Gary: O.K., so you’re a newcomer to EFT?
Grace: Right.
Gary: You’ve never done it before?
Grace: Never.
Gary: And you have an emotional issue--an event
with your father--that if you were to dwell on it, that you would get to
a 10 very easily.
Grace: Yes.
Gary: And you’ve never done EFT before in your
life?
Grace: Never.
Gary: You’ve done EMDR?
Grace: Yes.
Gary: And have had a major – it’s called an
abreaction--but a negative reaction to it lasting how long?
Grace: May 26th of this year, and today is July
30th.
Gary: O.K., so about two months or something like
that. I don’t even know what this event is at the moment. But I did ask
you before this recorder went on that, if it was a movie, how long would
it last, and you said it would be about 10 minutes.
Grace: Maybe it would be longer. I don’t know.
Twenty minutes at the most.
Gary: O.K. Somewhere in that area?
Grace: Right.
Gary: And if it had a title it would be, "Dad
Beats Up Mom."
Grace: Right.
Gary: I have asked you only to guess that if you
were to dwell on it, what number
you would get to on a 0-10 scale, and you told me it
would be a 10 easily. I’m going to instruct you about where some tapping
points are on your body. And then we’ll just go through this and see
what happens.
Grace: O.K.
Note: For those
EFT’ers wanting to do this process over the phone, I include that
portion of our phone conversation where I instructed Grace where
to tap. You might find these instructions useful. Also note that I used
only the shortcut version of EFT throughout this session and did not
include the 9 gamut procedure. As it turns out, it wasn't necessary in
this case.
Gary: Are you right-handed?
Grace: Yes.
Gary: If you would, take your left hand and look
at that fleshy spot on the outside of the left hand between the top of
the wrist and the base of the little fingers, where you would do a
karate chop point or karate chop hit.
Grace: On my left hand, between the ...
Gary: Top of the wrist ...
Grace: The top of the wrist ...
Gary: And the base of the little finger.
Grace: And the base of the little finger.
Gary: It’s that fleshy spot there. So if you were
to do a karate chop with your left hand, that’s the part of your hand
you would use.
Grace: Exactly.
Gary: Now, just take two fingers of your right
hand and just tap there. Don’t hurt yourself. Just tap. And just say
these words as you tap continuously, whether you believe them or not:
Even though I have this Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion... Say that.
Grace: Even though I have this Dad-beat-up-Mom
emotion ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Are you still tapping?
Grace: Yes.
Gary: O.K. Keep tapping. So even though I have
this Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion ...
Grace: Even though I have this Dad-beat-up-Mom
emotion ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: O.K. One more time: Even though I have this
Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion ...
Grace: Even though I have this Dad-beat-up-Mom
emotion ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Now, with those same two fingertips you’ve
been tapping the karate chop point, tap right between your two eyebrows.
Just above the nose.
Note: This is a
short hand way of having Grace tap the eyebrow point which is
very easy to explain over the phone. It’s not absolutely accurate…but
close enough. Besides, this allows her to tap near both eyebrow points.
In retrospect, I might have asked her to spread her two fingers apart by
½ inch. That would have gotten both eyebrow points nicely.
Grace: O.K.
Gary: O.K. And say, Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion. Say
the words while you’re tapping: Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Grace: Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Gary: Now, move your fingertips over to the
outside corner of your eye.
Grace: Outside corner of any eye?
Gary: Either eye. Where the bone is there. And
tap on that, and say, Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Grace: Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Gary: Now, put your fingers underneath your eye,
either eye, and tap on that bone. It’s about an inch below the pupil.
And say, Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Grace: Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Gary: Then tap on your upper lip just below your
nose and say, Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Grace: Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Gary: Just below your lower lip, right between
your lower lip and the point of your chin, and say, Dad-beat-up-Mom
emotion as you tap there.
Grace: Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Gary: Now take your fist – make a fist – and
thump on the upper part of your breast bone, about where a man knots his
tie. Just thump there and say, Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Grace: Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Note: This is an
easy way to have a phone client locate the collarbone point. By thumping
with the fist in this manner the client is bound to cover this otherwise
hard to find point. Also, because the fist covers a larger area, the
client is likely to address both collarbone points instead of just
one—couldn’t hurt.
Gary: Now take your fingertips and tap on your
side – if you’re right handed, probably your left side – about four
inches below your armpit on the side of your ribs there about in the
middle of the bra strap. And say, Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Grace: Dad beat up ... That’s underneath my arm?
Gary: It’s four inches down from your armpit down
your side. It’s right about where the bra strap comes around the side
there. Right in the middle of it. And say, Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion.
Grace: Dad-beat-up-Mom emotion. Sigh!
Gary: O.K. We’ll just stop there for a second.
What I’d like you to do now, I’d like you to guess again. I want you to
guess for me. If you were dwell on this issue ... By the way, I want you
to notice something. You just sighed. Did you notice that?
Grace: Yes. I did notice that.
Gary: O.K.
Grace: It’s not a good day for me. I don’t feel
real good.
Gary: O.K. All right, but you did sigh, didn’t
you?
Grace: I did.
Gary: O.K. That is often an indication that
something is happening worthwhile with this process.
Grace: Oh, wonderful.
Gary: That’s why I mentioned it to you. At any
rate, what I’d like to have you do now is I want you to guess for me
again. If you were to vividly imagine this event again, would you still
get to a 10? Would you get to some other number? What is your guess?
Grace: Golly. It’s so ... I don’t know what to
say. Maybe it would be less. Maybe it would be less.
Gary: But you don’t know?
Grace: It’s so abhorrent to me that the whole
idea of that happening is definitely a 10. Would I work myself up to a
10? Maybe not.
Gary: O.K. Tap on the side of that karate chop
again. And say, even though this whole idea is abhorrent to me … Say
that.
Grace: Even though this whole idea is abhorrent
to me ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: I love and forgive myself ...
Grace: I love and forgive myself ...
Gary: For any contribution I may be making to
this emotional reaction ...
Grace: For any contribution I may be making to
this emotional reaction ...
Gary: And say this, whether you believe it or
not, O.K? And I forgive my father and anyone else ...
Grace: And I forgive my father and anyone else
...
Gary: For their participation in this ...
Grace: For their participation in this.
Gary: It may not seem like it ...
Grace: It may not seem like it ...
Gary: But it may be ...
Grace: But it may be ...
Gary: They were doing the best they could.
Grace: They were doing the best they could.
Gary: O.K. He was doing the best he could.
Grace: He was doing the best he could.
Gary: O.K. Tap between the eyebrow points and
say, This idea’s abhorrent to me ...
Grace: This idea’s abhorrent to me ...
Gary: Side of the eye, same thing. This idea’s
...
Grace: This idea’s abhorrent to me.
Gary: Under the eye.
Grace: This idea’s abhorrent to me.
Gary: Under the nose.
Grace: This idea’s abhorrent to me.
Gary: The chin point below the lower lip.
Grace: This idea’s abhorrent to me.
Gary: O.K. And then thump your breast bone.
Grace: This idea’s abhorrent to me.
Gary: And then on your side there, middle of the
bra strap.
Grace: This idea’s abhorrent to me.
Gary: O.K. Let me stop there for a second. Again,
I want you to guess. I know it’s not easy to do, but I want you to
guess. If you were to dwell on this in great detail, would you get to a
10? What number would you get to is a better way to say it?
Grace: I went through this with EMDR. And I got
to the point where I felt pity for him.
Gary: O.K. Do you feel pity for him now?
Grace: I suppose so, yea.
Gary: Let me suggest to you that if you went
through EMDR and that’s what you felt that there was something good
happening. That doesn’t mean other things didn’t come up. We call them
aspects in what we’re doing. Maybe the process should have gone on
longer, I don’t know. But that’s evidence that something worthwhile
happened.
