Mail's here.
Here you go.
[SARCASTICALLY] Oh, goodie. Property tax bill.
Matt got something from Gammy McGuire.
It's all junk. Junk, junk, junk.
Cool!
A $50 gift certificate for my birthday!
But your birthday was seven months ago.
Gammy got him a baseball glove, right?
Your mother sends him birthday presents every six weeks now.
She's getting a little fuzzy around the edges.
Hey, Mom, can I be a model?
[SARCASTICALLY] Sure, and I can be President of the moon.
Fine, as long as you move there.
[MATT SCOFFS]
Teen Attitude magazine
is putting on a fashion show at Cielo Drive.
If I get picked, I get $500 worth of free merchandise.
If I say yes,
will you stop picking on your brother and do all your homework?
Pfft. Like that's gonna happen.
Sure. [CHUCKLES]
This is so cool. I'm going to be a model.
I get 50 bucks.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
LIZZIE: So they just had me walk down the catwalk and spin around twice.
GORDO: Let me get this straight.
You're going to be in a fashion show?
Yep. And I get $500 worth of free merchandise.
Five hundred simoleons?
Why didn't you tell me about this thing?
I didn't think you'd be very interested in a fashion show.
I wouldn't be.
But for 500 skins I'd volunteer for scientific experiments.
-[ELECTRICITY BUZZING] -[DOG GROWLING]
I thought to be a model,
you had to scowl and stomp around like you own the place.
No, I just walked.
They said I looked like a nice, typical 13-year-old girl.
You are a nice, typical 13-year-old girl.
Thanks a lot, Gordo.
What's next? I got a great personality?
Well, for once being typical is finally paying off.
-That's good Milk it. -[LIZZIE GASPS]
Whoa, Mr. Dig, where'd you come from?
Well, my family's originally from Tobago
but I was born in East Lansing, Michigan.
Go, Wolverines. [LAUGHS]
So, you heard Lizzie's going to be a model?
And I give her the same advice I gave supermodel Colette Romana.
I told her you have a natural gift.
Share it with the world and the world will love you.
Colette Romana. True story.
Um, I've never heard of Colette Romana.
Well, that's because on her first photo shoot in Nairobi
a zebra sat on her head and broke her face.
Could have been famous. Tragic.
Um, Mr. Dig, I don't think you need to be famous to be happy.
Oh, boy, please.
You don't have to be tall to play in the NBA.
You don't have to be funny-looking to be the Queen of England.
You don't have to be 700 pounds to be a Sumo wrestler.
But it helps.
Stay away from zebras.
Peace.
Shouldn't teachers be telling us that fame and money aren't important
and that we should focus on being good people?
Uh, he's just a substitute.
I guess he's allowed to tell us the truth.
So, I can get anything I want with my gift certificate?
As long as it doesn't produce flame.
Or make loud noises.
Or hurt when I step on it.
Roger that.
Man, look at all this cool stuff.
What should I get, Lanny?
Lanny?
Hey, that's a great idea.
I've always wanted one of these.
Three thousand dollars?
Come on, Lanny.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] We better keep looking.
Lanny, come on.
[STRAINING] Let's go, Lanny.
[HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHING]
[IMITATING DR.EVIL] I shall call him Mini-me.
[SNORING]
Look, Lanny, it's perfect.
"Sale, as is, $75!"
Hey, that's right. You're starting to earn money from your website.
Okay, we'll split.
My gift certificate and you put up the rest.
This is perfect.
Don't you think so, Lanny?
Lanny?
[ALL APPLAUDING]
Thanks for coming tonight, everyone.
I'm Natasha O'Neal.
Teen Attitude is very excited to present
Stylin' N Sassy.
We've got some awesome young people backstage
and they're eager to get going
so, let's give it up for them.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
Lizzie's pretty good.
I could have done this
if I hadn't had to go to a stupid funeral the day of tryouts.
Lizzie, all right!
Our little girl is really growing up.
You know, honey, I have a new rule.
Our little girl's not allowed to leave the house till she's 25.
NATASHA: Let's give a big thank-you to all our beautiful models.
