No.370815169

>One time I was home alone. It was a cold December night and I was bored. At the time the thermostat was broken and the house was hotter then hell itself. I decided to take a shower and cool down. As I stepped into the shower I immediately felt relief and just relaxed for a second. I closed my eyes and dropped my head. I then noticed a smell. Not just any smell either. It was an odd smell. Like bad food or something. I ignored it though and once I was cooled off and stuff I got out of the shower, dried off and went to bed. I was awoken later that night. I reached for my light and knocked it off the table. I then tried to go back to sleep but I realized I had to piss. I got up and stumbled across my dark room, to the hallway, down the hallway and into my bathroom. I turned on the light and walked over to the toilet. As I pulled down my pants and went to pee, I noticed my dick was missing and flipped shit. I still had to pee but in my shock I began to run around screaming. I broke my mirror and everything. I then heard the sound that woke me again too. I stopped and looked around. I then saw a light from my dinning room/kitchen area and started to walk towards it. As I got close I smelt that odd smell again too. My jaw just dropped when I came across what was making that smell and noise. I was a family of cannibals eating my dick! I was outraged and demanded they stopped immediately. But the didn't! It was so rude. I then proceeded to flip harder shit and begin to rage. I jumped on the table and squatted over every one of their plates and took a nice big shit on each one. This made them mad and they begin to chase me. I then ran for my life until I couldn't run anymore. I now live a long ways away from that place and I never looked back. I had never told anyone about it either because I'm too ashamed to say a family of cannibals stole my rancid smelling dick and ate it.

No.370815207

>be in highschool
>go to bathroom between classes
>notice Retard Wrangler outside bathroom
>inside, adult tard is standing at sink with no pants on, smiling
>turn around, leave
>tell Wrangler his tard needs wranglin'
>go to a dfferent bathroom to smoke pot

No.370815381

>>370815169
doesn't know how to greentext, didn't read

No.370815427

>Middle school
>first day of gym class
>coach introduces us to tard in class
>named Earnest
>sez not to make him run after you or he'll fall down
>class starts
>Dodgeball
>within 5 minutes we make Earnest run after us 4 times and fall down
>coach stops us while laughing
>We all got A's in the class

No.370815810

>>370815169
oh god. my lungs

No.370815939

>>370815207

>>tell Wrangler his tard needs wranglin'

I lol'd

No.370816163

>>370815427
Another time with Earnest

>Dressing in after gym class
>Tard wrangler walks in locker room with Earnest
>escorts him to bathroom stall
>we all drop our stuff and watch as stall door closes
>4 minutes go by without a sound
>hear massive turd splash into toilet
>Earnest starts clapping and grunting
>we hold our faces together laughing as we run outside
>Pizza for lunch

No.370816340

>>370815169
>lrn2greentext

No.370816604

>in high school
>was in algebra 2, or sixth hour/period
>had to piss really bad
>went to bathroom
>notice big black tard that makes weird noises and harasses girls is walking there too
>go in after him and piss
>he's shitting
>starts moaning
>gradually gets louder
>i laugh and he then storms out of the stall
>run like hell back to class

No.370816901

>>370815169
>"I then ran for my life until I couldn't run anymore."
this made me want to watch fight club.

No.370817051

>be brother of dead "tard"
>find this amusing
Am I a bad person?

No.370817068

>tard wrangler

Heh. I like that.

No.370817203

>>370817051
he woulda wanted it that way

No.370817582

lolol. my lungs.

No.370817700

>>370815169
Oh that was your rancid smelling dick?

No.370817749

>>370815381
>>370816340

that's too bad, because I officially vote all greentexts must now live up to that post. still dying.

No.370817753

>5th grade (it was that memorable)
>recess after lunch
>fuck yah tire swings
>group of tards run out all wearing helmets
>5 minutes go by and one tard slaps another in the face
>other tard slaps him back even harder.
>both take off their backpacks that they still had on for some reason
>Start swinging them in circles
>both hit eachother in the face and knock each other out cold
>16 minutes go by before anyone notices.

No.370817840

>>370817051

hey, retards are funny. its cool, they are here for us, to amuse us. i mean not in a cruel way, most are goofy funny, they laugh with us laughing at them.

Hows Your News - Ronnie said it best:

"Its ok maam, I laugh at myself all the time"

and he was retarded as hell.

No.370817850

>one time
>i got trips
>and everyone sucked my dick

No.370817920

>be in middle school
>riding bikes with brothers
>neighboorhood tard (and one of our best friends) is out riding
> tart joins us
>ride for a bit
>start hitting others back wheels with our fronts to cause a crash
>come around a corner
>all going for tard
>tard yells "Stop, Dont!"
>area resident hears, recognizes tard, confronts us
>screams that we are going to hell for tormenting tard, because he is different than us
>kicks my brothers bike, bends the shit out of the wheel
>High School Soccer star and Tard's friend

No.370818140

>be in high school
>math class
>tard kid goes to bathroom
>i have to pee so i beg teacher to let me go even though someone is already out
>she lets me go
>i get to bathroom
>from outside door i hear crying
>open the door
>get on the floor
>evrerybody walk the dinosaur

No.370818375

hey anon can i see the vid of a tard being jacked off?

No.370818436

>>370817749

>implying we give a fuck what you think

Didn't even fucking read thread. Read this on first page. All my fucking rage

No.370818451

>Be in gym class
>Sitting next to room where the tards be kept
>Hear some squealing
>Fat tard runs out of room like a bat out of hell screaming bloody mary
>Errbody egging him on
>Three tard wranglers run after him
>Coach joins too
> He gets caught and sent to office
>We all get in trouble for laughing
>mfw

No.370818526

I'm wondering if maybe the best superpower would be to be tarded, with a sense of humor...

