obvious he likes me.

210
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,260
Back off! I'm bringing him
cookies tomorrow.

211
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,800
Oh, good. And then I can take him

212
00:10:37,860 --> 00:10:39,030
to the emergency room
when he gets sick.

213
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:40,830
Okay, he likes brunettes.

214
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,400
No, it's obvious he likes red heads.

215
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:43,900
KATE AND LIZZIE:
No, he likes blondes.

216
00:10:44,030 --> 00:10:45,030
Are you kidding me?

217
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,060
[ALL ARGUING]

218
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,630
Do you believe this?

219
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,330
No. They should be fighting over me.

220
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,530
[CHUCKLES] Tudgeman.

221
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:57,860
This is ridiculous.

222
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,030
Everybody knows he's mine.

223
00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:02,130
And I'm going to win this catfight.

224
00:11:02,260 --> 00:11:03,300
You hear that, Miranda?

225
00:11:07,630 --> 00:11:08,660
Hi, Mr. Keith.

226
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,060
Isn't it a beautiful day?

227
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,160
Um, I really like
the homework last night.

228
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,500
"Love is like a red, red rose."

229
00:11:16,630 --> 00:11:18,800
It's delicate
and it's beautiful and...

230
00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:20,860
And times up, Malibu Barbie.

231
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:24,160
Mr. Keith, I brought you a thistle.

232
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,000
They grow wild in Scotland.

233
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:27,760
[KATE SCOFFS]

234
00:11:32,030 --> 00:11:34,100
-Morning, Mr. Keith.
-Morning, Lizzie.

235
00:11:34,630 --> 00:11:36,300
Are you finding time to read <i>Ivanhoe?</i>

236
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,700
Oh, yeah, it's very interesting.

237
00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:39,930
Interesting?

238
00:11:40,060 --> 00:11:42,930
It's 904 pages of dull.

239
00:11:43,060 --> 00:11:45,130
But if I wanna be
Mr. Keith's favorite

240
00:11:45,260 --> 00:11:46,730
I need some kind of a gimmick.

241
00:11:46,930 --> 00:11:49,800
Um, I'm a little confused
by something in chapter three.

242
00:11:49,930 --> 00:11:52,260
Hi, Mr. Keith.
I made some cupcakes last night.

243
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,130
Excuse me. Mr. Keith and I
were talking about <i>Ivanhoe.</i>

244
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,560
Uh-huh.

245
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:59,360
They're butterscotch, you know,
because of Scotch-land.

246
00:12:00,630 --> 00:12:04,260
[CHUCKLES] Anyway, I was wondering
if, um, maybe we could discuss

247
00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:05,500
what I was having
a little problem with.

248
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:07,930
Oh!

249
00:12:08,230 --> 00:12:09,330
I'm sorry.

250
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,700
[CHUCKLES] Well, it's, uh,
it's about time for class to start.

251
00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:15,660
[LIZZIE GRUNTS]

252
00:12:16,060 --> 00:12:17,530
You did that on purpose.

253
00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:18,900
No, I didn't.

254
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:20,900
Plus, you shouldn't be
bringing him cupcakes anyway.

255
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:22,760
Oh, I'm not allowed to like someone?

256
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,430
Not somebody that I like.

257
00:12:25,460 --> 00:12:26,460
[MIRANDA GRUNTS]

258
00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,200
Now, before we get started,

259
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:31,960
in honor of Robert Burns' birthday

260
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:34,600
the school
and the Scottish Cultural Center

261
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,030
will be hosting a Burns' festival
here on Saturday.

262
00:12:38,230 --> 00:12:39,530
Would anyone be interested?

263
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:40,960
Will you be there?

264
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:42,600
The whole evening.

265
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,060
So you're going
to this thing, why again?

266
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:51,100
Well, to listen to some poetry
and to hear some folk music and stuff.

267
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,100
So I can spend time
with the most wonderful man

268
00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:55,600
who ever breathed

269
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:58,500
and become Mrs. Most-Wonderful-Man
Who-Ever-Breathed.

270
00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:01,000
And your teacher's
making you all do this?

271
00:13:01,130 --> 00:13:03,130
No, he's not making us.

