I hope they show the one where the zombies wake up,
take over the radio station, and play bad disco music.
Or the one where those newlyweds realize that their honeymoon
is actually a horror-moon.
[CHUCKLES] The scary movie marathon rocks.
Gordo doesn't know what he's missing.
Yeah, he must like his dad a lot 'cause he didn't seem too bummed
to have to spend some time bonding with him.
[SCOFFS] Last time me and my dad "bonded",
I got stung by a bee!
[BEES BUZZING]
Oh yeah? Well, the last time my dad and I bonded
I almost broke my toe.
MIRANDA: Dad!
Yep, I think it's much safer staying at home
and getting scared out of our brains.
Um, correct me if I'm wrong
but are Gordo's dad and Brooke Baker the same person?
Huh?
He and his dad must've rescheduled.
He obviously came here looking for us.
MIRANDA: He doesn't look like he's looking for us.
H-He looks like he's on a--
-I can't even say it. -Say what?
Look at them.
Private table, away from the crowd, sitting close.
Gordo even looks like he brushed his hair.
-So? -So... [SCOFFS]
Oh, please. You don't think they're on a date, do you?
No way.
It's Gordo, remember?
We're his best friends. He would've mentioned it.
Come one, let's go get him.
[ANIMATED KISSING SOUNDS]
[EXCLAIMS]
Or maybe we should go.
Gordo just kissed someone.
I'm not sure, but I think I-I just lost my appetite.
Gordo's got a girlfriend?
And I thought the movie marathon was gonna be scary.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
It's awfully quiet.
I know, one of them must've done something.
I'll take Matt. Lizzie's yours.
-Deal. -Okay.
-Here's your lunch, sweetie. -Thanks, Mom.
I cut off the crusts like you like.
Great. [CHUCKLES]
And I put an extra snack in there too.
Great.
Okay, what happened?
[DEEP BREATH] Well, Gordo lied to me,
went on a date, then kissed a girl
without mentioning any of it to me.
-Nothing, really. -Nothing?
-[SIGHS] -Everything's okay at school?
With your friends?
Yeah. Fine.
Hmm...
Watch the pro.
-Hi, Matt. -Hi, Dad.
[SLURPING]
What's going on?
Nothing. How about with you?
Well, I think I have a science test today
but I'm not entirely sure.
I kicked our social studies globe last week by accident
and now I have to work in the cafeteria
to help pay for a new one.
And, I totally don't know what's goin' on in math.
You got a lot on your plate, son.
Yep.
How about I help you with your homework after school?
-Cool. -Cool.
So, how was the scary movie marathon?
Mmm, scary.
Uh, my dad and I got home too late to watch it.
Really?
What'd you end up doing instead?
Uh, we went to a book signing.
The guy who wrote it, spent six months walking across the Himalayas.
He started out with nothing but a pair of shoes and a candy bar.
If I didn't know any better, I'd believe him.
It's so Gordo, he'd get an A in lying.
Sounds interesting.
Who's it from?
Um, Lizzie, you seem to have everything under control.
Uh, [STUTTERS] I'll be right back.
Gordo, you cannot just leave me with this dead octopus.
Look, all you have to do is keep slicing.
Don't worry, if you make a mistake, there are seven more legs.
Gordo, Gordo, you're my lab partner,
you cannot just leave me!
[GRUNTS]
Hello? Hi, there.
Hey. I'm your best friend, remember?
[DISTORTED] Over here.
Oh, crud. It's useless.
Ew.
Gordo walked away from a science project?
After he got a note.
Gordo got a note?
And he still hasn't mentioned his date the other night.
Gordo had a date?
Calm down, Miranda. You were there.
Uh, sorry, this whole thing is rocking my world.
I mean, Gordo and Brooke are definitely an item.
People are talking.
About Gordo?
-[KISSING NOISES] -I feel like I am in a dream
-where everyone wants to kiss my frog. -[FROG CROAKS]
See, here's the part that gets me all Confucius.
Not that Gordo has a girlfriend,
but that Gordo is somebody's boyfriend. [GRUNTS]
-Ew. -I know. Very hard to imagine.
[DOORBELL DINGS]
I guess if you live long enough, anything can happen. [SHUDDERS]
Hey, guys, I just wanted to tell you
that I'm not gonna be eating lunch with you today.
Hmm, interesting.
Yeah, it's just I promised a friend
that I'd help out with some homework.
A friend, huh?
Yeah, so I'll see you guys later.
Does he really think we don't know?
We saw them kissing.
Maybe they were just talking really close.
[SCOFFS] That wasn't talking.
Maybe she had a smudge on her mouth or something.
That he was trying to get off with his lips?