No.370818549

Anyone got the one where some poor fuck got stabbed by a fork?

No.370818555

>work at tabletop game store
>tard playing DnD with non-tards
>Non-tards facepalming hard
>Tard goes to get free coffee that we make
>No coffee left
>he's drinking something anyway
>it's creamer
>mfw

No.370818614

>>370817850
Didn't you hear though? Post numbers are -always- important and relevant to everything, ever!

No.370818712

>>370818140
somewhat like mine

>taking standardized tests
>bathroom break
>only one can go at a time
>tard boy gets first dibs
>i call next
>he's gone for 15 minutes
>i gotta shit somethin fierce
>tard finally returns
>storm out of classroom
>3 janitors standing by bathroom door cursing
>run past them
>go to only bathroom stall
>mound of shit taller than rim of toilet
>add to the pile
>walk back to classroom
>lock eyes with tard
>bro nod.

No.370819027

>be in high school
>hand tard scissors
>ask him who's special
>slams scissors into his chest yelling "I'm special!"
>get expelled.

No.370819038

>>370818549
Yeah

>Goes to a school half filled with dur-durs, which is what we called the tards, I'm in like 5th grade
>At recess
>10 swings on the swingset, FUCK YEAH
>Sit next to my buddy, fuck yeah we'z swingin' and shit
>Suddenly, hoarde of like 20 or more retards approaches
>One steps forward to some kid on some swing
>Manically screams "HUURRRRR" and throws girl off of the swingset and onto the ground, pummeling the living fuck out of her
>Suddenly, fucking war rages
>Retards fucking swarming us
>Friend is taken off the swings, then me
>I get beaten the fuck up by like four retards
>My knee gets broken after two throw these big-ass rocks they found on me
>Suddenly teachers arrive, trying to break shit up
>Retards attack teachers, some teachers retreat back into the school building, as do classmates on the blacktop
>Hear screaming and crying
>I scream "MAKE IT STOP"
>I lose consciousness after a short time passes

Weeks later,
>Find out that some of the retards were carrying weapons, shitty ones at that; Forks, mostly
>Two kids were stabbed, one was stabbed almost to death
>Multiple classmates seriously injured, around 4 or 5
>A small number of classmates have concussions
>One classmate is suspended for stealing one of the dur-dur's forks and stabbing him with it
>Most of the retards are put in Juvenile Corrections
>Some are left off with "stern, srs warnings"
>My brother laughs at me for being beaten up by retards
>My parents take me out of the school, we move to a different town
>My parents make sure I never went to school with retards again

No.370819110

>>370815169
1/10

No.370819114

>Be in junior high
>kickball on the baseball field for pe
>be between first and second
>tard kicks the ball
>bounces towards be
>oshitgrabtheball.jpg
>about to throw it to second
>gym teacher behind me
>"gimmie the ball, gimmie the ball!"
>gimmies him the ball
>teacher nails tard
>tard falls hard
>everyone thinks its me
>everyone laughs and congragulates me
>gym teacher winks at me
>like a boss
>pizza for lunch

No.370819134

>>370819027

Jesus Christ that's an old one. I assume you're Canadian right?

No.370819288

>be a junior in high school
>tard in gym class
>tard takes 'cursing' very seriously. it is his number 1 moral issue
>we constantly curse because it is a guy's locker room
>tard decides to channel his anti-cursing rage on one person
>punches guy in face
>guy has no idea what to do. can't decide if he should hit tard or just chill
>have to tell gym teacher about tard hitting people
>tard removed from class

No.370819290

>>370817836

No.370819743

>be freshman in highschool
>walking with buddies to class
>friend steals other friend's bag and plays a light keepaway
>he gives the bag to me
>see tard that craves attention and affection annoyin the shit out of some chicks.
>idea
>give tard the bag
>tard runs off with the bag
>buddy is freaking out
>tard pulls his pants down and starts humping the bag and yelling in tardese
>friend domes the tard and burns the bag

truestory.jpg

another story. same tard

>2 years later
>take friends shoe.
>he doesnt give a fuck
>give shoe to tard
>he gives a fuck
>tard starts chewing on the tongue of the shoe and drooling all over it
>friend burns the shoe
>tackles me
>laughing uncontrollably
>friend went home without a shoe

No.370819792

>in 8th grad
>quiet tard with wrangler is in all my classes
>seems very intelligent, but for some reason needs a wrangler
>have the strangest urge to talk to her
>sit next to her one day
>ask her is she did the homework
>she bends over, whispers something inaudible
>I say what
>she bends over and again, muffled,
>I laugh and say huh?
>she SCREAMS, at the top of her lungs mind you, "THREE-FIDDY"
>damn lockness monster got me again

No.370819859

>>370819038

What the actual fuck?

No.370819884

>>370818712
>>370818712
>>370818712
>>370818712
>>370818712
>>370818712

THIS.

No.370820018

>>370817753
my roommate just told me to stop laughing so loud....

