1
00:00:01,860 --> 00:00:03,460
MR. PETTUS:
Good morning, everyone.

2
00:00:04,530 --> 00:00:06,900
Are you sure we're not
getting graded on this?

3
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,730
Chill, it's not a real test.

4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,060
There're no right
and wrong answers.

5
00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:11,930
Just put down what you feel.

6
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,160
-[SIGHS] I feel...
-[SQUELCHES]

7
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,400
Gum.

8
00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:18,460
How we feel?

9
00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:21,000
Doesn't that sound
a little New Age-y?

10
00:00:21,060 --> 00:00:22,500
Ooh, do I smell incense?

11
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:24,100
What's the test for?

12
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,560
It's supposed to tell you
what might be a career for you.

13
00:00:26,630 --> 00:00:28,100
Okay. Bring it on.

14
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,360
As long as one of the choices
is backup singer,

15
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:31,960
[CLICKS TONGUE] I'm gold.

16
00:00:32,030 --> 00:00:34,660
Just as long as it's not some
kind of stealth pop quiz.

17
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,900
Mr. Pettus can slice and dice
a frog in formaldehyde

18
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,160
faster than you can say,
"Benihana!"

19
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,460
The downside is,
he gets kind of wigged out

20
00:00:45,530 --> 00:00:47,300
about all
the homeroom paperwork.

21
00:00:51,230 --> 00:00:52,960
Test... Here we go.

22
00:00:53,030 --> 00:00:54,630
Test Bubble Procedure.

23
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,700
Do not use
a "check mark" or an "x",

24
00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,060
fill in the bubble completely.

25
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,000
We've been "test bubbling"
since, like, kindergarten.

26
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:05,100
Why do we need
the instructions every time?

27
00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:08,360
They expect us to know
the square root of 162,

28
00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:10,560
but don't think we can remember
how to fill in a circle.

29
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:13,200
Save your cleverness
for your project, Mr. Gordon.

30
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,000
Begin!

31
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:19,500
-[THUDS]
-Ow!

32
00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:21,630
[THEME SONG PLAYING]

33
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:02,560
Look at 'em.

34
00:02:02,630 --> 00:02:05,100
Poor suckers all think
they'll be the next Bill Gates,

35
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,800
when in reality, odds are,

36
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,560
they'll be manning the hair
scrunchy cart at the mall.

37
00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:10,500
-[SCOFFS]
-I like hair scrunchies.

38
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,230
Gordo, you don't have to worry.

39
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,500
You'll be able to do
anything you want after college.

40
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:15,630
You get straight A's.

41
00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:16,960
Not in science.

42
00:02:17,030 --> 00:02:19,400
Mr. Pettus has been giving me
B's all semester.

43
00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:21,860
But science is one
of your best subjects.

44
00:02:21,930 --> 00:02:24,200
Oh, come on,
they're all your best subjects.

45
00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:26,830
They were.
My straight A streak's over.

46
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,560
-Hold up.
-[TIRES SCREECH]

47
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:30,230
Can I have a minute to process?

48
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,630
I mean, if Gordo doesn't even
get an A in science,

49
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:34,200
what hope is there
for the rest of us?

50
00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:35,260
You don't have to worry.

51
00:02:35,330 --> 00:02:37,530
Mr. Pettus is giving me B's
because he hates me.

52
00:02:37,630 --> 00:02:38,630
Why would he hate you?

53
00:02:39,730 --> 00:02:40,730
[CHUCKLES]
Did he ever find out

54
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,530
you put that dead frog
in his pocket?

55
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,830
-No, it was alive when I did it.
-[FROG CROAKS]

56
00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:45,960
But I don't think that's it.

57
00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:48,300
It's got to be something
about me.

58
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,530
Okay, truth.

59
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,260
If there was
some gross abnormality

60
00:02:51,330 --> 00:02:52,600
I had that Mr. Pettus hated,

61
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:53,660
you'd tell me, right?

62
00:02:53,730 --> 00:02:54,730
BOTH: Like what?

63
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,530
Well, an infected pimple

64
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,200
or a deformed twin growing
out of my shoulder.

65
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,500
-Or a unibrow?
-BOTH: Ew.

66
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,930
The Career Aptitude Test
is supposed to tell you

67
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,230
what career
would be good for you.

68
00:03:06,430 --> 00:03:07,530
I took that test.

