[SNORING]
Matt, get out of the refrigerator, you're wasting electricity.
Mmm, okay.
Son, did you sleep like that?
Mm, yeah. It was boiling last night.
SAM: Yeah, well, it's almost summer.
And, Sam, the air conditioning is busted.
-I'll fix it. -We'll fix it.
-I'm sorry, kiddo.
Hey, I wonder of you might wanna go swimming in the public pool
after you finish all your homework today.
Homework? There is no homework. I'm in summer mode.
Well, homework or not, you can't go to school in your pajamas. Hurry up.
Well, pardon me, your Royal Heinous.
Bug off, Frigid Air.
Okay? I don't have time for your little childish antics because...
I'm going to high school I'm going to high school
Not just yet, young lady. You have to graduate first.
Yeah, and I'm not gonna let you.
What?
You're just... You're growing up too fast.
I cannot believe you are graduating junior high.
And then it's off to high school,
and then you'll be getting your driver's license,
and then off to college,
and then it's career time,
and then you're gonna be getting married.
[CRYING] And then you're gonna be having kids
and watching them grow up, like I'm watching you right now.
Um, Mom, I don't have time for this.
The yearbooks are coming out and I'm gonna have to sign,
"You rock, don't ever change," like 800 times.
[SNIFFLES] Okay.
And clearly, a lot of these people do not rock and hopefully will change.
Does that make me a bad person?
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
I'm going to high school I'm going to high school
New song, please.
[HUMMING SAME TUNE]
What is that?
"We welcome you, soon to be freshmen, or should we say "fresh meat"?
"This warning is from the seniors at Hillridge High School.
"Know the rules of the school now before you make a huge mistake
"and cross our paths."
Oh, no, I'm going to high school.
I hang out with Georgette Skyler.
You know, captain of the varsity cheerleading squad.
So I'm already guaranteed a spot next year. I'm like so set.
These rules only apply to people like, uh...
Gordork and Loosy.
ANNOUNCER OVER PA SYSTEM: Attention, all students.
Your books will be available tomorrow.
Please bring an ID in order to pick them up.
Too bad your little friend Miranda isn't here,
otherwise, you could have two signatures in your yearbook.
Kate, she had to leave early to vacation with her family in Mexico.
Later, loser.
What derks.
You know what, Gordo, I think Kate's right.
I am a loser, Gordo.
What? You're so not, and since when do you listen to what Kate says?
Well, since she's right.
I mean, when I go to high school, what am I gonna be?
Nothing. A second class citizen of Loserville, U.S.A.
Population, me.
Just don't listen to that snobby, hair-sprayed, manicured dunce.
You're so much better than that. And this,
this is just a scare tactic, trust me.
High school's gonna be great.
Remember? I've already been there.
Not a good example, Gordo.
Yeah, I guess it's not the best example.
But I lived.
[SIGHS]
SAM: I think I found out what the problem is.
[THUDDING]
The public pool is closed.
It's not gonna be open for another two whole weeks.
Well, I'm sure you two can find a way to cool yourselves off.
[COUGHS]
That doesn't involve the fridge.
Oh, it won't.
Let's get to work.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
Hey, can I come in?
Dad shield, activate. Come on.
Yeah.
What have you got there?
-[SIGHS] -[LAUGHS]
This is so way serious, and my dad's laughing.
Oh, sorry, I just can't believe they're still doing stuff like this.
You know, when I was a freshman,
you weren't allowed to go near the freshman lockers.
If they caught you, they'd stuff you in a trash can.
But it wasn't so bad. I mean, I met your mom during freshman week.
Hello, I thought we were talking about me here.
Let's focus, people.
You really grew up in middle school.
Look at all the things you tried. Running for class president.
Rhythmic gymnastics.
You helped save the environment.
And you got your first job.
Yeah, and, Dad, I failed at all of that stuff.
I mean, I got fired.
I hated rhythmic gymnastics.
Larry Tudgeman.
I didn't win the election, and I didn't save the world.
Yeah, but you tried.
And the only time you really fail, honey, is if you don't try.
I think you're gonna do just fine in high school. Really.
He has to say that. He's my dad.
Looks like our stunt at Monte Carlo Night got everyone in this.
Yeah, it's not just an ode to Kate Sanders.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, look, there's Miranda. She took a great picture.
Yeah. And look, there's you in your tux.
Hey, Charlie Bones, hitting the gasoline pretty good there, ain't you?
Hey, Gordo.
-Very handsome. -You think so?
Hey, look, it's... Ooh, um, never... Don't look.
What? Where? Ugh. On the floor?
