MISS MORAN: Great job, girls.
This is the most successful food drive Hillridge Middle School has ever had.
Thanks! It was actually kind of fun.
Mmm-hmm. And the extra credit rocks.
You girls have a knack for this.
You know, someone won't go hungry tonight
because of all the food you collected.
You two might wanna think about taking on a new volunteer project.
I totally have a knack for this.
I ended world hunger in an afternoon.
Okay, maybe not ended, but I made a dent.
-Hey, girls. -Oh. Hey!
Lizzie, you forgot these cans I put out for you.
MIRANDA: I gotta go meet my mom.
- Hasta-la bye-bye. -Bye!
So, they finally came up with an official uniform
for the socially challenged?
BOTH: Lizzie.
No, Mom. No, Dad.
You can't be mad at her for speaking the truth.
Your brother is wearing his hall monitor safety patrol belt.
Hall monitor?
How many garbage cans are you gonna get stuck in?
See? Even my lame ol' sister knows what's coming.
Now, honey, hall monitor's a very important job
and you should make the best of it.
That's right, Son, it's a position of honor.
I remember when I was a hall monitor.
Your sister may be right, son.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
Gordo, why weren't you at the food drive?
I had something more important to do.
More important than ending world hunger?
The Science Olympics. They're this week.
The long distance paper airplane contest, the egg drop,
and the ultimate test of brains and brawn, slow bicycle race.
Uh, Gordo. Tudgeman always wins those.
Not this year. This year he's going down.
[SCOFFS] So, I guess this means you won't be recycling with us.
Uh, when did "we" decide on recycling?
Mmm, good luck with that "Saving the Earth" thing, guys.
I gotta go drop eggs off the roof.
-[BEEPS] -[SCOFFS]
Hey, Miranda. Meet me at the Digital Bean tomorrow
'cause we're starting there.
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
Recycling? Great.
Can't wait to start picking through garbage.
So Pete Gallon was coming out of the bathroom,
I asked him for a hall pass, but no-go.
So, I wrote him up. He begged me not to.
He even cried.
You know, I think I wanna be a mall cop when I grow up.
I knew you'd get into it, son.
Sorry I'm late. I was on the phone.
That's okay, honey.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, that's not okay.
I'm gonna have to write you up.
Late for dinner.
That means...
No dessert.
Mom, tell the geek patrol that if touches my dessert,
his citation-writing days are over.
Mom, Dad, back me up here.
Sorry.
Dad?
Son, why don't you let her off with a warning?
You're a troublemaker, Lizzie.
I'll be watching you.
I've seen your kind all my life.
Of course you have, Officer Wacko, I live here.
Anyway, before Captain Nutjob interrupted me,
I was gonna say that Miranda and I decided to start a recycling project.
Since the food drive was such a huge success.
Oh, that's wonderful, Lizzie!
SAM: We are really proud of you, sweetheart.
So, what's the plan?
Well, we were thinking of starting at the Digital Bean tomorrow.
-Mmm, great. -Great.
But then I thought,
well, wouldn't it just make perfect sense to start right here, at home?
-Okay. -That's, um, wonderful.
We'll need to start separating
the garbage into plastic, paper and glass.
We'll need three separate labeled containers
and someone to drive me to the Recycling Center each week.
Well, that... That sounds like a lot of fun.
I can't wait.
I didn't know that saving the Earth was gonna be so smelly!
I know, but think how much we're helping.
There's gotta be a less disgusting way we can help.
What's disgusting is not recycling.
I-I-I mean, look at this! We can save a tree if we recycle this.
A-And this! This can be used...
To save a plastic tree?
No. To make other plastic stuff.
I mean, if we keep throwing stuff away, at this rate, in fifty years,
there'll be enough trash gathered up to fill the state of Texas! Twice!
Where do you get this stuff?
I read.
And these.
Do you know how many dolphins get caught in this a year?
Just because people don't cut them up.
Are we saving dolphins, too?
'Cause I thought we were just saving the Earth.
Dolphins are a part of the Earth.
Okay, fine, whatever.
Save the planet. Save the dolphins.
I'm gonna go see if our food's ready.
Don't get too many napkins! And get me some scissors!
