1
00:00:03,730 --> 00:00:05,960
<i>La-la-la-la-la-la-la</i>

2
00:00:06,030 --> 00:00:08,000
-[ALL VOCALIZING]
-Rehearsal better not go late today.

3
00:00:08,060 --> 00:00:11,930
I've got three book reports to finish
and a science project to mummify.

4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,630
I don't have time for all this stuff.

5
00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:15,330
Well, why did you sign up, then?

6
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,360
Because I need a non-academic activity
on my school résumé

7
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:20,200
to impress charter school
admissions officers.

8
00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:24,760
Okay, people, let's keep our chins
high, high, high in the air

9
00:00:24,830 --> 00:00:28,060
and we'll all sound like
red-crested warblers.

10
00:00:28,130 --> 00:00:31,800
I tell you, all this extra work
I'm doing, pressure is killing me.

11
00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:33,860
And... one, two!

12
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,330
[ALL SINGING]
<i>Camptown ladies sing this song</i>

13
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,260
<i>Doo-dah, doo-dah</i>

14
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,960
<i>Camptown racetrack's</i>
<i>five miles long...</i>

15
00:00:41,030 --> 00:00:43,900
I wonder if the glee club
is ever going to perform a song

16
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,930
that wasn't a big hit
during the Civil War.

17
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,360
<i>...on the bay</i>

18
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:49,030
Lovely, everyone.

19
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,900
Let's practice, practice, practice
when we're at home,

20
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,300
and, Gordo, let's keep those
"doo-dahs" a little snappier.

21
00:00:56,460 --> 00:00:58,730
Gordo, how do you expect
to get anywhere in life

22
00:00:58,800 --> 00:00:59,930
with sloppy "doo-dahs"?

23
00:01:00,730 --> 00:01:02,130
Relax, it's just a joke.

24
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,900
He's kind of stressed.
Buried under homework and stuff.

25
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,930
You know, I think we should try out
for the Fact-Athlon.

26
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,300
Hello!

27
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:13,400
Gordo's already squashed
by all the school work he does.

28
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,560
Why would he sign up
for an academic competition

29
00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:19,030
that would put even more pressure
on him? It could kill him.

30
00:01:20,030 --> 00:01:21,330
Winners get to go to Miami.

31
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,160
[GASPS] Miami?

32
00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:25,300
Gordo, you've got to win
this thing for us.

33
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,830
You've got to study
and you've got to win.

34
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:30,760
We'll all study, we'll all win
and we'll all go to Miami.

35
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,400
Madonna loves Miami.

36
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,300
The Fact-Athlon might
be good for my résumé.

37
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,000
All right, I'll do it,
but we have to do it together

38
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,100
and we have to be completely focused.

39
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,530
Completely focused.

40
00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:47,300
Completely focused.

41
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,560
There. Completely focused.

42
00:01:51,630 --> 00:01:55,160
[ALL] Focus, focus, focus,
focus, focus!

43
00:01:55,260 --> 00:01:57,300
[THEME SONG PLAYING]

44
00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:39,330
Okay. Who was Ulysses S. Grant?

45
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,860
Okay, okay. [INHALES SHARPLY]
Okay, I know this.

46
00:02:41,930 --> 00:02:44,330
Um, he was on the $50 bill.

47
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,130
Yeah, but what did he do?

48
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,100
It had something to do
with Abraham Lincoln,

49
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,100
and Lincoln was on the five,

50
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,630
so that must mean Grant
was ten times more important.

51
00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:55,530
He was the Commanding Union General
of the Civil War.

52
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,630
-[GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION]
-Ask me something.

53
00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:59,860
Okay, who invented the cotton gin?

54
00:03:00,730 --> 00:03:03,500
Oh, shoot. Um... Um...

55
00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:06,160
[SINGING]
<i>I will always love you-hoo...</i>

56
00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:08,800
Houston. Houston.
Whitney Houston... Eli Whitney.

57
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,160
[SIGHS] I'm running
out of memory hooks.

58
00:03:11,230 --> 00:03:12,660
This is brutal.