272
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:06,130
Mr. Keith makes poetry
really, really interesting,

273
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,030
and he's really sensitive

274
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,130
and he doesn't make us
feel like dumb kids,

275
00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:11,900
so I wanna go.

276
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:13,760
I get it.

277
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,160
Got a little crush on your teacher.

278
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:19,500
I do not.

279
00:13:22,130 --> 00:13:23,760
All the girls want him to notice us.

280
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,200
And for once, I wanna be the girl
who gets noticed.

281
00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:30,360
Not Kate, not Claire. But me.

282
00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:33,030
Honey, I know how you feel.

283
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,400
I remember when
I was your age it...

284
00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:36,830
It seemed like there
was always somebody

285
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,530
that got the thing that you want.

286
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:39,860
Huh?

287
00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:41,300
Mom actually gets it?

288
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:45,560
It's... It's very tough trying
to compete for attention like that.

289
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,760
So, you had a crush on somebody?

290
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,360
Oh, yeah.

291
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,430
The lifeguard at the city pool.

292
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,400
I thought he was
the greatest thing on Earth.

293
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,830
So, um, how'd it work out?

294
00:13:58,960 --> 00:13:59,960
It didn't.

295
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:02,360
But I saw him recently,

296
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,530
and, uh, he'd lost all his hair

297
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:07,930
and he was assistant manager
at the local Dairy Freeze

298
00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:09,330
and lived with his mother.

299
00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:11,560
So, it really made me appreciate
what a great catch your father is.

300
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:12,760
[CHUCKLES]

301
00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:15,130
[MUFFLED SCREAMS]
Oh, you broke my nose.

302
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:16,800
[GRUNTS] Ow!

303
00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:19,300
[CLATTERING]

304
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,260
[GRUNTING]

305
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:24,600
Dad and Fredo were playing football,

306
00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:29,360
and Fredo really pegged one in there
and hit Dad right in the nose!

307
00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:33,960
Sam, we better get you
to the emergency room.

308
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:35,630
Matt, go get in the car.

309
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,200
Lizzie, I need you to babysit Fredo.

310
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:40,630
But, Mom, the festival starts
in like an hour.

311
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,000
Honey, I need you to do this.

312
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,130
Come on, Sam.

313
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,200
[WHIMPERING]

314
00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:50,600
Great. My perfect opportunity
to go and get Mr. Keith to like me

315
00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:52,060
and I have to babysit a monkey.

316
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,000
[CHATTERING]

317
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,430
But it's not your fault, is it?

318
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:00,660
No, it's not my fault either.

319
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,860
So, um, let's get going, banana boy.

320
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,100
Okay, come on.

321
00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:09,630
[CHUCKLES]

322
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,660
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] So, uh,
the feast begins.

323
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,660
We fill our gabs with
the honest food of Scotland.

324
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:17,930
[GASPS]

325
00:15:18,230 --> 00:15:20,330
Uh, what do we have here?

326
00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:23,400
That's blood pudding
made from cow's blood and suet.

327
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:27,360
There's haggis made
from the innards of a sheep

328
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:29,400
sewed up in its stomach and cooked.

329
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:33,030
And here we have,
cold boiled kidneys.

330
00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:35,430
This is what you guys eat?

331
00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:40,500
That's it. I'm back to being Jewish.
The food's better.

332
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:41,730
[SNIFFS]

333
00:15:41,830 --> 00:15:44,100
Like garbage this smells. <i>Feh.</i>

334
00:15:44,730 --> 00:15:46,230
More kidneys for me.

335
00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:50,960
Ooh. Psst! Gordo!

336
00:15:51,860 --> 00:15:52,860
[SIGHS]

337
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:54,600
[WHISPERING] Oh, yeah.

338
00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:59,030
-Um, I need your help.
-[CHUCKLING] You sure do.

339
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,160
Your date is really underdressed.

340
00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:04,300
I know.
I... I got stuck babysitting Fredo

341
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,100
and I was hoping maybe
you could help me take care of him

342
00:16:06,230 --> 00:16:08,260
so I can hear
Mr. Keith do his reading.

