Guinea Pig 4:
Devil Doctor Woman
I'm a doctor, without a license. I'm what's called, an underground surgeon.
My job is to examine disease where the normal medical procedures cannot be applied.
Huh? My name? I can't tell you that.
But my patients call me the Devil Doctor Woman.
I am not a devil. I think they are.
This video is my examination history called, "Blood Kertes From Hell".
You're a sick and disgusting family!
What!
Dad, don't get upset.
You're right, you're right.
You're the most disgraceful family in Japan! - Hey, what!
Dad!
Yes, you're right again.
You're a nuisance to the neighbors!
We're a nuisance?
Dad, don't you understand! You're starting to upset me, you know.
Please don't get upset. If you don't get a hold of yourself, what'll happen to us...
Right, I can't get upset. I gotta keep it together.
That's right. Haste makes waste. Endurance is the greatest virtue.
Yes, you're right, Mother. We must endure it now or all our tolerance will have been wasted.
All right, everybody! From now on, whatever she says or however she insults us, don't get upset. Promise!
You're an incestuous family!
You're all bastards!
OK, OK. Good job. You did it. Really good job.
This family has a sickness or I should say, diathesis.
Congenital Brain Explosion Disease When excited, their brain fluid actually boils and begins to erupt like a pressure cooker.
They all have a sickness that makes their heads explode when they become upset.
Doctor.
Can you save us?
Yes. You can depend on me. Now I'll test each one of you separately.
You must control yourselves! Do you understand?
You bald piece of shit!
What did you say!
You homeless donkey lover!
What did you say!
You... pretty baby! Your mother had anal sex with an ape!
There must be something wrong with your methods, doctor.
What do you mean? There something wrong is with your brain.
I'm sorry.
Ready?
Your prick drips and resembles an inch worm!
It's too bad they didn't have any patience... 'Cause now I don't have any patients left.
This patient also has a hereditary disease.
Her heart is very weak. She's in a very dangerous situation.
Hereditary Heart Blast Disease When she is surprised, her heart could explode.
The heart of her father exploded by the sound of an alarm clock.
Her mother's exploded when the phone rang.
It was a wrong number too.
It is a tragedy. But this child is OK. Her heart has been trained repeatedly.
Isn't that right? - Yes!
This is the final test. Are you ready! - Yes!
Oops... a bit ill-trained. I'm sorry.
Multiple Personality Syndrome The name of this patient's condition is Jekyll and Hyde disease.
Two personalities live in one person. A double personality.
In Hitchcock's "Psycho," the main character has two personalities.
Rationality and rusticity... composure and violence... indulgence and daintiness...
...I think every human being has some kind of double personality...
...but this patient's case is a little more complex.
Doctor! Please do something.
Another personality is controlling his right hand. Interesting. Let's leave it be and see what happens.
It hurts! - It's becoming more violent.
Doctor! Please stop it! It hurts...
Doctor!
It's kicking my ass!
Doctor! What the fuck are you doing?
I'm trying to help you.
Is this really helping me?
Stop it!
It's becoming more violent.
What do you think, huh?
Is it helping? Am I helping or not... helping or not.
Okay! You're helping! - Calm down! You're a big boy now.
The treatment seems worse then the infliction! I'm not used to your medical therapy!
Oh my God! It's a discontinuous muscle contraction.
Discontinuous Muscle Contraction What's that? - Nervous shaker, you know.
The right leg started to have it's own personality.
Stop it! Stop it! - Wait, I can help you some more.
Doctor! Help me! Doctor help me! - Hold on! Almost there!
No more help! Please no more! - Almost there!
It's finally calming down.
But if the anesthesia wears off. What's going to happen to me?
You're right. If we leave it like this....
What's going to happen to me?
Do you want to know what happened to him? It's amazing how the world works.
He found a job that requires both of his personalities. He's enjoying it and doing well.
He runs The Jekyll and Hyde Show and became a popular guy in town.
If I had jar of mayonnaise, a buttplug and some candles. I could have a good time with this doubly fellow.
Have you heard of the disease, The Human Face Carbuncle?
It's a human face shaped malignant tumor.
Do whatever you got's to do. Just get rid of this thing, you.
Huh? Oh, this is the Human Face Carbuncle.
Human Face Carbuncle Hi, nice to meet you. I'm the human face carbuncle.
You don't have to introduce yourself. Gee.
It is polite to introduce yourself when first meeting.
Shut up, you nasty thing. Doc, get rid of this funk from my belly.
Don't be a hater. It's a polite carbuncle.
Why don't you become its friend?
You're tripping!
That carbuncle is a lot more impressive than that tattoo on your ass.
This thing is nasty and it can't speak right, you know what I'm saying?
Ouch. Homey bit me. You chickenhead sumbitch.
