Okay, I know what you're thinking.
Me, Lizzie McGuire, cheerleader? What up with that?
I mean nothing could be more superficial, demeaning and shallow.
Cheerleading is like this plot to make girls feel bad about themselves.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
But I hope I make it, I hope I make it, I hope I make it!
You wanna try out for cheerleader? Are you crazy?
You wanna risk humiliating yourself in front of the whole school?
[SCOFFS] I have a chance.
-Well, if you ask me... -Not gonna.
Any group activity that forces others to be happy is, by nature, evil.
And that's why I didn't ask.
I just don't understand this herd mentality that,
you know, tells us what to wear, what to watch, what to eat.
Mm! McNuggets!
Ugh, I had no idea it was going to be this bad.
All right, that's it. I am so out of here.
FEMALE CHEERLEADER: McGuire?
-Lizzie? -That, that's me!
The only thing even worse than my cheerleading was?
Nothing.
At least I didn't try out for javelin.
Ow!
[OPENING SONG PLAYING]
I never liked cheerleaders anyway. They were always so snooty.
And you, Lizzie McGuire, are no snoot.
Dad, really. It's, it's no big.
No big at all. I've merely cemented my social status
to that of a nobody for, oh, I don't know, eternity.
Lizzie, if it makes you feel any better,
I was never a cheerleader, and my life turned out just fine.
That's relative. Look what you have for a son.
Here, ugly little Lizzie.
Here, girl.
What'd you call that thing?
-Ugly. -You called it Lizzie.
Well, there's no denying the resemblance.
-JO: Hey! -Children.
Ooh, Dad. Here's your instructions.
Oh, that's cool. Look at that.
Lighting, humidity, constipation.
I'm outie. Book report due tomorrow.
I haven't even finished the book.
Uh, Lizzie? Are you sure you're okay?
[SIGHS] Mom, it's, it's fine. Really.
I'm not the "cheerleader" type.
I'm, I'm more of a band geek.
Lizzie McGuire, you are not a geek.
You are beautiful. You have great friends.
Gordo and Miranda are wonderful kids.
You're, you're smart. You're decent. You're compassionate.
Here we go. Pep talk number 243 from the mother-daughter handbook.
[JO CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
It's not that what she's saying is so bad.
It's just that I've heard it 17 times earlier today.
Which makes the whole thing even more pathetic than usual.
[STUTTERING] And you're helpful around the house...
-You forgot "kind to strangers." -Yeah, she's that too.
-And don't forget. She's housebroken. -[DOORBELL BUZZING]
Ooh, Miranda.
I'm telling you now to avoid the major devastation tomorrow.
[LIZZIE READING] Kate made cheerleader?
Well, you know why she made it, don't you?
[COMPUTER CHIMES]
[CHUCKLES] Because Kate stuffs her bra.
[COMPUTER CHIMES]
[CHUCKLES]
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
[SIGHS] Man, locked up again!
Huh?
[COMPUTER BEEPING REPEATEDLY]
Uh-oh.
You mean the instant message went out to everyone in the whole school?
Just the people with computers.
[CHUCKLING] Oh, that can't be more than, uh, 86 percent?
I'm over! Kate is going to crush me!
Okay, which one of you did it?
[STUTTERING] I, uh...
You what?
[STUTTERING CONTINUES]
I did it, Kate.
I'm really sorry.
[SNEEZES] Hey, Kate.
Got any extra tissue? [LAUGHS]
You are so gonna pay for this.
I can't believe I'm standing here letting Miranda take the rap.
What am I made out of? Jelly?
What's your problem? I said I was sorry.
On the other hand, how lucky to have a friend like Miranda
who handles conflicts so well.
Well, "sorry" doesn't cut it. I'd watch it if I were you.
Is that a threat?
Could be. See you around.
Oh, I'll be around.
Ugh!
Okay, why did you do that?
Why didn't you just let me tell Kate that I sent the instant message?
Please. You can't handle this kind of conflict.
Yes, I can. What are you talking about?
You ate strawberry ice cream at Bethany Adelstein's birthday party
even though you're allergic.
You swelled up like a balloon!
[SIGHS] I was being polite. I happen to handle conflict just fine.
Instant replay, Lizzie. [STUTTERING] I, I...
Okay, so maybe I'm not the best with it.
But I cannot let you do this.
I'm not scared of Kate.
Oh, and like I am?