I totally rule at this saving-the-Earth thing.
-Ooh, thanks. -Mmm-hmm.
Aren't you gonna eat your burger?
After I finish saving the dolphins.
Well, can you at least not play with the trash while we eat?
I think what you guys are doing is really great.
Like, really.
Wow. Thanks.
So many people don't even care about the environment anymore.
They think that the Earth is like, this infinite resource.
-It's not gonna last forever. -Totally.
-Is that a burger? -Yeah, you want a bite?
Of your burger?
Yeah, they're really good.
How can you enjoy eating some poor, dead animal?
I never thought of it that way.
Well, maybe you should. Meat-eater!
Can you believe how weird Parker is?
[COW MOOING]
I think I just became a vegetarian.
Maybe this is a little more complicated than I thought.
You're gonna eat that?
You know you can't beat me, Gordo.
I own the Science Olympics.
Not this year, Tudgeman. You're going down.
Am I? I think not.
Or have you forgotten last year?
Last year when your egg cracked like... an egg.
Let's not forget the paper airplane distance contest
when you nearly blinded Mr. Lang.
Oh, yeah. I gave you a slow bike race, we'll call that pity.
But face it, Gordo, the best man won.
Moi. [CLICKS TONGUE]
Tudgeman!
You know that little voice you hear late at night?
That one in the back of your head.
That one that says, "Oh, not good enough.
Oh, I don't think I can win."
That's me, Tudgeman, because I won't eat,
I won't sleep until I beat you.
I'm already in your head, Tudgeman.
I own you.
Jake Charlum.
I gave him three citations in one day.
That kid's headed for trouble.
Three citations?
I never gave three.
Yeah, I checked with the other hall monitors.
It's a record.
Well, Matt, you just make sure you use that power responsibly.
What are those for?
You better answer the question, McGuire.
And it better be the truth.
[SCOFFS]
Uh, Miranda and I decided to donate clothes to the homeless shelter.
And besides, I haven't worn this stuff in ages anyway.
I thought you guys were doing recycling?
We're doing that, too.
Aren't you taking on a lot?
Well, if my parents' generation wasn't so interested
in bell-bottoms and roller disco,
the planet would be in a lot better shape.
Dad, there's a lot to worry about!
Oh, and we're taking some more canned foods down to the shelter.
Wait, I need that for dinner.
Mom! The homeless need that more than we do!
Honey, we just gave the shelter a whole bunch of cans.
Dad, the homeless population has exploded in the last five years.
What are you doing?
Mom, water is a valuable resource
and the Earth does not have an infinite amount!
Geekzilla's right, Mom.
Can't waste water.
I'm gonna have to write you up.
Fine. No clean vegetables, no dinner.
[SCOFFS]
Delaying dinner.
I believe that's another offense.
Hey, Matt, why don't you let your mother and sister work this out?
Help me take out the garbage.
A little help here!
Do you realize how many trees could die
because you haven't separated the paper from the plastic?
Okay, I separate the laundry.
Typical mom.
I'm talking about saving the world and she's talking about laundry.
I think you could be a little more supportive.
You agreed to separate the garbage and you didn't follow through.
If I did that, you'd be mad at me.
That's correct, but I think you need to recycle your attitude, young lady.
-[DOOR BELL RINGS] -[SCOFFS]
Where did you get that?
At the mall. Isn't it fab?
Miranda, you can't wear that!
Are you kidding? This is totally in.
But, I thought we were going veggie?
Back up. You're going veggie.
And plus, what does that have to do with my jacket?
It's leather! Leather is cow! Cow is meat! I-I don't eat meat!
Fine. So don't eat my jacket.
I can't believe you, I thought you cared about the environment.
Chill. It's just a jacket.
Obviously, I can't count on you for help,
so I'm just gonna have to do this all by myself.
Lizzie, you're totally overreacting!
I'm overreacting?
Tell me that I'm overreacting when the garbage builds up so high
that it blocks out all the sunlight and we freeze.
Yeah? Well, at least I'll have my jacket to keep me warm.
-[SCOFFS] -[SCOFFS]
BOTH: Can't believe her.
Ugh! Finally. There you are.
Gordo, we have to talk about Lizzie.
Gordo!