69
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,530
You did?

70
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,060
SAM: Oh, sure. We both did.

71
00:03:10,130 --> 00:03:12,200
Your mom was supposed to be
a rock 'n' roll diva

72
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,160
with a world-renowned
shoe collection.

73
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,830
You gave all that up for us, Mom?
Way to prioritize.

74
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,660
Yeah, don't you forget it.

75
00:03:22,730 --> 00:03:25,360
Matt, two minutes,
I'm gonna compost your dinner.

76
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,600
When I took that test,

77
00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:29,060
it showed I have
untapped mechanical ability.

78
00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:31,600
Yeah, so explain to me how come
the new microwave cart

79
00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:32,830
is not assembled yet.

80
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,630
[WIND BLOWING]

81
00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:36,600
Rome wasn't built in a day,

82
00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:38,500
and I'm sure that Rome came
with all the pieces.

83
00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:40,300
-[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]
-Okay,

84
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,160
I have an announcement.

85
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:44,660
All right, son. Go ahead.

86
00:03:45,530 --> 00:03:48,530
I don't want
to be called Matt anymore.

87
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,730
From now on, I'm M-Dogg.

88
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,160
[LAUGHING]

89
00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:56,700
-Lizzie.
-Lizzie.

90
00:03:57,030 --> 00:03:58,060
[GIGGLES]

91
00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,900
All right, why don't we talk
about this, buddy?

92
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,260
Why are you so down on Matt?

93
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:02,700
Yeah, I love your name.

94
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,200
Yeah, 'cause you picked it.

95
00:04:04,430 --> 00:04:05,760
-Lizzie.
-Lizzie.

96
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,530
Well, Matt's all right,

97
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,160
it's just, there's four guys
in my class named Matt.

98
00:04:12,530 --> 00:04:14,160
And I just want to stand out.

99
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:18,400
M-Dogg just feels more... me.

100
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:19,930
I knew we should've named
him Dylan.

101
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,060
There are seven Dylans.

102
00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:25,230
Matt. Don't you think
M-Dogg is a little too...

103
00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:26,860
Um, lame.

104
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,300
Uh, Lizzie.

105
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,460
Lizzie! I'm not gonna tell
you again!

106
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,160
I guess, three times
is tonight's quota.

107
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,330
Matt, don't you think
that M-Dogg

108
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,400
might be a little too different?

109
00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:38,930
Well, that's what I'm going for.

110
00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:43,660
Something cool,
something street,

111
00:04:44,230 --> 00:04:45,430
something different.

112
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,700
What about an Indian name
like <i>Dances With Wolves?</i>

113
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,130
Like what?

114
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:54,300
How about, Falls Off His Razor
or Still Wets the Bed?

115
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,360
Mom! Dad!

116
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:58,630
BOTH: Lizzie!

117
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:03,660
Come on, you guys,

118
00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:06,030
my bangs are growing out faster
than you're moving.

119
00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:08,260
Why are you in such a hurry
to get to science anyway?

120
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:10,200
[SNIFFS]

121
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,760
-I still smell like frog.
-[FROG CROAKS]

122
00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:13,900
I wanna see what I got
on my dolphin paper.

123
00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:15,660
Uh, I don't need
to see my paper.

124
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:17,260
Bet I get another B.

125
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,960
Gordo, everyone knows
you're, like,

126
00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:21,330
the Tiger Woods of term papers.

127
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,930
I'm sure you're looking at an A.

128
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,700
You guys just don't get it.

129
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,360
It doesn't matter
how good my work is.

130
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:27,800
Mr. Pettus just hates me.

131
00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,200
Oh, come on, Gordo.

132
00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:31,800
Have you ever had a teacher
just not like you?

133
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,560
Well, things were kind of rocky
with Ms. Stokes in kindergarten

134
00:05:35,630 --> 00:05:38,500
after I threw up
on the magic-circle story rug.

135
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,300
-[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
-KIDS: Ew!

136
00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:42,230
LIZZIE: Oh, my gosh,
the test was, like, horrible.

137
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,300
[GASPS] Oh, yay!

138
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,430
[GASPS]

139
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:48,330
Yes! A B-Plus,
that's what I'm talkin' about.

140
00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:50,130
My Dolphin paper?

141
00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:52,630
Okay, the margins
were a little wide.