No.370820025

>Know kid in high school who is total tard
>sez he isn't tard
>keep calling him tard and candy-ass
>tard is absent for 2 days
>get sick on third and turn on news
>tard goes on shooting rampage with tard friend at school
>both tards kill selves in library
>fucking tards

No.370820160

>Be in high school
>Always notice mysterious poorly painted ceramics for sale in office
>One day teach asks us to get something from other teacher we've never heard of
>Walk in double doors behind shop class
>mfw confronted with entire class of mega tards painting ceramics
>They squint at light
>Back out slowly
>One of them was named Conway
>Wore spurs and leather jacket
>Had a blue tazmanian devil tattoo

No.370820322

>be in 10th
>2 Tards start fighting
> both about 6 ft
>tard wranglers get punched and run
>7 foot teacher(mine) goes and help
>police appears
>tard punches police
>tackles yards to floor
>handcuff
>teacher comes back with bloody shirt
> no third period
>everyone walk the dinosuar

No.370820337

>>370820025

News link, plox.

No.370820622

>Be 15, in art class.
> Tard starts grunting next to me.
> Tard starts making wierd faces and is all red faced.
>Imafraid.jpg
>Tard stands up, shakes his shorts around, out comes a piece of shit the size of a banana.
>Double take to make sure I actually saw shit.
> Its a fucking shit on his seat.
> Fucking shit...
> SHIT...
> He sits on it and smears it into the chair.
> Look around, no one else saw..
> imout.jpg

No.370820811

>be middle school
>notice a herd of tards roaming playground
>hope they don't come near me
>normal girl goes up to the biggest one
>says something to him
>tard looks at me
>biggest tard walks to tard wrangler and says something to him
>tard wrangler points to me
>i start freaking out
>tard wrangler starts shouting
>tard runs towards me
>he's ten feet away i'm about to shit my pants
>he punches me
>HE FUCKING GOES IN MY BACK DOOR
>tard inside me, i don't know what to do
>just wait there until he gets out
>traumatized for years
>thank god city council decided to demolish me last year
>i wish i wasn't middle school

No.370820842

>>370820337
columbine joke, tard

No.370820875

>Be about 6
>Uncle marries woman with tard kid
>He never had clothes on except for huge man diaper
>Had retard strength and really thick glasses
>When we would visit he would sit on me and I would cry
>My mom said I didn't have to go there anymore

No.370821066

>be a junior in highschool
>big fat autistic kid named robert comes up to me while im at my locker
>asks" do you have shoe polish?"
>i say no why do you need shoe polish
>As soon as I said polish he ran screaming down the hallway
>apparently he is deathly afraid of shoe polish
>he would also masturbate between classes

No.370821112

>>370817753
lmfaooooooooooooooooooo

No.370821201

>At a summer conference (political summer camp)
>Dress like swag motherfucker, expecting good time
>See buses pull up, nice comfy cruisers
>Mine's a shortbus...thanks to hambeast
>Hambeast looks like a collection of used body parts
>Hambeast sounds like truck engine
>Hambeast smells like shit
>We are stuck with Hambeast
>Collective facepalm
>Climb on shit-smelling bus, expecting to leave
>Wait 10 minutes for tard wrangler to talk to bus driver about Hambeast
>Side of bus opens up to take on Hambeasts chair
>Hambeast gets stuck halfway through the lift
>Bus lift is busto
>Counselors tell us to get off, recalls one of the good buses.
>Never saw Hambeast again
>Everything went better than expected.

No.370821445

>>370820811

No.370821523

>high school

>femtard obsessed with my friend and I for some reason.

>won't leave us alone.

>she was raised as a catholic, commonly says to people "Jesus loves you", and shit like that.

>friend brings in an Arabic phrasebook.

>send her away screaming in terror by shouting innocuous phrases that translate to something like "can you direct me to the nearest phone booth?" or "excuse me miss, what time is it?"

>mfw

No.370821576

>be 9
>tell teacher I have to piss
>Go to the bathroom
>Inside, some tard with his pants down all the way
>Tard decides it's poop time
>Shits onto his pants
>slowly back out the door
>get on the floor
>dinosaur

No.370821631

>fat tard with cowboy hat starts cussing at my brother and I in the restroom for no apparent reason
>brother tells him that he's going to gut him like a fish
>he goes into a stall, and we make it rain pennies on him

No.370821848

>>370820337
topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/organizations/c/columbine_high_school/index.html

No.370821933

>Be in highschool
>go in bathroom to piss
>Start pissin
> hear giggling coming from stall
> keep peeing
> hear stall open and laughing
> look over and see naked mega tard
> full on boner staring at me
> stop pissing
> tard screams and runs at me full speed
> wtf.jpg run for my life
> go tell handler
> still alive to tell story today

No.370822008

>>370815169
Seriously, stop posting your shitty ass story, candy-assgot.

No.370822017

>>370819038
>>370819038
>>370819038
>>370819038
>>370819038
>>370819038
>>370819038

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

No.370822212

>>370815169

No.370822272

>be in fifth grade
>girl in back starts screaming
>everyone turns around
>tard fappin like crazy
>teacher yells at tard to stop continues teaching not giving a fuck
>5 seconds later tard goes back to furiously yanking himself
>girl runs out screaming
>teacher just keeps teaching like a boss

No.370822305

>Be on the internet
>some tard starts a new thread on /b/
>write about what a tard he is without obviously calling him the stupidest fucking mouthbreather who ever lived
>He's a tard so he thinks he's being clever and original

No.370822643

Whenever is see tard wrangler I think "tard strangler:...idk why

No.370822678

this is 100% true, u CANNOT make this up

>6th grade
>Eating lunch with usual lunch bros
>taco day
>all is well
>back door to cafeteria slams open
>3-way tard fight going on
>no one moves
>no teachers around
>odd fascination
>lunch ladies run over with bags of unopened taco meat
>start hitting tards over heads with them
>biggest tard shouts out 'HYYYYYYUNNNNGAAHHH!!'
>meat bag busts open
>all 3 tards stop instantly
>begin feasting on meat
>lunch ladies walk away
>school cop bursts in with taser drawn
>sees scene
>facepalms and laughs

No.370822695

>>370818712

LOL.