Uh...
Great, it's in print what a klutz I am.
Well, no one falls to the floor quite as gracefully as you.
Thanks.
Oh, look, it's a picture of the food fight.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Hold it right there, Ms. McGuire.
Yeah. That pudding sure was good.
-Tudgeman. -Sign my yearbook.
Sure.
[SIGHS]
You ate worms...
and beat me as class president.
You surprised me and ended up being a great date.
You are so Tudgeman, and I'm so glad.
Thanks.
There goes the only boy that ever truly liked me in junior high.
Now I get to go off to high school
and be rejected by a whole new pool of boys.
I can't wait.
What about that Ronny guy?
Ronny.
Thanks for bringing up Ronny, Gordo.
-I'm sorry. -Yo, Lizzie, sign my yearbook?
Sure.
Ronny broke up with me.
-He's a loser. -No, Gordo.
I'm the loser, okay? He likes another girl.
She's probably prettier than me. She's probably smarter than me.
And she's probably a lot more fun than I am.
No, she's not.
How do you know?
Because there's nobody prettier than you or more fun to be with.
I feel so awful.
Yeah, I know, but you'll get over it.
Whereas that guy,
he's gonna realize what an idiot he was.
He'll feel awful for the rest of his life.
You're such a good friend, Gordo.
Yeah. Well, uh...
What?
-Gordo, what? -Uh, nothing, nothing.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Okay.
Gordo, Gordo, Gordo.
Gordo, are you okay?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just, um...
A little headache.
-Uh, sign your yearbook? -Sure.
-It better be good, though. -It will.
[SIGHS]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Matt, whatever you are thinking of doing, don't.
-But... -Shh!
-But I... -Zip.
-But, I... -And take off the flippers.
-But I need them. -For what?
-Pool. -[WATER SPLASHING]
We don't have a pool.
Au contraire, but where?
SAM: Hey, Matt. As soon as you're finished
with the hose in the basement, I need it.
[FORCED LAUGHTER]
That's my cue.
Dear Lizzie, I always... nah.
No.
I can tell, lady troubles, right?
I don't need your pity, Tudgeman. Really.
It's Lizzie. She's some dame. Trust me, I know.
I'd recommend that you steer clear of her.
She's a heart breaker.
Thanks, Tudgeman, I, uh, I appreciate the advice and all,
but, uh, I don't think I'm quite desperate enough to use it.
Okay, that's good to know,
but I'm gonna be here when you're ready to talk.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
After lunch.
[SIGHS]
It's just so strange. I mean, other than my parents,
Lizzie is the one person I've known my entire life.
I guess I never really thought what it would be like
when she had a boyfriend.
Wait, wait.
Are you jealous?
Wrong road. I was trying to identify a different emotion.
-Mmm-hmm. -Not jealousy.
Great.
I think.
You know, Lizzie, maybe...
Some time we could, um...
You know...
Hey, Lizzie. You're missing the eel-cooking competition.
I'll be right there, Dad.
Maybe some time we could what?
Nothing. Just,
you know, do this again sometime.
It's your turn to win.
Sounds good.
Um...
[STAMMERING] So, I guess I'll see you later?
Yeah. See you.
[EXHALES] Okay.
"Dear Lizzie..."
Okay, so, my dad says that these high school rules are bogus,
but just in case he's wrong...
Your dad, wrong? Never.
I put together a little survival package.
I made quick reference index cards for the rules.
-They're laminated. -Yeah.
I don't think they're gonna change.
Do you think that they're gonna change?
Oh, well, I'll just make new ones.
Okay, this is a map for you, and this is a map for me.
Now, they're color-coded. Okay?
So, the red areas are the areas that we should stay out of.
The pink areas are the areas that I don't think we should go in.
And the blue is the safe area.
Oh, my. I don't see any blue. Where's the blue?
The blue is right here. In middle school.
Yo, Lizzie, Gordon.
Sign my yearbook?
Sure, but only if you sign mine.
I am so smooth.
Um, hey, Gordo, are you finished with my yearbook yet?
-No, not really. -Great.
Here you go, Ethan.
It needs to sound casual, but yet non-obvious.
But obvious in a subtle way that we're, like, gonna get married.
Soon.
How about "You rock, don't ever change. Lizzie"?
Gordo, you know, this is really important to me.
What people sign in your yearbook and what you put in their yearbook,
it's like... It's so huge.
Tell me about it.
No, I'm not done yet.
Dude, cheerleaders.
Can't keep 'em waiting.
"You rock. Don't ever change."
That's what I wrote in yours.