Grace: Right. And I’m sure something worthwhile
did happen. It’s just the after-effects have been so painful.
Gary: Do you have physical problems right now as
a result of this issue?
Grace: I’m wondering. Like I say, I did not feel
well before I started. So, I’m still not feeling well.
Note: At this
point I am questioning how efficiently we are getting to the emotional
issues so I am choosing to go at it from the physical side. It’s just a
choice. Not a magic decision. Pursuing it from the straight emotional
angle may well have been effective.
Gary: In your body right now, is there physical
discomfort at the moment?
Grace: Yes.
Gary: Where?
Grace: All over. Like exhaustion, headache,
diarrhea. That’s about it.
Gary: Do you have a headache right now?
Grace: Yes.
Gary: On a scale of zero to 10, where a 10’s the
worst that headache has ever been and zero is nothing, what would it be?
What would you rank it right now?
Grace: Oh, probably about a six.
Gary: Tap that karate chop spot for me, would you
please? And say, even though I have this headache ... Even though I have
this father headache ...
Grace: Even though I have this father headache
...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Again, even though I have this father
headache ...
Grace: Even though I have this father headache
...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Then tap between the eyebrows and say,
father headache.
Grace: Father headache.
Gary: Side of the eye. Father headache.
Grace: Father headache.
Gary: Under the eye. Father headache.
Grace: Father headache.
Gary: Under the nose. Father headache.
Grace: Father headache.
Gary: Below the lower lip. Father headache.
Grace: Father headache.
Gary: Breast bone point. Father headache.
Grace: Father headache.
Gary: And then under the arm. Father headache.
Grace: Father headache.
Gary: Is the headache still a six?
Grace: No, it’s better.
Gary: What number would you estimate it?
Grace: Maybe it’s about a four.
Gary: It’s about a four. O.K. Tap that karate
chop point again. And say, even though I still some of this father
headache ...
Grace: Even though I still have some of this
father headache ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Between the eyebrow points. Remaining
father headache.
Grace: Remaining father headache.
Gary: Side of the eye. Remaining father headache.
Grace: Remaining father headache.
Gary: Under the eye. Remaining father headache.
Grace: Remaining father headache.
Gary: Under the nose. Same thing.
Grace: Remaining father headache.
Gary: All right. Below the lower lip.
Grace: Remaining father headache.
Gary: Top of the breast bone.
Grace: Remaining father headache.
Gary: Under the arm point on the side.
Grace: Remaining father headache.
Gary: Is it still a four?
Grace: Hmm. No, it is going away.
Gary: Estimate a number.
Grace: We’ll say a three.
Gary: A three. O.K. All right. Tap the karate
chop point. No, wait a minute, wait a minute. You don’t need to tap that
at the moment. Just tap between the eyebrows again and say, remaining
father headache.
Grace: Remaining father headache.
Note: Here I am
simply using my intuition and choosing to ignore The Setup. It doesn’t
appear to me that she has PR. Throwing in the personal forgiveness
phrase is also intuitional.
Gary: And my personal forgiveness problem.
Grace: And my personal forgiveness problem.
Gary: Whether you believe it or not, just say it,
O.K.? And then the side of the arm.
Grace: Remaining father headache and my personal
forgiveness problem.
Gary: Under the eye. Same thing.
Grace: Remaining father headache and my personal
forgiveness problem.
Gary: Under the nose.
Grace: Remaining father headache and my personal
forgiveness problem.
Gary: Chin point.
Grace: Remaining father headache and my personal
forgiveness problem.
Gary: Top of the breast bone.
Grace: Remaining father headache and my personal
forgiveness problem.
Gary: O.K. Then under the arm.
Grace: Remaining father headache and my personal
forgiveness problem. Sigh.
Gary: Are we still a three on the headache?
Grace: Maybe the headache is going, but the
nauseousness is not going.
Note: To me, this
is evidence that we are chipping away at the emotional problem. You will
see as this session unfolds that Grace’s physical symptoms come
and go as well as shift location and nature. In this case she has
shifted from headache to nauseousness. It is as though her emotional
issues manifest physically in different ways. I call this phenomenon
"Chasing the Pain."
Gary: O.K. Also I heard a sigh there a moment
ago. I just thought I would point it out.
Grace: I know. You say that this is good?
Gary: What’s happening at the moment, at least
this is my perspective on it, is that we’re dealing with physical
issues, and as one of them subsides, others come up, but they’re all
emotionally created. We’re actually addressing your emotional issues by
going for the physical. That’s been my experience, anyway. But for the
moment, zero in on the headache. If the headache was a three, is it
still a three?
Grace: Yea, I still have a headache. It’s not as
bad a headache.
Gary: O.K. But the nauseousness is now front and
center?
Grace: Yea.
Gary: On a scale of zero to 10, how nauseous do
you feel?
Grace: Oh dear. I would say ... how nauseous do I
feel? ....About an eight.
Gary: About an eight. O.K. Is there a specific
thing that tells you that? Like there’s something in your throat or your
stomach or something?
Grace: Yea. You feel like you’re going to throw
up.
Gary: O.K. All right. If there was an emotional
issue behind that, what would you think it might be?
Grace: If there was an emotional issue behind
that? How do you mean? Explain that.
Gary: Let’s just use the theory for the moment
that all of our physical ailments are caused by some kind of an
emotional disturbance. And so I’m asking that if your nauseousness is
caused by some kind of emotional unrest, do you have any estimate or
guess of what it might be?
Grace: Gee. No.
Gary: Why don’t you guess for me anyway?
Grace: O.K. Do I have any idea what emotional
thing could be causing my physical nauseousness? O.K. I see what you’re
saying. Like fear, anger, one of those kind of things.
Gary: Something like that. Does a memory come up
as we talk about this? Maybe something with your father or somebody
else? Is there somebody you’re angry at, somebody you haven’t forgiven,
for example?
Grace: Oh, yea. Anger is one of my big things.
Repressed anger. I just don’t let it out.
Gary: Tap the karate chop spot. And say, even
though I have this suppressed anger in my stomach ...
Grace: Even though I have this suppressed anger
in my stomach ...
Gary: And it causes me nauseousness ...
Grace: And it causes me nauseousness ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: I forgive myself for holding all this in.
Grace: I forgive myself for holding all this in.
Gary: It just seemed like the right thing to do.
Grace: It just seems like the right thing to do.
Gary: Even though I’m paying for it.
Grace: Even though I’m paying for it.
Gary: I deeply, completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: I love myself with all my imperfections.
Grace: I love myself with all my imperfections?
Gary: All my imperfections, yes. And I love my
father ...
Grace: And I love my father ...
Gary: Even though I may not want to admit it.
Grace: Even though I may not want to admit it.
Gary: The man had more problems ...
Grace: The man had more problems ...
Gary: Than most people on this planet.
Grace: Than most people on this planet.
Gary: And he was doing the best he could.
Grace: And he was doing the best he could.
Gary: Now, tap between the eyebrows and say,
Suppressed anger in my stomach.
Grace: Suppressed anger in my stomach.
Gary: Side of the eye. This nauseousness.
Grace: This nauseousness.
Gary: Under the eye. Suppressed anger in my
stomach.
Grace: Suppressed anger in my stomach.
Gary: Under the nose. This nauseousness.
Grace: This nauseousness.
Gary: Chin point. Suppressed anger in my stomach.
Grace: Suppressed anger in my stomach.
Gary: Breast bone point. This nauseousness.
Grace: This nauseousness.
Gary: And then under the arm. Suppressed anger in
my stomach.