[SHRIEKING]
Okay, so maybe a little.
I don't mind, really.
Finally standing up to Kate might be fun.
Who am I to deny my best friend the thing that makes her happy?
She was in there this morning.
You don't think she could have escaped, do you?
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
Honey, honey. Honey!
Danny Kessler wants to talk to me?
That's what he told me in soc.
There he is over there. Why don't you go see what he wants?
What should I do?
Here. Have a mint. And go talk to him.
Better give me two. I had the chili.
Ugh.
[CHUCKLES]
-Hi, Danny. -Um, hi.
Claire said you wanted to talk to me.
Uh, no?
-Really? -Yeah.
-You're sure? Because... -[GIRLS LAUGHING]
MATT: Mom! Dad!
Hey! Home early, huh?
Yeah. Miss Droober let me out early to check on Lizzie.
-SAM: Huh? That's cool. -Oh, yeah?
Yeah. She even gave me this bag of worms to feed her as a treat.
Worms! Food! You know, that reminds me.
I got a great lunch for you. Come on.
Here, Lizzie. Here, girl.
Hmm. She must be still sleeping.
-Really? -Where?
There.
Oh! [CHUCKLING] I thought that was a stick!
[LAUGHS]
Her color's weird. She seems greyer than usual.
Mm. Cold too.
You did change her water this morning, didn't you, Dad?
-Me? I thought you... -Of course, he did.
Then, why is her...
Then, why is she...
She looks dead!
Do you know what this means?
I'll never be able to show my face in school again. Not ever!
[SCREAMS]
[PUNK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[BARKING]
Please, you can't handle this kind of conflict. [ECHOING]
Lizzie, you're a coward. [VOICE ECHOING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Ugh. I think I'm getting an ulcer.
Big deal. So you can't handle conflict.
I can't handle broccoli. So I learn to avoid it.
That's all you're doing.
Well, I can't figure out which one's worse.
Me feeling guilty because I'm letting Miranda fight my battle,
or being petrified at the thought of telling Kate the truth.
Um, the hurdle? Learn to follow a new path. You'll see.
-I don't know. -Good. Hey, you guys are here.
Please tell me you and Kate made up.
-Sanchez! -[GIRL SHRIEKING]
Not exactly.
Oh, man! You've taken this thing nuclear.
You've really done it now!
Well, you know me. I'm a big fan of color. Welcome to the club.
[SCOFFS]
I think I can, I think I can.
-Kate, wait. -What?
[STUTTERING]
-Ni... Nice manicure. -[SCOFFS] Whatever.
You just wait, Miranda.
If it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna get you.
I can't.
We're gathered here today to bid adieu
to Lizzie the Lizard.
She was a good lizard.
Yes, she was.
Right. She was a good lizard.
Matt? You wanted to say a few words?
When I think of Lizzie,
the things I remember most are the way she looked at me
and smiled when I came home with a treat.
And the way her beady little eyes shined,
and the way her tail wagged.
Lizzie was more than just a class project to me.
She was a friend.
A good friend. [ECHOING] A good friend.
I did it, Kate. I'm really sorry.
-You are so gonna pay for this. -Is that a threat?
Could be. See you around.
Oh, I'll be around.
Lizzie, the service is over.
Matt, what do you say
we re-think bringing home the hamsters next month?
Are you kidding?
Like I'm even showing my face in school after this.
I can't show up without Lizzie!
Matt. Your classmates will understand.
Two weeks ago, Gina Marhoff
accidentally stepped on a class centipede.
She only sprained one of its legs.
But Gina? After two days of torture,
she asked to be moved to another class.
Nobody's heard from her since.
Rumor has it,
she fled the country.
You know, I swear that manual didn't say a thing about changing the water.
Whatever.
Murderer.
[SIGHS]
-Knock-knock. -Please don't ask me what's wrong.
Please don't ask me what's wrong. Please don't ask me what's wrong.
What's wrong? Come on.
What tipped you off?
Well, you seemed so sad downstairs,
and I know you could care less about your brother or his lizard.
So, spill.
Okay.
Did you ever let someone take the blame for something that you did?
Yeah. I backed my dad's car into a tree
and I let my sister take the blame.
Huh. I knew it. Mom's not perfect.
She only pretends to be.
So, what happened?
Finally, I just broke down and told everybody the truth.
Did you get in trouble?
Yeah. But I felt a lot better.