59
00:03:12,930 --> 00:03:15,900
If our forefathers knew
how dull history was going to be,

60
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,000
I bet they wouldn't have gone around
making so much of it.

61
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,200
Sorry I'm late.
I was getting you guys some donuts.

62
00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:23,100
-Where are they?
-Oh, I ate them. Yours had coconut.

63
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,360
I know you don't like coconut.

64
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,360
Okay. Thanks.

65
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,260
So, I signed us up
for the Fact-Athlon.

66
00:03:29,330 --> 00:03:31,630
All we need to do now
is get a faculty advisor.

67
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:32,700
Every team needs one.

68
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,000
Oh, let's get Mr. Stoico.

69
00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:37,460
He's the smartest teacher
in the whole, entire school.

70
00:03:37,530 --> 00:03:39,460
He's got that huge head. [SHUDDERS]

71
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:40,830
Kate already got him.

72
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:44,200
-Ugh. Kate.
-Don't worry, we can get Mrs. Trimmer.

73
00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:46,760
She's tough, she's smart.
She'll make us study hard.

74
00:03:46,830 --> 00:03:50,030
Sounds good. Gordo, quick,
what was Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?

75
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:52,530
318 Main Street,
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

76
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,700
-Just a joke.
-That's not a joke.

77
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,900
What does a cannibal
call a phone book?

78
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,530
[CHUCKLES] A menu.
Now, that is a joke.

79
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,000
[LIZZIE LAUGHING]

80
00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:11,030
Hey, do we have
any musical instruments?

81
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:13,730
Uh, my old cymbals,
from marching band.

82
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,600
No good. Lanny and I
are starting a band.

83
00:04:16,660 --> 00:04:19,360
We're living the dream,
and you can't play

84
00:04:19,430 --> 00:04:22,460
a blistering rock 'n' roll anthem
on the cymbals.

85
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,600
Well, how about my old guitar?

86
00:04:24,660 --> 00:04:26,700
I used to be
in a band myself, you know.

87
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,760
-You were in a band?
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]

88
00:04:29,830 --> 00:04:34,060
Yeah. It was me and my cousin Ree Ree
and his buddy Stucco.

89
00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:38,360
We were called Midnight Sam
and the Love Patrol.

90
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,400
[SINGING] <i>When you feel the beat</i>

91
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,030
<i>Dancing</i>

92
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,430
<i>Ooh, you've got to move your feet</i>

93
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:46,600
<i>Dancing</i>

94
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,300
<i>Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...</i>

95
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:49,430
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

96
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:51,260
[LAUGHS]

97
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:55,600
Hey, I'll have you know, son,
we rocked.

98
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:58,130
[SNICKERS] Sorry.

99
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,300
Mrs. Trimmer wanted me
to work out a study schedule.

100
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,930
I figure we'll put an hour in
each day in math,

101
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,900
science, history and English.

102
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,130
Ugh.

103
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:14,300
Guess I'll just have to get by
on three hours of sleep.

104
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,760
I cannot possibly study
four extra hours a day

105
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:20,200
and still have time
for the important stuff.

106
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,530
This is really going
to be a sacrifice.

107
00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:28,730
Ugh. I'm giving up eating dinner
and talking to my parents,

108
00:05:29,130 --> 00:05:31,730
but it'll all be worth it
when we go to Miami.

109
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,800
We're totally going to win it
with Mrs. Trimmer.

110
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:36,030
Mrs. Trimmer has left the country.

111
00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,300
[CRASHING]

112
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,000
I'll be substituting for her
while she's gone.

113
00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:44,500
But, Mr. Dig, she's supposed to be
our advisor for the Fact-Athlon.

114
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:45,760
Oh, I got your back on that one.

115
00:05:45,830 --> 00:05:47,430
You're going to be our advisor?

116
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,960
Yeah, I was good enough to tutor
Christina Aguilera in Spanish.

117
00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:52,560
I was good enough to tutor
the governor of Michigan in economics.

118
00:05:52,630 --> 00:05:55,600
I was good enough to tutor Ben Affleck
about Pearl Harbor.

