[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
COACH KELLY: Now, girls in the center with a right-hand star.
This is so unfair.
How come Kate gets to dance with my potential boyfriend, Ethan?
'Cause she asked him. You could have.
Yeah, but then I'd have to get the nerve to talk to him.
COACH KELLY: Come on back and honor your partner.
Now, allemande left.
Howdy-do, corner. Guess what?
[SINGING] ♪ Somebody has a crush on you ♪
Oh, the things you learn in co-ed gym.
A crush on me?
I'm the crushee, not the crusher.
Hey, someone's got a crush on me.
-[GASPS] Who? -LIZZIE: Give me a sec.
-Name, please? -Oh, I can't tell.
That would be gossiping and that's wrong, Lizzie.
[SCOFFS] She won't tell.
All in the center with a right-hand star.
MIRANDA: Well, maybe it's Quin.
Boy most likely to play in the World Series.
Hmm, that's not so bad.
COACH KELLY: And a left-hand star.
GORDO: I heard you have a gentleman caller.
Yeah, whose name is?
Mmm, haven't heard.
Maybe it's Winston, the transfer from Mali.
Ooh. Exotic.
And he barely speaks English.
Wouldn't have to worry about saying anything stupid.
All around with a left-hand lady.
Maybe it's Ethan Craft!
[GASPS] That'd be a crush return.
-In what universe, Lizzie McGuire? -[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Well, then who?
Hi, Lizzie.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
Larry Tudgeman? Nerd times pi.
Now, all in the center with a great big yell!
[ALL YELLING]
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
[SCOFFS] Larry Tudgeman? My first crush-er!
-Ugh, it's unfair! -My condolences.
Yeah, tell me about it.
The guy hasn't changed his shirt since, like, second grade.
Relax. It's just a crush. He's not going to do anything.
Yeah, we've had a crush on Ethan Craft for forever
and we've never done anything about it.
I guess when you put it like that,
I guess the crush has been crushed.
Lizzie. There you are.
Can-Can I talk to you for a second?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
-Um... -[LARRY CHUCKLES]
Um, [STUTTERS] I was wondering
if maybe sometime you'd like to go out?
Like on a date.
Like, Sunday afternoon?
Um...
Never! No way! Not in a million years!
Nuh-uh! Nope! Nix! Nyet!
I, um...
[STUTTERS] Well, I, um...
I kind of have this thing, so, I can't.
Thanks for asking, though.
Lying is perfectly legal in a case like this.
[LARRY CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, that, uh...
[SMACKS LIPS] That's too bad.
[SCOFFS] So much for the crush being history.
Good thing he has Algebra next. That'll cheer him up.
[LIZZIE SIGHS]
I don't feel guilty.
All right, I feel guilty. [SCREAMS]
Take that!
[VIDEO GAME SOUNDS]
[OBJECTS CLATTERING]
Mom's home.
[DOOR OPENING]
Okay, that's it, guys.
Hi, honey! Hard day?
No, I had a wonderful day.
Until I tried to park the car in the garage and couldn't.
Do you know why?
Because you turned the wheel too early, then panicked,
and turned it the other way really, really fast.
I don't know what you're talking about.
The reason I couldn't park
is because the driveway is filled with your junk.
And the lawn.
And where is that junk supposed to go?
[TIMER CLICKING]
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
In the tool shed.
But it can't fit in the tool shed
because the tool shed is so filled with your junk.
It's junk to you, but to us, it's stuff.
Well, the stuff has got to go. Now.
Party pooper.
[SCOFFS] That's my job.
[VIDEO GAME SOUNDS]
It's not messy.
Well, let's just move some stuff around
so it looks like we did something.
That's still tight. Keep that.
-Mom... -Hmm.
I, um, I need your advice.
Really? You want to talk to me?
Yeah, um...
[CROW CAWS]
I'm obviously desperate.
[CAWS]
It-it's about a boy.
Aw! Boy trouble? Oh, my God!
Oh, honey, at last! Come here, tell me.
No, no, no, no. Forget it.
I'm sorry. I really am. No, really, tell me what it is.
Okay. Well, what do you do if a guy you don't like,
and never will like, like, in a million years like,
wants to go out with you?
Well, how do you know you don't like him
if you haven't given him a chance?
[SIGHS]
So you mean go out with him?
[CAWS]
[SIGHS] That's not the answer I was looking for.
-Hey, watch it. -This can go.
-Just a sec. -[ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYS]
That's my old soapbox racer. What a beauty.
This thing? Lame-o.
Grandma on my scooter goes faster.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Hey, you should've seen Grandma when she was in this thing.
Hey, wait a second.
Scooters are on the way out.
We could shine this baby up, make it Y2K compatible, and voilà!
We've got the next big thing.
[HARP MUSIC PLAYS]
Hey, get out of there. It's my turn.
[CREAKING]
Okay, let me rephrase the question, Mom.
What do you do if the guy you don't like is a total geek?