Grace: Suppressed anger in my stomach.
Note: I often
shift the Reminder Phrase around as I just did in the above interchange.
Again, this is an intuitional thing. It deviates somewhat from the
standard EFT phraseology but that’s OK. Creative phrasing is encouraged
in advanced work.
Gary: If you were an eight, are you still an
eight with the nauseousness?
Grace: Maybe not. It might be a little better.
It’s still there, but I would say it’s a little better.
Gary: Well, if it was an eight. I need to have
you estimate for me a number.
Grace: O.K. A six.
Gary: A six. How’s the headache?
Grace: No, it’s dizzy.
Gary: Oh, it’s dizzy.
Grace: Right. Which is my big thing.
Gary: However, dizzy is different than headache.
Grace: Yes, that’s true.
Gary: And what I’d like to point out to you is as
we do this, the nature of the physical discomforts start to change.
Grace: Oh, golly.
Gary: Are you with me?
Grace: Yes, I am.
Gary: Am I saying it correctly?
Grace: Oh, yes.
Gary: O.K. So do you have a headache?
Grace: A slight headache that’s dizzy.
Gary: All right. You had a headache that was a
six. It went to a four. It went to a three. Just taking the headache
itself, forgetting the dizzy part, what number is the headache?
Grace: I would say it’s a three.
Gary: Oh, it’s still a three?
Grace: Yea.
Gary: Oh, O.K. Because I thought the word you
said earlier was that the headache was fading or something like that.
But now it was dizzy. That’s the way I interpreted it, anyway.
Grace: O.K. No. It’s ... A really bad headache is
a throwing up headache. So this is definitely something that I could
work with, but a lot of people couldn’t work with it.
Gary: O.K. I’m just looking for progress if you
have it.
Grace: Yes, there has been some progress. The
headache is better. I’m dizzy now. At the top of my head.
Gary: You need to report to me accurately. We
don’t want you to get better just because we’re recording it. We have to
be in the real world here. O.K.?
Grace: Right. O.K.
Gary: All right. On a scale of zero to 10, how
dizzy are you?
Grace: Oh, dear. I would say a seven.
Gary: You would say a seven. O.K. Tap the karate
chop point. Say, even though I feel dizzy right now ...
Grace: Even though I feel dizzy right now ...
Gary: And I’m not even sure why ...
Grace: And I’m not even sure why ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: I love myself for all my imperfections.
Grace: I love myself for all my imperfections.
Gary: Because it’s my imperfections ...
Grace: Pardon me?
Gary: Because it’s my imperfections ...
Grace: Because it’s my imperfections ...
Gary: That make me perfect after all.
Grace: That make me perfect after all.
Gary: Tap between the eyes and say, this
dizziness ...
Grace: This dizziness ...
Gary: Side of the eye. This dizziness ...
Grace: This dizziness...
Gary: Under the eye. This dizziness ...
Grace: This dizziness ...
Gary: Under the nose. Same thing.
Grace: This dizziness ...
Gary: Chin point. Same thing.
Grace: This dizziness...
Gary: O.K. Breast bone point.
Grace: This dizziness...
Gary: Breast bone point.
Grace: This dizziness...
Gary: Under the arm.
Grace: This dizziness ...
Gary: Right. O.K. How’s the dizziness right now?
Grace: It’s still there.
Gary: It’s still a seven?
Grace: Yea.
Gary: Didn’t change at all?
Grace: This is a big one for me about dizzy.
Gary: O.K. Tap the karate chop point. Even though
this dizziness is a big one ...
Grace: Even though this dizziness is a big one
...
Gary: And it may be the thing I resist most of
all ...
Grace: And it may be the thing I resist most of
all ...
Gary: Cause if I get rid of this ...
Grace: Cause if I get rid of this ...
Gary: Then maybe I won’t have to keep my
grievances, anger and other emotions that I have been relying on.
Grace: Then I may not have to keep my grievances,
emotions ...
Gary: Anger ...
Grace: Anger that I have been relying on.
Gary: Or may have been relying on.
Grace: Or may have been relying on.
Gary: Maybe they’ve become friends and I don’t
know it.
Grace: Maybe they’ve become friends and I don’t
know it?
Gary: Yes. Are you still tapping the karate chop
point?
Grace: Yea.
Gary: O.K. I forgive myself for the dizziness ...
Grace: I forgive myself for the dizziness ...
Gary: And I honor the dizziness ...
Grace: And I honor the dizziness ...
Gary: Because it’s giving me a message.
Grace: Because it’s giving me a message.
Gary: O.K. Between the eyebrows and say, this big
dizziness issue ...
Grace: This big dizziness issue ...
Gary: Side of the eye. This big dizziness issue
...
Grace: This big dizziness issue ...
Gary: Under the eye. Same thing.
Grace: This big dizziness issue ...
Gary: Under the nose.
Grace: This big dizziness issue.
Gary: Chin point.
Grace: This big dizziness issue ...
Gary: Breast bone.
Grace: This big dizziness issue ...
Gary: Under the arm.
Grace: This big dizziness issue.
Gary: O.K. Are you still a seven?
Grace: No, I would definitely say it has
diminished.
Gary: O.K. What would it be now?
Grace: Maybe a five.
Gary: Maybe a five. Tap the karate chop point.
Even though I still have some of this big dizziness issue ...
Grace: Even though I have some of this big
dizziness issue ...
Gary: No. Even though I still have some of this
...
Grace: Oh. Even though I still have some of this
big dizziness issue ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: And continue to honor my dizziness ...
Grace: And continue to honor my dizziness ...
Gary: My headache ...
Grace: My headache ...
Gary: My nauseousness ...
Grace: My nauseousness ...
Gary: And any other physical manifestation I
have.
Grace: And any other manifestation I have.
Gary: Because it’s giving me a message.
Grace: Because it’s giving me a message.
Gary: Tap between the eyebrows and say, remaining
dizziness and other problems.
Grace: Remaining dizziness and other problems.
Gary: Side of the eye. Same thing.
Grace: Remaining dizziness and other problems.
Gary: Under the eye.
Grace: Remaining dizziness and other problems.
Gary: Under the nose.
Grace: Remaining dizziness and other problems.
Gary: Chin point.
Grace: Remaining dizziness and other problems.
Gary: Breast bone point.
Grace: Remaining dizziness and other problems.
Gary: And under the arm.
Grace: Remaining dizziness and other problems.
Gary: O.K. Is the dizziness still a five?
Grace: This is hard. It’s not gone. Maybe four.
Gary: There was some improvement from last time?
It was a five, I remember.
Grace: Yea. Right.
Gary: So there is some improvement?
Grace: There might be some improvement.
Gary: Might be some improvement?
Grace: Right.
Gary: O.K. How’s the headache?
Grace: The headache is pretty good.
Gary: If it was a three, is it still a three?
Grace: Yea. I would still say it’s a three.
Gary: O.K. How about the stomach?
Grace: The stomach. Everything has improved. I
want it miraculously to go away. I’m just grateful it’s not worse. It
has improved. Everything has improved.
Gary: As a result of what we’ve done, you mean?
Grace: Yes.
Gary: O.K. That’s evidence we have more to go.
Grace: Oh my gracious. Is that right?
Gary: Well, sure.
Grace: Well, yea, that does make sense. It’s like
how do you know where to go from here?
Gary: Well, your body’s telling us.
Grace: O.K. You mean because there’s still
dizziness and headache.
Gary: Sure. Sure.
Grace: But I mean how do you know what is causing
that?
Gary: I don’t.
Grace: Oh. All right.