119
00:05:55,660 --> 00:05:57,160
You taught all those people?

120
00:05:57,230 --> 00:05:59,030
Oh, no. They wouldn't let me.

121
00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:01,000
But I was good enough,

122
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,130
and if I'm good enough for them,
I'm good enough for you.

123
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:06,200
Meet me back here at 5:00.
We'll start with math.

124
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,200
Well, this should be interesting.

125
00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:12,630
Hey, guys. What are you doing?

126
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:15,500
Well, Lanny says that
all the best bands have

127
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:19,100
more than two people, so we're having
auditions for a third member.

128
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,260
Ah. So there's going
to be lots of kids

129
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:23,160
playing instruments real loud
all afternoon?

130
00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:24,730
Uh-huh.

131
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,330
Uh-huh. Hey, honey,
I'm going to head down to the office

132
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,860
for the rest of the afternoon.

133
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,430
[PLAYING OFF-KEY]

134
00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:39,930
[NOTES PLAYING]

135
00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:04,800
Great, babe. We'll call you. Okay?

136
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:09,000
[PLAYING OFF-KEY]

137
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,700
Name, please?

138
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,830
Rick. Rick Marotta.

139
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,230
He's a bit old to be a rock star,
don't you think?

140
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,130
It says here you've played
with, uh, Linda Ronstadt?

141
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,500
James Taylor?

142
00:07:30,630 --> 00:07:32,200
Steely Dan?

143
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:35,460
John Lennon? Never heard of them.

144
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,600
Okay, we'll see what you got.

145
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:54,900
Congratulations, Rick.
You got yourself a gig.

146
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,930
Thanks, guys. Thanks for the break.

147
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,700
-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-Oh, excuse me.

148
00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:01,500
Hello? Dad, I got the gig.

149
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,430
Protractor, compass and calculator.

150
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,400
Oh, look at Lizzie studying.

151
00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:10,560
You guys really think you can beat us?

152
00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:13,530
You guys have less of a chance
than Mark Antony's fleet

153
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,300
at the Battle of Alexandria in 12 BC.
It was a Tuesday.

154
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:21,230
You guys, we got no time to waste.
We've got to study. Study.

155
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:22,830
[MOCKING] Study, study.

156
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,560
Marc Anthony, the singer?

157
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:28,900
GORDO: Is it safe?

158
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,230
Yeah. Go straight.

159
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:35,530
Yeah, um... Okay, now, turn right.
No, not... Too early. Let's go. Yeah.

160
00:08:38,930 --> 00:08:40,900
Okay, now turn around. Now go left.

161
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,030
No, not your left, my left.

162
00:08:43,660 --> 00:08:45,260
Is that Gordo back there?

163
00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:47,500
I took out every math book
the library had.

164
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,100
And we have our compasses
and our rulers

165
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,500
and our protractors and everything.

166
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,000
Good. Good. Get rid of it all.

167
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:57,430
-Why, what are we going to study with?
-These.

168
00:08:57,860 --> 00:08:58,900
Yeah.

169
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:02,560
Uh, those are cards.

170
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:05,030
Very good, Miranda.
If we need you to identify

171
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:08,730
any other objects in the Fact-Athlon,
you're our go-to girl. [CHUCKLES]

172
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,760
So, what, are we going to, like,
study math by playing poker?

173
00:09:11,830 --> 00:09:14,960
Of course not.
What kind of bughouse idea is that?

174
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,330
We're going to play blackjack.
Grab some chips.

175
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:21,230
Um... Maybe Mrs. Trimmer
didn't explain the Fact-Athlon

176
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:23,560
to you, but it's intense.

177
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,660
We have to study.

178
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,830
We are. We're just going
to do it a little differently. Look.

179
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,960
We are going to learn things
by doing it.

180
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,330
If you play blackjack, you learn math.

181
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,330
Addition, subtraction,
probability, ratios.

182
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,260
I think we should study
the old-fashioned way.

183
00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:39,830
You know, where you read books
and you memorize facts?