142
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,730
But it had to be
at least four pages.

143
00:05:54,830 --> 00:05:56,230
Go ahead,
ask me what dolphins eat.

144
00:05:56,330 --> 00:05:57,360
[SCREAMS]

145
00:05:57,430 --> 00:05:59,700
Okay, this is
what I'm talking about.

146
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:03,730
Gordo, this is amazing.

147
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,530
Not really.
I left out all the stuff

148
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:06,960
about the Coriolis effect.

149
00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:09,400
I figured,
why bother for a lousy B.

150
00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:12,500
That grade has to be a mistake,
this is an A-Plus paper.

151
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:13,930
Maybe if it had your name on it.

152
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,100
If it had my name on it,

153
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,260
it'd be called,
Our Friend, The Ocean.

154
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,430
Matt? Matt?

155
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,700
Matt!

156
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,560
-M-Dogg?
-[TIRES SCREECH]

157
00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:28,560
Mom wants you.

158
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,100
Yo, Moms, watch out.

159
00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:34,800
You're not going
to school like that.

160
00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:36,930
Go upstairs and change
into something

161
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,460
less Barnum and Bailey.

162
00:06:39,330 --> 00:06:40,330
Word.

163
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,900
Can I at least wear my do-rag?

164
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,660
Uh, I don't think
Snoop wears cranberry.

165
00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:48,660
Just go and change
before you're late for school.

166
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,930
Jo, I was backing the car out

167
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,800
and I spotted this
on our son's bike.

168
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:56,530
[CHUCKLES] We are so in
over our heads.

169
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,330
We cannot be in over our heads.
We're the parents.

170
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:02,960
Well, I'm open to suggestions.

171
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,000
-You know, I...
-BOTH: Not from you.

172
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:07,760
[MUMBLES]

173
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,430
This week we begin our unit
on the human brain.

174
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,500
Projects are due on the seventh.

175
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,600
Students who wish
to receive extra credit

176
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:19,660
are encouraged to sign up
for my brain-swap experiment.

177
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,130
[CHUCKLES]

178
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,430
[CLEARS THROAT]

179
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:23,800
[YAWNS]

180
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,100
Lame as that joke was,

181
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,030
I always make it a point
to go along with it

182
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:29,730
when teachers try
to get a laugh. [LAUGHS]

183
00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:32,000
[LAUGHS]

184
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,730
Before we begin,
I have the results

185
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,600
of your Career Aptitude Tests.

186
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,400
Gordo, I've been thinking
about what I want to do

187
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,230
since we took that test
and I realized, I have no clue.

188
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,460
I thought you wanted
to be a veterinarian.

189
00:07:45,730 --> 00:07:48,660
Hello? I was seven.
I also pretended I was a horse.

190
00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:49,760
[HORSE NEIGHING]

191
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:50,860
LIZZIE:
I want an interesting job

192
00:07:50,930 --> 00:07:53,130
that lets me live
in a nice place, travel a lot,

193
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,760
and still have plenty
of time for the twins.

194
00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:56,330
[BABIES CRYING]

195
00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,730
-Twins?
-It could happen.

196
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,660
Mm... Maybe you could, um,
marry into a royal family.

197
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,060
Okay, forget everything else
I said about a career.

198
00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:10,430
Whatever I decide to do,
I wanna make a lot of money.

199
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,730
I thought you were all
about following your passions.

200
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,430
One of my passions is money.
[CHUCKLES]

201
00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:24,400
Okay, I'm going to be...

202
00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:27,360
A Navy SEAL?

203
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,030
[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]

204
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,330
Cosmetologist?

205
00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:34,830
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

206
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:37,300
[SCREAMING]

207
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:40,500
Blackjack dealer?

208
00:08:40,630 --> 00:08:42,060
[SLOT MACHINE RINGING]

209
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:43,500
What a day.

210
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,200
I flunk the unflunkable test,

211
00:08:45,630 --> 00:08:47,100
my science teacher hates me,

212
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,600
and I'm gonna be
a Blackjack dealer.

213
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:50,930
-[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
-[SLOT MACHINE RINGING]

214
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,030
-I'd rather be a horse.
-[HORSE NEIGHING]

215
00:08:56,700 --> 00:09:00,400
Okay, there is no way
I'm gonna be a Navy SEAL.

216
00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:02,400
A, you have
to get your hair wet.