>be in college
>need toilet
>tells tutor and leaves for toilet
>group of tards hanging outside toilets
>ignore them and walk past
>shut myself in cubical to take massive shit
>tards come into toilet
>begin throwing wet toilet paper bombs and various items from nearby trashcan over cubical
>I ask them to stop
>they don't
>Things carry on being thrown over
>banana skin hits my hair

mfw I enjoyed every minute of it

No.370822885

what the fuck, I'll contribute

>be in Jr High
>need to visit the nurse cause I wanna fake my way into going home early
>real nurse is gone today, only nurse available is in the tard room
>get shown into tard room and sit down to wait for her to examine me
>wiry little tard in there named elvis, they walked him around the hall on a leash and a harness, and he screamed alot
>Nurse busy doing tard-nurse stuff
>Elvis busy drinking large glass of buttermilk
>Elvis sets down buttermilk and walks up toward me with that crazy-tard look in his eye
>Tard-nurse says "Careful, he may bite or scratch you"

>Buttermilk Mustache

>I say "hey Elvis"
>Elvis says "Hello" and walks away
>Nurse sends me home

>Everything turned out better than expected

No.370823050

>Be in high school
>2 midget tards
>twins
>they act like Freddy fucking Mercury
>go to bathroom one day
>one dressed like peter pan
>the other like santas elf
>elf is pumping peter pans ass
>die inside
>tell teacher loudly in front of class
>nobody cares.
>theyre expelled
>>truestory.jpg

No.370823428

>be in middle school
>tard comes up to me and starts pulling my hair
>i push him to the floor
>get shunned and suspended from school

No.370823744

> Was sophomore in high school
> downy tard named Sasoon in theatre production (I was a stage manager)
> I start pushing my friends, they push me back
> Boys being boys
> Tard doesn't know we are playing around
> Tard runs at me full strength, extremely pissed
> Tard tries to choke me
> I punch him in the face
> Tard knocked out
> Get in shit for knocking out tard

feelsbadman.jpg

No.370823835

There's some pretty funny tard stories on lolsaywhat.com
They've actually got a whole section for them

No.370823928

>>370822212
That is the most amazing .gif I've ever seen.

No.370824204

>Be 14
>be in church
>time to pray
>tard is sitting in a chair by a teacher
>prayer begins
>tard gets up and begins to mumble in tardese
>mumbling becomes shouting
>I let out a giggle
>get dirty looks from everyone

No.370824221

>Be in Kindergarten
>Sitting in back of class
>By myself until retard wrangler comes in
>Introduces new retard to class
>Retard is actually a genetic mess of life, piled into a power wheelchair
>Rolls over to spot next to me
>Become curious
>"I wonder if it feels pain?"
>Wait until no one is looking
>Pinch the retards arm for 2 seconds
>Retard starts to flip out and scream
>Pretend to cry
>Say,"She attacked me!"
>Retard wrangler wheels it out of class
>Never caught
>Coloring afterwards

No.370824248

>Be in 7th Grade
>Last name ends with S, so I don't get the elective I chose
>Forced to take choir
>Be bored as shit in Choir listening to teacher
>Tard and Wrangler walk in
>This happens every so often
>Tard is 300 lbs, 5' 9" and turtle headed(round head, little chin, funky neck)
>I look over at him
>He smiles stupidly at the teacher for a few seconds
>Suddenly tard is surprised
>He tries to stifle a sneeze, obviously not trying hard enough
>"Flnapthhhhh..."
>GREEN SHOT STREAM APPEARS
>Hangs to the fucking ground
>Tard is confused
>Tard notices long snot stream, then starts to laugh
>Whole class heard the sneeze and turns to see long ass snot strand
>Whole class trying not to puke
>Wrangler flips the fuck out and pushes tard out the door
>Silence, after he leaves
>"I think that's enough for today" says the choir teacher

No.370824318

>>370821933
LOL

No.370824654

<< was a tard wrangler 1.5 years ago

field trip to museum
kid hates unfamilar places
we walked around the museum,
he cries, screams, and jumps in the air
it smelled funny
turned back and look on the ground, a piece of crap
he shitty himself
i over heard employees saying ewww wtf is that smell
called dad and he picked him up

No.370824899

>>370819859
It happens. I live in a state that has 98% of the abbos in Australia.

>live in the NT. Filled with abbo roody-poos.
>Be 8th grade.
>gang of 15 year 10s try to fight the 'crackers' they call us (only 3 of us) 'dumb fucker cunts'.
>Ironic because only us white kids scored with IQs higher than 110.
>I'm a tall fucker. 6 foot 2. My buds are 5 foot 8.
>The tards assemble at recess.
>5 little tards charge.
>I punch one broke his nose. My buddys tackled one he runs away crying.
>I get sprung by 3 from behind. they drag me over to the teachers who give no fucks at all.
>One of my buddies goes ape shit and elbows 4 in the stomach he precedes to donkey fuck each one, they're just lying there.
>My other buddy is kinda afraid he still goes up to a little one and made a honey comb crunch to his nuts.
>I get out of the arms of the tards and knock one out, other two run away.
>They all yell a mighty war cry it sounds like a baby being crunched by cider blocks.
> 2 packs of 4 approach us.
>We invent a weapon which they couldn't invent in 50,000 years. Similiar to a pickaxe
>My crazy friend swings it.
>Double Kill.
>I tackle one of with my other bud.
>Last one jumps onto my back and starts humping it.
>I swing it around and lose him he runs away
>My crazy friend is bruised like hell but he charges at the last 4.
>Multi-kill.
>nofucksweregiven.jpeg

In the end 9 roody-poos went to hospital.
1 went into a coma.
3 left the school.
The last 2 never even tryed to touch my crazy friend.
My crazy friend went to juvy for 2 years.