184
00:09:40,130 --> 00:09:43,230
Where you turn into
an old, worried man at 13.

185
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,960
I am not an old man.

186
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,560
-[BONES CRACK]
-[GROANS]

187
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:49,330
I think Mr. Dig's way could work.

188
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:53,360
I think it could really work well.
Hit me, dealer.

189
00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:58,730
English history.

190
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,800
Grab thee a turkey leg
and eat it fast,

191
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:03,060
'cause we didn't have refrigeration
in the 16th century,

192
00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:07,260
and the only way to preserve this
is to cake it with salt. [CHUCKLES]

193
00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:15,230
Okay, we start with H2O and then
we add bicarbonate of soda...

194
00:10:16,430 --> 00:10:19,360
And that creates carbon dioxide.

195
00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:22,160
Okay, I know there are at least
12 more face cards in the deck,

196
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:25,400
which means there's a two-to-one ratio
of face cards to spot cards.

197
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:29,030
I'm going to split my eights
so I can double my cookies.

198
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:33,230
[ENGLISH ACCENT] Anyone seen much
of the peasants, lately?

199
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,460
[ENGLISH ACCENT]
Mmm. Saw them just today.

200
00:10:35,530 --> 00:10:36,830
Oh, and how are they?

201
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:40,260
Muddy. You know, wallowing
in the muck and whatnot.

202
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,100
By the way, my liege,

203
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,930
I failed to produce thee
a male heir for the throne.

204
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,660
[ENGLISH ACCENT] Oh, no matter.

205
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,330
I'll just break away
from the Church of Rome,

206
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,660
start the Church of England,

207
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,560
have your head lopped off
and marry that saucy wench.

208
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,000
Okay. [GIGGLES]

209
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:57,800
MR. DIG: Then we add a sucrose
compound and a thickening agent.

210
00:10:58,030 --> 00:11:02,230
And we shake it all up
and that creates...

211
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,660
an egg cream. <i>L'chaim.</i>

212
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,560
Do you believe those jerks?

213
00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:20,100
No time to talk. Study, study.

214
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,230
Uh... You've got some sort of weird

215
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,960
snake-woman-from-Mars thing
going on your neck there.

216
00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:27,360
Stress rash from all this studying.
Leave me alone.

217
00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:28,630
Would you guys quit distracting me?

218
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:30,630
Time to understand physics.

219
00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:33,400
Bodies of unequal weight
fall at the same speed.

220
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:38,060
[NORMAL ACCENT]
Ooh, cool. Watermelon omelet.

221
00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:45,160
Hit me.

222
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:46,560
Thirteen.

223
00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:47,630
Hit me.

224
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,030
Booyah! 21!

225
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,760
Cash me out. I'll be at the buffet.

226
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,600
MATT: That's a ridiculous name.

227
00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:02,130
I don't want to call our band
"The Lanny and Matt Band."

228
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:05,530
What kind of name is that?
How could you come up with that?

229
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,260
Hey, what's going on out here?

230
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,260
We can't agree on a name for the band.

231
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,760
I want something thought-provoking,

232
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:14,630
something that says
we're all about the issues.

233
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,000
Well, what do you want to call it?

234
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:18,600
[READING]

235
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:21,430
Well, maybe you guys should
focus more on rehearsing,

236
00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:22,700
and the name will take care of itself.

237
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,700
You're right, Dad. We've got to be
all about the music.

238
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,230
Count us in, Rick.

239
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,800
One, two, three.

240
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,960
[SINGING OFF-KEY] <i>How many times</i>
<i>have I heard you complain? </i>

241
00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:41,660
<i>Once. Twice...</i>

242
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:42,960
I'll be at the office!

243
00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:49,060
Fifth Amendment?

244
00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:51,630
Uh, protection against
self-incrimination.

245
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,160
[NORMAL ACCENT] Greetings, wench.

246
00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:57,200
Good fortune
and fair time of day. Ew!

247
00:12:57,730 --> 00:13:00,200
Shouldn't you weirdos be out
playing dress-up or something?

