1
00:00:00,030 --> 00:00:01,930
-[GIRLS SHOUTING]
-COACH KELLY: Come on! Go, go, go!

2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,630
That's it! That's it! Let's go, girls!

3
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:05,930
Move it! Let's go!
Get through those tires!

4
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,130
Come on. Get in there.
Go, go, go, go, go!

5
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,630
ANIMATED LIZZIE:
<i>Welcome to my nightmare.</i>

6
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,400
COACH KELLY: Group Three, let's go!

7
00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:17,400
Third period gym.

8
00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:20,360
Like, hello, I wasn't going
for that sticky, sweaty look

9
00:00:20,430 --> 00:00:21,730
when I got dressed this morning.

10
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,500
COACH KELLY: Come on, McGuire!
We don't have all day!

11
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,760
GIRLS: One, two, three, go! [CHEERING]

12
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:33,530
ANIMATED LIZZIE: <i>Okay,</i>
<i>we won that World Cup soccer thing.</i>

13
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,430
<i>Very empowering and fabulous...</i>

14
00:00:36,630 --> 00:00:38,300
<i>if you have a future in cleats,</i>

15
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:39,830
which I don't.

16
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:42,660
<i>And I wouldn't exactly qualify</i>
<i>as one of those</i>

17
00:00:42,730 --> 00:00:44,400
<i>Future Prom Queens of America.</i>

18
00:00:45,060 --> 00:00:48,130
<i>Not that I mind, but these are</i>
<i>the girls who do book reports</i>

19
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,230
<i>on</i> "The Pocket Guide
to Jennifer Love Hewitt."

20
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,230
<i>And I'm kind of short on attitude.</i>

21
00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:55,960
Is it just me or do they all look like

22
00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:57,330
<i>they're posing for Gap ads?</i>

23
00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:09,600
Which leaves me, Lizzie McGuire.

24
00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:12,100
Not nerd, not jock, not brain,

25
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,600
not rebel, not diva.

26
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:16,960
I guess you'd say I was "D,"
as in "None of the above."

27
00:01:17,730 --> 00:01:21,230
<i>According to my mom, I'm at</i>
<i>a very difficult point in my life.</i>

28
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,160
<i>She uses the word "hormones."</i>

29
00:01:23,260 --> 00:01:25,600
Hormones.

30
00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:27,330
ANIMATED LIZZIE: <i>A lot.</i>

31
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,960
<i>My mom says she remembers what</i>
<i>it was like when she was my age.</i>

32
00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:32,860
<i>She says everyone's </i>
<i>going through the same</i>

33
00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:34,900
<i>physical and psychological </i>
<i>changes as I am,</i>

34
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,600
<i>that we all just</i>
<i>handle them differently.</i>

35
00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:39,100
<i>And except for chat rooms </i>
<i>and brain surgeon Barbies,</i>

36
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:40,630
<i>things aren't all that different.</i>

37
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,300
<i>And that's what </i>
<i>makes us who we are.</i>

38
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:46,460
<i>I know she's trying to help, </i>
<i>so I tell her she is,</i>

39
00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:50,000
<i>'cause that's pretty much </i>
<i>the only way I can get out of my room.</i>

40
00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:58,430
[THEME SONG PLAYING]

41
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,000
I'm ready for a wish bead.

42
00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:50,300
ANIMATED LIZZIE:
<i>My best friend, Miranda Sanchez.</i>

43
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,400
<i>I'm the only person </i>
<i>who knows she has little</i>

44
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:54,560
<i>dress-up outfits</i>
<i>for her Beanie Babies.</i>

45
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,300
<i>Not the kind of information </i>
<i>you can trust with a lot of people.</i>

46
00:02:57,530 --> 00:03:01,230
Okay, you do realize this is
a completely pointless exercise?

47
00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:02,760
Shut up, Gordo.

48
00:03:02,830 --> 00:03:04,630
Because if there really
were magical wish beads

49
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:07,100
that you could actually buy in a store

50
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:08,430
I think I would have heard something.