343
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,860
[IN YIDDISH ACCENT] You want
I should take care of a chimp?

344
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:11,860
To you, I'm a zookeeper.

345
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,830
Eh, it'll be a <i>mitzvah.</i>

346
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,560
Yes. Thank you, Gordo.
I promise I'll make it up to you.

347
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,330
[IN YIDDISH ACCENT]
I should live so long.

348
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,460
Ah, Lizzie. I was afraid
you weren't going to make it.

349
00:16:25,530 --> 00:16:27,400
Oh, I wouldn't miss it.

350
00:16:28,430 --> 00:16:29,460
Did you hear that, Miranda?

351
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,960
He was, um, he was afraid
I wasn't gonna make it.

352
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:34,200
Yeah. Big whoop.

353
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,630
When are you giving your reading,
Mr. Keith?

354
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:38,330
Oh, any minute now.

355
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:39,660
I'm gonna videotape it.

356
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,160
[IMITATING KATE]
I'm gonna videotape it.

357
00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:42,460
MALE HOST ON PA:
<i>And next on our program,</i>

358
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,930
<i>we'll be hearing some of </i>
<i>the great poetry of Robert Burns.</i>

359
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:47,760
-Fredo's gone.
-What?

360
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:49,100
How could you lose him, Gordo?

361
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,200
-MALE HOST ON PA: ... <i>Mr. Ewan Keith.</i>
-[ALL CLAPPING]

362
00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:53,730
Well, wish me luck, everyone.

363
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,030
You got to help me find him.

364
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,400
Gordo, I'm going to miss Mr. Keith.

365
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:03,900
[SIGHS] He's going to think
I don't like him.

366
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:06,560
Fine, let's go.

367
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,200
Go.

368
00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:13,330
[CHATTERING]

369
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,830
"Spring in a young man's fancy,
nightly tender thoughts of love."

370
00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:23,060
Nice night for romance, huh?

371
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,700
Why fight it any longer, Katie?

372
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:29,960
[SNIFFS]

373
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,600
We're meant to be.

374
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,200
Whoa.

375
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,960
[CHATTERING]

376
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:45,930
[SIGHS]

377
00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:49,030
Fredo! Come on, boy.

378
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,160
Here, Fredo.

379
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:51,800
Come on!

380
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,530
Ow! Okay, watch your foot,
Princess Graceless.

381
00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:00,330
Hey, I was sitting there.

382
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:01,900
You ain't now.

383
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,000
[SCOFFS]

384
00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:05,860
[PEOPLE CLAPPING]

385
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,200
Miranda, [STUTTERING]
you've got to help me.

386
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:14,030
I was babysitting this chimp
and he got away

387
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,760
and I know that I smushed
your cupcakes

388
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:17,260
and I'm really, really sorry,

389
00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:18,600
but he's in the gym and I can't climb,

390
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:20,930
and you always get
an A in rope climbing.

391
00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:22,260
Can you please help me?

392
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,060
Well, I can't argue with that.

393
00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:29,700
"Green grow the rushes, O

394
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,930
"Green grow the rushes, O

395
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:36,530
"The fairest hours e'er I spent,

396
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,730
"Was spent among the lasses, O"

397
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,560
Move. You're blocking my view.

398
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:42,860
Too bad.

399
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,430
[GRUNTS]

400
00:18:46,730 --> 00:18:47,760
[GRUNTS]

401
00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:48,900
[SCREAMS]

402
00:18:49,030 --> 00:18:50,430
Somebody's gonna pay for that.

403
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:58,360
-Oh. You got him down.
-He jumped on my head.

404
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,530
I... I didn't have
too much to do with it. Ow.

405
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:04,060
And you came even though
I squashed your cupcakes.

406
00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:05,700
That is so cool.

407
00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:08,300
It is not very often
you get to chase a monkey.

408
00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:10,030
Well, we might get
another one right now

409
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,200
if this guy doesn't let go of my ear.

410
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,000
So, I'm really sorry
about acting like a snob

411
00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:16,330
about this Mr. Keith thing.

412
00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:20,300
I guess for once I just wanted to be
the girl that the cool guy noticed.