Gary: All right. But do this for me now if you
would. I want you to guess again, if you were to dwell and vividly
imagine ... dwell on and vividly imagine this Dad-beat-up-Mom event, do
you still think you would be a 10 if you did that? Just guess for me,
that’s all.
Grace: No. It seems to be ... I seem to be
disconnecting from it.
Gary: O.K. Now that’s the kind of language that
is evidence that we’re making headway here. Because you can still
remember it, but chances are you could be more distant from it. I’ll
give you an example: I dealt with some Vietnam veterans. They have these
horrible war memories. They still remember them. But the charge on them
after we do this leaves .. no longer do they have the nightmares, no
longer do they dwell on them, no longer does their heart pound or do
they get nauseous or whatever when the mere thought of it comes up. When
we’re all done, they can talk about these things, these memories, like
it was a shopping trip.
Grace: Isn’t that incredible?
Gary: O.K. And so what I’m hearing from you when
you said you felt distanced from it?
Grace: Disconnected.
Gary: Disconnected, yes. Is a parallel to what we
often hear. Are we all done? No, no, no, no. But what I’d like to have
you do now. Are you still willing to do this?
Grace: Sure.
Gary: What I’d like to have you do now--when I
ask you to--is to start telling me the story of what happened. I’d like
to have you narrate this movie, but don’t do it yet. Let me give you
some instructions first. The way to do this is to start in this story at
some place where you ... like before it happened ... where you can just
talk about it easily--where nothing’s going on-- and gradually get into
it. The moment you get intense at all you stop right there and say Whoa!
I just went to a six or a four or a two or a 10 or whatever it was. We
stop right there and do tapping. O.K.? Are the instructions clear?
Grace: Yes.
Gary: What I want to ask you is this: Knowing
that I’m going to ask you to tell this story, do you have emotional
intensity at the moment because of that?
Grace: Yea, because I can feel like the dizzy
headache.
Gary: (humorously) Of course there’s no
connection between the dizzy headache and this story. I want you to know
that, O.K.?
Grace: Right.
Gary: I’m being facetious.
Grace: I know.
Gary: You start to tune into this ...
Grace: What have we been working on here?
Gary: You start to tune into the story and what
shows up is a dizziness event. A dizziness manifestation. So on a scale
of zero to 10, how intense are you about telling the story?
Grace: Telling the story doesn’t bother me.
Gary: Knowing that you’re going to tell the story
...
Grace: Well, see I’m not feeling well again. So I
guess it must bother me.
Gary: All right. Tap the karate chop spot. And
say, even though I have some intensity about telling this story...
Grace: Even though I have some intensity about
telling this story ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Even though I have some intensity about
telling this story ...
Grace: Even though I have some intensity about
this story ...
Gary: And the fact that it may well uncover
things I don’t want to look at ...
Grace: And the fact that it may well uncover
things I don’t want to look at ...
Gary: Not only about the event ...
Grace: Not only about the event ...
Gary: But perhaps myself ...
Grace: But perhaps myself ...
Gary: About myself ...
Grace: About myself ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: I’m only human.
Grace: I’m only human.
Gary: Tap between the eyebrow points. And say,
telling this story emotion ...
Grace: Telling this story, pardon me?
Gary: Telling this story emotion ...
Grace: Telling this story emotion ...
Gary: Side of the eye. Telling this story emotion
...
Grace: Telling this story emotion...
Gary: Under the eye.
Grace: Telling this story emotion ...
Gary: Under the nose.
Grace: Telling this story emotion...
Gary: Chin point.
Grace: Telling this story emotion...Sigh.
Gary: Breast bone point.
Grace: Telling this story emotion ...
Gary: And under the arm.
Grace: Telling this story emotion ...
Gary: O.K. How do you feel now about the story?
Grace: Like I said, when you ask me, I don’t feel
badly about telling the story. But, I mean, I don’t intellectually have
any problem with telling the story. I guess my body doesn’t want to tell
the story.
Gary: Apparently. I also noticed a moment ago you
sighed too. I’m just pointing that out to you. Do you sigh a lot, by the
way?
Grace: When I don’t feel well, I think I sigh a
lot.
Gary: So maybe the sighs we’re hearing had to do
with not feeling well?
Grace: Yes. I felt great yesterday. I wasn’t
sighing at all.
Gary: All right. On a scale of zero to 10, how do
you feel overall?
Grace: Today I don’t feel well. At this moment,
I’m not feeling terrific.
Gary: How about the dizziness?
Grace: It’s still there. I’m still sighing.
Gary: It was a seven, then it was a five. Then I
think it went to a four. Is it still a four?
Grace: Yea. I would say.
Gary: How about the nauseousness in the stomach?
Grace: That’s better. It’s still there.
Gary: O.K. All right.
Grace: Nothing is completely gone.
Gary: Say these words for me, O.K.? Say,
Dad-beat-up-Mom.
Grace: Dad-beat-up-Mom.
Gary: On a scale of zero to 10, do you get any
intensity on that, saying that phrase?
Grace: I guess not.
Gary: If you would, start telling me the story. I
need to make sure I make one instruction very clear. And that is, the
moment that you get any kind of intensity, it’s really starting to
bother you to tell this story, even if it’s mild, you stop right there.
Let me make sure that I instruct you as to why that is. By contrast,
other techniques want you to be courageous and brave and gut through an
emotionally intense event. A lot of therapy does that. This is the exact
opposite. It’s the exact opposite. The moment you get any intensity,
it’s not to be ... You see, if you get some intensity and say, I’m just
going to charge right through this, you have missed a healing
opportunity. That’s something we wanted to tap on right there. O.K? So
if you get beyond it and we didn’t tap on it just because you braved
yourself through it means we missed an opportunity.
Grace: Right.
Gary: Are you with me?
Grace: To do some good.
Gary: Yes. What’s happening is as you come to
those points, the energy meridians in your body are disrupting. They’re
going haywire. They’re not flowing smoothly. And so we want to start
tapping when that happens. That’s very important. If we go by them, then
we’ve missed something. All right?
Grace: O.K. The more we’ve just spoken, the worse
I feel.
Gary: Oh, interesting. O.K. And why do you
suppose that would be?
Grace: Maybe because we’re talking about it.
Gary: And because you’re going to get into it
with this story?
Grace: That could be.
Gary: Tap your karate chop spot for me. And say
these words. I’m going to change these words a little bit. Just say them
whether you believe them or not. Say, even though I’m about to tell this
story ...
Grace: Even though I’m about to tell this story
...
Gary: And even though it seems like what my
father did to my mother ....
Grace: And even though it seems like what my
father did to my mother ...
Gary: It may well represent ...
Grace: It may well represent ...
Gary: Things I don’t like about myself ...
Grace: Things I don’t like about myself ...
Gary: And maybe I’m not even aware of.
Grace: And maybe I’m not even aware of.
Gary: It may trigger things like fear...
Grace: It may trigger things like fear ...
Gary: Guilt ...
Grace: Guilt...
Gary: Trauma ...
Grace: Trauma ...
Gary: And other things ...
Grace: And other things ...
Gary: …maybe I wouldn’t tell a soul.
Grace: …maybe I wouldn’t tell a soul.
Gary: O.K. Maybe what I was looking at ...
Grace: Maybe what I was looking at ...
Gary: And experiencing ...
Grace: And experiencing ...
Gary: Was a mirror of myself.
Grace: Was a mirror of myself.
Gary: It may not seem that way.
Grace: It may not seem that way.
Gary: But something is causing me to hold all
this emotion in.
Grace: But something is causing me to hold all
this emotion in.
Gary: It hasn’t left yet.
Grace: It hasn’t left yet.
Gary: And yet the event itself ...
Grace: And yet the event itself ...
Gary: Was how many years ago?
