MATT: Okay, here's our Halloween battle plan.
Houses marked in red give out the best candies.
The houses marked in blue give out little boxes of raisins.
We'll blow them off.
Then we'll take the D bus to Rancho Vista Estates.
They're all rich and they give out full-size candy bars and dollar bills.
Hey, you know who you should go as, Matt?
A troll. That way you wouldn't need any makeup.
Actually, I was gonna be the ugliest kid on earth,
but you're already wearing the costume.
This is it. Matt's going down.
Oh, crud! Here come Mom and Dad. Hide the catapult.
Hey, Mom. My Halloween trick-or-treat bag was too small last year.
Can I borrow the wheelbarrow?
Oh, champ, you're not gonna need a trick-or-treat bag this year
cause you're not going trick-or-treating.
-[GULPS] -[SNICKERS]
Now, don't worry. You're gonna gave a good time.
You're going to the Halloween Fright Night at your sister's school.
He's what?
[SNICKERS]
[MUTED SNICKERING]
Look, they got haunted dungeons, game booths, prizes, everything.
Hello? Nobody asked me about this.
If stink-boy comes to my Fright Night, I'm gonna have a terrible time!
Aw, you will?
I'm there.
Great. I get to brat-sit my little brother.
Talk about scary.
Trick-or-treat.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
[GIRL SCREAMING]
So, the girls' soccer team will be in charge
of painting the soccer balls like human heads
for the "Guess How Many Human Heads Are in a Barrel of Heads" game.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
What, Tudgeman?
[IMITATES DARTH VADER] Luke, I am your father.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] It's Darth Vader. I do a great Darth Vader.
I could scare people with that.
Sit down, Tudgeman.
[LIZZIE CHUCKLES]
Okay, let's discuss decorations.
I want to display skeleton dolls from El Día de los Muertos,
which is the Day of the Dead, which is Halloween in Mexico.
Why would we want to display your stuff?
'Cause it's cool.
No, it's not. It's lame.
I think it's great to have stuff from other countries at our parties.
CLASSMATES: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
LARRY: Yeah!
Fine! You can have your stupid little toys set up on a table.
They're miniature skeletons that represent dead ancestors
so you'd better treat them well.
[IMITATES YODA] Treat them well you must. Wise they are, yes.
-[IN NORMAL VOICE] That's Yoda. -Tudgeman!
I know. Sit down and zip it.
[STAMMERS] I mean it!
A kid from Veracruz made fun of the spirits once.
-[SPOOKY MUSIC] -And after three days,
he was found in a coffin surrounded by skeletons.
His hair turned white. White.
And he never, ever, ever spoke again.
All right, we'll treat them well. Anything else?
I'd like to sign up to be
Vampire Mistress in the Dungeon of Terror.
I would look so slinky and cool as a vampire.
I am so tired of wearing Mom's old marching band uniform every year.
You should let her, Kate. Lizzie'd be really good.
Well, I guess I could let you be the Dungeon Mistress.
-Really? -Yeah.
But you're going to have to clean out
the janitor's utility room where we're putting the dungeon.
Ugh! It's yucky in there!
Hey, I do a great Wookie.
[IMITATES WOOKIE]
Oh, it's okay. I'm solid.
LIZZIE: [GAGS] It's even grosser than I thought!
Of course, it's gross.
It's where the janitor keeps his bucket of throw-up sand.
Whenever a kid around here throws up, that's it right there.
I swear, Kate Sanders spends, like,
all of her time just thinking of ways to make me miserable.
GORDO: I don't think that's true.
I think Kate Sanders spends all of her time
thinking of ways to make everybody miserable.
Well, it'll be worth it to be a vampire hottie.
Thanks for helping me, Gordo.
I'm not helping you. You just said to meet you here.
You said you were gonna give me a hamburger.
But you have to help me.
Why would I help you?
So you can once again do exactly what Kate Sanders wants?
So you can let her manipulate you and every other kid in this school
who hopes and prays for their fifteen minutes of popularity?
Why on earth would I participate in that?
Because my cousin Heather's coming into town again this summer
and I'm gonna get her to go out with you.
Quit your yapping. We've got work to do.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
The utility room's all clean, Kate.
What a good little cleaner you are.
I'll need props for the dungeon so I can start decorating.