413
00:19:20,430 --> 00:19:21,500
Me, too.

414
00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:23,130
I guess we're gonna have to
work out a system

415
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,800
for handling this kind of thing.

416
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:27,830
I'm serious, this guy
is pulling my ear off my head.

417
00:19:28,060 --> 00:19:29,230
Ow, ow, ow.

418
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:31,530
[CHUCKLES, SNIFFLES]

419
00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:35,130
So anyway, you want to go listen
to Mr. Keith's poetry reading?

420
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:37,730
Yeah. There's still time
for him to notice one of us.

421
00:19:38,530 --> 00:19:39,700
[ALL SHOUTING]

422
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,400
"Her prentice hand,
she tried on man

423
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:46,760
"And then she made the lasses, O"

424
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:50,360
Oh, would you please
stop it for pity's sake?

425
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,500
Who wants some haggis?

426
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:54,660
[KATE SCREAMS]

427
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,160
LIZZIE: Oh.

428
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:02,560
I never knew
poetry could be so violent.

429
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:04,200
Maybe we should just go home.

430
00:20:04,330 --> 00:20:05,860
[IN YIDDISH ACCENT] Eh, maybe
we could go to a deli,

431
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,060
get a nice piece of fish.

432
00:20:10,930 --> 00:20:12,730
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

433
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:13,800
Hey.

434
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,460
Oh.

435
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,400
What's... What's this for?

436
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:19,060
For helping me catch the chimp.

437
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,030
Would you believe
there are no greeting cards for that?

438
00:20:22,530 --> 00:20:23,530
Mmm.

439
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,430
I should help you
catch chimps more often.

440
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,700
Lizzie, Miranda, good morning.

441
00:20:27,830 --> 00:20:31,030
Mr. Keith, I see you got all
the haggis out of your hair.

442
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,160
I did, I had to buy a special shampoo.

443
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:34,900
But I actually wanted to thank you two

444
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:37,800
for not being involved
in all that <i>mishigas</i> the other day.

445
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,660
<i>Mishigas?</i>

446
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,530
It's a Yiddish word.
It means craziness.

447
00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:42,960
Gordo taught it to me.

448
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,660
-[CHUCKLES]
-Yeah, he's good for that stuff.

449
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,730
You know, I'm very, very impressed
with you two.

450
00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:51,660
You seem immune
to these childish crushes

451
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,060
that middle school girls
are always getting.

452
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:59,000
You're the only two in my entire class
that seem grown up.

453
00:20:59,130 --> 00:21:01,100
Yeah, um, I know.

454
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:03,100
Why do girls have to be like that?

455
00:21:03,230 --> 00:21:05,960
Yeah, we're, uh,
very mature for our age.

456
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,100
EWAN: You're right.

457
00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:10,400
Well, I have to go
face them all again.

458
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,800
<i>Shpilkes</i> these kids are giving me.

459
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:14,400
<i>Oy!</i>

460
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:17,560
[SCREAMS] He thinks we're grown up,
he thinks we're all grown up!

461
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,000
-I know. That's so cool.
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]

462
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:24,430
Listen, let's promise
never to fight over a guy ever again

463
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,530
especially one we have
no hopes in getting.

464
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:28,660
Deal.

465
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,160
-But I get Brad Pitt.
-[LIZZIE CHUCKLES]

466
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:32,360
Only if I get Heath Ledger.

467
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,830
Oh, but I get Josh Hartnett.

468
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,200
-No, no, no, he's mine.
-I saw him first.

469
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:36,260
No, you did not.

470
00:21:42,230 --> 00:21:44,560
You take the high road,
I'll take the road... [MUMBLES]

471
00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:47,760
Chapter three...

472
00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:50,460
Hi, Mr. Keith.
I made some cupcakes last night.

473
00:21:50,530 --> 00:21:51,530
[CHUCKLES]

474
00:21:52,030 --> 00:21:53,930
Splendid work! Now I'll grow up.

475
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,900
Mr. Haggis, I...
Oh, [CHUCKLING] Mr. Keith.

476
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,130
[BOTH LAUGHING]

477
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,300
Haggis?

478
00:22:01,860 --> 00:22:03,830
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]