[ALL APPLAUDING]
Oh, guys! Guys, guys, guys.
They're doing another fashion show and they want me to be in it.
That's incredible!
Check you out. You're gonna be famous.
Now, don't let all this go to your head.
Don't forget us little people when you become a big celebrity.
Oh, I won't. Don't worry, um...
-Gordo? -Gordo. Right. [LAUGHS]
ETHAN: Lizzie, all right.
Hey, there you are.
We've been looking for you.
That was a banging show.
-You really looked cool up there. -Thanks.
Listen, a bunch of us are getting together
at my dad's club tomorrow afternoon.
We're going to go in the hot tub and watch the new Backstreet Boys DVD.
But that's not even out yet.
My dad pulled some strings and got an advance copy.
He's trying to buy me and my sister's affection.
Ooh, he's got mine.
But it's just that Gordo and Miranda and I
were planning on going to the movies tomorrow.
Oh, they can come, too, if they want.
Oh, they want.
They want.
GORDO: Let me get this straight.
Just because you did a fashion show
we're suddenly invited to a country club
to hang out with all the popular kids that always ignored us before?
We don't have to go if you don't want to, Gordo.
Are you insane? I just wanted to get it straight.
I've never been to a country club before.
This is gonna be awesome.
Can it get any better than this?
Yes, it can.
Are we ready?
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
This is the life.
[STRAINING] Lanny, you're squishing me.
Look at all the shrimp toast.
Oh, that's good shrimp toast.
You guys going to have some shrimp toast?
I'm going to have some more shrimp toast.
Uh, no, thanks, Gordo.
Hey, you want to go get something to drink?
Try the iced tea.
It's got a sprig of mint in it.
It's very refreshing.
This is massive.
You should have been a model years ago.
Yeah, then maybe for the fifth grade holiday pageant
Miss Thalheimer would have let me play the Snow Princess,
not a sheep.
Who's laughing now, Miss "I got axed for stealing supplies
and now I sell hot dogs in front of the Lumber for Less"?
Who's laughing now?
Lizzie, what's this I hear about you and Teen Attitude magazine?
Oh, they called me last night after the fashion show
and wanted me to do some photo shoots for them.
We heard you're going to be on the cover.
Wow.
That's right. Wow.
Lizzie's gonna be famous.
What kind of clothes do you get to wear?
Where's the photo shoot?
Lizzie does not want to answer questions all day long.
She's looking for a little quiet time.
-Okay. Okay. -I am?
You are.
Why don't you go back to the hot tub. I'll get your drinks.
-What do you want? -Uh, water.
What kind?
Uh... the, uh, the wet kind. [CHUCKLES]
They have sparkling Italian, French and Swiss,
Artesian from the Julian Alps in Slovenia,
deep-spring from Utah.
Maybe I'll just have some tea.
Oh, they have mango, raspberry, lemon, spearmint mist, cinnamon...
-Thanks, Dad. -[SMACKS LIPS]
I've known Lizzie my entire life.
I always knew she'd be discovered.
That's why I put her in all my movies.
Now, if you want I could come over sometime and show them to you.
Would Lizzie come?
Yes. Yeah, yeah, she would.
Great. How about next Sunday?
Lizzie, next Sunday
we're all going to go to Jessica's house and watch movies.
She's got HDTV and surround sound.
Oh, I can't.
That's when my next fashion show is.
Oh, that's in the afternoon. You're free by 7:00.
We'll do it at 7:00.
-Great. Great. -Great.
-Wait. -What?
Maybe I don't want to spend all my time
hanging out with cool kids in hot tubs.
What? Am I delirious?
I must be cracking up.
[LOUD THUD]
Sunday at 7:00 sounds good.
Perfect. Then Saturday night we can all go dancing.
Coolie.
The Shango Tango is hard to get into.
But if we're with Lizzie, that shouldn't be a problem.
Hey, Lizzie that is a great blouse.
Oh, thanks.
Wait a minute.
I always wear this blouse.
And your earrings match your eyes.
My earrings match my eyes?
And your shoes are way cool, too.
Thanks.
I need rubber boots with all this manure she's shoveling.