Oh. I forgot to tell you. I decided to be the Vampire Dungeon Mistress.
I need you to be Floppy the Clown and give out balloons.
What? You said if I cleaned out the slop-hole I could be Vampira.
I know, but as head of the party committee,
I decided that Vampira should be someone tall and desirable.
And that's me.
See ya.
No! I am the desirable vampire!
I get to wear the slinky outfit! I get to...
Ugh. Okay, I'm gonna need about eight gallons of concealer for this.
I need some gross stuff for my costume.
I'm going as me, turned inside out.
I know, I know.
Oh, can I use this... spaghetti sauce?
No, honey, that's for dinner tomorrow night.
How about this caviar stuff? Looks like brains.
No, you may not use the caviar. That's for your father and I tonight.
How about the sausages?
Oh. I suppose. Sure.
Ugh, gross.
Oh, oh, my guts are falling out.
I... You got caviar for us tonight?
Yeah.
Well, the trick-or-treaters are gonna probably be done by 7:30
and then we're ju... We have the house to ourselves.
-No kids. -No screaming.
Nobody fighting over the TV remote.
-Just you and me. -Yeah.
Gross!
That is so disgusting.
Look who's talking.
MIRANDA: Hey, Kate.
Oh, real mature.
Oh, yes, it's very immature of us to play with toy skulls on Halloween.
We'll try to grow up.
Did somebody order a box of skulls?
Hey, Mom.
Where's Dad?
Oh, he's coming. He had a little accident in the parking lot.
I may need a needle and thread.
I got my sleeve caught in the car door.
Dad.
Careful, Dad. Kate'll tell you you're immature.
Oh, Miranda! I love your parents.
They know that.
Hi, Mrs. Sanchez.
-Hi. -How are you, Mr. Sanchez?
Oh, how interesting!
Day of the Dead is one of my favorite holidays.
Yeah, and on El Día de los Muertos in Mexico,
people go to the cemetery
-and have a meal with the dead. -Mm-hmm.
Oh, it's a lot more fun than it sounds.
There's dances and all kinds of stuff.
Tamale represents the meal. It's chicken.
The dead have to watch their cholesterol.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
It is going to make our Fright Night so much more interesting.
-Well, it's our pleasure. -Mm-hmm.
And now I think we're gonna get out of here
so you kids can finish decorating.
Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.
Here, Kate. Give Miranda a hand with the rest of the stuff.
Come on.
-Oh, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Sanchez. -We're just on our way out.
-We'll see you later, Lizzie. -Bye.
Thanks again, Mr. and Mrs. Sanchez.
-We really appreciate it. -[MOUTHING] Bye.
Get that stupid junk off the refreshment table.
Do you believe Kate?
She's phonier than cafeteria cheese.
Take your little ancestors and stick them in the corner.
I'm in charge here. I say where stuff goes.
You know what, Kate?
I don't care what you do to me,
but you should so not diss my dead ancestors.
If you get them mad, bad stuff can happen.
Ooh, I'm so scared.
Kate shouldn't come as a vampire.
She should come as a sewer rat.
So, do these things really have powers?
Mm.
Go get Kate. Sic her, boy. Go get her.
I'll give you a bone.
Guess they don't really work.
Too bad.
-It'd be cool if they did, though. -Mm.
[LIGHTNING AND THUNDER]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Here. It's a... snake.
Here, it's a worm.
Here. It's a spaghetti.
Here. It's a caterpillar.
This is a lame balloon animal.
Oh, sorry. Let me fix it.
-Ooh! -There! Now it's extinct.
Yeah, I did it!
Hey, you win one coupon.
How many do I need to get the lava lamp?
Three hundred and seven.
Well, what can I get with one?
Uh. Hair scrunchie or a Burger Buddy.
I guess give me the Burger Buddy.
Can you guys believe Kate?
Holy ravioli!
I mean, can you believe how she just stole my costume?
Uh, right, yeah. [STAMMERS] Terrible thing to do.
Man, this is a good tamale.
Any more of them?
Where did you get that?
Over there where those skeletons are getting married.
You ate the food offering of the Day of the Dead?
You stole the sacred meal of my dead ancestors?
It had cheese on it.
-[THUNDER RUMBLING] -Do you know what you've done?