217
00:09:02,460 --> 00:09:04,800
B, you have to get up early.

218
00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:07,530
And C, you have
to get your hair wet.

219
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:12,200
Hmm, cosmetologist,
I never really thought about it.

220
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,800
Although, I do have a flair
for French braiding hair.

221
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,130
Yes, you do.

222
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,260
Did I mention I'm not getting
my hair wet for a living?

223
00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:19,330
Hey, Monica and Rachel,

224
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,330
can we talk
about something besides hair?

225
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,560
Like, why I am supposed
to be a Blackjack dealer?

226
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,830
"Our Friend, the Brain."

227
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,230
Ugh!

228
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:34,900
[SOFTLY] Come on.

229
00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:38,400
Ugh!

230
00:09:38,860 --> 00:09:41,730
Typical. The marker always runs
out when you're almost done.

231
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,730
One of the laws
of science projects.

232
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,830
Another one says,

233
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,860
"You can never find the scissors
when you need them."

234
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,500
[CLATTERING]

235
00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:51,100
Hey, Matt. Matt, do you have
any more markers?

236
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,300
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING
OVER HEADPHONES]

237
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:53,360
Matt!

238
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,100
MATT: There's no one here
named Matt.

239
00:09:55,330 --> 00:09:58,060
Fine, yo, M-Dogg, hook me up
with another marker.

240
00:09:58,330 --> 00:09:59,600
Nope.

241
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:01,200
You called me you-know-what.

242
00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:03,160
You punked me.

243
00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:05,500
Now, you must pay.

244
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:06,960
Okay, Matt, I'm not joking,

245
00:10:07,030 --> 00:10:08,900
I have to finish
my science project.

246
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:11,430
Don't do the crime
if you can't do the time.

247
00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:14,400
M-Dogg, if you don't want
your little homies to know

248
00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:16,800
that you sleep
on geeky action hero sheets,

249
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:19,160
-hand over that marker. Pronto.
-[MUSIC STOPS]

250
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,030
[SNORING]

251
00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,000
Much love, bro. [KISSES] Peace.

252
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,300
M-Dogg!

253
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,800
We're waiting for you
to start the video.

254
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:32,660
Yo, M-Dogg,

255
00:10:32,730 --> 00:10:34,130
there's a place right here
for you on the couch, buddy.

256
00:10:37,860 --> 00:10:39,160
Okay, what's the deal?

257
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:43,360
Why are you all
calling me "M-Dogg?"

258
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,300
Oh, we decided as family
to honor your decision.

259
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:48,930
-Really?
-Really.

260
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,960
Except, from now on,
instead of Dad,

261
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:52,960
you'll refer to me as DD.

262
00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:55,060
And you'll call me Mew-Mew.

263
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:58,030
At all times. We're and Mew-Mew.

264
00:10:58,630 --> 00:10:59,730
Just like when you were two

265
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,460
and you were trying
to say Mommy and Daddy.

266
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,500
-It was so cute.
-[CHUCKLING] Cool.

267
00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:05,460
All the time?

268
00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:09,360
Not just in the house?
But in front of my friends and stuff?

269
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,000
Aw, man,
[CLICKS TONGUE] no fair.

270
00:11:14,030 --> 00:11:16,400
Why can't I just call you
Mom and Dad again?

271
00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:18,160
Well, we just made a choice.

272
00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:20,460
Just like you.
Oh, [SHUSHES], movie's starting.

273
00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:22,230
-But what if...
-[BOTH SHUSHING].

274
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:23,600
MAN: [ON TV] <i>And now, </i>
<i>for our feature presentation...</i>

275
00:11:23,830 --> 00:11:25,260
[RINGING]

276
00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:26,960
Hello?

277
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:28,930
Hey, how's your, uh,
brain project coming?

278
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,900
Ugh, just finished.
How's your project?

279
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,430
Great. I really got into it,

280
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,760
and it's the best thing
I've done all semester.

281
00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:36,960
Now, what does that mean
to you, Lizzie McGuire?

282
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,500
Um, nothing?

283
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,360
No, it means
you're gonna turn in

284
00:11:42,430 --> 00:11:44,500
my project with your name on it.

285
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:45,930
I can't stand
the thought of doing

286
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,160
all this work
and getting a lousy B.

287
00:11:48,230 --> 00:11:50,800
So I want you to turn it in
and get the A-Plus it deserves.