[MOOS]
So, I'll see you at the Shango Tango on Saturday?
-[NERVOUSLY] Yeah, I can't wait. -[KATE GIGGLES]
Hey, Ethan.
Me?
[NERVOUSLY] Uh, hi.
Um, so what did you think of the English test?
I don't know.
What did you think?
Oh, I thought it was really hard.
[NERVOUSLY] Yeah, yeah, it was hard. It was it was really hard.
Are you okay?
[VOICE SHAKING] I don't' know.
Am I? I mean, I...
You... I got to go.
Since when does Ethan Craft turn into jelly around me?
Ew.
Ugh!
Why don't you take a picture?
It'll last longer.
I'm glad you guys are here.
This modeling thing is starting to make everyone act all freaky.
I'm sure not everyone's acting freaky.
Kate Sanders is complimenting me.
Ethan Craft is all of a sudden like a drooling chimp.
Everyone's acting all different ever since I became a "celebrity".
Well, would you rather Kate be mean to you like usual?
No, but it's just so weird.
People who never liked me before want to be my best friend now.
Who cares? We're popular now.
-We? -You.
You are popular. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
She said "we".
I was right here. I heard her.
You are popular.
In fact, Whitney Nussbaum wants us to go to her bat mitzvah on Saturday.
They're giving away cell phones as party favors.
I can't.
I can't go to the Shango Tango Saturday night
and a Bat Mitzvah during the day.
I have a book report due on Lord of the Flies .
I'll write that for you.
Um, you think doing other people's homework is wrong.
I've asked you, like, a million times.
These are special circumstances.
You have a lot on your plate. I'll write the report.
-[CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY] -Problem solved. See you. Go.
Problem not solved.
Problem huge.
My friends are turning into freaks.
This is horrible.
Gordo and Miranda aren't my friends anymore.
They're my people .
Stop staring at me!
I'm not a celebrity!
[SHOUTS] I'm a human being!
-Hey, how you doing? -[YELPS] Wah!
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I startle you?
No, it's just, um...
Thanks.
My nephew didn't believe I knew the new Teen Attitude girl.
Great. Now you're acting like everyone else.
What? Other people are selling your picture to my nephew?
You're selling my picture to your nephew?
[CHUCKLES] Uh, I got a niece, too.
Hey, what's bugging you?
Everybody's acting all weird.
Gordo's using me to get invited places and Miranda's scheduling me.
I can't take it anymore.
Oh.
I don't know who those people are.
Oh, well, they're supposed to be my friends,
but ever since this modeling thing
they've been treating me completely different.
Oh, I get it.
You don't want them acting like your posse.
Right. So, what do I do?
Treat them like your posse.
Look, you're a celebrity now.
It's human nature for them to treat you different.
If you want them to go back to being your friends
you have to show them why they shouldn't act like
miserable, groveling, suck-up dogs.
I like substitutes.
They teach you useful stuff.
So, as a teacher,
you're telling me to treat my friends like dirt?
Oh, I'm telling you as a buddy.
As a teacher, I'm telling you that France exports aerospace products
and Italy is shaped like a boot.
I'm teaching geography this week.
I get in trouble if I deviate from the lesson plan. [CHUCKLES]
Say fromage .
Let me do the talking, okay, Lanny?
Uh, Matt, I'll handle it.
Excuse me.
I'm exercising.
Twenty more minutes.
Uh, my son bought this hammock,
and when we got it home it ripped in half.
We'd like a refund.
Oh, I get you.
[LAUGHS] No.
Excuse me?
No returns on sale items.
But it was ripped.
Yeah, it's defective.
So he shouldn't have bought it.
Look, I told you, old-timer. I'm exercising.
That's it.
Get tough with him, Lanny.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Matt, I'm gonna get the manager.
Thanks.
Hey, maybe we can fix the hammock.
Excuse me, sir,
do you think we could use this tape to fix the hammock?
I'd rather use it to tape up your mouth.
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY] That's a good one.
Very interesting,
but I've got a better idea.
Lanny, help me.
Lanny, do you suppose this treadmill goes faster?