You have offended the spirits.
You have opened the door to this world and the next.
[STAMMERS] You have unleashed the dark angry forces of the restless dead!
Way to go, beefhead.
All right, let's not get carried away here.
Day of the Dead's a holiday just like any other holiday.
Matt, all you did was eat a tamale.
You didn't wake up any supernatural forces.
MATT: Good.
[LIQUID BUBBLING]
Whoa. Hey.
What happened to my lemonade?
-Whoa. -It turned black!
What's that?
That was lemonade?
It was. Now it smells all moldy and rotten and dead.
Kate, did you move the bride and groom skeleton?
No.
Miranda, did you?
No.
What's that?
The spirits are awake.
Evil and doom walk the night.
GORDO: There must be an innocent explanation for all of this.
Then explain why the lemonade was black.
It's cafeteria lemonade.
You know what the food's like around here.
It's mostly bacteria.
You let the beef stew sit out for two minutes
and it grows legs and hops away.
Well, I don't want anything ruining my party.
We'll replace the lemonade with fruit punch.
Miranda.
Um, I'm a little freaked out.
This whole Day of the Dead stuff is just superstition, right?
I mean, someone probably just moved those skeletons.
[NERVOUSLY] Right. Right.
It's probably just superstition.
Good. Because Tudgeman told me that Matt disappeared.
They were, like, showing each other how to dislocate their jaw
and all of a sudden there was a flash of light and this dust.
[GASPING] La lodo de los muertos.
The mud of the dead.
My grandmother used to talk about
what would happen if you made the spirits angry.
Matt ate their tamale. Now they've taken revenge.
This is ridiculous. No skeletons got up and walked away.
There are no spirits taking revenge.
Well, look what they did to Matt.
That's not Matt. That's dirt.
If it's dirt, then why is one of his eyeballs in it?
He's probably in the bathroom, or playing in the gym.
And you guys are getting hysterical
about ghosts and goblins, and it's ridiculous.
You hear me? I think it's stupid.
Come on, spirits. Turn me into dust.
See? Nothing.
Nothing... yet.
The truth is, if Matt did get spirited away to the realm of the dead,
who's gonna be in trouble with Mom and Dad? Me.
Sam, come on. Your food's gonna get cold.
SAM: Well, there's no more trick-or-treaters.
It's eight o'clock.
Pumpkin's coming in.
Porch light goes off.
[EXHALES] I'm calling it a night.
And husband sits next to wife.
Now that's a treat.
[DOOR BELL RINGS]
Be right back.
[BELL RINGING INCESSANTLY]
Trick or treat.
Hey, you were just here 15 minutes ago.
Uh, no I wasn't.
Now give me some candy.
Yeah, you were. I gave you our last candy bar.
It wasn't me. Now hand over the candy.
Yeah, it was you.
You think I wouldn't remember this costume?
Who are you supposed to be anyway?
Um, I'm the knife guy.
Now, give me some candy, old man. Tick-tock.
Sam, just give him some candy
-and get rid of him. -We don't have any more candy.
-Here, have some chicken pot-pie. -What?
No, it's good. Take it.
Chicken pot-pie? I'm a vegetarian!
You heard Gordo. This is just superstition.
Until somebody proves it's not, I'm going to enjoy myself.
GORDO: Help! Lizzie, Miranda, help!
Gordo?
Gordo, where are you?
GORDO: I don't know. I can't see anything.
-What's going on? -Gordo, what happened?
GORDO: I don't know. Uh. Help me!
Oh, my gosh! You're inside the Burger Buddy.
GORDO: I am? Oh, get me out!
How?
It's the spirits. They did this.
This is your fault. You had to bring those Day of the Dead things.
GORDO: Stop arguing. Just get me out of here.
Well, you shouldn't have dissed them.
GORDO: Tell the spirits I'm sorry.
Tell them I'm scared.
Don't try to blame this on me.
GORDO: Tell my parents I miss them.
I don't know if I'll... [SCREAMS]
Gordo?
Look what you did!
I didn't do it. Don't try to blame this on me. You pushed me first.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
LIZZIE: [IN HAUNTING VOICE] Kate.
MIRANDA: Lizzie? Are you okay?
[IN A HAUNTING VOICE] Kate!
Lizzie?