51
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,000
Can you control him?

52
00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:13,130
LIZZIE: [CHUCKLES] <i>I've known Gordo </i>
<i>since I was one day old.</i>

53
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,860
<i>He's smart and funny</i>
<i>and really creative,</i>

54
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:19,200
<i>and is pretty much right </i>
<i>about everything.</i>

55
00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:20,330
GIRL: Hi, Gordo.

56
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,330
All right, we're delusional.

57
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,900
We're totally kidding ourselves.

58
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,600
-It's something we like to think.
-MIRANDA: Oh.

59
00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:27,560
There's a ringing endorsement.

60
00:03:27,630 --> 00:03:29,200
GIRLS: Truth or dare?
Truth or dare?

61
00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:30,260
Truth!

62
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,760
[SHRIEKING]

63
00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:34,830
It's a game based completely
on humiliation and embarrassment.

64
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:37,100
Is there not enough of that
to go around?

65
00:03:38,330 --> 00:03:39,900
LIZZIE: <i>Kate Sanders.</i>

66
00:03:40,130 --> 00:03:42,000
<i>She used to be our other best friend</i>

67
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,600
<i>until she bought a bra.</i>

68
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,460
<i>Now she won't speak to us.</i>

69
00:03:47,430 --> 00:03:50,500
Man, it must be nice
to wake up one day

70
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:54,700
with a chest and realize
you're not a social zero anymore.

71
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,660
Miranda, we are not social zeroes.

72
00:03:57,060 --> 00:04:00,430
GIRL: Gordo, Julian says a squid
is the same as an octopus.

73
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,700
Guys, we've been over this.

74
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,600
Hey.

75
00:04:14,430 --> 00:04:17,160
-Hey, cool.
-Huh?

76
00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:21,300
Oh! Oh, thanks.

77
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,530
His name is Danny Kessler

78
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,000
and he's the closest any of us
are ever going to get to Brad Pitt.

79
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:33,000
Danny, somebody back
here wants to kiss you!

80
00:04:34,030 --> 00:04:35,130
It's a burden.

81
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:37,930
We share your pain.

82
00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:42,600
So, listen, do you guys
know the Slip Slide?

83
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,500
You mean the water park
your family owns?

84
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,330
Yeah. Well, we're kind of having

85
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,360
a massive pool party there
on Saturday.

86
00:04:48,430 --> 00:04:50,360
Do you think you guys want to come?

87
00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:54,630
BOTH: Whoa!

88
00:04:55,430 --> 00:04:57,300
Great. I'll put you guys on the list.

89
00:04:57,660 --> 00:04:59,500
GIRL: Oh, Danny...

90
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,000
[GIGGLING] Stop it!

91
00:05:02,130 --> 00:05:03,360
Duty calls.

92
00:05:04,530 --> 00:05:06,130
Now, who do I have to kiss?

93
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,800
[GIRLS SHRIEKING]

94
00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:10,300
Okay, what just happened?

95
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,060
Oh, my gosh!

96
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,930
Matt, I told you, I'm not ready
for the motor yet, okay?

97
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,460
No, I'm not going
to paint with that one.

98
00:05:19,530 --> 00:05:20,760
I'm going to use
the little brush, all right?

99
00:05:20,830 --> 00:05:22,100
This is big.

100
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,200
Big? No. Mom, this is huge.

101
00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:25,330
This is, like, epic.

102
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,900
Oh, honey, I still remember
my first major party and, oh!

103
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,660
Mom, Mom, I know how much you
enjoy your trips down memory lane,

104
00:05:32,730 --> 00:05:34,700
but just this once,
can this be about me?

105
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,860
Yeah, okay. I'm just
saying it's something

106
00:05:36,930 --> 00:05:38,900
-you remember your whole life.
-Duh!

107
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,230
-Can I go?
-No.

108
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:41,600
-Mom?
-No.

109
00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:44,160
Well, I guess there's
no point asking you, is there?

110
00:05:44,230 --> 00:05:45,260
I guess not.