'Cause you really do rock.
And you shouldn't change.
Oh, Lizzie, you better watch me play water polo in high school.
It's gonna be way cool. Keep it real.
Great. So, Ethan's gonna be a jock in high school
and Kate's gonna be a cheerleader.
And I'm gonna spend four lousy years stuffed in a locker
still trying to read my map.
Note to self.
"Bring a flashlight."
Lizzie, it's a whole new place. You can be anyone you wanna be.
But that's not true, Gordo.
Kate's already got first dibs on "most popular girl."
I mean, look at her.
Sometimes, it's such a drag being this popular.
Not.
Next.
Uh, hey, you wrote "Harry, change your shirt and get a clue."
So?
So my name is Larry, not Harry.
Close enough.
-That's mean. -I said next.
[SCOFFS]
I really do not like her.
Well, at least Kate's gotten her payback
a couple of times in middle school.
[SCREAMS]
Hey, you're laughing.
Yeah. Thanks.
I like it when you laugh.
You know, I thought my mom would like an indoor swimming pool.
Yeah. I guess some people just don't appreciate the finer things in life.
Mmm-hmm.
GORDO: Hey.
Hey.
You know, I didn't think about how scary high school was gonna be.
But you'll always have your friends.
Except for when we're fighting.
Let your feelings out.
[CAT MEOWS]
I'm surprised you trust me to be your partner.
Yeah, well, I'm surprised that you partnered with a lousy friend.
Oh, yeah? Well, a good friend would have stuck up for me.
Oh, well, you're not Little Miss Perfect, okay?
You're always talking about how you always sneak into the movies
and how you pretend to be sick during PE...
Ladies!
I don't wanna hear any talking, I wanna see some action.
I'll show you action.
-I'll show you action! -No, that's too much.
That's a little too much interpretation.
Now, come on, come on.
Yeah. And we did a lot of that.
But whenever it got bad between the three of us,
we always forgave each other.
And right now, my friends are the most important thing to me.
So like a lady.
I'm sorry.
What did you say?
I said I'm sorry.
Look, I hate us not talking to each other, okay?
I apologize. I'm sorry for whatever happened.
You know? And it doesn't even matter whose fault it is.
All that matters is that I hate us fighting,
and I want us to be friends again.
And who else could've helped bring me back from the dark side?
-We're helping you. -How is this helping me?
-Dwarflord! -Ow!
This is aversion therapy.
The thing you like causes you pain. Therefore, you don't like it anymore.
[SIGHS] Why are you doing this?
Because we want you back the way you were.
Back in the old days when you ate and slept and talked
like a normal person.
Or dive in front of paint for someone.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SCREAMING]
Miranda, look out.
No. No!
GORDO: You're a good friend, Lizzie.
You're even good to your enemies.
And a person that would support me
when I was trying to discover who I am.
Lizzie, you're just great.
And I'm very lucky to have a friend like you.
Look, Lizzie, we got through middle school together,
and we'll get through high school together.
Don't worry about these stupid rules.
Or cheerleaders, or trying to find your classes.
Don't worry. I got your back, McGuire.
Gordo, are you finished yet?
You've had my yearbook for like a month.
Um, it's... it's not quite right yet.
Uh, you yourself said how important what you write is.
So don't read it. It still needs a little work.
-[SIGHS] Gordo, you know... -Hey, Gordo, sign my yearbook?
Um, yeah, sure. And don't even think about reading that, okay?
Well, a little peek won't hurt.
"Dear Lizzie, you rock. Don't ever change.
"And only, I really mean it."
That is so sweet.
Oh, my gosh.
PRINCIPAL TWEEDY: Hey, everyone, it's time for the photo,
so let's gather around.
-How's my hair? Good. -How's my hair? Good.
Gordo, promise me that we'll always stay close to each other,
even in high school.
Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.
One.
Two.
Three.
MALE CREW MEMBER: Camera mark.
ADAM: They're laminated.
Okay.
-ADAM: Ready? -Mmm-hmm.
-You sure? Okay? -Yeah. Yeah.
I said next.
Oh, my...
I said next.
[SCREAMS] Ew! Ew! Ew!
-I'm gonna kill you, Kyle. -A wet willy.
FEMALE CREW MEMBER: Run!
A little peek won't hurt.
Very tough shot. Don't try this at home.
I'm a trained professional.
Well, pardon me, your Royal Heinous.
I'm sorry.
Well, pardon me, your Royal Heinous.
I can't do it!
Well, pardon me, your Royal Heinous.
-Stop laughing. -I'm not laughing.
Yes, you are.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]