Listen, Miranda,
I'm just looking out for him, okay?
Gordo is H and H with Brooke.
If there is any possibility that Gordo's gonna get hurt,
we've gotta stop it.
Okay, Matt.
Each row has got ten gumballs in it
and that represents a hundred percent.
Now, if we take away four gumballs,
the four white ones,
what percentage of gumballs are missing?
Forty, right?
Right. Good job.
I knew that using gumballs as a visual aid would help.
Don't eat your homework, and help me take out the trash.
Um, I don't think so.
Excuse me?
Dad, I bet there's a one hundred percent chance
that you're going to ask me to take out the garbage again.
So?
So, if I'm right, I'm not doing it
and if I'm wrong, I will.
Matt, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Help me take out the garbage.
Man, this percentage stuff is easy.
I'll be in my room. Thanks again, Dad.
Next, you'll be meeting someone and keeping it behind my back.
I won't even know until I see you with him, kissing.
A-And soon you'll be ditching me for him at every single turn
[GASPS SOFTLY] I'll be alone, all alone.
[SIGHS]
Not going to happen.
[CHUCKLES] It might one day.
Are you kidding?
You'll know all the deets.
I guess it's too late to have this conversation with Gordo.
Now he's with someone who's completely wrong for him.
Maybe Brooke really likes Gordo.
I mean, sure he's a little different
but that's why I like him.
[CHUCKLING] You like Gordo?
No! I don't like him, like him.
You know what I mean.
Wait, do you like Gordo?
[LAUGHING]
No!
At least, I don't think so.
No!
Of course, I don't like Gordo.
-Gross! -Just asking.
Hey, I'm glad you guys are here. I wanted to tell you something.
Well, we wanted to tell you something too.
And there's no easy way to say this,
but, uh,
we know about you and Brooke.
Oh, that's exactly what I wanted to tell you guys about.
We kinda saw you two together,
and don't take this the wrong way,
but, um,
have you ever thought that maybe she's using you?
Is there a right way to take that?
You bailed on me in science,
then at lunch, to help her with her homework
a-a-and I know I saw you two kissing but--
I'm still trying to cleanse the memory. [CHUCKLES]
You guys saw us here the other night?
We're best friends!
I-I can't believe you haven't mentioned her.
Not once.
Well, I'm sorry if I wanted to keep something in my life private.
We're just trying to help you, Gordo.
We're protecting you. We don't want you to get hurt.
By telling me she's using me?
Why, 'cause a girl like Brooke could never like a guy like me?
Well, guess what? She does.
It's just that it's Brooke Baker.
I mean, she's friends with Claire.
That's all we're saying.
She's also friends with me.
In fact, we're more than friends.
Funny, I-- I came here to tell you how happy I am,
thinking you'd be glad for me.
I guess that's just too much to expect from my best friends.
See you around.
Gordo, wait!
Why do I have the feeling that
Gordo just broke up with us?
'Cause he did.
Okay, Lanny, this is how it's gonna work.
Every time I guess right, I'll take one percent of all the candy here.
And every time I guess wrong,
'll take one percent of all the candy here.
-[DEEP SIGHS] -Oh, here she comes.
Okay, I'll bet you all the candy here
that Lizzie starts yelling at me.
Ow!
Matt, I thought I told you that between the hours of twelve noon
and twelve noon, you're supposed to ignore me.
But you never said I couldn't throw things at you.
[GROANS AND SIGHS]
Hey, that's a great idea, Lanny.
We'll play odds and percentages at school.
But with other people's candy.
[CHUCKLES] Sweet.
This is the longest I've ever gone without talking to Gordo,
since he deliberately smushed my brownie in the third grade.
How long did your fight last then?
Till the bus ride home.
Well, maybe this is what happens when your best friend's a boy.
Things get complicated.
I guess I just miss him.
You can try talking to him.
I hear he waits for Brooke at her locker between classes.
Gordo waits at her locker?
He's in a relationship now.
It's sort of required.
Tomorrow night? Coolie.
But first I have to help Brooke get ready for her hot date.
It's at the Holy Rigatoni. Isn't that romantic?
Hot date?
Gordo's her boyfriend.
Wrap your mind around it.
Hot date and Gordo are never used in the same sentence.
Especially by Claire.
Brooke's date is obviously with someone else.
So, Gordo, I'm really sorry about what I said
and I've decided to be totally supportive of you and Brooke.
-You have? -Yes,
because it seems you really like each other
and I'm sure when you two are together, it's very
-cool. -Only, not cool.
More on the warmer side?
Even warmer than warm
What's warmer than warm? What are you guys talking about?
David, hurry! We're gonna be late for science.
Mmm, I gotta go.
There, you happy now?