You don't know how to speak correctly. When you talk to people, stop using so much slang.
Shut your trap. I'm a villianous gangster and came from the streets?
Doctor, please do something before my homie's find out about this.
Let me examine him more closely.
You have bad breath.
Gangster wannabe doesn't brush my teeth. - Oh... could you do what I ask you to do? Understand?
Yes.
Your voice is pretty loud.
What a pretty voice you have. This time we're going to try mimicry. "Hi, I'm Shinichi Mori."
Good evening, I'm Shinichi Mori. - Close.
You pitch is higher than mine. Now say, "Good evening, I'm Kenichi Mikawa."
Good evening, I'm Kenichi Mikawa.
What you doing, Doc?
I think this carbuncle could become a celebrity.
I'm so flattered.
You're tripping, Doc?
OK. The name of this disease is called Snoop Doggydog Frog Disease.
What the Hell is that?
Snoop Doggydog Frog Disease That's the name. If you don't know what it means, ask the TV animation fanatics or your homie's.
Doctor!
All right, then I will come up with some other good name for it. Trust me.
I'll tell you what happened to this patient.
He left the hood and now everybody loves him.
It won't be long now before he becomes a celebrity.
Hi, this is Tamio Kageyama and I'm at The Scene.
I'm going to introduce various items on the menu in detail.
Here we are at a tasting party of human flesh for the first time ever.
What I have in front of me is a brain. It is pickled in soy sauce and vinegar.
Cerebrum Pickled in Soy Sauce and Vinegar
Eyeball hors d'oeuvres These are eyeballs. The eyeballs are placed in chicory and dressed with blood sauce.
Chilled Eyeball Consomme Jelly with Cockroach
When they were making the jellied eyeball, a cockroach jumped into it.
Chilled Eyeball Consomme Jelly with Fly
I think this dish should be pretty good.
Subcutaneous Fat Sausage with Wrist on the side They use intestines as the sausage.
Chopped Finger Salad with Eyeballs
This is a chef salad with the chef's own fingers and eyeballs. Definitely not Chef Boy Ardee.
Testicles Boiled in Soy Sauce These are testicles wrapped in their own scrotum sacks. Something for the women.
Vagina Dressed with Blood Sauce Bluntly put, it is a pussy stewing in it's own sauce.
The testicles were boiled in soy sauce. The hairy clams with a 73 year old vaginal juice.
I was told it was dismembered during it's own menstruation, hence the extra blood sauce.
It looks like they had trouble with this ingredient.
Liver with Cancer Stewed in Curry Sauce It's liver with cancer, stewed in a curry sauce.
The person with this liver wouldn't have lasted three weeks due to the severe cancer.
It's heavily infected. I can see some polyps too. It almost tastes like my boyfriend's ass. It's good eats.
So that's what they are serving at this hip shin dig.
They wanted to make more dishes using human flesh but they didn't have the time.
So some human body parts are served raw for people who like sushi.
Human parts are served cold. Personally, I prefer the testicles. I can't get enough balls in my mouth.
What do you think about the food? Have you tried anything?
I'm thinking about it. But I don't have enough courage.
How do you feel about these dishes? - It's nasty! I'm trying to keep my distance.
There's a lady who doesn't belong here. She looks like a cleaning lady.
I will go and ask her.
Excuse me, can I talk to you? - Leave me alone. I have work to do.
Oh, no no no. I just want to talk to you a little. - Please don't... I have to clean.
Did you see all the food? - I don't like it.
Why don't you try some? The balls are good. - I told you, I don't have taste for it.
You haven't tried human flesh before?
My father has during the war. But I never have.
Please tell 'em what you think of these human flesh dishes. - I think it's vulgar.
Huh? Me? My name is Katsuko Ohata. Everybody calls me Katchan. My occupation?
I'm a cleaning lady. Sometimes I do secretary work for the Devil Doctor Woman on the side.
What? No, I'm not the same person. I don't have that kind of vulgar taste.
Please don't think I'm the same person. I'm just a cleaning lady. Oh, it's OK.
The next case was unfortunately too late when I examined him.
Progressive Zombie Rot Disease But this is a record of marital love fought against their fate.
Sorry. It was a nice bath. Did you wait long?
I didn't.
Let's go home before we get cold. Honey, didn't you take a bath?
No. - Why?
15% on the Zombie Rot Scale
I feel bad for other customers.
You shouldn't feel that way. You have the right to use the baths.
It was okay just after I died. But my body is beginning to rot. I can feel pus oozing between my toes.
The water becomes really gross.
You could wash yourself before getting in the tub.
But if I wash, chunks of flesh fall off. Last time I felt dizzy and passed out in the tub.
People thought I drowned. I was embarrassed. - I'm sorry.
Thank you for being so concerned about me. I'm sorry I was a little selfish.