You have to agree with me in this case, Mom.
I can't go out with him.
MATT: Mom, mom! Emergency!
Dad's stuck in the soapbox racer.
Okay, okay.
No, in that case, you may have to marry him.
'Cause that's the McGuire Curse.
SAM: Jo! Honey! Help!
Okay, okay.
So, you mean this is my destiny?
-[CAMERA SHUTTER PLAYING] -[WEDDING MUSIC PLAYS]
I don't know. Maybe.
The one thing I know about boys, honey,
is that some of the best ones come in very strange packages.
Well, then Larry Tudgeman must be really amazing.
I can't tell you what to do
about the boy who likes you that you don't like.
Yeah, but if I don't do the right thing,
fast forward to the disappointed speech.
I'm just saying, nobody likes to be rejected.
I know.
Boys are very sensitive creatures.
Especially our kind.
-SAM: Help! -Oh! Gosh, your dad. Oops.
Thank you. [SIGHS]
I wouldn't want Ethan Craft to shine me on
the way I did to Larry.
Righteous thinking, Lizzie.
I was thinking the complete opposite, Gordo.
Have you lost your mind? She can't go out with Larry Tudgeman.
Tudgeman!
[SIGHS] Miranda, it's just one dumb date.
One dumb date for Lizzie,
but it's one giant date for every boy who has ever been dissed by a girl.
So she's a hero.
Suggestion. Make sure Larry takes you someplace
where no one will see you.
-Especially Kate. -Miranda!
Trust me, this could ruin your social status for, like, ever.
I didn't even know I had social status and now it's going to be ruined.
-[PHONE RINGING] -Hello?
It's not too late to hang up.
Lizzie! Um, I have caller ID.
Oh... Great.
Sometimes I wish I lived in the Stone Age.
Um...
I just wanted to know
if you were still available for that date this weekend.
Tudge rules.
Tudge rules! [CHEERING]
Okay, I guess that's yes.
[LARRY CLEARS THROAT]
[DIAL TONE]
Hello?
I cannot believe I'm going to do this.
I'm gonna go out with Larry Tudgeman!
-And you're gonna have a great time. -[SIGHS, WHIMPERS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
What are you doing here?
Oh, I wanted to make sure that you were
actually gonna go through with this.
Goodbye!
[HAMMERING]
-Cool racer! -[SIGHS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[SIGHS]
Larry?
You look handsome.
Oh, I'm wearing my weekend shirt.
And these are for you.
Well, isn't that sweet?
[CHUCKLES] Way sweet. He actually does look cute.
Is this The Tudge?
I had to battle alien forces in my garden
to capture them for you.
Yeah, it's The Tudge.
Hey, cool racer.
[SNICKERS] Tudgeman.
Hey, kids, have a good time.
Hold on one second there, Lizzie.
Uh, dudes, if you remove the flanges here,
you'll get maximum acceleration.
Genius.
-All right, Tudge! -[CHUCKLES]
Oh, no, um, I don't want to get grease on my hands.
I'm going on a date.
Right.
You are gonna love this place. They have a Tesla coil.
Well, at least no one I know will see us here.
[ELECTRICAL WHIRRING]
Isn't this the coolest place on Earth?
Yeah...
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[DISTORTED ELECTRONIC SOUND]
I'm actually having a good time with Larry Tudgeman
at a science museum.
Have we entered some kind of alternate reality?
Hey, Matt, get in.
[TOOLS CLATTERING]
I don't think it's ready yet.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Come on, steer! Steer! Steer!
I am steering!
[CRASHING]
-You okay? -MATT: Ow!
You didn't hurt the car.
Mommy!
See, the heart looks nothing like a valentine.
It's actually the shape of an upside-down pear.
And get this. In an average lifetime,
the heart beats two and a half billion times.
[HEART BEATING]
Wow. Larry, you have all this knowledge
and you explain yourself so well.
Well, I'm very intrigued about the world around me.
Hey, look, Lizzie, the mitral valve.
All right, icky interests, but the thing about Tudgeman is,
for a dork, he's got a lot of self-confidence.
See, I like what I like
and I don't worry about what other people think.
I mean, boy bands are a trend.
The circulatory system is forever.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Who's the dork? I freak if I wear the wrong shoes.
Well, thanks for a great day.
[HEART BEATING RAPIDLY]
-[ALARM RINGING] -Oh.
Uh-oh, I think he's having a heart attack.
You can barely stay awake through science class.
You couldn't have possibly had fun at a whole museum about it.
I said I had fun, okay?
It wasn't that bad. Larry's really nice.
I'm glad I went out with him.
Whatever.
Bonus, it earned me some karma points
to be redeemed with the boy of my choosing.
You went out with Larry.
Now you can go out with Ethan Craft.
Or at least have the nerve to talk to him.
Hmm. [GASPS] Here's your opportunity.