248
00:13:00,260 --> 00:13:02,730
[NORMAL ACCENT] Listen, twitchy,
you guys are going down

249
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,160
faster than a watermelon
dropped off a building.

250
00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:08,760
Yeah. While you guys were
studying stuff, we were living it.

251
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,330
Thank you for coming, everyone,
and welcome

252
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,860
to the 12th annual Fact-Athlon.

253
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,500
Our first category is:
English History.

254
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:21,600
Yes.

255
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,400
Fare thee well, Kate.

256
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:27,130
We've come to bury you,
not to praise you.

257
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,300
Alas, poor Kate. Har-har-har.

258
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:34,060
Who commanded the British fleet
at the Battle of Trafalgar?

259
00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:35,660
Oh.

260
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,530
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-Lord Horatio Nelson.

261
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:38,700
Correct.

262
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,060
[BELL DINGS]

263
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,000
Name the competing factions
in the War of the Roses.

264
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,800
-The Lancasters and the Yorks.
-Correct.

265
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:52,700
Who signed the Magna Carta?

266
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,030
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-King John,

267
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,300
in the year 1215, at Runnymede.

268
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:57,630
Correct.

269
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,000
Uh-oh. Ugh...

270
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,860
Moving on to the American Revolution.

271
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:11,160
What year did
the Boston Tea Party occur?

272
00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:13,760
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-December 16, 1773.

273
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:17,460
Why didn't we get that one?

274
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:20,160
'Cause we didn't study dates
and places and times.

275
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,030
I know what the colonists felt,
but I don't know when they felt it.

276
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,500
He needs to ask questions
about turkey legs.

277
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:27,530
This is massively stinkful.

278
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,400
What year did Abraham Lincoln sign
the Emancipation Proclamation?

279
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:34,860
He signed it so that abolition
would become an actual issue

280
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:36,760
of the Civil War, and to show that
he was confident

281
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:39,130
in the Union Army
after the Battle of Antietam.

282
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,100
Mmm, we're looking for the date.

283
00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:45,860
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Oh, right, the date. Pass.

284
00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:47,200
[GROANS]

285
00:14:47,260 --> 00:14:49,100
September 22, 1862.

286
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:52,300
Okay, here's the plan.
Gordo, you fake being sick.

287
00:14:53,230 --> 00:14:54,600
Miranda, you turn on
the fire sprinklers.

288
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:55,860
And we're going to get out of here.

289
00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:59,160
Get real. We just have to focus.
We can do this.

290
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:02,160
Edward Jenner discovered
the smallpox vaccine.

291
00:15:02,460 --> 00:15:03,960
Oh, for pity sake.

292
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,000
Jackson!

293
00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:09,560
What is the square root of pi?

294
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,800
1.98324?

295
00:15:12,630 --> 00:15:14,130
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-CLAIRE: Charles Dickens in 1849.

296
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,600
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-NaCl.

297
00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:16,900
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-1812.

298
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,530
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-Correct.

299
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,600
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-Correct!

300
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:22,500
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-Correct!

301
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,830
[GROANING]

302
00:15:24,530 --> 00:15:25,530
Missouri Compromise.

303
00:15:25,930 --> 00:15:27,900
July 20th, 1969.

304
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,000
Ring-tailed lemur.

305
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,000
Oh, my heart!

306
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,500
[GORDO GROANS]

307
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,160
Gordo, are you okay?

308
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:41,900
[SHRIEKS]

309
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,260
Come on, come on, come on.

310
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,030
MATT: [ON SPEAKERS] <i>Ninety-two, </i>
<i>ninety-three, ninety-four...</i>

311
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:56,730
Do we have any aspirin?

312
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:58,100
You got a headache, too?

313
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,400
No, I just think
they'd make good earplugs!

314
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,560
-MATT: <i>Okay, stop, stop, stop!</i>
-[SIGHS]

315
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,860
Hey, I need some root beer for Lanny

316
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:09,560
and some coffee
and antacid for Rick Marotta.

317
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:14,430
Um, Matt, your dad and I are thinking

318
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:18,030
that maybe this band thing
just isn't working out.