Grace: I’m 64. And this happened when I was maybe
10.
Gary: When you were 10. O.K. Keep doing the
karate chop point. Even though I had a perception when I was 10 ...
Grace: Even though I had a perception when I was
10 ...
Gary: I’m still holding onto it 54 years later.
Grace: I’m still holding onto it 54 years later.
Gary: And, in a way ...
Grace: And, in a way ...
Gary: I’m taking the advice ...
Grace: I’m taking the advice ...
Gary: Of a 10-year-old.
Grace: Of a 10-year-old.
Gary: Whatever she was experiencing ...
Grace: Whatever she was experiencing ...
Gary: And maybe suppressed in the meantime ...
Grace: And maybe suppressed in the meantime ...
Gary: I’m still living with.
Grace: I’m still living with.
Gary: And it’s got to be a fiction.
Grace: And it’s got to be what?
Gary: A fiction.
Grace: And it’s got to be fiction?
Gary: A fiction.
Grace: A fiction.
Gary: I’m not the least bit upset ...
Grace: I’m not the least bit upset ...
Gary: About the Pelopenesian War ...
Grace: About the Pelopenesian War?
Gary: Pelopenesian War ...
Grace: Pelopenesian War ...
Gary: Which happened centuries ago ...
Grace: Which happened centuries ago ...
Gary: And was far more devastating ...
Grace: And was far more devastating ...
Gary: Than anything that I happened to see with
my parents.
Grace: Than anything that I happened to see with
my parents.
Gary: Yet the Pelopenesian War ...
Grace: Yet the Pelopenesian War ...
Gary: Didn’t say anything to me personally.
Grace: Didn’t say anything to me personally.
Gary: The confrontation with my parents ..
Grace: The confrontation with my parents ...
Gary: Did.
Grace: Did.
Gary: And maybe that’s what I’m dealing with.
Grace: And maybe that’s what I’m dealing with.
Gary: O.K. Now, tap between the eyebrows. And
say, whatever I’m dealing with here ...
Grace: Whatever I’m dealing with here ...
Gary: Side of the eye. The real issue ...
Grace: Pardon me?
Gary: Side of the eye. The real issue ...
Grace: The real issue ...
Gary: Under the eye. What I don’t want to look at
...
Grace: What I don’t want to look at ...
Gary: Under the nose. Any guilt I may have here.
Grace: Any guilt I may have here.
Gary: Chin point. Anything I may have done that
parallels what my father did.
Grace: Anything I may have done that parallels
what my father did.
Gary: Breast point. The big issue here ...
Grace: The big issue here ...
Gary: And under the arm. Being clear on where I’m
coming from.
Grace: Being clear on where I’m coming from.
Gary: O.K.
Grace: Wow. That’s heavy.
Gary: What does the wow mean besides that’s
heavy?
Grace: That’s getting right .. cutting right
through to the nitty gritty.
Gary: O.K. We’re speaking some truth here.
Grace: Yea. Right.
Gary: OK, We're speaking some truth here.
Grace: Yea. Right.
Gary: O.K.
Grace: I don’t know what the truth is, but, I
mean, it’s certainly asking me for the truth.
Gary: Yea. Well, you’re having some emotional
response to it, meaning there’s something true about it.
Grace: Right.
Gary: Even though maybe you can or maybe you
cannot zero right in on it.
Grace: Right. I’d sure like to know the truth.
Maybe I could feel a whole heck of a lot better all the time.
Gary: O.K. Tap the karate chop spot. Even though
I don’t know the truth ...
Grace: Even though I don’t know the truth ...
Gary: And haven’t yet had it come to me ...
Grace: And haven’t yet had it come to me ...
Gary: I deeply and, completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Even though I’m blocking the truth ...
Grace: Even though I’m blocking the truth ...
Gary: Cause I don’t really want to see it ...
Grace: Cause I don’t really want to see it ...
Gary: And I’d rather have all these physical
problems instead of it ...
Grace: And I’d rather have all these physical
problems instead of it ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Say this for me: Nobody loves me.
Grace: Nobody loves me.
Gary: How true does that feel?
Grace: Pretty true.
Gary: How long has that been?
Grace: Gracious sakes. Since my Mom died.
Gary: That was age 16.
Grace: Yea.
Gary: O.K. Tap the karate chop spot. And this may
feel uncomfortable to you, but stay with me, would you please?
Grace: Yea.
Gary: Say, even though I’ve been lonely since age
16 ...
Grace: Even though I’ve been lonely since age 16
...
Gary: Is that a true statement, by the way?
Grace: That I have been lonely since I was 16?
Yes, that’s a true statement.
Gary: That’s a true statement. OK, say, I deeply
and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Loneliness is an inside job.
Grace: Loneliness is an inside job.
Gary: I am surrounded by people.
Grace: I am surrounded by people.
Gary: They live around me.
Grace: They live around me.
Gary: They work around me.
Grace: They work around me.
Gary: I see them in shopping malls...
Grace: I see them in shopping malls ...
Gary: Grocery stores ...
Grace: Grocery stores ...
Gary: They’re all around me.
Grace: They’re all around me.
Gary: I’m not really alone...
Grace: I’m not really alone...
Gary: Except for my inside job...
Grace: Except for my inside job ...
Gary: About being alone.
Grace: About being alone.
Gary: My mother was my link ...
Grace: My mother was my link ...
Gary: Was my connection ...
Grace: Was my connection ...
Gary: And when she died ...
Grace: And when she died ...
Gary: Perhaps I never made another connection.
Grace: Perhaps I never made another connection.
Gary: How true are we speaking now?
Grace: 100 percent.
Gary: O.K. All right. And perhaps it wasn’t my
father after all ...
Grace: And perhaps it wasn’t my father after all
...
Gary: And his beating of my Mom ...
Grace: And his beating of my Mom ...
Gary: That is causing all of this.
Grace: That is causing all of this.
Gary: It is the gap I feel ...
Grace: It is the gap I feel ...
Gary: Since my mother has died.
Grace: Since my mother has died.
Gary: I love and forgive myself.
Grace: I love and forgive myself.
Gary: I love my mother.
Grace: I love my mother. That’s true.
Gary: And I’m ready to leave it be. Go ahead.
Grace: And I’m ready to leave it be.
Gary: Tap between the eyes. Eyebrow points. And
say, my lonely inside job.
Grace: My lonely inside job.
Gary: Side of the eye. Loving others.
Grace: Loving others.
Gary: Under the eye. Love is an inside job.
Grace: Love is an inside job.
Gary: Under the nose. Those who expect to get
love from others are looking in the wrong place.
Grace: Love who ... No.
Gary: Those who expect to get love from others
are looking in the wrong place.
Grace: Those who expect to get love from others
are looking in the wrong place.
Gary: O.K. The chin point. Love is something you
radiate.
Grace: Love is something you radiate.
Gary: Breast bone point. When you put love out,
that’s when love comes back.
Grace: When you put love out, that’s when love
comes back.
Gary: And then, under the arm. Say, love is the
inside job I haven’t learned to do yet.
Grace: Love is the inside job I haven’t learned
to do yet.
Gary: O.K. Tap between the eyes. Say, remaining
emotion.
Grace: Remaining emotion.
Gary: Side of the eye. Remaining emotion.
Grace: Remaining emotion.
Gary: Under the eye.
Grace: Remaining emotion.
Gary: Under the nose.
Grace: Remaining emotion.
Gary: Chin point.
Grace: Remaining emotion.
Gary: Collar bone point.
Grace: Remaining emotion.
Gary: Under the arm.
Grace: Remaining emotion.
Gary: How you doin’?
Grace: I’m feeling better. Yea, I am feeling
better. You know what, Gary, I know this is my problem. I just
don’t know how to deal with it.