Ethan's close enough to make it look like a chance meeting,
but not far enough to make it look like
you've gone out of your way to bump into him. [GIGGLES]
-Go get him, tiger. -[CHUCKLES]
Hey, Ethan.
There you are, Lizzie.
Hey, Larry.
I can't believe you're my girlfriend.
I am the luckiest man alive.
Intercepted pass!
[SCOFFS] I am not Larry Tudgeman's girlfriend.
Did you say something to make him think
that you two are going out?
I told him he was nice.
Well, there you go.
He's just used to being blatantly rejected.
Look, you can't keep avoiding Larry forever.
He's telling the whole school that you're his girlfriend.
[SCOFFS] Well, we've got to nip that in the bud.
Deny, deny, deny.
It's such a Kate move.
It would only embarrass him in front of the whole school.
Wh-What if I did the opposite of Kate?
What if I went out with Larry?
I mean, pretend to go out with him?
Hmm. Go on, McGuire.
Y-Yes, please, explain.
Okay, I'll fake go out with him for a day
and then I'll fake break up with him.
Hmm, clever plan.
It completely eliminates the humiliation factor.
But if anybody finds out, you're risking social destruction.
So I'll take the risk. I just don't want him to get hurt.
You're not gonna kiss him, are you?
[SCREAMS] No! No! It'll be way over before then.
[SHUDDERS]
But you guys have to keep this quiet.
[KATE ON SPEAKER] Today's announcements.
Who's the school's hottest pair?
Why, none other than Tudge and McGuire.
They're on fire.
-What? -I didn't tell Kate anything.
[LIZZIE GROANS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
You know, if I didn't know any better,
I'd actually think that you and Larry were going out.
Yeah, let's hope the break up is just as convincing.
I don't want to lead him on any longer.
This has been the longest morning.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Ballroom dancing.
Ladies, pick your partners.
Of all the days to be fake-dating Larry. Ugh.
And one, two, three, one, two, three...
Ow! You're stepping on my feet.
Well, you're completely off tempo.
Hey, Larry,
meet me at the lunch patio after school, okay?
Can't get enough of me, huh?
Uh, right.
We're the coolest couple here.
Hey, let's do that.
Wait! Make that next time!
-[LIZZIE GASPS] -Oh, I'm so sorry, princess.
Now I've put my life in danger to do the right thing.
[SIGHS]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
You're right, Gordo,
this is the perfect hill to test the Samurai.
Hey, I'm the driver.
I'm working on getting us endorsements.
We're calling it the Monster Matt Machine.
Settle this later.
Right now we've primo wind conditions.
It's now or never for the Gordinator.
It's too bad your mother refused to be here.
I can't believe she didn't want to see this.
BOY: Heads up!
[ENTHRALLING MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREAMING]
Guys!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[SCREAMS]
Hey, guys!
Whoa!
Hey, watch out! Watch out! Watch out!
Watch out!
-[GIRLS SCREAMING] -Watch out!
Sorry!
Aah!
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
JO: Honey?
Hi, Jo. Glad you could make it.
Well, I never would have forgiven myself
if I had missed that.
-Are you okay? -Yeah, I'm fine.
[CHUCKLES] That was awesome, Dad.
I clocked you at 45 miles an hour.
How's the car?
I'm sorry. It didn't make it.
Oh, man, my race car's smashed to smithereens.
JO: Oh, honey.
Listen, what do you say I take you all out for some ice cream?
All right!
That'd be great, Mrs. McGuire, yeah.
After you clean up the tool shed and the backyard, okay?
I knew there'd be a catch.
Yesterday I was just the Tudge.
Today I'm Le Tudge.
I'm a boyfriend.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Yeah.
Stop before you break my heart.
You're awesome. But, um...
I gotta tell you the truth.
I don't really think that this relationship is working out for me.
I just don't think we have enough chemistry
to go steady, you know?
Prepare for waterworks.
You're right. We're living a lie.
I mean, I need a girlfriend who's into astrophysics,
amphibian skeletal systems and rotisserie baseball. [LAUGHS]
You're right.
And I need a boyfriend who's into...
Stuff... [CHUCKLES] Stuff.
Maybe I should develop some interests.
Then I can join a club and meet a boy there.
You know, I truly mean this.
Today was the best day of my life.
And Lizzie McGuire, you are the nicest person that I know.
I never thought I'd say this.
My mother was right.
Great boys do come in odd packages.
Larry Tudgeman,
out there there's someone really special for you.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, coming from my ex, I know that means a lot.
[BOTH LAUGH]
So, you think I have a chance with Miranda?
[CHUCKLES]
A-B comment, mark.
-Oh, perfect. -FEMALE CREW MEMBER 1: It works.
Crunchy.
[LAUGHS LOUDLY]
[COUGHS]
Sorry.
[COUGHS] Aah!
I wanna talk to the stunt coordinator.
[LAUGHS]
[SAM GRUNTS]
FEMALE CREW MEMBER 2: Cut! You okay?
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]