319
00:16:18,230 --> 00:16:20,560
-I mean, you guys rehearse a lot...
-A lot.

320
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:23,500
And you're not, um,
not getting much better.

321
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,400
Are you saying we should quit?

322
00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:27,230
No. No, no, no.

323
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:28,360
Well, yes.

324
00:16:28,430 --> 00:16:30,130
Haven't you guys always told me that

325
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,930
if you really love something
you should stick with it

326
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,130
no matter how long it takes?

327
00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:38,060
Yeah. You know what?
We have always said that.

328
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:41,760
But, um, the thing is...
we were wrong.

329
00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:44,230
Dead wrong. We see that now, son.

330
00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:46,630
Our band isn't giving up.

331
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,660
Today is Friday, and by the time
we have our backyard concert

332
00:16:50,730 --> 00:16:55,560
on Sunday, we're going to be laying
down some insane tuneage.

333
00:16:56,230 --> 00:16:59,100
And we don't need your root beer.

334
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:03,330
The office is closed on Sunday.

335
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,800
MATT: [ON SPEAKERS] <i>15! 16!</i>

336
00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:10,030
That didn't go well.

337
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:13,360
<i>The Titanic</i> didn't go well.
This was a disaster.

338
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:16,230
All we did was talk
like Old English weirdos

339
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,600
and eat turkey legs.

340
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:20,400
KATE: Well, it looks like
you didn't bury us.

341
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:23,000
We buried you.
I've got to hand it to you,

342
00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:25,700
it's not often that students do so bad
that their teachers quit.

343
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,960
What? Mr. Dig's quitting?

344
00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,600
That's what he told Mr. Escobar.

345
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:33,600
Well, see you in Miami.
Oh, wait, I guess we won't.

346
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:40,930
Did you warn the neighbors?

347
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,430
I promised them
I'd mow their lawns and give them

348
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,130
fifty bucks
if they don't call the cops.

349
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,860
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

350
00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:57,160
Hiya, Dad. Thanks for coming.

351
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,600
See? Rick's dad is supportive.

352
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,700
I got a gig to play.

353
00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:05,230
Rock on.

354
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:08,460
<i>One, two, three, four!</i>

355
00:18:10,730 --> 00:18:13,730
[SINGING] <i>Gonna tell Aunt Mary</i>
<i>about Uncle John</i>

356
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,330
<i>Say he had a missus,</i>
<i>but he got a lot a fun</i>

357
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,960
<i>Oh, baby</i>

358
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,360
<i>Yeah, baby</i>

359
00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:23,330
<i>Whoo-ooh-hoo, baby</i>

360
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,060
<i>Some fun tonight</i>

361
00:18:27,630 --> 00:18:29,960
<i>Saw Uncle John with long, tall Sally</i>

362
00:18:30,030 --> 00:18:32,760
<i>He saw Aunt Mary coming,</i>
<i>and he ducked back in the alley</i>

363
00:18:32,830 --> 00:18:34,530
<i>Oh, baby</i>

364
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,530
<i>Yeah, baby</i>

365
00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:39,430
<i>Whoo-ooh-hoo, baby</i>

366
00:18:40,430 --> 00:18:42,030
<i>Some fun tonight</i>

367
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,900
<i>Rock on, Lanny!</i>

368
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,860
That's my baby, with the guitar.

369
00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:02,930
It's my guitar.

370
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,700
<i>...everything that Uncle John need</i>

371
00:19:04,830 --> 00:19:06,060
<i>Oh, baby</i>

372
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,100
<i>Yeah, baby</i>

373
00:19:09,260 --> 00:19:12,000
<i>Whoo-ooh-hoo, baby</i>

374
00:19:12,830 --> 00:19:14,600
<i>Some fun tonight</i>

375
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,900
-[LOUD CHEERING]
-[WHISTLING]

376
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,760
SAM: Hey... Good job, Matt.

377
00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:35,830
Matt! Matt! Honey!
That was incredible! [SQUEALS]

378
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,160
Thanks. I thought we were all right.