288
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:54,100
Beep, beep, beep.
Okay, back it up here.

289
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,530
You want me to put my name
on your project?

290
00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:59,130
Yeah, you might wanna bring
a seven-volt battery

291
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,660
and any extra insulated wiring
you have lying around.

292
00:12:01,730 --> 00:12:03,560
Uh, right. Okay, Gordo,

293
00:12:03,630 --> 00:12:05,560
so does this mean
you're gonna turn in my project?

294
00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:06,900
Sure.

295
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:09,030
Gordo, I don't know
if I'm up for this.

296
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:11,300
I'll have to think about it.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.

297
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,000
[STUTTERS] Bu... But...

298
00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:16,460
Hey, Lizzie,
let me see your brain project.

299
00:12:16,530 --> 00:12:17,630
Oh.

300
00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:20,760
Hmm, fancy.

301
00:12:20,830 --> 00:12:22,230
I don't know
how this brain science

302
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:24,200
is gonna help me achieve
natural looking highlights.

303
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:25,400
For my clients at the salon.

304
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:27,030
Yeah, well, I figured out a way

305
00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,560
to get out of the whole
Navy SEAL thing.

306
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,060
From now on, if anyone asks,
I can't swim.

307
00:12:33,130 --> 00:12:35,860
Oh, come on, Miranda.
We took lessons together.

308
00:12:35,930 --> 00:12:36,930
There are witnesses.

309
00:12:37,260 --> 00:12:38,360
You wouldn't get back
in the water

310
00:12:38,430 --> 00:12:40,130
till they made Shelly Grossbart
stop having

311
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,700
-accidents in the pool.
-[BOTH LAUGHING]

312
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,100
[SCREAMING]

313
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,730
Okay, I can swim

314
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:46,600
but the Navy doesn't have
to know that.

315
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:47,930
<i>Capisce?</i>

316
00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:49,060
Hey, guys.

317
00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:50,660
Where's your project?

318
00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:52,700
Oh, it was too big
to fit in my lockers,

319
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,830
so I stashed it
in the custodian's closet.

320
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,230
-[CHUCKLES]
-This must be some project.

321
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,560
Well, some people
might think so.

322
00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:01,160
Others may only give it a B,

323
00:13:01,230 --> 00:13:02,730
but what difference does it make?

324
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,400
I don't need straight A's,

325
00:13:04,460 --> 00:13:06,000
I'm just gonna be
a Blackjack dealer.

326
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:07,660
You only have to count to 21.

327
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,960
[SCOFFS] Fine, you win.
I'll switch projects with you.

328
00:13:11,460 --> 00:13:14,030
You will? Oh, excellent.
Come on, follow me.

329
00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:21,960
Man, Gordo.
This is one cool project.

330
00:13:22,630 --> 00:13:24,330
What's this
about you guys switching?

331
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:25,930
Gordo doesn't think Mr. Pettus

332
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,930
will give his masterpiece
the grade it deserves.

333
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,200
But if Lizzie hands in
my little beauty...

334
00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:31,400
[KISSES]

335
00:13:31,630 --> 00:13:34,500
Do you guys feel
a blast of Arctic wind

336
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,630
from Sweden where they hand out
the Nobel Prize?

337
00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:39,500
Now you're scaring me.

338
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,600
Okay, let's switch 'em
and turn 'em in

339
00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:42,600
before I change my mind.

340
00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:44,760
Okay, look,
each of these buttons

341
00:13:44,830 --> 00:13:46,430
turns on a section of the brain.

342
00:13:47,030 --> 00:13:49,230
Be sure that you only turn on
one section at a time.

343
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,230
-Why?
-'Cause it'll overheat.

344
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:52,900
And what happens if it overheats?

345
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,030
I don't know, but it can't be good.

346
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,530
Lizzie, do you really think
that Mr. Pettus

347
00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,430
is gonna buy
that you built that?

348
00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:01,630
Why wouldn't he?
I mean, my name's on it.

349
00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:06,730
[GASPS] A C?

350
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,660
That chart
is definitely a B-Plus.

351
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:10,230
I should know,
I get B's in everything.

352
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,460
Get a grip,
you don't get the C. I do.

353
00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:13,730
It could've been me.