Gary: Well, that’s what this is all about. First
of all, you’ve got to be a detective enough to be able to find out what
the real problem is. We were talking about this, your father beating up
your mother. And that of course is a traumatic event. You’re a
10-year-old when you’re watching it. Of course that comes up. But it may
not be just that event. It may be what that event means to you. And if
it means to you that your mother was your only personal link to love,
which I’m gathering that’s at least part of it ...
Grace: That is it. I have never loved anybody
since that time.
Gary: O.K.
Grace: Not with that depth of feeling.
Gary: O.K.
Grace: I mean I have children. I had a husband,
got divorced. But I have never felt that intensity of feeling since my
mother died.
Gary: If your mother were sitting beside you at
the moment, advising you as to what to do, what would she say?
Grace: What would she say about my not feeling
well?
Gary: What would she advise you to do about love
at the moment?
Grace: Well, to love. To be a loving person. To
love somebody else, which is almost impossible for me to do.
Gary: You say impossible. That’s an interesting
word. Cause impossible possible means draw the curtain, it cannot
possibly be done. There is no way to even learn it. There is no way
whatsoever. It’s an interesting word.
Grace: I have .. My heart feels like a stone.
Gary: Ah. What would you rather it felt like?
Grace: Open and warm and living.
Gary: O.K. Tap the karate chop spot for me, O.K.?
Even though my heart feels like a stone ...
Grace: Even though my heart feels like a stone
...
Gary: It’s really warm and open and living.
Grace: It’s really warm and open and living.
Gary: Just like other hearts.
Grace: Just like other hearts.
Gary: If we opened up my chest ..
Grace: If we opened up my what?
Gary: My chest.
Grace: My chest ...
Gary: We would not really find ...
Grace: We really would not ...
Gary: A stone.
Grace: A stone.
Gary: There’s no stone in my heart.
Grace: There’s no stone in my heart.
Gary: It is a metaphor that I use.
Grace: It’s a metaphor that I use.
Gary: I have not been open to love.
Grace: I have not been open to love.
Gary: And that’s why I haven’t found it.
Grace: And that’s why I haven’t found it.
Gary: It’s still sitting there.
Grace: It’s still sitting there.
Gary: It’s always sitting there.
Grace: It’s always sitting there.
Gary: Everyone has the choice ...
Grace: Everyone has the choice ...
Gary: To do a good deed ...
Grace: To do a good deed ...
Gary: And see something nice in the people around
them.
Grace: And see something nice in the people
around them.
Gary: We can either see their faults ...
Grace: We can either see their faults ...
Gary: And frailties ...
Grace: And frailties ...
Gary: Or we can see the love that created them.
Grace: Or we can see the love that created them.
Gary: Right between the eyebrows, say, Seeing the
love that creates everyone ...
Grace: Pardon me?
Gary: Between the eyebrows, seeing the love that
creates everyone ...
Grace: Seeing the love that creates everyone.
Gary: Side of the eye. Seeing the love that
created my father.
Grace: Seeing the love that created my father.
Gary: And that he denied ...
Grace: And that he denied ...
Gary: And that I’m denying.
Grace: And that I’m denying.
Gary: Under the eye. Seeing love all around me.
Grace: Seeing love all around me.
Gary: Under the nose. Seeing love all around me.
Grace: Seeing love all around me.
Gary: Chin point. Turning my stone heart into a
loving receptacle.
Grace: Turning my stone heart into a loving
receptacle.
Gary: Top of the breast bone. Love in my heart.
Grace: Love in my heart.
Gary: Under the arm. Love in my heart.
Grace: Love in my heart.
Gary: How you feelin’ now?
Grace: Much better. I’m really feeling much
better. I can’t believe it. You know what, Gary? I’m 64 years
old. Everybody thinks I am the warmest, most outgoing, loving person in
the world. Only you and I know that I am not like that. But I am the
greatest actress. I should be in Hollywood. And you have really, just in
this telephone conversation, you’ve gotten right ... You have cut right
down to the issue. I can’t believe
it.
Gary: I’m a nefarious little devil, aren’t I? Tap
the karate chop spot. And say, Even though I’m a great actress ...
Grace: Even though I’m this great actress ...
Gary: And have this wonderful facade ...
Grace: And have this wonderful facade ...
Gary: Likewise, so does just about everybody I
know.
Grace: Likewise, so does just about everybody I
know.
Gary: We are all under the illusion ...
Grace: We are all under the illusion ...
Gary: That we’re separate bodies ...
Grace: That we’re separate bodies ...
Gary: Running around, competing with each other
...
Grace: Running around, competing with each other
...
Gary: With different names and different bank
accounts ...
Grace: With different names and different bank
accounts...
Gary: And other evidences of being separate ...
Grace: And other evidences of being separate ...
Gary: And don’t really recognize ...
Grace: And don’t really recognize ...
Gary: It’s love that connects us all.
Grace: It’s love that connects us all.
Gary: And it’s the spiritual source ...
Grace: And it’s the spiritual source ...
Gary: That just about everybody denies to one
degree or another.
Grace: That just about everybody denies to one
degree or another.
Gary: If we could only drop our resistance to
love ...
Grace: If we could only drop our resistance to
love ...
Gary: Most of the problems we have ...
Grace: Most of the problems we have ...
Gary: Would just simply fade.
Grace: Would just simply fade.
Gary: Love is a recognition ...
Grace: Love is a recognition ...
Gary: Nobody has a stone heart.
Grace: Nobody has a stone heart.
Gary: If they did, they’d be dead.
Grace: If they did, they’d be dead.
Gary: Cause stone hearts don’t beat.
Grace: Cause stone hearts don’t beat.
Gary: My heart beats.
Grace: My heart beats.
Gary: And with every beat, I could recognize
love.
Grace: And with every beat, I could recognize
love.
Gary: And I could probably even find some things
I could do with my children ...
Grace: And I could probably even find some things
I could do with my children ...
Gary: That would evidence my love ...
Grace: That would evidence my love ...
Gary: Not just on a cosmetic level ...
Grace: Not just on a cosmetic level ...
Gary: But I mean really find something where I
could connect with them.
Grace: But I mean really find something where I
could connect with them.
Gary: There’s a poem I could write.
Grace: There’s a poem I could write.
Gary: Or a story I could tell.
Grace: Or a story I could tell.
Gary: Or a song I could sing.
Grace: Or a song I could sing.
Gary: Or a hand I could hold.
Grace: Or a hand I could hold.
Gary: Like I’ve never held before.
Grace: Like I’ve never held before.
Gary: That can communicate not only to them ...
Grace: That could communicate not only to them
...
Gary: But to me.
Grace: But to me.
Gary: As well.
Grace: As well.
Gary: What love is.
Grace: What love is.
Gary: O.K. Tap between the eyebrow points.
Recognizing what love is.
Grace: Recognizing what love is.
Gary: Side of the eye. Recognizing what love is.
Grace: Recognizing what love is.
Gary: Under the eye.
Grace: Recognizing what love is.
Gary: Under the nose.
Grace: Recognizing what love is.
Gary: Chin point.
Grace: Recognizing what love is.
Gary: Breast bone.
Grace: Recognizing what love is.
Gary: And under the arm.
Grace: Recognizing what love is.
Gary: How’s your headache?
Grace: Everything is better. Everything is much
better.
Gary: O.K. I have this background being an
engineer. And I have this little left brain digital thing. Somehow,
numbers I need.
Grace: I’m sorry, Gary.
Gary: Let’s start with the headache. The headache
we ended up, it was like a three at one time.
Grace: Right.
Gary: Is that still a three.