Can't talk. Folding.
Uh, Gordo, Lizzie's gone loco!
Can't talk, still folding.
Hello? What's wrong with you?
Paper airplane distance contest, after school.
[YAWNS] I must beat Tudgeman.
Gordo, this is serious.
Uh, she's ending our friendship over a stupid leather jacket.
Okay, a really cool leather jacket, but you know what I mean.
She'll get over it.
[GRUNTS]
Is it supposed to do that?
[GASPS]
What is this?
What are you doing? I'm working on these!
Ninety-nine percent of all paper products are recyclable...
And yet, only fifteen percent of people recycle!
That makes no sense.
Exactly!
I need to test on multiple designs to see which one travels the farthest.
-Why? -So, I can beat Tudgeman.
Beating Tudgeman is not more important than saving trees, Gordo!
This is all I've dreamed about ever since the fourth grade.
Recycling's gonna have to wait.
Well, the Earth can't wait!
I think I'll be eating my lunch alone today.
Huh!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Time to go to work.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[BLOWS WHISTLE AGAIN]
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Surely, you must be joking.
I'm not joking, and...
Don't call me Shirley.
[CHUCKLES]
Respect my authority!
[WIND BLOWING]
-What are you doing? -[THUDDING]
I was intimidating Tudgeman.
Yeah, that yawn looked pretty scary.
Yeah, well, it's working.
My late nights are actually paying off. We're tied.
He won the egg drop
and I won the long distance paper airplane contest.
Now, it all comes down to the slow bike race after school.
The last person to cross the finish line...
[YAWNS] Wins.
I think you need to trade that bike helmet in for a pillow.
But I'll be out there cheering you on and I'm hoping Lizzie will be, too.
MIRANDA: Hey.
Yes?
Uh, Lizzie, listen,
I'm not wearing leather today,
I didn't eat meat last night for dinner
and I recycled my soda can at lunch.
So, can I talk to you?
I guess.
What are you wearing?
Burlap. It's a renewable resource.
Okay. Lizzie, I'm really worried about you.
Don't be worried about me, Miranda.
Be worried about the world.
Be worried about the environment and the homeless people
and the animals and the rainforests and the ozone layer!
[SCREAMING]
Well, the rainforest isn't gonna hang out with me
and rent movies on Friday nights.
Can't you just put this aside for a few hours?
And, uh, let's go watch Gordo at the slow bike race after school.
Hey, everyone. Clear your desk for a pop quiz.
Mr. Gordon, are you still with us?
I'm just resting my eyes.
-Uh, Miss Moran? -Lizzie, don't.
Lizzie, there'll be time for your question after the quiz.
No, there won't be time.
Lizzie, don't.
Miss Moran, we're running out of time!
Lizzie, quiet!
No, I won't be quiet!
Here we go.
You know how many trees you killed with your little pop quiz?
You could've printed those double-sided.
You could have saved a life.
Tree killer!
I'm gonna ask you one last time, Lizzie, to sit down and be quiet.
We'll discuss this after the quiz.
I would expect you, out of all people, to understand.
You encouraged us to start this project.
Why won't anyone help me?
Wow! This is getting really heavy!
Miss McGuire, I'm gonna help you.
I'm sending you home to get some sleep.
[SCOFFS]
[ANIMATED LIZZIE GRUNTS]
That's not good.
I'm not sleeping, I was just resting my eyes.
Hey, is it three o'clock already?
No, I got sent home early.
I got sent home early, too!
They said I was power-hungry!
I don't even know what that means, but I gotta get back to school!
Son, you have to know when it's time to turn in your belt.
But, I can't leave my post!
Honey, the school will be fine. You need to take a rest.
I'm sure there's other hall monitors on duty.
But...
I'm the best!
We'll talk about it later. Matt, get out of your sandwich!
-Matt... -Okay. Now, he is scary.
He's scary?
Lizzie, I hate to break this to you,
but you two have more in common than you think.
[SCOFFS]
Lizzie, you got a big heart and we're very proud of you.
But you're taking on too much. You can't save the world by yourself.
Well, no one else is helping!
Well, okay. We're gonna help.
Recycling garbage, that's a very good idea.
Yeah, we're gonna be a lot better about that, but you've got to relax.