354
00:14:13,830 --> 00:14:15,730
Miss McGuire,
this is by far the best work

355
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,560
you've done in class
all semester.

356
00:14:17,630 --> 00:14:19,760
I'm impressed by how much
you've applied yourself.

357
00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:23,930
This is what an A-Plus
looks like, people.

358
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:27,060
ANIMATED LIZZIE:
<i>Suddenly it occurs to me,</i>

359
00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:28,760
maybe I haven't thought

360
00:14:28,830 --> 00:14:30,400
this whole switching projects
thing through.

361
00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:33,430
Are you considering
a career in neurology?

362
00:14:33,930 --> 00:14:34,930
Neurology?

363
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,460
Neurology?
How about cosmetology?

364
00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:40,430
This brain is mine.
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

365
00:14:40,930 --> 00:14:43,130
I built it,
every lobe, every fissure.

366
00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:44,360
Me, yo, <i>moi,</i>

367
00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:46,060
while everyone else
was at the waterpark,

368
00:14:46,130 --> 00:14:47,230
trading Beanie Babies,

369
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:50,160
I was slaving away like Igor.
And I can prove it.

370
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:52,730
If you touch this button,
the temporal lobe lights up.

371
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,100
See, the temporal lobe controls
your sense of hearing.

372
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,160
I have great hearing.

373
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:57,800
I know this,
because I'm the only one

374
00:14:57,860 --> 00:14:59,130
in this class
who hears your lectures.

375
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,200
Now, hold on.

376
00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:02,330
And this one turns on
the occipital lobe.

377
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,730
The occipital lobe
controls your sense of sight.

378
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,700
Because of this lobe, you saw
someone else's name on my project

379
00:15:07,930 --> 00:15:10,900
and gave away my A-Plus to
Madge, the cosmetologist, over there.

380
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,460
[GASPS] Hey!

381
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:14,430
And this area
is the frontal lobe.

382
00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:15,860
The frontal lobe controls

383
00:15:15,930 --> 00:15:18,260
higher intellectual functions
and reasoning.

384
00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:21,000
For example, right now
my frontal lobe is telling me

385
00:15:21,060 --> 00:15:22,260
that I'm getting the shaft
in this class,

386
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:23,930
that I'm not getting
the grades I deserve.

387
00:15:24,230 --> 00:15:26,700
It's telling me that The Man
is trying to keep me down

388
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,160
and that everyone is against me.

389
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:29,660
Your brain is heating up.

390
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,000
No, not your brain,
your brain model.

391
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,530
Oh... [STUTTERS]
That's probably because

392
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,730
I... I didn't have
a big enough capacitor

393
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,500
and, uh, all the lobes aren't supposed
to be on at the same time.

394
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:41,560
[GASPS]

395
00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:50,330
[LIZZIE GASPS]

396
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,530
Class dismissed.

397
00:15:54,230 --> 00:15:55,160
Not you.

398
00:15:56,430 --> 00:15:58,200
Chop-chop, Ms. McGuire.

399
00:15:58,430 --> 00:16:00,400
We'll talk about
your plagiarism later.

400
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:01,830
Plagiarism?

401
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,960
That's what it's called when you
turn in someone else's work

402
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,330
and try to call it your own.

403
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,760
[STAMMERING] But I didn't...
I didn't do it. I didn't mean it.

404
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:10,360
I was... I was... I was
just trying to help a friend.

405
00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:11,430
[SIGHS]

406
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:12,730
Um... [CHUCKLES]

407
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,360
Is it too late to take the Fifth?
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

408
00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:15,560
[SIGHS]

409
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,160
I can't hear a thing.

410
00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:24,560
I... I can't either.

411
00:16:25,030 --> 00:16:26,760
Hey, hey, maybe we could hear
through that.

412
00:16:26,830 --> 00:16:28,030
-Give me a boost.
-Okay.

413
00:16:29,730 --> 00:16:30,760
[LIZZIE GRUNTS]

414
00:16:31,730 --> 00:16:33,500
Look, Mr. Pettus, it was my fault

415
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,530
that Lizzie McGuire
handed in my project.

416
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,160
I was just trying to prove
that it's impossible for me

417
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:39,560
to get a fair grade from you.

418
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,500
Is that what you think?

419
00:16:42,260 --> 00:16:43,830
Did you just miss
my one-man show?

420
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,760
All right, Gorda. It's clear that...