Grace: I would say it would be a two.
Gary: A two. And what about the dizziness?
Grace: The dizziness is probably about a two. I
would say everything is about a two.
Gary: Everything’s about a two.
Grace: Everything is still there. It’s just a lot
less.
Gary: I think we started like a six, seven or
eight or something like that.
Grace: We really did. This is wonderful.
Gary: O.K. Well, we’re not done. There’s other
... You still have some physical manifestations, etc. What I’d like to
have you do now, though is tell me the story of what your father did
with your mother. Would you do that for me?
Grace: Sure.
Gary: Remember, the moment you get intense, you
stop right there. O.K.? So what happened?
Grace: O.K. I was sleeping and suddenly I was
awakened by all sorts of noise in the house.
Gary: O.K. I’ve got you now at about a three. How
am I doing?
Grace: Yea.
Note: What I am
doing here is tuning into her and looking at the metaphorical
thermometer I have created in my mind’s eye. This process is explained
in detail in our Steps toward becoming The Ultimate Therapist tapes. It
tells me what her intensity is. This is intuitional, of course, and
woo-woo to many people. However, anyone can do it. Even the skeptics.
All they have to do is practice and develop enough experience to the
trust the ability. We all have it.
Gary: So you want to stop right there. You got
some intensity, didn’t you?
Grace: Right.
Gary: What you don’t know is I’m using my
intuition. I’ve got this little thermometer in my head. It goes from
zero to 10. What were the noises?
Grace: Shouting. And, you know, thumping.
Gary: O.K. Tap the karate chop spot. Even though
I heard this shouting and thumping ...
Grace: Even though I heard this shouting and
thumping.
Gary: And didn’t know what it was ..
Grace: And didn’t know what it was ..
Gary: And maybe it scared me ...
Grace: And maybe it scared me ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: Adults do what they do ...
Grace: Adults do what they do ...
Gary: I was only 10 years old.
Grace: I was only 10 years old.
Gary: I love and forgive myself for my responses.
Grace: I love and forgive myself for my
responses.
Gary: Between the eyebrows. Shouting and
thumping.
Grace: Shouting and thumping.
Gary: Side of the eye. My response ...
Grace: My response ...
Gary: Under the eye. Shouting and thumping.
Grace: Shouting and thumping.
Gary: Under the nose. My response.
Grace: My response.
Gary: Chin point. Shouting and thumping.
Grace: Shouting and thumping.
Gary: Breast bone point. My response.
Grace: My response.
Gary: Under the arm. Shouting and thumping.
Grace: Shouting and thumping.
Gary: Say this for me, I heard all that shouting
and thumping.
Grace: I heard all that shouting and thumping.
Gary: Now, what number do you get on that?
Grace: Not much.
Gary: Continue on with the story.
Grace: So I heard all this shouting and thumping.
And I was lying listening to it. And then I realized what it was and got
up and left my bedroom and walked down the hallway. And I saw my mother.
Gary: When you said hallway, I got a six. Did you
notice it?
Grace: You mean when I came out of the room?
Gary: When you said, When I walked down the
hallway. At the moment you said that, my little thermometer went up to a
six. It’s not always accurate.
Grace: Now why is that? Why would you say that?
Gary: Because I’m tuning in to you. And that’s
just what I got.
Grace: That’s so out of tune.
Gary: That’s okay. That doesn’t make me right.
I’m sitting here questioning because I’ve got to make sure we’re
stopping at the right spots. I got a six for some reason.
Grace: Maybe it’s the seeing. Because when I
walked out, it was louder and I was fully awake by this time. Maybe it
was when the idea struck me of what was going on. That was pretty scary.
Gary: It was scary at the time. I’m concerned
with your emotional response to it right now as you are tuned into it.
Grace: Well, yea. I’m getting dizzy, nauseous.
Gary: Because of what?
Grace: I guess because of talking about it.
Seeing it. Thinking about it.
Note: This is
what I meant by her being at a 6. I don’t think she understood what I
was saying about the thermometer earlier. Nonetheless, I picked up on
her intensity and so we proceed.
Gary: O.K. Tap the karate chop spot. Even though
I saw what I saw ..
Grace: Even though I saw what I saw ..
Gary: And didn’t know how to interpret it ...
Grace: And didn’t know how to interpret it ...
Gary: Cause I only had the experiences ...
Grace: Cause I only had the experiences ...
Gary: Of a 10--year-old.
Grace: Of a 10-year-old.
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: I leave my father and his big needs to him.
Grace: I leave my father and his big needs to
him.
Gary: Even though it was no fun for my mother.
Grace: Even though it was no fun for my mother.
Gary: Who was my real link to love.
Grace: Who was my real link to love.
Gary: At least that’s what I thought.
Grace: At least that’s what I thought.
Gary: Tap on the eyebrow. Seeing what I saw ...
Grace: Seeing what I saw ...
Gary: Side of the eye. Forgiveness.
Grace: Forgiveness.
Gary: Under the eye. Leaving it be.
Grace: Leaving it be.
Gary: Under the nose. My father was doing the
best he could given his own background...
Grace: My father was doing the best he could
given his own background...
Gary: And beliefs.
Grace: And beliefs.
Gary: And things he had been taught.
Grace: And things he had been taught.
Gary: And experiences he had had.
Grace: And experiences he had had.
Gary: As he was growing up.
Grace: As he was growing up.
Gary: Chin point. Leaving my father be.
Grace: Leaving my father be.
Gary: Breast point. Detaching myself from all of
this.
Grace: Detaching myself from all of this.
Gary: Is just what people do.
Grace: Is just what people do.
Gary: I may not like it.
Grace: I may not like it.
Gary: But people do these things.
Grace: But people do these things.
Gary: I let the stone casing from my heart ...
Grace: I let the stone casing from my heart ...
Gary: Crumble away.
Grace: Crumble away.
Gary: And let the beating heart replace it.
Grace: And let the beating heart replace it.
Gary: And send my father the one thing he always
needed.
Grace: And send my father the one thing he always
needed.
Gary: And interestingly, the one thing I always
needed.
Grace: And interestingly, the one thing I always
needed.
Gary: And that’s love.
Grace: And that’s love.
Gary: Under the arm. Sending love.
Grace: Sending love.
Gary: Do me a favor if you would at this point.
And hear my instructions before you do it. What I’d like to have you do
is close your eyes in a moment. In a moment, don’t do it now. And then
vividly imagine everything that you saw in the most stark detail. And
the moment you get intense, you tell me, O.K.? You stop. But I want to
see how you do with that. So go ahead now. Close your eyes and with
every detail, try to get yourself upset about it. And if you do, stop
right there and tell me. Go ahead.
Grace: I find it very upsetting.
Gary: Give me a number you got to.
Grace: An eight.
Gary: Put words around what made you upset.
Grace: I could hear the noise and the screaming
from my father choking my mother and slamming her against the wall. And
she’s just a teeny, tiny, 5-feet-tall, 100-pound person.
Gary: And what did that mean to you?
Grace: It meant he was killing her and taking her
away.
Gary: Taking her away from you?
Grace: Right.
Gary: How did your mother die, by the way?
Grace: Kidney disease. She got sick like on
Saturday and was dead the next Friday. And we never knew she was sick.
Gary: Tap the karate chop spot. Even though my
father ...
Grace: Even though my father ...
Gary: Was taking my mother away ...
Grace: Was taking my mother away ...
Gary: What he was really taking away ...
Grace: What he was really taking away ...
Gary: Was my only connection at the time ...
Grace: Was my only connection at the time ...
Gary: To love.
Grace: To love.
Gary: You take that away there’s nothing left to Grace.
Grace: You take that away there’s nothing left to Grace.