That's OK. Let's go home.
Am I dead or alive? Or am I just sick?
You can't be sick when you are dead.
I guess so. - I think so.
How about this one? Too plain?
27% on Zombie Rot Scale
Don't you like it?
What do you think? - That's enough!
Come on. I'm a zombie and you want to dress me up like a Ken doll.
It looks good.
Don't worry about what people think. Don't be so stiff.
Don't you have anything a bit more cheerful.
I have rigor mortis. How am I not supposed to be stiff?
Don't you like this bar? It has a grown-up atmosphere.
40% on Zombie Rot Scale This reminds me of before we got married.
What's wrong? You are awfully quiet?
I'm not used to this kind of place. I'm more used to redneck honkytonks.
I don't belong here.
What are you talking about? You look much better than those hillbillies!
You think so? - Yes!
This cocktail tastes good at first, but it smells too strong.
Smell? I knew it. - I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry.
It's my fault. I didn't want you to have a hard time so I put on a lot of cologne.
52% on Zombie Rot Scale
The croquette looks good too. Sukiyaki or Korean barbecue?
Whichever you like. - Then let's have sukiyaki. 500g of the best meat please.
The regular meat is fine. - Why?
Because the expensive meat is left over from yesterday. - Huh?
I don't know why, but I'm getting sensitive about these things.
You have a special talent. You can call it that.
Do you want to take a walk and watch the moon?
OK.
Do you love me? - Of course! 88% on Zombie Rot Scale
Will you love me until you die? - I think I did already!
Will you be with me until you die? - I think I already answered that!
Please don't die before me. - I'll try not to.
You promise! Yes.
Hook your little finger with mine!
Oops... It came off...
Excuse me!
A bottle of beer, please! - OK... one second.
It's so good. - Here you go.
Eat as much as you like. - Are you sure?
Here is your beer! - Thank you.
For the gentleman over here.
94% on Zombie Rot Scale
OK. Cheers!
My gums are hurting. My teeth are falling out... - Eve told me a lot of things about you.
She is very kind. She takes good care of me. Drink up!
You have to take good care of her. She is such a sweet girl.
She works hard and she is beautiful too.
My gums are bleeding, and my hair is falling out. Look. I'm losing a lot of hair.
I feel sorry for you.
My skin looks awful too. - I brought something for you.
You smell like total shit. Like festering diarrhea so I brought you a deodorizer.
Put it in there. Here you go.
Drink up.
Thank you.
I've heard a lot about you from Eve. You're getting up there. Do you still have sex with men?
I have no money. - Have some more.
I don't have any money. So I shouldn't... - I'll pay for it tonight.
You shouldn't do that. I feel bad. - It's all right.
I've gone through many different jobs but cleaning lady is what I am now.
So many things happened in my life. Still poor...
But humans are... They all...
Keep living. - Keep living.
Let's drink.
You have flies around you. They're attracted to that festering diarrhea I was talking about. I'll put it here.
You're really kind... Can I have some ice? - Yes... here you go.
Tastes like shit!
Here is more ice. - Look.
Are you serious? I don't want to see that deep throat trick of yours.
I have to show you except we are supposed to use a double donger.
Tonight was wonderful. I can show you that trick later.
Do you want to go my house? - Check please!
Oh, I feel bad to make you pay for it all. - The total is 1000 yen.
I don't have any money. - 1000 yen!
Altogether? 1000 yen for all this? Isn't it more like 300 yen?
Thank you. 1000 yen!
Thank you very much. It was good. - Whatever... just leave.
Thank you. Thank you. - Yes, thank you.
Cats, dogs, alligators, piranhas... there are many different kinds of pets in this town.
We sympathize with these poor pets but among them are some very violent animals.
Please be cautious of them.
Please take me home.
Siamese Internal Organ
Please watch out for the Siamese Internal Organs abandoned on the street.
The name of his disease is called Bloody Drippling Sploog Disease.
Bloody Drippling Sploog Disease It is a disease that causes blood to secrete from his sweat glands when he gets excited.
Here you go. - Thank you.
You have a body type that has a higher perspiration in other words, you sweat a lot.
Except in your case, blood instead of sweat pumps out from the glands.
Yes, Doctor. That's why I can't go to the sauna or even masturbate!
I can't get married with this body, Doctor. I want to be normal! I want to jerk off!
I can handle this. Since you have too much blood. We will get rid of the excess.
Are you going to withdraw my blood? - That's too much work.
Spew it up. Spew as much of it as you can.
It's the surgery I really get off on.
This patient is suffering from a Shitty Tattoo. When he was young, he got this really Shitty Tattoo.
Shitty Tattoo Metastasis The Shitty Tattoo is moving around on his body and it also changes its shape.
Hey... where are you going!