Don't go to the Nt. We got the fuck out of their as soon as we hit 18. Still good friends.

No.370825078

>>370819038 copy cat

No.370825106

> Be 4th grade.
> Tard and tard wrangler walking by.
> Normal girl and tard walk by where I am sitting at the same time.
> Mumble under breath "Retard.."
> Tard turns around, looks at me, says "hoo sayd dat?"
> Scared shitless I point to girl who walked by.
> Tardwarcry.jpg
> Full on sprint to catch girl.
> Tackles her to ground.
> Beats her savagely with his metal lunch pail.
> I start screaming to wrangler than his tard needs wranglin'.
> Wrangler wrangles tard.
> Girl has permanent scars on her face.
> feelguilty.jpg
> Talk to her about it, she says " yeah I remember you told the wrangler his tard needs wranglin', that was so awesome of you."
> Long story short, got some head from that chick.
>mfw

No.370825166

>be 15
>school is holding annual car show to raise money
>dad enters his '73 Charger that he has been restoring over the last 5 years
>ultra mega 7 ft. tall tard walks over to it
>"NICE CAW MISTAH"
>giant tard decides to look at interior
>spills soda fucking all over it
>dad is fucking enraged
>grabs ultra mega tard by the hair and throws him to the ground and beats the shit out of him
>Im watching, laughing uncontrollably, bursting into treats
>tard in hospital
>dad spent night in jail
>i got to take home his trophy for best car in show

No.370825313

>be in high school
>usually go to library after lunch to look up shit on young internet
>friend is stalked everyday by she-tard who likes him
>draws him pictures of them married with kids in hawaii
>friend sez one day if she does it again he's chewing her out
>next day after lunch
>in library
>she-tard walks by and winks at friend
>friend stands up and shouts as loud as he can
>I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU
>tard starts giggling
>walks over to friend
>whispers something in his ear
>friend bursts out laughing
>drawings were all for me
>married for 12 years
>2 children
>Hope
>Melton

No.370825365

>lunchroom always filled with tards
>three today, with one wrangler
>black tard always comes up to me, plays with my hands
>he got made fun of one day, he gets mad.
>looks at me, tear streams down face
>looks like roody-poo tard is about to go apeshit wild
>country ass bumpkin calls him roody-poo
>nigtard yells,"YOUR NIGGER!!"
>starts whirling arms like a demented fucking windmill
>power charges redneck asshole.
>nigtard wins
>lunchroom of 150-200 kids cheer
>he gets salad
>redneck runs away
>puts a fuck load of ketchup on salad
>nigtard sits next to me
>wrangler never knew what hit him

No.370825400

>>370824899
my god, that's like a fucking war haha

No.370825544

>Be 15
>Be in science class
>Dead silence
>Hear tard in hallway making tardly noises
>Don't see tard, assume it's some kid trying be funny
>Snicker
>Deathstares, deathstares everywhere
>feelsbadman.bmp

No.370825583

>Full middleschool auditorium watching orchestra at assembly
>Shits pretty cash
>Music starts to get louder, tard starts to moan
>Tard gets up and runs to the playing orchestra and jumps and hits his hands while yelling as entire school watches
>three tard wranglers do their thing

No.370825669

>go on /b/
>the end

No.370825939

>visiting a natural spring with family
>get ready to go
>go to bathroom to change
>hear babbling and people yelling to stop
>open stall door to see 20+ fat naked tards slapping each other and touching dicks
>horrified
>wait in stall about thirty minutes for the tards to leave
>mother starts blowing up my phone
>decide to make a break for it
>burst open stall and start running, not looking back
>tard gets excited and jumps at me
>tard balls slap against my arm
>poker face the whole drive home.

No.370825998

ITT: Fiction

No.370826042

>>370825106
>>370825106
>>370825106
no face candy-assgot. also, head from scarred chick, was it hot?

No.370826083

>>370825939

I LOL'd

No.370826116

>be 11
>have a tard brother who loves me
>i was teased for having a tard brother at school
>start to blame brother for all my problems
> always pissed at him because its his fault im teased
>year passes
>be walking home from school happy because just got a new bike
>the morning before i tell tard brother not to ride bike EVER
>I see one of the many kids who have been bullying me about 20 yards away with his friends
>he sees me
>ohshit.jpg
>starts yelling
> suddenly upon me and kick shitting me
>in the corner of my eye i see my wonderful durpy brother ripping on my new bike
>suddenly hes flying through the air
>his foot connects with the main fuckers head
>then goes on to kicking the shit out of all the fucking kids who were beating me up
>after that hang out with my brother alot and treat him well
>get friends who adore my bro too
wentbetterthanexpected.jpg

No.370826267

>be in 10th grade
>lunch period
>always loling at the one table designated for tards
>see commotion one day
>turrets kid flipping out because he can't find his chocolate milk
>sees downie drinking chocolate milk
>twitchy walks to downie, starts screaming at him, while twitching
>me and my friends are fucking dying
>twitch walks away, downie hangs head and starts crying

No.370826314

>>370820337
he made a columbine joke

No.370826479

>>370820337
>>370820337
It's a columbine joke fuckwit.