No, Miranda, I'm not.
Gordo had no clue about this "hot date".
Well, I wouldn't either with the way that conversation was going.
[SIGHS] I was right, Brooke is two-timing Gordo.
This is gonna totally destroy him.
Lizzie, unless you actually go to the Holy Rigatoni,
spy on Brooke, and get pictures of her date,
then you have nothing.
That's it! We'll spy, we'll do it for Gordo [SQUEALS]
Brilliant idea, Miranda. Yay!
Uh, that's not what I meant
and we are not spying.
Yes, we are. Come on.
Come on, Miranda.
Why am I the one dressed like a boy?
'Cause your voice is deeper.
Besides, you know, this was your idea.
No, it wasn't.
And I'm having a really big problem, Lizzie.
I have to go to the bathroom.
-So, go. -Yeah, which one?
Ooh.
-I see your problem. -[CHUCKLES]
Ooh, there's Brooke, there's Brooke, go.
I can't tell who she's with.
Wait, he's getting up.
-Who? -Her date.
He's going to the men's room. Go follow him.
In there?
You said you had to go, so go.
I can't go in there. They have those weird fountain thingies on the wall.
Just go!
[SOBS]
What I'm saying is, there's a one out of five chance,
Mr. Broadwell's going to be wearing
-his Beers of the World tie on Monday. -BOY: Uh-huh.
You're either in on the action
-or you're not. -BOY: I'm in. I'm in.
Put Joel down for two print packs on Broadwell.
-[PHONE RINGS] -Mmm, another call.
-Hello. -BOY 2: What's on tomorrow?
Yeah, dodgeball game's tomorrow at two.
Odds are two to one, that blue's gonna crush yellow.
BOY 2: I'll take yellow.
Throw your knee-pads in with the helmet,
-and you've got yourself a deal. -BOY 2: Bet my helmet on yellow.
Put Binder down on yellow.
-[PHONE RINGS] -Mmm, another call.
How we doing, Lanny?
Other people's candy. [CHUCKLING]
Yo, talk to me.
-We've gotta get out of here. -Why?
[GASPS]
Come on. Come on. Go!
Oh!
Hey. Thanks for waiting, your table's ready.
Oh, we're not staying, thanks.
Sure you are. First dates make me nervous too.
Cute couple.
What do we do?
Oh, here. Thanks, guys.
Right this way.
Everything bellissimo?
Enjoyin' your meal? Okay, good.
While you wait for your server, may I suggest an appetizer?
I'd recommend our ooey-gooey extra chewy
Mozzarella Marinara Madness
or our large and in-charge Artichoke Barge
with Perfect Parmesan Plaice.
-Uh, yes. -Fine, yeah.
We could've made a run for it, Miranda.
No, we couldn't. Gordo's right there, he would've seen us.
-What are we gonna do? -What are we gonna do?
We're gonna sit here and wait for the food that we ordered.
We do have to pay for it, you know?
[SIGHS] Oh.
-I really like this restaurant. -Yeah, me too.
Um, you got a little...
I honestly really like being here with you.
I wish we spent more time together.
Mmm-hmm. Well, we're together now. Uh, there's a sp--
But more time together would be awesome.
Cheese--
Well, I-I mean, we're together in between classes,
we're together during classes,
we're generally together after school.
Unless I transferred into all of your classes, I--
Could you?
I mean, it's not too late in the semester.
Fine, I was wrong. Gordo is her hot date.
Thank you. Now we can go.
[SIGHS] This should cover for the food.
Come on, they're talking, they won't see us leave.
Wait, whose idea was it to come here, really?
Fine. Mine.
Whatever. Come on. Go!
-Whoa! -[YELPS]
Sorry.
Hey, isn't that Lizzie?
Her date looks a lot like Miranda.
That's because it is Miranda.
Oh, we're really sorry.
Um, my friend's not feeling very well
and I've got this thing I've got to go to.
If I just keep talking, no one will notice that I ruined Gordo's date.
And that I'm ruining everybody's dinner.
Boy, this place is crowded.
You guys sell a lot of those Artichoke Barges here, huh?
Are you done yet?
No, they can't be done.
They have the rest of my life to destroy.
This is just one night of it.
Come on, Brooke.
Gordo's right, I've done permanent damage here.
As permanent as this spaghetti's stuck on my hair.
Ow!
Well?
Oh, way too much garlic.
Guess we'll take this stuff to go. [FORCED LAUGHTER]
"Four point spread on second period soccer game.
"Kids who owe me stuff.
"Scottie, pack of gum.
"Kim, clean my scooter."
Let's put this stuff over here, Lanny.
-[CHUCKLES] Oh, hiya Mom. -Heya, Matt.