111
00:05:45,330 --> 00:05:46,830
When I have a family,

112
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:49,060
there's going to be
a whole different balance of power.

113
00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:51,000
I wish you a lot
of luck with that, son.

114
00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:53,830
I can't believe Danny Kessler
spoke to me.

115
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,360
And this is important because?

116
00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:56,760
Kind of a hunk-in-training.

117
00:05:56,830 --> 00:05:58,300
Spends most of the bus ride home

118
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,060
swapping spit with
one girl or another.

119
00:06:00,130 --> 00:06:02,130
BOTH: There's kissing on your bus?

120
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,630
Not all the time.
Mostly it's strip poker.

121
00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:06,160
LIZZIE: Kidding!

122
00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:08,200
-Am I the only one upset about this?
-MATT: No.

123
00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,060
This is the worst thing
I've ever heard!

124
00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:12,230
-Thank you.
-There's no way I'm doing any kissing.

125
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:15,130
Okay, don't worry, nobody wants that,
and I mean, nobody.

126
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,800
-Hey!
-All right, listen.

127
00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:18,230
I think we should report this.

128
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:19,360
Well, go right ahead.

129
00:06:19,430 --> 00:06:21,900
You do have the number for
the executive in charge of hormones?

130
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,330
See? Again with the hormones.

131
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,830
All right, look, are you kissing?

132
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:28,530
-Back off, Major Dad.
-Oh, that's good...

133
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,460
confrontation 'cause
that always works.

134
00:06:30,530 --> 00:06:32,560
Listen, it's under control, okay?

135
00:06:32,630 --> 00:06:34,560
Lizzie and I talk, right, honey?

136
00:06:34,630 --> 00:06:35,700
Right?

137
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,360
Constant flow of communications.

138
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,030
Most of it coming from my mom.

139
00:06:40,830 --> 00:06:42,100
Fine.

140
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,560
Hey, Dad I'm not sure
about this party.

141
00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:47,230
You know, he has a point.

142
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,060
You know, I am also prepared

143
00:06:49,130 --> 00:06:51,230
to feed this entire book
to your gerbils.

144
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,300
Come on, that's his favorite book.

145
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:54,860
-Give me the book, Lizzie.
-JO: Okay, stop.

146
00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:57,800
Come on. Stop.
All right. That's great.

147
00:06:57,860 --> 00:07:02,100
-Stop. Come on. Stop!
-MATT: Mom!

148
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,200
Okay, look, it's not an issue.

149
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:09,230
Obviously, you can't miss
Danny Kessler's pool party, right?

150
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,100
She's being so great.

151
00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:13,730
Maybe I don't give her enough credit.

152
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,860
-When is it?
-Saturday.

153
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:23,960
Saturday?

154
00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:25,960
[CAR CRASHING]

155
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,100
Huh?

156
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,560
Lizzie, that's Nana's birthday.

157
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,760
No, Mom, no.

158
00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:36,160
Oh, honey, I wish there was
something I could do.

159
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,060
It's not fair, Mom,
I have to be there.

160
00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:39,630
There will be lots of other times.

161
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,900
But is Nana going to hate me?

162
00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:44,530
Never. Why would she?

163
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,300
Well, for missing her party.

164
00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:49,660
And I thought
we were getting off easy.

165
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,760
Bozo, no way you're bugging
on Nana's party!

166
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:53,700
Lizzie, your grandmother
is turning 80.

167
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:54,760
That's a big deal.

168
00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:56,100
Two seconds ago,
my party was epic!

169
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,500
This is a major family event,
and you're going to be there.

170
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:01,860
Okay. Can I point out that

171
00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:03,730
Nana did not come
to my birthday this year?

172
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,360
Because she was in the hospital
having her hip replaced.

173
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:08,260
No!

174
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,000
Okay, does anybody care
about me or my happiness?

175
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,960
-Can I answer that?
-No.

176
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,160
That's it. End of discussion.
Dinner's ready.

177
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,700
And I'm also not hungry.