Gary: Is that a true statement?
Grace: Yes.
Gary: O.K. I’ve been living for decades since ...
Grace: I’ve been living for decades since ...
Gary: There must be something going on here ...
Grace: There must be something going on here ...
Gary: He didn’t really take everything ...
Grace: He didn’t really take everything ...
Gary: It was just my perception.
Grace: It was just my perception.
Gary: What happened was, I gave everything ...
Grace: What happened was, I gave everything ...
Gary: To my mother in the circumstances ...
Grace: To my mother in the circumstances ...
Gary: And perceived that it just disappeared.
Grace: And perceived that it just disappeared.
Gary: And it was no longer in my control.
Grace: And it was no longer in my control.
Gary: I could sit down ...
Grace: I could sit down ...
Gary: And write my father a letter.
Grace: And write my father a letter.
Gary: And I could get behind what he was doing
...
Grace: And I could get behind what he was doing
...
Gary: And I could recall why he would do them ...
Grace: And I could recall why he would do them
...
Gary: From what I know of his background ...
Grace: From what I know of his background ...
Gary: And his own parents ...
Grace: And his own parents ...
Gary: And his own frustrations ...
Grace: And his own frustrations ...
Gary: And what he perceives that society does to
him ...
Grace: And what he perceives society has done to
him ...
Gary: And what other people would do to him ...
Grace: And what other people had done to him ...
Gary: And how he had to square the tables ...
Grace: And how he had to square the tables ...
Gary: Or somehow or other react ...
Grace: Or somehow or other react ...
Gary: To what was his own inside job.
Grace: To what was his own inside job.
Gary: It was frightening to a 10-year-old.
Grace: It was frightening to a 10-year-old.
Gary: It would be frightening to a 30-year-old.
Grace: It would be frightening to a 30-year-old.
Gary: But if I wrote in that letter and really
understood ...
Grace: But if I wrote in that letter and really
understood ...
Gary: I mean REALLY understood ...
Grace: I mean REALLY understood ...
Gary: And knew where he was coming from ...
Grace: And knew where he was coming from ...
Gary: And knew that that letter represented love
...
Grace: And knew that that letter represented love
...
Gary: My love to him ...
Grace: My love to him ...
Gary: Which he was incapable of giving to me ...
Grace: Which he was incapable of giving to me ...
Gary: Or for that matter, maybe no one else ...
Grace: Or for that matter, no one else ...
Gary: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Grace: I deeply and completely accept myself.
Gary: I make a little hole in that stone
encasement ...
Grace: I make a little hole in that stone
encasement ...
Gary: And let my father sneak in.
Grace: And let my father sneak in.
Gary: And let the stone fall away.
Grace: And let the stone fall away. That’s so
lovely.
Gary: I can either emulate my mother’s love ...
Grace: I can either emulate my mother’s love ...
Gary: Or encase it in stone.
Grace: Or encase it in stone.
Gary: It is my choice.
Grace: It is my choice.
Gary: It has always been my choice.
Grace: It has always been my choice.
Gary: Things do not need to scare me anymore.
Grace: Things do not need to scare me anymore.
Gary: I’m no longer 10.
Grace: I’m no longer 10.
Gary: O.K. Between the eyebrows. Writing my
father that lovely letter.
Grace: Writing my father that lovely letter.
Gary: Side of the eye. Seeing love in my father.
Grace: Seeing love in my father.
Gary: Under the eye. My father was incapable of
love.
Grace: My father was incapable of love.
Gary: Under the nose. Carrying on my mother’s
love.
Grace: Carrying on my mother’s love.
Gary: Chin point. Carrying on my mother’s love.
Grace: Carrying on my mother’s love.
Gary: Breast bone point. Same thing.
Grace: Carrying on my mother’s love.
Gary: And under the arm. Same thing.
Grace: Carrying on my mother’s love.
Gary: How you doin’ now?
Grace: Well. I would say better. I have some
residual-like head problems. Maybe a two. I can’t understand how ...
Does everybody have the same problems? Because I can’t understand how,
after I made one phone call to you, you know my whole problem. It’s
astounding.
Gary: Well, I don’t know that everybody has the
same ... Yea, in a way everybody has the same problem. But this is just
a philosophy of mine. O.K? The ultimate problem for all of us has to do
with our lack of spiritual grounding. We’re just not taught that in
schools, and so on. I don’t know. We’re all one, that’s my view,
Grace, we’re all one. And the fact that I can tune into you is just
evidence of that. You know, it’s a matter of trying to do it. You see,
you have the sense that your heart or love, I should say, is encased in
stone. Bad metaphor cause you can’t get out of a stone encasement. We
could encase it in cellophane, I suppose. As long as you’re going to use
a metaphor, you might as well use that one.
Grace: It’s just ... I cannot believe, like I
say, that you have just cut right through all of this and you have just
on the telephone gotten to the heart of the matter.
Gary: Interesting metaphor. Heart of the matter.
Grace: Exactly.
Gary: We’re not done. But see, what we’ve done
there is given you some insights into where things can go with this
process. I would also point out to you that compared to other procedures
you’ve used, EMDR in this case, that there was ... while some of this
wasn’t much fun for you, there’s relatively little pain. Relatively
speaking. Now, do I say that correctly?
Grace: I would say that was true. When I had my
EMDR treatment in Chicago, it took me about an hour and then I
completely crashed.
Gary: Meaning you had a lot of problems?
Grace: Right.
Gary: Is that what crashed means?
Grace: Right. So I’m hoping that that’s not going
to happen now.
Gary: Well, if it does, I’d like to know it. But
it’s not likely. Once in a while, people have a little residual. They’ll
think of something later in the evening. But typically what it is
Grace, and I’ll just make you aware of this, if something does come
up, it will tend to be something we didn’t work on. It will tend to be
some other issue, some other – we call it an aspect – that shows up
later on that really wasn’t part of the problem as we were working on it
today. It just shows up later on. And that would be a separate problem
to deal with with another round of tapping.
Grace: This is so different from the EMDR because
I think that you were really so thorough. It’s that you actually felt
that it was not the beating up of my mother. It was my father who
couldn’t love. And it was the loss of my mother’s love that was
threatened. And that is my problem. I know that is my problem.
Intellectually, I am so brilliant, but I don’t seem to be able to do
anything with it.
Gary: We all have these games we play, you know.
Everybody has their games.
Grace: If I know the problem, why is it that I
can’t do anything? Why is it that I’m still
not feeling well?
Gary: Well, you’re a bit too close to it. That’s
why it helps to have somebody from the outside, a detective if you will,
who’s able to tune into you. And then use this ... It’s rather a
startling technique. You probably gave a lot of weight to the detective
work, if you will, but I will tell you that a lot of what went on here,
from a relief point of view, had to do with the tapping. It may be new
to you, and you may not recognize that, but that is my experience.
Grace: Does that mean that this is finished now
or what?
Gary: No, no. I’ll tell you something. No one is
ever finished. We may get someone over their fear of heights. We may get
you over this particular issue with your father beating your mother,
etc. And we may make headway with being able to exude love. But I’ll
tell you, even the most expressive people with love can still do it
better. You know what I mean?
Grace: Right.
Gary: So that’s an ongoing thing we always have
in front of us. We always have blocks to that. So what we’re dealing
with here is some blocks you’ve had. They are substantial. You still
have some physical stuff. And we are not done. We have made headway to
date. And chances are you will have relief from this. It will not be the
same kind of issue for you in the future. But other things will come up.
So as they come up, you need to address them. Love’s a nice thing to
have, you know?
Grace: It certainly is. Now how do I address this
from here?
Gary: I’ll turn the recording off.
