GORDO: Hey, what are you doing?
-Miranda, look out! -[MIRANDA SCREAMING]
MIRANDA: No! No!
Are you okay?
-[GRUNTS] -I cannot believe you did that.
MIRANDA: Are you sure you're okay?
"Okay"? This is so not okay.
Believe it or not, when I got ready for school this morning,
I wasn't aiming for leprechaun chic.
If you're wondering what happened to me,
we have to go all the way back to this morning
but, basically, what happened is 'school picture day.'
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
I have absolutely nothing to wear.
-No. No. No. No. -[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Hey, could you check in your living room
and see if I left my hacky-sack over there?
Sure. Hmm. Not here, sorry.
Oh, hold on, call-waiting.
-Hello? -It's me.
Ooh, good. Talk me through a clothing crisis.
What about your denim thing?
Too Shania Twain.
-[CHUCKLES] -Hold on, call-waiting.
-Hello? -You, uh, hung up on me
and you didn't look for the hacky-sack, did you?
Gordo, I am in the middle of a fashion meltdown.
All righty, then.
Chicks.
That was Gordo, obsessing about his hacky-sack.
Boys.
Lizzie, I need the phone.
Well, that's a big problem for you, isn't it?
Oh, my gosh, you are so lucky you got that Delia's outfit.
Three dollars an hour
to clean Mrs. Fernelius's backyard
isn't exactly luck.
[GROWLING AND BARKING]
Lizzie, phone!
I was thinking more like Sarah Michelle Gellar thing...
powerful but still cute...
...or something classy, like Gwyneth at the Oscars.
Phone, phone, phone!
MIRANDA: No!
[GASPS] What about that red top you just got?
Ooh, ooh, the halter with the bare midriff,
oh, and my black hip-huggers.
It'd be so "Oops! I Did It Again."
Mom! Dad! Lizzie's talking about dressing like Britney Spears!
Man, she's hot.
Code Blue. I'll have to call you back.
Three, two, one.
Honey, do we need to talk about this?
Britney Spears is the one who got all...
...developed, right?
Thank you.
I really don't want her going to school looking like that.
Not a problem.
I couldn't possibly look like Britney for at least five more years,
and, like five million sit-ups.
Matt is exaggerating.
I was just talking to Miranda
about what to wear for my school picture.
Well, I thought you were going to wear the sweater
that Gammy McGuire sent you for Christmas.
That's right, the red one.
[HORSES NEIGHING]
Oh... I changed my mind.
Well, you loved it when you got it. Why wouldn't you wear it?
ANIMATED LIZZIE: Maybe 'cause it's hideous
and it makes me look like a cookie-elf.
It's just I thought it was kind of warm to wear a sweater.
No, it's cool out.
Besides, it would really mean a lot to Gammy McGuire.
-[SIGHS AND STUTTERS] It's just... -Come on, Lizzie,
Gammy's not getting any younger.
Who knows how much longer she'll be with us?
She is only 61, and she teaches windsurfing...
...and her mom is still alive.
What do you mean you didn't do the math homework?
BOY: I was going to.
-I'm supposed to get it from you. -Angels in the Outfield...
I don't care if Angels in the Outfield was on last night.
I'm going to get in trouble without that homework.
-Sorry, Matt. -Thanks a lot, you muggle.
Oh, yeah, there's going to be a pop...
What? There's going to be a pop quiz, too? I'm toast.
There's no way I can go to school today. See you.
But what if, like, the picture's behind a red backdrop?
I mean, my head'll just be floating there.
Honey, I'm sure it's going to be a neutral background,
and it's an adorable sweater.
-Don't you think so, Matt? -What? Oh.
Oh, I think I'm going to throw up.
Don't make fun of your sister's sweater, Matt.
Gammy McGuire really loves you kids.
No, I don't feel good. I think I'm sick.
Uh-oh. Let me feel your forehead.
Well, you feel warm but I can't tell if you have a fever.
You go upstairs. I'll come up and take your temperature.
Here, I want you to get some food in you and don't worry,
you look so cute, it's going to be a big hit.
What?
That's not really "Oops! I Did It Again."
That's just, "Oops."
My stupid brother got my parents involved.
They picked it out.
My grandmother gave it to me for Christmas.
It's just a picture.
Will you stop staring at me?
It is not "just a picture."
We're in middle school now.
These pictures don't just go home in an envelope.
These pictures get published in the yearbook.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Your sweater just gave Rudy Velasco nose-milk.
This is serious. These pictures will be seen by everyone forever.
-"Forever"? -Forever. I mean...
haven't you seen your parents' yearbook pictures?
I've got to get home and change.
Go.
Yeah, I'm taking his temperature right now.
Your father's very concerned about you.
-I'm really worried. -I know, you are.
He is concerned. Here.