How can I relax?
Lizzie, honey, you're running yourself into the ground.
You can't get anything done if you can't take care of yourself first.
I never thought of it that way.
Well, if you really wanna make a difference,
what you have to do, is pick one thing.
Just one thing and go for it.
And get some help, too.
I mean, what happened to Gordo and Miranda?
Well, I was kind of a jerk.
No, you know what? I was a big jerk!
Can I go back to school and watch Gordo win the slow bicycle race?
[SIGHS] I'll tell you what. You go take a nap,
and then I'll wake you up and I'll drive you back up to school later.
You get upstairs right now and get some sleep.
Um...
I can't.
BOTH: Why not?
Well, I kind of donated my mattress to the homeless shelter.
I'll go get a blanket for the couch.
I'll call the shelter.
ANNOUNCER: [ON MIC] Ladies and gentlemen,
we've come to the slow speed bicycle race.
And now, presenting last year's overall champion,
- Larry Tudgeman! -ALL: Boo!
[ALL CHEERING]
ANNOUNCER: And here, Mr. David "Gordo" Gordon!
Move your bicycles to the start-finish line
and get ready to bicycle!
-Ah! -Wow.
Very cool.
-Hmm. -And it's aerodynamically designed
to increase wind resistance and slow me down.
BOTH: [CHUCKLES] Good luck!
Who are you?
I'm the King, baby.
ANNOUNCER: The race will be once around the quad, riding only.
No standing, no walking, no leaning.
Last bicycle across the finish line is the winner!
-[BLOWS WHISTLE] -[CHEERING]
And they're off!
Tudgeman takes an early lead and Gordo settles in behind him.
ALL: [CHANTING] Gordo! Gordo! Gordo! Gordo! Gordo!
ANNOUNCER: Coming down the back stretch,
Gordo is increasing the deficit.
Tudgeman just can't seem to hold back.
[CROWD CHANTING] Gordo! Gordo! Gordo! Gordo! Gordo!
ANNOUNCER: It's gonna take more than wind resistance
to help Tudgeman today!
Gordo's making it look easy!
Whoa, Gordo drops further behind as Tudgeman heads into the last turn.
If Tudgeman crosses, he loses!
Tudgeman's run out of real estate!
Gordo's gonna win this thing!
Two feet!
One foot.
Six inches.
Gordo!
[ALL EXCLAIM]
And Gordo's disqualified
- for leaving his bike! -[SNORING]
Tudgeman wins by default!
Are you okay?
Yeah, Gordo, you went down pretty hard.
[IMITATING ELVIS PRESLEY] Thank you. Thank you very much.
-[GORDO SNORING] -[SIGHS]
Gordo has left the building.
Let me be the first to say, I was a total jerk and I'm really sorry.
Good, you should be.
-[CHUCKLES] -But you were kind of right,
so I'm making my family cut up those six-pack rings
cause I like dolphins.
I'm really sorry you didn't win the race, Gordo.
Yeah, me too.
If I hadn't stayed up all night creating my aerodynamic collar,
I wouldn't have fallen asleep. I might have won.
There's probably a lesson in there somewhere,
but I'm just too tired to find it.
At least you were styling!
And there's always next year.
And you. Please tell me your days of burlap chic are over.
They are. I think I'm just gonna pick one thing and stick to it.
Like stray dogs.
Do you know how many dogs are abandoned at shelters each year?
-[DOG WHINES] -Mmm, can I keep him? Can I?
Oh, look! The aliens brought Elvis back and they shrunk him!
[LAUGHING]
I hate that guy!
Hey, Larry! Look out for that...
-[CRASHES] -Ooh!
Never mind.
[ALL LAUGHING]
LARRY: It's okay. It's okay.
I'm good.
-MALE CREW MEMBER 1: Working. -Mark?
MALE CREW MEMBER 2: Work... Get... Get out.
FEMALE STAFF: Pack up.
[CHUCKLES]
-[CHUCKLES] I'm sorry. -Don't trip!
-[CLATTERS] -[LAUGHING]
Finally some help.
-[SCREAMS] -[MOOS]
ANIMATED LIZZIE: Can someone get this cow off me?
See ya.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]