178
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:23,100
Be thankful you have one easy child.

179
00:08:27,230 --> 00:08:29,200
You parents are so <i>Blair Witch.</i>

180
00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:30,700
You know, you can go
if you want to.

181
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,960
I'm not going without you.

182
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,860
-Would you go without me?
-Of course not.

183
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,800
You know, for all I know,
my grandmother's, like,

184
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:40,930
lying about her age,
and she's really, like, 79.

185
00:08:41,660 --> 00:08:43,860
And then we're missing
the party for nothing.

186
00:08:43,930 --> 00:08:44,960
You know what's astonishing?

187
00:08:45,030 --> 00:08:47,060
People are always
saying to us,

188
00:08:47,130 --> 00:08:49,700
"Say no to drugs.
Say no to smoking."

189
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,760
But not one word
of the emotional horror

190
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,600
of choosing up sides
in gym class.

191
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,730
It can scar you for life.

192
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,600
Thanks, your support
means the world to me.

193
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,400
Sorry, Gordo.
I'm in the middle of a crisis.

194
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,660
Yeah? Tell me.
I could use a good crisis.

195
00:09:06,730 --> 00:09:09,100
I'm so sick of listening
to all these brain-dead

196
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,130
nimwits twittering on about
Danny Kessler's pool party.

197
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,830
We may not be
your target audience.

198
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:17,400
Oh, not you, too.

199
00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:19,760
Lizzie McGuire,
I'm so disappointed in you.

200
00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:21,930
Gordo, give me a break. I'm allowed
to be shallow once in a while.

201
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,960
Look, in life,
you have two choices.

202
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:26,160
One, you get to be
super cool and popular

203
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:28,160
for a few insignificant
years of school.

204
00:09:28,230 --> 00:09:31,860
Or two, you get to become
a valuable member of society

205
00:09:31,930 --> 00:09:34,360
and gloat about it at every reunion
for decades afterwards.

206
00:09:34,430 --> 00:09:35,630
You can't have both.

207
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,230
Where do you get this stuff?

208
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,400
My parents are both shrinks.
I read their case files.

209
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,930
Oh, I probably should warn you

210
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,830
if you think you don't
like your body now, just wait.

211
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:57,630
Hey, guys.

212
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,760
Oh, hi, Kate.

213
00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:00,830
Hi, Kate.

214
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,200
Miranda, your mom,

215
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:05,130
-doesn't she know how to make
those mehndi tattoos?
-Yeah.

216
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,460
'Cause for Danny's party,

217
00:10:06,530 --> 00:10:08,960
we're thinking those
would be so totally hot.

218
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,630
[STUTTERING] Yeah.
I mean, sure.

219
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,160
Maybe you ought to ask her first.

220
00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:16,960
Yeah, of course, I'll ask her.

221
00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:18,430
But she'll definitely do it.

222
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:21,360
Great, so maybe after school
we should hang.

223
00:10:21,430 --> 00:10:24,230
Absolutely, we're always
up for hanging.

224
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:25,430
Cool.

225
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,330
[LIZZIE SIGHS]

226
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,400
What was I supposed to do?
She was standing right there.

227
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:38,700
I couldn't just blow her off.

228
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,160
Yeah, I was standing right there
and you just blew me off.

229
00:10:41,230 --> 00:10:42,260
I did not!

230
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:44,860
When?

231
00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:46,060
Okay, one question:

232
00:10:46,130 --> 00:10:48,160
Are you going to that party now,
even though I can't?

233
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:51,300
What? You think that
just because my mom's going to draw

234
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,760
some fake tattoos on their skin

235
00:10:52,830 --> 00:10:54,200
I would just do that to you?

236
00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:56,700
Just completely change
my mind and go?

237
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,130
[SIGHS]

238
00:11:06,930 --> 00:11:08,160
Would you be mad?

239
00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:19,830
Come on, 'Randa, let's sit back here.

240
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:24,860
'Randa?