Found your book.
So, I did leave it at home.
I mean, that's not mine.
Care to explain this to me?
Um, not really.
Have you boys been gambling?
I love you, Mommy.
[CHUCKLING] Oh, my God. Matt,
Matt!
Talk to me, I am waiting.
Well, you see...
It all started with this percentage stuff we were learning in school.
I wasn't really getting it, so Dad explained it in a way that--
Matt! Don't blame this on your father.
I mean, I know he can be a little--
No! Never mind, go on. Go on.
So then I helped to explain it to everyone else
and the next thing you know it, people were so...
thankful for my help, they started giving me all this stuff.
Well, that's a very nice story, honey.
But I'm not buyin' it.
But Mom, I'm providing a service to the people.
-[PUPPY WHIMPERS] -A service? Honey,
you are lying, cheating, and gambling.
Okay, so, maybe I did lie
and sure, you can throw in gambling.
But I, Matt McGuire, am not a cheater.
Well, good, then you'll be very fair
when you return all these gifts everybody gave you.
If you say so.
Oh, I say so.
Honey, this is a zero spread situation
and you are one-hundred percent busted.
I think you understand me?
Return the puppy.
[PUPPY WHINES]
Sorry.
Uh, don't go there.
If I never see another meatball again, I'll be happy.
Do you know how long it took me
to wash the smell of garlic off of my hair?
[SIGHS]
Guess it's just the two of us now.
-No more Gordo. -No more Gordo.
No more long lectures about [DEEP BREATH]
how we care too much about what other people think about us.
No more useless information about stuff
we never even cared about in the first place.
[CHUCKLES]
No more packs of cupcakes to share.
No more cupcakes-- Eh-- Wait, why not?
Because they come packs of threes.
There's only two of us now.
Guess we could split the third one.
No, it still won't be the same.
GORDO: Hey.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
Not that we don't want you here.
I guess I just didn't say everything to you that I wanted to last night.
Oh.
Honestly, I can't believe you guys would go so far
as to spy on me and Brooke.
That's just really, really low.
Especially for you.
It was Miranda's idea.
[SCOFFS] Lizzie.
And I also can't believe that you guys spied on me.
-You just said that, Gordo. -I know.
On the one hand, I'm really insulted. But on the other,
I realize that you guys did it because you care a lot about me.
Yeah, that's the one.
Well, for your information, Brooke and I broke up.
What?
Is it because of what we did last night?
Gordo, I'm really sorry. A-And you've got to get her back.
If she won't listen to you, I'll try talking to--
Wait, wait, I broke up with her.
In a lot of ways, Brooke's really great.
-She's smart. -Told you.
She smells good, she's easy to be around.
So, what's the problem?
It's kinda conceptual.
But, I guess, I just like the idea of having a girlfriend
a lot better than I actually having one.
Yep, he's back.
Look, the kissing was cool,
and getting notes was kinda fun.
I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment.
I had to wait for her by her locker,
I had to pay for her lunches,
I had no time for myself anymore.
-Bummer. -I also had no time for you guys.
I really missed that part.
[CHUCKLES] So did we.
I knew he'd come back.
-They always do. -[CROAKS]
So, uh, interesting wardrobe choice last night, Miranda.
Oh, I'm sorry, I-I should say, Mirando.
-[LAUGHS] -Ugh! I said it once
and I'll say it again, it wasn't my idea.
So, Gordo, one thing that you haven't told us.
-What? -How was the lip-lock?
I'm sorry, I-I don't kiss and tell.
-[BOTH SCOFF] -Come on, spill.
-I'm not gonna do it. -Dish, dude.
[BOTH MAKING KISSING NOISES]
Mark!
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] I gets confused with the two.
FEMALE CREW MEMBER 1: Settle down, and, Hilary, remember, nonchalant.
-Oh, did you eat that? [CHUCKLES] -[RETCHES]
[SQUEAKS] I'm getting a hole in my thing.
-Defective gloves? [LAUGHS] -What if it leaks through?
I don't think I wanna eat lunch.
-[ADAM LAMBERG COUGHS] --FEMALE CREW MEMBER 2: And...
-His little eyes are looking at me. -FEMALE CREW MEMBER 3: Hillary...
[SQUEAKING]
-Hi, Hilary. -[WHIMPERS]
Kiss me.
Don't worry, there's seven more legs.
FEMALE CREW MEMBER 3: Keep rolling.
Gordo, you cannot just leave me with a dead octopus.
-[LAUGHING] -FEMALE CREW MEMBER 3: Okay.
Well, Gordo lied to me, went on a date.
Whoa! Makeup! Wardrobe!
[CRYING] Mommy!
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]