No.370826533

This isn't funny. These people just have mental deficensies. How would you like it if people made fun of YOU just for being the way you are?

Grow up.

No.370826610

>>370826042
I was a scrawny ass little bitch in 4th grade. Would you take on a full blown 130lb tard like that? Fuck no.
And yes that chick is still fucking hot even though she has scars on her face.

No.370826641

>Be 17
>Be walking to class
>Pass vending machine
>See tard trying to get something
>Turns to me
>Says, "Can you heeeeelp?"
>pokerface.jpg
>Walk over
>Put in dollar
>Spits it back out
>Try again
>Same result
>I leave without a word
>Tard still standing there hopelessly
>See him ask another passersby
>notasinglefuckwasgiven.jpg

No.370826681

South kitsap fucking high school

No.370826702

>>370826533
umadbro? not really making fun of them, nothing mean said against them, just find the stuff they do HILARIOUS

No.370827116

>>370826533
people do make fun of me for being the way I am.
They make fun of you too.
That's what people do.

No.370827256

>Be 13
>dad engaged to woman with gigantard
>exhusband gets her snowman family representing the three of them for christmas
>dad is enraged
>rips heads off snowman family and throws them off 3 story balcony
>gigantard runs down and puts heads back on as he walks up
>dad snatches it from gigantard and does it again
>this continues for thirty minutes
>gigantard yells "DON'T DO IT AGAIN, DO I MAKE MYSELF BILL CRYSTAL CLEAR?"
>my sister and i start laughing
>dad pretends to throw it and tells gigantard to fetch
>he looks for three hours

No.370827292

>go to school anime club
>club starts an hour after shcool ands
>us weaboos hang by school store
>tard is in club
>he is obsessed with spycrab
>we all become tards for that on hour
>we give piggyback rides
>tard gives me one
>im a warrior and hes my battlehorse
>he almost runs down steps
>i wrangle him like a horse
>at my school tard wrangers do not exist

No.370827512

>>370826267
Bullshit. Tourette's isn't a mental deficiency. Those who have it aren't tards.

No.370827623

You know somehing, i'm what you guys would call a 'TARD', and I find nothing wrong with my life. Everything is taken care of, my parents love me and I am non-violent. I get to travel alot and am pursuing a degree in English. If I am a tard, then I am a proud one,

No.370827691

>>370827116
No one makes fun on me. Im fucking perfect.

No.370827826

> highschool
> tralala to the bathroom
> walk in and hear scuffling noises
> do my bisnus
> hear moaning sounds
> sounds gradually get louder
> rush out wash my hands
> tard walks out of stall and stares at me
> i say hi, tard just stares and moans, and stands in doorway so i have no way to escape
> tard wrangler wrangles tard
> i haul ass back to class

No.370827828

>walking down the halls in highschool my junior year. Really retarded girl who always wears a fedora and makes zombie noises. one day me and my friends pretended it was nazi zombies running down the halls asking for ray guns.

No.370827900

>>370827623
Git the fuck out of our schools Tardo. yew belong with yer own kind in france.

No.370828035

fuck all you assholes. my sister has down syndrome and your treating these people like they're dirt. Alot of the time they don't know better , and you guys are so butthurt that you just criticize without finding out why they are like that and realise they can't do anything about it. It's this kind of shit that makes people hate you.

No.370828065

> be early in the morning
> been eating lots and lots for christmas dinner
> feel my bowels start mowing
> shit for like half an hour
> gotta take a shower for i shit so much it touched my buttocks from below
> play with my finger in my filled up asshole for a while
> think i actually broke world record

No.370828093

>too lazy to write greentext story
>watch this



>tard shenanigans

No.370828128

>>370827623
No, we have a different word for folks like you.

No.370828217

>>370826681
See you guys at the swim meet on the 12th.

No.370828237

>8th grade
>At school musical, commons is filled up with all the other eighth graders
>Sit in the very back, second to last row
>Last row reserved for the tards
>One tardette starts muttering something, can't tell what it is
>Gradually getting louder
>Starting making out what she is saying
>"I'm a hooker, I'm a hooker."
>Louder and louder while rocking back and forth in chair
>Starts becoming a yell
>"I'M A HOOKER! I'M A HOOKER!"
>Me and my friend are fucking dying in laughter
>Tard wranglers take her away
>mfw

No.370828270

>>370826533

0/10, get a fucking life

No.370828318

>sit by pop machines at lunch
>tard walks up to buy pop
>tard puts quarters in one by one
>realizes it is 25 cents short
>tard runs off to wrangler to get the extra quarter
>friend walks up and puts a quarter in the machine and buys a Mtn. Dew
>tard comes back, puts money in, pushes the button
>laughing ensues

No.370828378

>>370828035

Sister's Tits or GTFO

No.370828432

>>370828065
What is read did i?

No.370828553

>Be in 8th grade
>Sitting at lunch with 7 other guys and tard named Michael
>Michael talks about his mom giving him baths
>We ask him if his mom is also retarded
>He keeps saying "stupid is as stupid does"
>We ask him if his mom told him to say that whenever people make fun of him
>He gets pissed off, starts crying
>Throws chocolate milk at main offender
>Jumps on table and starts going ape shit
>2 tard wranglers come and carry him out of cafeteria
>Half of cafeteria is watching, we're all laughing our asses off
>Get detention
>Mfw

No.370828592

>>370828035
your right; they arent dirt. dirt is too good for them. they need to be summarily castrated so that their retard genes can no longer contaminate the gene pool.