Lizzie, cut it out. You're scaring me.
Rubber, bad.
She's turned into a zombie. I've seen this in movies. [SQUEALING]
Mace, good.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
-LIZZIE: Kate! Kate! -MIRANDA: Okay.
This is, like, the second worst Halloween party I've ever been to.
-[KATE SCREAMING] -LIZZIE: Kate!
It's Monster Horror Chiller Theater.
Oh, I'm very scared. You'd better hold me close.
Okay. I'll, uh, protect you.
-That's right. -Mm-hmm.
-[DOORBELL RINGS] -Mm. Don't get it. They'll go away.
Okay.
[BELL RINGING CONTINUOUSLY]
But we're out of candy.
Hey, no sweat, honey. We, uh...
hey, we got a coupon for Burger Buddy for free french fries.
Kids love fries.
Though they don't seem to be too fond of chicken pot pie.
BOY: Get some more candy bars next time, fatso!
Hey, that was good chicken pot pie!
Let's hide in the dungeon.
Yes, good. We'll be safe in the dungeon.
[HAUNTED VOICE] Kate! Kate!
LIZZIE: [HAUNTED VOICE] Kate!
-Okay, Lizzie is way out of line. -LIZZIE: [HAUNTED VOICE] Kate!
She's not Lizzie right now.
The spirits of the dead have taken over her body.
[HAUNTED VOICE] Kate!
And they're using Lizzie for... for revenge.
They're mad because you called the Day of the Dead artifacts stupid.
And shoved them off in a little corner.
Dumb Kate! Dumb, dumb, dumb!
LIZZIE: [HAUNTED VOICE] Kate! Kate! Kate!
Can't we stop her?
Uh, I think I remember my grandmother talking about ways
to beg the spirits for forgiveness.
[HAUNTED VOICE] Kate!
We need a sh... A shovel full of graveyard dirt
-and a gallon full of blood. -Okay.
LIZZIE: [HAUNTED VOICE] Kate! Kate!
LIZZIE: [HAUNTED VOICE] Kate! Kate. Kate.
Kate! Kate!
We're done for.
No, no, no! We don't need the actual stuff.
It can be symbolic.
There's chocolate cake and punch in the cafeteria.
Uh, uh, uh. That can be the dirt and the blood.
Great. What do we do?
We need to cover ourselves with it.
Um, it shows our respect for the dead.
[HAUNTED VOICE] Kate!
No way. I am not going out there. At least we are safe in here.
[SKELETONS LAUGHING]
[MIRANDA AND KATE SCREAMING]
[HAUNTED VOICE] Kate!
-[KATE SCREAMING] -Go!
We have to cover ourselves with the punch and the chocolate cake.
[GASPING]
[HAUNTED VOICE] Kate!
Miranda, it's not working!
Okay, okay. Now you have to perform the Dance of the Dead.
Uh, twirl around and hop on one foot.
Now caw like a crow.
[CAWING]
Now, pat the top of your head and swat your rump.
Now say, "Lizzie, Lizzie, please forgive me."
"Lizzie, Lizzie..."
What?
Now say "Cheese."
Ah, this is gonna look terrific in the school newspaper.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Help me, help me! I'm going to look ridiculous on the front page!
MIRANDA: What's the matter, Kate?
-Zombie got your tongue? -Mm.
Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.
De nada, sweetheart.
Told you Day of the Dead was my favorite holiday.
Now you have fun with Lizzie tonight and we'll see you tomorrow.
Yeah!
[IMITATING KATE]
Guys, thanks.
Job well done.
You really think he's going to come back?
Hey, I was a kid once. I know how these punks think.
[DOOR BELL RINGS]
Ha, see? Right on cue.
-So, uh, on the count of three? -Yeah.
One,
two...
Trick or treat, you punk!
[GASPS]
Oh!
Miranda's staying overnight...
and she forgot her sleeping bag.
Oh! Oh, we thought you were a trick-or-treater.
I see.
We give them candy at our house.
I'll get a towel.
Oh, I'll go make some coffee.
Told you we should have called first.
-CREWMAN: Mark. -Ooh!
The truth is, if Matt... [GASPS]
Ha-choo! Excuse me.
Let's hide in the dungeon.
Yes, good, we'll be safe... Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
[CREW LAUGHING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]