241
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,800
[KIDS JEERING]

242
00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:55,300
You know what I need?
I need a big sign over my computer

243
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,530
that says, "Jo, shut up!"

244
00:11:57,860 --> 00:12:00,160
'Cause what was I thinking
volunteering to do that newsletter?

245
00:12:00,230 --> 00:12:02,000
Hey, share that
with your brother, okay?

246
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:03,760
I know.

247
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:08,500
Hey! Mom!

248
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:09,730
She's...

249
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:14,500
Mom, Lizzie changed
channels without even asking,

250
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,360
and I was here first! Mom!

251
00:12:17,430 --> 00:12:19,800
This is crazy. I got to write
myself outta this.

252
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:22,530
She might do it. Would you
feel comfortable calling her?

253
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:25,960
What are you going to say?

254
00:12:27,060 --> 00:12:29,860
-I was here first!
-You guys, please, come on!

255
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:33,500
I have to get out of this.
So what's a good lie?

256
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:36,700
Well, you know,

257
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,130
a lie is always more convincing
than the truth, isn't it?

258
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,100
[LAUGHING] I mean,
you can't argue with,

259
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,660
"My hard drive crashed.
I don't know what happened."

260
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,430
Mom, I think I might be sick
the day of Nana's birthday.

261
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:49,660
Marian, I'm sorry. Hold on.

262
00:12:49,730 --> 00:12:50,930
You're going.
Get your mind around it.

263
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,130
Oh, so it's okay for you
to bug out of stuff

264
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,130
you don't want to do,
but it's not okay for me?

265
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,360
Of course not... I mean, of course...

266
00:12:57,430 --> 00:12:59,900
It's... This is very different, honey.

267
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,530
Yeah, you don't have
anyone making you

268
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,860
do the stuff you don't want to.

269
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,330
Um, I have to call you back, okay.

270
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,500
Lizzie. Come back here, please.

271
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:09,560
No!

272
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,960
I don't know what you see in her.

273
00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:30,130
It's okay, it's okay.
I don't need my mother.

274
00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:32,300
I don't need my best friend.

275
00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:34,760
I don't need anybody.

276
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,100
I'll be a loner, independent.

277
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,560
A woman who runs with the wolves.

278
00:13:43,660 --> 00:13:44,700
Lizzie.

279
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,530
Great, they've sent in
the understudy.

280
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,060
I'm doing my homework.

281
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,630
I haven't seen you all day.

282
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:54,200
I look pretty much the same.

283
00:13:58,260 --> 00:14:00,200
That's it? That's all you got?

284
00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:01,930
Hey, I got a body part in the room.

285
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,300
That's more than you can say.

286
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,700
But she won't talk to anyone.

287
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,030
I mean, she hasn't even
called Miranda, which is really weird.

288
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:10,200
Okay.

289
00:14:11,030 --> 00:14:13,000
-Don't you even care what's going on?
-Yes,

290
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,860
Fine. I'll go back in and ask her.

291
00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:18,430
Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
This isn't your area of expertise.

292
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:20,900
Our child is not
my area of expertise?

293
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,530
May I remind you that
I'm the one that potty-trained her?

294
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,730
Yes, I know, I know,

295
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,730
you're enshrined
in the Parenting Hall of Fame.

296
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,260
It's just that
I'm talking about girls.

297
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:30,460
They can be, they can be really
toxic to each other.

298
00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:32,000
They gossip, they ridicule,

299
00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:34,800
and sometimes your best friend
can be your worst enemy.

300
00:14:35,130 --> 00:14:36,630
That's really more than
I wanted to know.

301
00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:38,030
When you go back in,

302
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:40,460
pretend you're looking
for the hairbrush.

303
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:41,830
I get it.

304
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:44,160
I'm looking for the hairbrush
and then I ask her.

305
00:14:44,230 --> 00:14:45,660
No, no. no, no, no!

306
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:50,630
Then you make a completely
neutral observation

307
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,830
on a completely unrelated topic.

308
00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:55,560
-So I back into the question?
-Yeah...

309
00:14:55,630 --> 00:14:56,830
No, no. no, no, no!