Where did you go?
It went into his ass. That's where a shitty tattoo belongs.
Stop fucking around, Doctor and rip that tattoo off my ass.
OK. Too bad... poor little Shitty Tattoo. It's going to be a pleasure to rip this off your ass.
How about some anesthesia for my ass? - What are you talking about. I can't use anesthesia for this exciting surgery on your ass.
Where did you go now? There you are.
You started moving again. Look out! It's coming this way.
You shouldn't move around like that.
Are you coming this way again? Stay still!
Now where are you? You can't go in there.
You surprised me, please don't do that. Now it's over. The surgery was completed successfully!
Now you don't have to suffer from that Shitty Tattoo anymore. Now I'm feeling horny.
You like this?
How's this feel?
It's a success.
Some patients are proud of their sickness.
But these patients their diseases are more pathetic then severe.
Why do I have this disease? I'm so unlucky.
To tell you the truth. I have a disease that causes my body to decompose.
Internal Decomposition Disease You look healthy. - I've told you. I'm decomposing from inside.
Smells like shit! - Isn't it just bad breath?
No no... Look at my foot.
Gross. - That's nasty. - Disgusting. - Looks like shit!
There are strings between your toes. - It looks like fermented soybeans? It's decomposing!
That's not a big deal. - What?
I'm not boasting but my body stretches.
Sporadic Body Stretch Disease Look. What do you think it is? It's my nipple. This one is a mole. And check this one out. Look.
Your dick! Is that your dick stretching? - I envy you. Isn't it great your schlong stretches!
It'd be wonderful if my whole cock stretches. But the stretching part is just the foreskin.
That's fucking gross! - And it dribbles a lot of smegma all the time.
That's not that bad! Your diseases are not as fucked up as mine.
Compared to my sickness... they are cheap tricks.
Air-leak Skin Disease Mine is a disease that causes the air to leak from the body. Check this out..
Since the air leaks from my body. I can't enjoy smoking. Especially blunts or bongs.
Thank you for showing me your interesting disorders.
As a small token of my gratitude. I'm about to serve all of you bitches.
To tell you the truth I'm in critical condition. I have heart disease.
Is something wrong with your heart?
Yes. It's a disease that causes my heart to move around in my body.
Spasmodic Heart Transpose Disease Usually the heart sits right here.
But this is...
Look! It's in your throat.
Now it's in your mouth!
Look at his nose! Your nose is beating!
It moved again! Huh? Where did it go?
How about it? - He served us and now we gotta serve you back.
You have a very strong heart. But I don't think you served us at all.
I have another disease too.
I love drinking. It's terrible when I have a hangover since my body is decomposing...
Please don't throw up on me! - It's all right. My vomit comes rapped inside of a shell.
A shell?
Shelled Vomit Disease
Yes... this is the shell. - It's an egg?
It looks like an egg at first glance. Don't you think it's pretty?
Once you crack it... you find vomit inside. - Gross.
What the fuck is that?!
Parasitic Vomit Alien Insect
It's a Vomit Alien. Isn't it great?
Compared to my excrement... Your alien is... - Your shit?!
This is a shit I had this morning. Please examine it carefully.
Okay... I'm going to pull it out.
Protozoan Poo Disease with Peanuts
Wow! It's moving. It's alive!
I'm afraid it's going to bite my ass every time I take a shit. I'm risking my life.
Why don't you just let it?
Your diseases are very unpleasant to deal with... deadly poo and vomit creatures.
Mine is a beautiful disease. It's in a higher state of artistry.
It must be another stupid trick.
But go ahead... it's your turn. Show it to us.
My disease causes my tongue to become a pigeon. Are you ready?
Pigeon Obnoxious Disease Wow. He sounds like a cuckoo bird! Not a pigeon. - Oh my God! I'm having a spasm! Help me.
I think he should shut his mouth when his tongue goes back. I think you're right.
But it would be a disaster if his timing is off. - I'll try.
Oops! Sorry!
It hurts. I'm going to die.
Congratulations. Your dreams would come true if you die.
I'm really impressed with your diseases. But my disease is contagious.
I hope it hasn't infected you.
The disease is called Cuckoo Disease. Even as I speak, I'm having...
Hey... don't do that. - He's fucking with us... - Don't do that...
From shadow of lakeshore in a calm forest. A cuckoo whispers to wake me up.
Contagious Cuckoo Disease From shadow of lakeshore in a calm forest, a cuckoo whispers to wake me up.
Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo! "Editor's Note...add infinity"
There is nothing I can do for these patients.
Did you enjoy the Devil Doctor Woman Kertes. Would you like to become my patient?
I will examine you anytime. I have a present for you as the curtain falls.
An iron pie. The finale must have cheer and merriment!
Let's have an iron pie throwing party!