No.370828594

>Be in 6th grade
>Tells teacher "I gotta use the bathroom"
>She refuses to let me go
>I ask her again multiple times throughout the next 30 minutes or so
>Still refuses
>I'm panicking, I really gotta piss
>Takes empty bottle from out of backpack
>Holds it under desk
>Takes out penis and holds it over bottle opening, trying to look as casual as possible
>As soon as the piss starts flowing, the whole room is quiet all of a sudden
>Ohshit, they notice
>Tries to play it off all casual
>Doesn't work
>Detention
>Also missed the bottle a bit, had to clean it up
>feelsbadman.jpg

True story btw.

No.370828632

>>370828035

Post sister's tits or GTFO

No.370828688

>this girl pretends to be a zelda fan
>this girl = Aubrey Franklin from Gilbert AZ

No.370828828

>Be 15
> Walking through grocery store
> One of those uber-tards (the ones who can do shit and are basically vegetables) rolls up with tard roller
> Grandma starts laughing hysterically pointing saying "look at it!!"
> Tard roller says, "Its ok to laugh, he doesnt know whats goin on ever."
> Me, fucking shocked... My grandma is a fucking badass, never knew, and this tard roller dont give a fuck more than anyone else I know.
> Brofist the tard roller. Bro nod my grandma.
> Never speak of that day again.

No.370828867

>Go to bathroom to piss
>Tard follow me into bathroom
>Goes into stall next to me
>He starts moaning really loud
>Funniest shit ever
>Decide to fuck with him
>Open stall doar
>He's on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur

No.370828936

>Go to scout camp for summer
>Goin to take shower...see old guy infront of shower building
>Go inside
>Retard jacking off a penis the size of a toothpick
>Rush outside
>Dad goes in and shock retard
> Jizzes on dad
>Dad screams "Holy shit! You got it on my! O god wtf?!?!"

>mfw

No.370829073

>>370828688

forgot to mention, she refers to Zelda as a "boy"

pic related its her and her zelda hat to prove her stupidity, not to mention shes butt ugly as fuck

No.370829093

> Be 14 or so
> In the boy scouts
> Fuckin chill no problems
> New scout master
> Fuck jpg.
> Our New Master has 2 tards brought with him
> Annoying as shit
> They eat all the food and don't help
> New Master won't let us curse/anything fun
> Everyone fucking hates tards
> Our master won't discipline them
> we all beat the shit out of them
> he fell. . .
> Quit scouts, I miss my old master.
Niggerz

No.370829099

>Be leader of the mongoloid tribe
>Hold down the lunch-table from the normies
>I look to the elder, he nods, beard bouncing in the rays sent down from our God Baphomet
>The ceremonial war whoooptin begins
>Normies near us laugh, they are the first
>We barrel into their tables, smashing them into red mist
>Our slaveholding handlers are powerless to stop us en masse
>We charge for victory
>Baphomet gifted us with the spoils
>We tie up the lunch-ladies and cheerleaders, making them heavy with our pups
>At the same time, our frontline finishes off the opposition in the cafeteria
>We wall in the bathroom, killing the cowards hiding there
>The school is ours
>The ice cream truck approaches its usual route
>Our chariots swarm it, drowning the driver in our busoms and no-no areas
>Semen everywhere, the fertility banquet begins in the ice cream truck
>Use it to enslave groundbound normies, adding their heaping corpses to the lovemaking/defication pile.
>MFW

No.370829222

>>370827691
except that grammar

No.370829389

>be breton mage
>searching for ores
>see tard screaming for his sister
>see his name
>Narfi
>he says he misses his sister in ussual tard varriety
>Narfi
>still laughing at that
>find his dead sister
>give him her necklace as a sign of laughter
>he has hope
>kill tard with Orcish sword
>go to local Inn
>buy room for ten coin
>owner says it's mine for a day
>sleep for 24 straight hours
>get my moneysworth
>sleep like a baby
>perfectly normal day

No.370829458

>>370828035
>my sister has down syndrome

lmfao, tardsibling. Your sis is a useless sack of skin that should be put to sleep. I at least hope that you fixed her so she won't welp any moar tards. Phag.

No.370829515

>>370815169

>mfw the purpose of greentext is not to just make it green

No.370829582

>be tard wrangler
>first week on job
>in highschool
>must wrangle girl with assburgers, the downs and autism
>lets call her derpette
>needs to use washroom
>take her to handicapped washroom
>almost hour later
>knock on door, ask if okay
>no response
>call supervisor/dept head
> open washroom
>derpette naked on floor
>shit in hand
>using shit to shlick
>supervisor vommits
>derpette begins to scoop up and eat vomit
>fucking vomit also
>leave immediately
>get in car
>keep fucking driving

No.370829812

>>370829073
doggy style.

Face has no importance

No.370830267

>>370825400
Its true though, other AusFag here. Abos get a bad rep for being like the roody-poos (not black people, they're cool) of the US.

No.370830275

>>370819038

Rebellion of the Tards. This would make a great movie. How Hurdurrur gained the confidence of his people and staged the great war against the "normies".