310
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:59,230
Don't even go near it
unless she is making

311
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:01,460
eye contact with you
and speaking in complete sentences.

312
00:15:01,530 --> 00:15:02,760
Does this take long?

313
00:15:02,830 --> 00:15:04,030
Should I bring some trail mix?

314
00:15:36,530 --> 00:15:41,030
Wow, her life has so much emotion,
so much drama.

315
00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:44,430
It's completely exhilarating
to have her open up like that to me.

316
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,700
How nice for you.

317
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,730
LIZZIE: And I can't believe
she could just do that to me.

318
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,530
Just like completely blow me off.

319
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,460
Oh, she's such a total hypocrite,

320
00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:19,830
which she will never admit!

321
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:22,360
Well, you can't really
admit to being a hypocrite

322
00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:24,660
because, well,
then you're not a hypocrite.

323
00:16:25,630 --> 00:16:27,130
Gordo, what goes on in your head?

324
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,100
Is it just like one
continuous game show?

325
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,300
No. I was listening.

326
00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:32,830
-If you want my opinion...
-No, I just want your aces.

327
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,330
Well, you're getting both.

328
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:35,700
Give your mom a break.

329
00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:37,600
It's no great deal being grown up.

330
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,960
My mom's idea of fun
is watching CNN

331
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,260
while she's on the treadmill

332
00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:43,030
Hey, I'd snap, too.

333
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,360
Listen, Judge Judy,

334
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:45,860
if I thought you were
going to take their side,

335
00:16:45,930 --> 00:16:47,800
I wouldn't have started
this conversation.

336
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,900
So don't even try
defending Miranda.

337
00:16:51,330 --> 00:16:52,860
Because there's nothing
you can say.

338
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,160
Fine, say it.

339
00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:00,430
I just don't see how
you can be so mad at her

340
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:02,160
for doing the one thing
you want to do so much.

341
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,430
That's not it. You know,
I don't even care if she goes.

342
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,300
-You just don't want her
to have a good time.
-No... no.

343
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,500
Look, I know how you feel.

344
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,360
My best friend was going
to go to this party without me.

345
00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:17,200
So you can't go either?

346
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:18,660
I wasn't invited.

347
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,330
Oh, that stinks.

348
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,630
Yeah, but there are
just some things you get used to.

349
00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,830
And let me tell you,
that isn't one of them.

350
00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:27,460
So was your friend going anyway?

351
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,400
Turns out she can't.

352
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,730
It's her grandmother's birthday.

353
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,360
That's an amazing coincidence.

354
00:17:38,430 --> 00:17:39,630
Thought you'd think so.

355
00:17:52,060 --> 00:17:53,360
-Hey.
-Hey.

356
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:57,700
Well, I wanted to be the one
to tell you that it looks like

357
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,530
you get to go to the pool party
after all.

358
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:02,360
-Why?
-I just got off the phone with Nana.

359
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,060
And she's going to Las Vegas

360
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:06,630
with her girlfriends from her club.

361
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:10,130
They have entered themselves
in the World Series of Poker.

362
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,660
[CHUCKLES]

363
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:17,830
Okay.

364
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,000
Mom?

365
00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:21,060
Hmm?

366
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,130
Future reference, uh,

367
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,900
Dad's really bad with
that hairbrush routine.

368
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,000
Hairbrush routine?

369
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:29,560
Yeah, the one where you have something
you want to talk to me about,

370
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,730
so you strike up
a casual conversation

371
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,600
while pretending
to look for the hairbrush.

372
00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:37,400
The hairbrush routine,
I know it well.

373
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:40,930
Lizzie,

374
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,060
we've got some whoppers
ahead of us.

375
00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:45,000
Ugh. Don't ruin the surprise.

376
00:18:45,060 --> 00:18:46,400
I guess all I'm trying to say,

377
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,430
honey, is that I know
we talk a lot...

378
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,230
I talk a lot, okay,

379
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,030
about the changes
that you're going through.