Oh, my... 102. Wow.
You stay put. You are not going to school today, young man.
-SAM: Are you sure it's a 102? -Yep, 102 on the nose.
You're probably right about the flashlight trick.
[WHISPERING] And there it is. Oh, he's totally faking.
Where do they learn these things?
From some kid handbook we don't know about?
You'll just have to take care of him. You know what I mean?
Oh, don't worry. No, I'll take care of him.
-I'm sure you will, honey. -Okay. I'll see you tonight. Bye.
-How you feeling, sweetie? -[GROANS]
Oh, you know what you need? Some soup.
Chicken noodle?
No, borscht. It's cold beet soup.
A lot of Vitamin C. Real good.
I hate beets.
-Yo, Gordo. -Uh, hey, Craft. What's up?
Have you gotten your picture taken yet?
No. Fourth period. Why?
'Cause we've got this great plan.
See, when all the guys get their pictures taken,
the last minute, we're all gonna do this.
Gonna do what?
Do this.
-Oh. -Isn't that great?
It's awesome.
We're straight-up playas, man. That'll show the faculty.
Show them what?
Well... That we mean business.
So, you in?
Ah, I don't know.
You better not be against us, man.
You got to survive this school,
and it's a long time till summer.
I may not even have my picture taken.
I'm going to tell my teacher
I grew up with Kalahari Desert Bushmen
and I believe if someone takes my picture,
they'll steal my soul away from me,
and I'll be doomed to eternal wandering.
You're weird.
[SIGHS]
You don't get your picture taken till sixth period.
There's got to be someone you can borrow an outfit from by then.
GORDO: What's going on?
Whoa.
Long story, Gordo.
I got time.
Okay, my grandmother...
[INDISTINCT]
And, like, when I got to school,
no one would swap sweaters with me.
I didn't know your grandmother taught windsurfing.
Thanks, Gordo, that's really helpful.
You know, every school picture I've ever taken
has been colossally lame.
Sixth grade, braces,
fifth grade, bee sting on my nose,
and, like, fourth grade, missing tooth.
For once, I'm going to look good in my school picture.
I don't know why everyone's obsessing with these pictures.
You're freaking out because of a sweater.
How I look in this picture has a lot to do
with what everyone in school thinks about me.
You really care what a bunch of jocks
and cheerleaders think about you?
BOTH: Yeah!
How you look in a picture doesn't mean you're a good person.
I'm studying John Wilkes Booth in history.
He looked good in pictures and he was kind of a jerk.
It can be a little tough when one of your two best friends
says things that are kind of bizarre.
Well, John Wilkes Booth wasn't trying to get Danny Kessler to like him.
When both of your best friends do,
you just learn to deal with it.
I got to go get an outfit.
Throughout the animal kingdom, it's a well-known fact
that the males fiercely compete
to establish themselves within the herd.
But in middle school, girls get in on the action, too.
-You're not wearing that. -I'm not?
It feels like I am.
I looked for this outfit for weeks,
and you had better change before sixth period.
Okay, I'll change.
I'll pretend you're not a big snot-faced snot-head.
You are not wearing that.
"Snot-faced snot-head"?
Well, I think I made my point.
Okay, I'm done.
Well, that's my little trooper.
Bet you feel better now.
Yeah. I mean, no... [GROANS]
I still feel pretty sick.
[CARTOONS PLAYING ON TV]
No, no, no. What you need is some peace and quiet.
-[REMOTE CLICKS] -I do?
-[REMOTE CLICKS] -[REMOTE CLICKS]
-Oh! Honey, you're burning up. -I am?
Yeah. I got to sweat this fever out of you.
-We do? -Yeah. I want you to go upstairs.
I'm going to turn on the vaporizer
and I'll wrap you up in the old wool blanket.
But it itches.
Well, only if you move around,
and you'll be wrapped up so tight you won't be able to.
So, after I sweat, I can watch TV?
Uh-huh.
Can I get some water before we go upstairs?
Sure, honey. Go ahead.
These always make Dad's head sweat.
[GROANS]
[RETCHES]
[GROANS]
PHOTOGRAPHER: Next!
-Hey, Gordo. -No luck finding an outfit, huh?
Oh, plenty of luck, all bad.
Bethany Adelstein says I can borrow her sunglasses
so maybe people won't know who the poor little she-geek is.
-BOY: Ow! My eyes! -PHOTOGRAPHER: Next!
[CAMERA CLICKING]
You got to trust me, this picture is not important.
It's not important to you, it's important to me.
-BOY 2: [SCREAMING] -PHOTOGRAPHER: Next!
I just don't see why we should give in to all the peer pressure.
Because we have peers, and they put pressure on us.
Like, if it was just you and me, I wouldn't care how I looked.
But I do have to live in this world.