-[TREADMILL BEEPING] -SALESMAN: Hey!
[HYSTERICAL STAMMERING]
Why, it does.
Turn this thing... turn this thing off!
-Hey! -[TREADMILL BEEPING]
-Tickle him, Lanny. -SALESMAN: No. [SCREAMS]
[LAUGHS] Okay.
[SHOUTS] Get a new hammock!
Hey! Get a new one! Go on!
Hey! Help!
Have fun exercising.
[GROWLS]
Um, Lizzie, where are you?
LIZZIE: I'm out back!
You, uh, wanted us to come by?
Commence Operation Superstar Brat.
Yeah, did you bring the jellybeans like I wanted?
Um, you didn't ask for any jellybeans.
What?
I have to ask, now?
There's some in the kitchen.
Could you go get me some?
Uh, sure.
Where's the book report?
Hot off the printer.
[SCOFFS] No, no, no. Not good enough.
[BLOWS NOSE]
Do it over.
But I spent three hours on it.
So spend four.
Make it more fun.
Fun?
Lord of the Flies is about shipwrecked children eating each other.
Doesn't mean it has to be a drag.
Do it again,
or you're not coming to the Shango Tango with me tonight.
Here.
Ew.
You didn't pick the green ones out.
Uh, I didn't know I was supposed to.
I don't need excuses.
What do I need you guys around for
if you can't do anything right?
You want to keep messing up?
You want to keep acting like untrained dogs?
Fine. Bark.
Go ahead, bark like dogs.
You're joking, right?
You want to go to Whitney Nussbaum's bat mitzvah with me?
Start barking.
[SHOUTS] I said, bark!
-Woof? -Woof, woof.
[GROWLS] Grrr.
That is pathetic.
I don't know why I've been wasting my time with you guys.
[SCOFFS] I'm going to go find better people to hang out with.
Move!
Wasn't that horrible?
Uh, yeah.
But you got my point, right?
That you totally snapped your twig?
No.
That you guys have changed.
We haven't changed.
Gordo, you let me blow my nose on your book report
and, Miranda, you let me boss you around
just because I'm becoming "famous".
I guess I did get a little caught up
with the whole country club hot tub stuff.
Yeah, but it's not worth you guys treating me different.
I need you guys to be my friends.
Not my posse.
Well, I guess I could go back to refusing
to help you with your homework.
And I can tell you whether your clothes make you look dorky
and if your hair makes you look like an ostrich.
[CHUCKLES] Thanks.
Like now, for instance.
-You look like you're molting. -[ALL CHUCKLES]
Well, see the thing is,
everybody else is still treating me different
so I've got to stop being a model.
Bye-bye shrimp toast.
And there's one more problem.
I've got a contract with Teen Attitude.
That's not a problem.
All you have to do is stink at being a model.
-[POP MUSIC PLAYING] -[ALL APPLAUDING]
NATASHA: Cheyenne Keegan in Lorenzo's new casual collection.
And now, Lizzie McGuire
in Andrea Taylor's new evening wear, Elegance in Ivory.
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]
[SHRIEKS]
Way to go, graceful.
You talking to me?
Who do you think you are?
Not a dork-o like you.
I don't think so.
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Lizzie, stop it!
LIZZIE: [SCREAMS] No!
That's it. There's no room for you at Teen Attitude .
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
Hey, Miranda want to go get me some hot chocolate?
[SCOFFS] Get it yourself.
[CHUCKLES] How about you, Gordo?
[SCOFFS]
My friends are back.
I'll go get it myself.
Could you bring me some?
[SCOFFS]
-LIZZIE: A mark. -CREW MEMBER: Thanks, Big Bird.
-I love being an adult because... -[MATT SNEEZES]
Bless you. Everything you get stinks.
Don't forget us little people when you... Well, that's...
LIZZIE: Don't blink!
[STAMMERS]
[CHAIR RATTLES]
Well, who's laughing now Miss "I got axed for stealing supplies"? And...
[GROWLS]
Set dressing!
[SHOUTS] I said, bark!
[ALL BARKING]
Yowzah.
[CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]
[BELL RINGING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]