379
00:19:40,230 --> 00:19:42,400
All right? What's next?

380
00:19:42,460 --> 00:19:43,600
What do you mean?

381
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,900
Where are you guys going to play next?
You going to get an agent?

382
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,700
Nah. We're through with this.

383
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,830
What? Why?

384
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,830
Because we've done it,
and it's history.

385
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:57,160
Yeah, Lanny has a point.
We haven't tried snowmobile racing.

386
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,030
Come on, Lanny.
Let's get that into the works.

387
00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:05,660
How you guys doing?

388
00:20:06,730 --> 00:20:08,400
-Hey, Mr. Dig.
-Hi.

389
00:20:08,460 --> 00:20:09,930
We heard you were leaving.

390
00:20:10,030 --> 00:20:11,400
Well, I let you guys down, didn't I?

391
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:12,960
You can't leave, Mr. Dig.

392
00:20:13,030 --> 00:20:15,600
Why not? I'm a terrible teacher.

393
00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:17,200
You didn't learn anything from me.

394
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,500
I wouldn't exactly say
we didn't learn anything.

395
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,160
I learned how to play <i>Greensleeves</i>
on an autoharp.

396
00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:24,130
And I learned that
it's good to split nines

397
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,530
when the dealer
has a five or six showing

398
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,000
and there are no other tens
on the table.

399
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,400
Actually, I learned a lot.

400
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:30,800
Like the Middle Ages smelled terrible,
and you were lucky

401
00:20:30,860 --> 00:20:33,430
if you lived to be 30
'cause there was so not any hygiene.

402
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,330
And it didn't matter that Galileo

403
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,560
proved Earth isn't the center
of the universe.

404
00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:39,330
That meant nothing unless
the political powers

405
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:40,660
would let him tell people.

406
00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:42,160
And that wasn't going to happen

407
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:43,700
because then everyone
would be out of a job.

408
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,930
I always busted my tail for school.

409
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,530
I never knew it could be fun before.

410
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:48,730
LIZZIE: Or interesting.

411
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,960
Yesterday, I got a book
on Queen Elizabeth I

412
00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:52,530
out of the school library.

413
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,760
Queen Elizabeth was fat, bald,
and looked like a clown.

414
00:20:55,830 --> 00:20:56,830
You can look it up.

415
00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:58,900
-Wait, we have a school library?
-[BUZZER SOUNDS]

416
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,460
Well, I guess I didn't do
such a bad job after all.

417
00:21:01,730 --> 00:21:03,960
In fact, you should be thanking me.
[CHUCKLES]

418
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:07,330
Well, I wouldn't go overboard.
We did want to go to Miami.

419
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,260
Yeah, we'll thank you if we survive
the gloating Kate does

420
00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:12,530
when she comes back
from Florida next week.

421
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:13,600
[MIRANDA MOUTHING]

422
00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:20,300
Whoa. What happened to you guys?

423
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,660
I got bit to death by sand fleas.

424
00:21:22,730 --> 00:21:24,260
I stepped on a stupid sea urchin.

425
00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:26,660
I got so sunburnt, my teeth hurt.

426
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,230
[LAUGHS]

427
00:21:31,030 --> 00:21:32,230
[MIRANDA CHUCKLES]

428
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,860
[ALL] Thanks, Mr. Dig.

429
00:21:35,030 --> 00:21:36,060
Don't mention it.

430
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:43,700
Oh, I got gum!

431
00:21:44,530 --> 00:21:46,160
DIRECTOR: Cut, ready, and...

432
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,230
Oh, no. [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

433
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:50,300
[CHOMPING]

434
00:21:51,430 --> 00:21:52,560
DIRECTOR: Cut.

435
00:21:52,830 --> 00:21:54,200
-[SHATTERING]
-[GASPS]

436
00:21:56,330 --> 00:21:58,000
What are you guys looking at?

437
00:21:59,060 --> 00:22:00,060
DIRECTOR: Cut.

438
00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:01,530
Cut!

439
00:22:02,460 --> 00:22:04,460
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]