421
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:48,860
Gordo. Gorda's the big girl
from ESL.

422
00:16:49,430 --> 00:16:50,760
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

423
00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:53,300
I may misspell your name,

424
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,560
but I know your first project
this year was an A-Minus.

425
00:16:56,630 --> 00:16:58,430
The Rainforest Terrarium.

426
00:16:58,730 --> 00:17:00,260
My first and only A-Minus.

427
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:02,530
Yes, because your second project
wasn't quite good.

428
00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:04,260
And neither was the one after that.

429
00:17:04,830 --> 00:17:07,000
[STUTTERS] I'm sorry,
I just didn't see the point

430
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,560
in breaking my neck all year,
and not getting an A.

431
00:17:09,630 --> 00:17:11,560
You're supposed
to be "breaking your neck."

432
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,100
I've been givin' you B's to keep you

433
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,630
from just sitting back and coasting.

434
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,430
I've not been coasting.

435
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,760
I worked two weeks straight
on that brain project.

436
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,900
You see? My technique's working.

437
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,000
[GRUNTING]
You're not tall enough.

438
00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:24,700
Maybe you're not tall enough.

439
00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:27,360
Maybe I have your life
in my hands.

440
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,330
Good point. Stretch!

441
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:31,630
I don't usually pull
this sort of stunt.

442
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:34,100
But Gordo's in trouble,
and it's partly my fault.

443
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,060
And when I was younger,
I did climb a pretty mean tree.

444
00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:38,460
[GRUNTING]

445
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,460
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

446
00:17:40,530 --> 00:17:41,900
-[YELLS]
-[GRUNTS]

447
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,800
-[BOTH SCREAM]
-[THUDS]

448
00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:47,100
So, if I'd put my name
on the brain,

449
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:48,660
what grade would you
have given me?

450
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:50,060
Well, I'd have to [SIGHS]

451
00:17:50,130 --> 00:17:52,560
take points off for the explosion.

452
00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:53,800
-[BREATHES DEEPLY]
-Understood.

453
00:17:54,230 --> 00:17:55,500
But it's still an A-Plus.

454
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,360
I know a student's best work
when I see it.

455
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,960
[GRUNTS] This is insane!

456
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:01,900
Make of it what you will.

457
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,760
[STUTTERS] If you think
bad grades motivate me,

458
00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:05,600
then why didn't you just expel me?

459
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,300
Maybe then I'd get my PhD.

460
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,760
If you had a student with
the potential to do anything,

461
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,260
how would you keep them motivated?

462
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,800
Potential to do anything?

463
00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:14,700
You, uh, may wanna rethink that.

464
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:16,860
According to
the Career Aptitude Test,

465
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,600
I'm just gonna be
a blackjack dealer.

466
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:20,160
Listen, when I took that test,

467
00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:21,660
the result said I was, uh,

468
00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,060
most suited for a career

469
00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:25,100
in animal husbandry
entertainment.

470
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:26,800
What kind of career is that?

471
00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:28,730
Do you know
what a rodeo clown is?

472
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,400
-[COMICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
-[COW MOOING]

473
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:32,060
[CHUCKLES] Oh.

474
00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:33,560
Look, Mr. Gordon,

475
00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:34,660
I'm not trying to limit you

476
00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:36,830
to dealing Blackjack
or getting B's,

477
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:40,130
I'm hoping your reach
will always exceed your grasp,

478
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,960
thereby elevating you, and fulfilling
your extraordinary potential.

479
00:18:45,060 --> 00:18:46,760
Even outside the gaming industry.

480
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:48,730
-[CHUCKLES]
-[SIGHS]

481
00:18:50,030 --> 00:18:51,460
Let me get on your shoulders.

482
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,000
Oh, good. After our last try,

483
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:54,830
the smart thing to do
is climb even higher.

484
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,560
-Yes. Come on.
-[GRUNTS ANGRILY]

485
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:59,030
Okay. [GRUNTS] Stretch.

486
00:19:00,730 --> 00:19:04,560
[GRUNTING] Got it.

487
00:19:06,130 --> 00:19:07,960
-Hi.
-[BOTH SCREAM]

488
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:10,500
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Hey, Gordo.

489
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:12,260
What's up?

490
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,030
[BOTH PANT]

491
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:16,130
So, what happened,
are you getting an F?