380
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:54,500
But just try to remember
that the only thing I want

381
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,360
is the only thing I've ever wanted,

382
00:18:56,430 --> 00:18:58,330
and that's just for you to be happy.

383
00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:00,160
Okay?

384
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:02,760
Come here.

385
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,800
LIZZIE: <i>See? And that's why </i>
<i>it pays to let your parents yammer.</i>

386
00:19:10,630 --> 00:19:11,830
<i>Every once in awhile,</i>

387
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,730
<i>they hit on something </i>
<i>you really need to hear.</i>

388
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:32,900
<i>As it turns out, I decided not to go </i>
<i>to Danny Kessler's party.</i>

389
00:19:33,660 --> 00:19:36,100
<i>Gordo says it's always useful </i>
<i>to confound your peers</i>

390
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,200
<i>by not doing the thing </i>
<i>that's expected of you.</i>

391
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,130
<i>I have no idea if he's right,</i>

392
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,930
<i>but I figure if you're </i>
<i>going to listen to anybody,</i>

393
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,600
<i>it might as well </i>
<i>be a guy who spends</i>

394
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:46,760
<i>an entire Saturday </i>
<i>helping you tie-dye your sheets.</i>

395
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:55,100
<i>So, maybe I missed </i>
<i>the defining event of my adolescence.</i>

396
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,430
<i>But, then again, </i>
<i>maybe the defining moment</i>

397
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,930
<i>is realizing that there </i>
<i>really is no such thing.</i>

398
00:20:02,830 --> 00:20:04,300
<i>Yeah, that's it.</i>

399
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:07,460
Truth or dare?

400
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:08,630
You hate that game.

401
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:09,960
I know. Just pick truth.

402
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,560
-Uh?
-Am I a complete germ?

403
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:14,130
No.

404
00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:15,360
On a scale of one to ten?

405
00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:16,660
Gordo, I am not going
to give you a germ rating.

406
00:20:16,730 --> 00:20:17,760
[DOORBELL RINGING]

407
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,200
Hi.

408
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:28,500
Hi.

409
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,130
Scale of one to ten,
what's my germ rating?

410
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:32,430
Seven.

411
00:20:32,830 --> 00:20:34,100
Better than I expected.

412
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:37,430
So, are you speaking to me?

413
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,230
Do I have to call you 'Randa?

414
00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:41,730
Only if you have a death wish.

415
00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:45,330
That's cool. When did you do that?

416
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,400
Today.

417
00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:47,630
Me and Gordo did it.

418
00:20:48,130 --> 00:20:50,730
You mean you could've
come to the party?

419
00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:53,230
Except I really didn't
have anyone to go with.

420
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:55,400
Okay, I know, I've been a creep.

421
00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:56,460
Yeah!

422
00:20:56,530 --> 00:20:59,160
Well, if it makes you feel any better,

423
00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:01,260
I had a stunningly bad time.

424
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,330
At the risk of sounding petty...

425
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,530
Go on.

426
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,930
Kate's ankle swelled up
from something in the mehndi,

427
00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:09,400
and she totally blamed me.

428
00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:12,130
So I had to sit with her the whole
time in the girls' locker room.

429
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,430
Yeah, well, it can't compare
to having to sit next to a guy

430
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:16,730
who makes little
play people out of snot.

431
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,330
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]
-Oh, you know what?

432
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:19,860
I think this may be a girl thing.

433
00:21:19,930 --> 00:21:21,460
I'll see you guys later.

434
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:22,800
Thanks, Gordo.

435
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,960
So... is he your new best friend?

436
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:31,460
You know what?

437
00:21:31,530 --> 00:21:33,330
I decided I didn't
really like that term.

438
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,130
The only time you ever really use it

439
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,530
is when you're mad at someone
for not acting like a best friend

440
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,630
that you never have to say they are
when you're not mad.

441
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:42,800
Okay.

442
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,830
But is it okay
if you're still mine?

443
00:21:49,530 --> 00:21:50,530
Yeah.

444
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,230
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]