GIRL: But I wasn't ready yet!
LIZZIE: Nice try, Gordo, but...
I'm not going to let that happen to me.
[GIRL 2 SCREAMING]
-Smile. One, two, three. -[GROANS]
Next.
Remember, Gordon...
Smile.
That is not a smile.
Smile.
One...
ETHAN: You got to survive at this school,
and it's a long time till summer.
How this picture comes out has a lot to do
with what everyone in school thinks about me.
Two...
Three.
Ugh. Next.
Outfit, outfit, who's got the outfit?
Lisa Chung? No. She blew me off.
Allison Gendel? She smells like feet.
Tamara Scarpati? Oh, yeah, like that's going to work.
Parker McKenzie. Nah.
She hates me since I sat on her Titanic lunch box in fifth grade.
I'd rather die than go crawling to her.
-Hey, Parker! Great shoes. -Uh-huh.
I mean, no, seriously, those are like majorly fabulous.
Whatever. Yours are okay, too, I guess.
You like them? Because you can borrow them anytime.
And maybe I could borrow something from you
like, um, maybe your blouse.
Oh, that's right.
I heard you were begging people for their clothes.
Everybody thinks that's really creepy.
[SCOFFS] Your shoes suck!
Hey. Tummy still jumbled?
Um... no.
Oh, good! You can help me wind some yarn.
Do I have to do this?
Yeah. Only until your body cools down.
You still seem kind of feverish to me.
Um... could I get some soda crackers for my stomach?
Sure, honey.
As soon as you cool down, you can watch some TV.
[GROANS]
-Come on. -What?
Come on, I want to show you something.
[SCOFFS] Gordo, I'm busy, and this is important.
[GASPS] Oh!
My thing's more important.
Take your pick.
Gordo, where'd you get these?
The drama department is putting on a play.
The girl in charge of costumes owed me a favor.
She needed a partner for a clog dancing class.
I thought you thought this whole school picture thing was stupid.
I do, but certain events have happened that made me realize
that stupid things can still be important.
You caved on the Ethan Craft stone-face thing, didn't you?
Yes, but I still think that who you are as a person
is more important than how you look in a picture.
So as long as I'm a good person,
it's okay that I still want to look pretty?
Yeah, it's okay.
Thanks. I want the white one.
This is so cool. So retro.
So absolutely perfect.
Well, as long as you're sitting, let's do some fraction drills, huh?
103?
Oh, my gosh, you're really hot.
Oh, honey, how did you get so sick?
I don't know. Hot peppers...
ice in my pants.
No more yarn.
Oh, my gosh, you're delirious. Lie down, lie down. Okay.
Mommy is going to go and make the soup you like, okay?
And then I'm going to run to the store
and I'm going to get some ginger ale.
And I want you to rest, all right?
-Oh, you don't feel good, do you? -I feel awful.
Being sick is complicated.
[MOUTHING INDISTINCTLY]
Perfect outfit.
Very Kirsten Dunst meets South Beach.
We're going to look so good in our pictures.
I know. Thanks to Gordo.
I'm actually looking forward to next period.
GORDO: Your pineapple looks like a skunk.
LIZZIE: Hey, it does.
MIRANDA: Ugh.
Why do we have to draw fruit, anyway?
I'm going to draw 'N Sync.
GORDO: You make pineapples look like skunks.
Imagine what you'd do to Justin Timberlake.
[BOTH GASP]
ANIMATED LIZZIE: Why is Kate being all nice to Ed?
And what's he doing with paint?
I know. Kate's got a plan.
She's hired Ed to whack Miranda's outfit.
Miranda worked hard for three months to get that outfit.
Her picture will be ruined.
Hey, what are you doing?
[MIRANDA SCREAMING]
-GORDO: Miranda, look out! -[ECHOING] No! No!
Are you okay?
GORDO: I cannot believe you did that.
I can't believe it, either.
But Miranda would jump on a paint grenade for me.
Besides, green's very in this season.
And it's not like I was the only one
whose picture came out weird.
Smile.
Smile. Come on. Your mother's going to see this.
Smile.
ANIMATED LIZZIE: Miranda looked way awesome,
and Gordo turned out great...
all moody and troubled, like Freddie Prinze Jr.
But like Gordo says, I'd rather be a good person,
then look good in a picture.
Besides, I like the way I looked.
Well, she does have the sweater.
Oh, yeah.
And we don't have to worry about ordering wallet sizes this year.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
...marker.
ISRAEL: Ready? Quiet! We're rolling!
Why is everyone obsessing with these pictures?
-You're freaking... -[BOTH LAUGHING]
-ISRAEL: Action! -Whoa!
JO: Are you okay?
[CREW LAUGHING]
-I tripped on the rug. -ISRAEL: Cut!
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]