492
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,000
I'm not sure.
But Mr. Pettus doesn't hate me.

493
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:21,400
And I can probably get an A
by the end of semester.

494
00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:24,960
My lobes hurt.
I need to think about this.

495
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:29,130
Oh, and by the way, we were wrong
about the Career Aptitude Test,

496
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:31,100
it's not a job placement thing.

497
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,760
We're just supposed to be trying
a lot of different stuff on.

498
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:38,560
Trying what on?

499
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:41,030
I think it's like,
when you go to the mall

500
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:42,300
to try on bare mid-riff stuff

501
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,060
that you know your mom
will never let you get,

502
00:19:44,130 --> 00:19:46,330
but you have to try it on
just to see how it looks?

503
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,030
You know, to get it
out of your system.

504
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:49,960
I have to say, I'm relieved.

505
00:19:50,030 --> 00:19:52,300
I'm not gonna
rule out cosmetologist,

506
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,630
but it's nice to know
my options are still open.

507
00:19:55,130 --> 00:19:56,860
Plus, hairspray
kinda makes me dizzy.

508
00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,230
M-Dogg, honey,

509
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,400
do you see your father wearing
a baseball cap to the table?

510
00:20:03,260 --> 00:20:07,430
No. So, at the table,
your do-rag is a don't-rag.

511
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,160
Please take it off
until after dinner.

512
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:11,000
Thank you.

513
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:12,930
M-Dogg, cheese me, please?

514
00:20:16,260 --> 00:20:18,360
Could you pass
the garlic bread, please, Dad?

515
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,330
I mean, pass the bread, please, DD?

516
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,360
Oh, sure, M-Dogg. Yo, bread.

517
00:20:27,830 --> 00:20:29,200
[SIGHS SOFTLY]

518
00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:30,730
Lizzie, marinara?

519
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:32,760
Hey, guys.

520
00:20:34,660 --> 00:20:37,630
Hey! Stop! Hey!

521
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,600
If I take back my old name,

522
00:20:44,030 --> 00:20:46,030
can I call you
Mom and Dad again?

523
00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:49,360
-Absolutely.
-Yes.

524
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:53,160
Then, I guess
you can call me Matt.

525
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,430
I give Mom and Dad props
for that one.

526
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,400
They convinced Matt to take back
his name without humiliating him,

527
00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:07,630
and the whole time, they respected
his "boundaries" as an individual.

528
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,030
<i>As my mother likes to say,</i>
<i>"Matt was blissfully clueless."</i>

529
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:13,760
<i>Which is kind of what Mr. Pettus</i>
<i>was doing to Gordo.</i>

530
00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:15,330
<i>Which makes me wonder,</i>

531
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:16,930
what kind of Jedi mind tricks

532
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,060
are my parents and teachers
working on me?

533
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:21,700
Oh, well,
I pretty much trust them.

534
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,260
Maybe I'm better off not knowing.

535
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:28,630
MALE CREW MEMBER 1: Send 'em up.

536
00:21:29,260 --> 00:21:31,460
MALE CREW MEMBER 2:
Put your head up a little bit.

537
00:21:31,530 --> 00:21:32,600
MALE CREW MEMBER 1:
Okay. There you go.

538
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:35,100
[CREW CHATTER INDISTINCTLY]

539
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,230
Um, um, um, Brad, Brad, Brad?

540
00:21:37,460 --> 00:21:38,800
MALE CREW MEMBER 2:
Splash the water, go have fun!

541
00:21:38,860 --> 00:21:40,430
-MALE CREW MEMBER 3: Go sit in it.
-[GIRLS LAUGHING]

542
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:41,700
MALE CREW MEMBER 4:
Whoa! Not that much fun.

543
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,130
-MALE CREW MEMBER 5: You all right?
-Yeah.

544
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,300
I'd rather be a horse.

545
00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:47,300
Mr. Pettus just hates me...

546
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:49,230
-[SNEEZES]
-[LAUGHS]

547
00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:51,100
I just sneezed.

548
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:52,730
MALE CREW MEMBER 6: Okay, cut!
MALE CREW MEMBER 7: That's a cut.

549
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,100
From now on, instead of Dad,

550
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,130
you're gonna refer
to me as, Do-Do. [LAUGHS]

551
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,660
[ALL LAUGHING]

552
00:22:02,230 --> 00:22:04,230
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]