Honey, I don't know the details here,
but if it's something that you think you can fix,
then you should, sweetie.
Because who knows, you might, you might feel good enough
to start being mean to your brother again.
Oh! Kate! There you are.
Miranda? She didn't start that rumor. I did.
But I'd back off if I were you.
Unless of course you want things to get ugly.
So, how was that?
Who cares? My lizard's dead.
[SIGHS] Matt! Pay attention.
Ugh, okay.
-Kate! -Yeah?
-[STUTTERING] I just wanted to... -Well?
Okay, I just wanted to tell you that...
I haven't got all day.
Right. I just wanted to tell you that, um... [STUTTERING]
your shoe laces are untied.
-Freak. -Did you just call my friend a freak?
She would have to be a freak to be your friend.
I'm not the one with green hair.
Ugh! That's it. I've gone easy on you.
That little stunt with Danny Kessler and the posters all over the school?
Those were nothing.
I'm a cheerleader. I can turn the whole school against you.
The whole school?
No. Just everyone who's going to the Pep Rally.
Poor Matt. His confidence must be so shaken.
I mean Lizzie the Lizard alive one day,
dead and buried the next.
-Huh. -What?
It says here lizards hibernate.
They appear dead, while they're actually sleeping.
-Well, that's great! -Yeah!
Now Matt can take her back to class and...
Uh-oh!
-Get the shovel. -Matt!
She's really sleeping?
Oh, sure. Can't you hear her snoring?
They sleep on their backs?
With their little feet up in the air like that?
Yeah, there's something in here about sleeping positions.
Okay.
Uh, honey, why don't you keep the box open?
'Cause she could probably use some air.
Yeah, just a thought, Matt, you might wanna turn her back over
on her little feet before you bring her back to school.
Yeah. Sure.
GORDO: Why's going to a Pep Rally required?
Like the school day isn't embarrassing enough
without having to sing about it?
I actually feel kind of sorry for her.
-Really? -[SCOFFS] No.
Okay, that's it. I can't take it anymore.
I have to tell her.
Lizzie, don't. I can handle this.
I can totally handle this.
Possibly. No, no. You know what? I can handle this.
I started this whole thing and I'm finally gonna take responsibility
and I'm going to finish it.
[BELL DINGING]
Kate! We gotta talk.
Yeah?
[STUTTERING] I, um...
Tick tock, tick tock.
Miranda didn't do it. I did.
Did what?
Um... [STUTTERING] I, um...
Hello? Bored.
Um...
Hey!
You touched me!
Yeah! I wasn't finished talking to you.
What has gotten into you?
Okay, listen. Miranda didn't write that instant message. I did.
I was jealous that you made cheerleader and I didn't.
I'm sorry about what I wrote. It was rude.
And I wish I could take it back.
Wow. I have to say, Lizzie,
I didn't think you had it in you to stand up to me.
Good for you.
I've been practicing.
I guess that means you're not gonna ruin Miranda's life?
[SCOFFS] No. Of course not. That would be mean.
Never laid a glove on me.
ALL: Okay. One, two, three.
[GRUNT]
U-G-L-Y You ain't got no alibi!
You ugly Yeah, yeah, you ugly!
U-G-L-Y You ain't got no alibi!
You ugly Yeah, yeah, you ugly!
U-G-L-Y You ain't got no alibi!
You ugly Yeah, yeah, you ugly!
Two-Four-Six-Eight who's the girl we love to hate?
Lizzie, Lizzie! Big Loser! Loser!
Big Loser!
[ALL CHEERING]
This is so not good.
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
You're right, Miranda.
Standing up to Kate was actually fun.
But everyone's staring at you.
MIRANDA: Mm.
Loser!
Well, at least they know who I am now.
MALE STUDENT: Hey, loser!
I feel empowered and strong.
I mean, I feel like a huge weight's been lifted.
Well, I for one, am glad it's over.
Yeah, next time I'll try to step up a little quicker.
Hey, did you guys hear?
Larry Tudgeman picked his nose and had a snack
and Danny Kessler caught it on tape.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Well, you're officially yesterday's news.
The herd's moved on.
So you guys wanna go see if we can find a copy of that tape?
Totally. Let's go.
Marker.
MATT: It won't open.
I've merely cemented my social status
to that of a nobody for, oh, I don't know, eternity? Whoa!
[SHRIEKS]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]