Captcha: REVENGE troldl

No.370830401

>be 10
>playing on trampoline with friend WWF wrestling
>tard neighbor comes and wants to play
>tag team match
>tard by himself against me and friend
>give tard Stone Cold Stunner
>kick the shit out of his stomach
>tard runs around to the front of the house
>mom inside comes running outside and yells at tard
>tard shit in my front yard

No.370830462

>be in grade school
>me and tard dale get into fake fight
>he starts running at me yelling randomly.
>i dropkick him
>dale gets up. walks away
>didn't get in trouble

also.
>be in grade school
>dale starts to flip the fuck out
>yells and screams
>teacher comes over.
>dale throws chair at teacher
>teachers backin da fuck up.
>dale throws more chairs.
>siting there watching this go down
>dale gets taken out of room
>everyone laughs when teacher leaves

true stories

No.370830534

>>370829099
>>370829099
epic win

No.370830755

>be at state fair
>tard being rolled around on stretcher like device
>head to side
>hands all goobly
>what is going on i don't know
>he don't know
>whats the point
>never forget

No.370830760

>used to beat up this kid in elementary school (for what an 8yr olds strength is worth)
>daily
>find out in high school he's autistic
>avoid eye contact the pursuing years

>be middle school
>extreme autistic kid named max Owens
>fucking doucher named earl shank
>our racket ball courts are 50-60ft high, plus a fence adding another 7ish feet (they were off a cliff)
>earl bets max 20 bucks he can't jump over the fence and land in the racket ball courts without breaking his ankles, WITHOUT bending his knees
>max thinks he can do it, takes him up on the bet, jumps the fence
>breaks both his ankles
>gets carried out in wheelchair
>earl never lives down the verbal abuse
True fucking story, it was fucked up. I had always hated earl for being a fuck but that killed it, for everyone

Last
>be at gmas pool
>cousin brings over ppl she does daycare for, ones has downs
>he sticks his dick in the pool vacuum
>humps my step sister [fat bitch landwhale]
>puts his arm around my friend and me and says "YER MY GIRLFWEND" and "I LIKE DA SEXY LADIES"
>landwhale gets jealous and tries to impress the downs kid
>downs kid continues to call me his sexy lady all night
>wouldn't even listen to his mentors when they told him to stop
>alpha as fuck

No.370830779

speak about columbine
>impyling all you /b/tards do not fit in the imthefreakonoonelikesme profile

No.370830806

>Be in 8th grade
>12:30, fucking lunch time
>Me and friends sit down at usual lunch table
>Start eating lunch
>Other end of the table, two tards sit down across from each other
>We chuckle a little, go back to eating lunch
>We realize they start arguing
>They get even louder so that people in 50ft radius can hear them yelling at each other
>No one can understand they're tard shrieks
>Sounds kinda like "I dunt no huwgh yugh thing yu sah gud!" "Im negt seying um gud!, yur sayung Im behd!"
>They loud arguing turns into tard screams
>They're shreaks and squeals are heard across the lunch room
>Tard#1 stands up and throws his spork at other tard
>Tard#2 gets hit by a spork and squels "NNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!"
>The tard who threw the spork shreiks "HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEIIIIIIIYYYY!"
>He proceeds to try to rip his shit off whilst screaming
>Tard#2 pushes him over
>Tard#1 falls to the ground
>Tard wrangles run over to grab them
>Tard#1 yells at tard wrangles "NO! THIS HAS TO HAPPEN!"
>Tard#1 pulls out Yugi-oh cards
>Tard#2 sits, down and pulls out his Yugi-oh cards
>Tards have a Yugi-oh battle like it's a fucking epic duel, they're faces are red and they're veins are throbbing
>Everyone is confused as fuck

No.370830993

>>370818712
>>370818712
my god funniest thing i read on b in momfs

No.370831336

>>370828688
if that's a tard, then I guess I'd fuck a tard.

No.370831352

>8th grade
>Gym class (Of course)
>Monster tard lulling around the gym
>Nigger runs past him and asks for a high-five
>Monster tard chases him down and conquers roody-poo like a true nord.
>Jumps on top of him, pins him down
>Humps the life out of roody-poo.
>Took 6 people to pry the tard off of roody-poos limp body.

No.370831413

>>370830806
Laughing like fuck, my sister has down syndrome and I'm a nursecandy-ass. But shit this thread is funny.

No.370831458

>be camp counsoler
>retard is the worst word ever there
>say retard and the wranglers pitch a fucking fit
>(femminazis and queers)
>my cabin is 10 year old boys
>all pretty chill except one troublemaker
>potty break and one especially annoying dipshit tard wrangler leaves his kid unattended
>my kids come out of bathroom laughing their asses off
>ask kid whats so funny
>kid says, and i shit you not "fucking retard in the bathroom shits ass naked with the stall door open"
>i hold back laugh
>think situation through
>alert tard wrangler
>once all nearby tard wranglers are occupied trying to obtain loose, naked, pooping tard
>laugh my ass off with my campers
>bring them icecream at the end of the night
>laugh about tard more with kids than with co-workers

>cool ass mow-fuggin campers

No.370831692

>Be in 4th grade
>Going to bathroom
>Walk in to see a tard,with his pointed at the wall and his pants down
> Poker face
>He fucking blasts the wall with shit
>It splatters everywhere
>10lbs of shit it plastered to the wall
>He pulls his pants up and buckles his belt
>As he's doing this, he looks into my eyes
>Smiles and says "Duh walls needed paint"
>He Walks out like a boss
>andnotasinglefuckwasgiven.jpg

No.370831871

>>370831458
>>370831458
>>370831458

laughing my dick off, tard wranglers at the camp i work at are the same way. they take such a personal offense when you say retard. honestly, they treat their kids like theyre all genius prodigys who will one day cure cancer or some shit, when meanwhile their biggest achievment in the next 25 years of their life will be tying their shoes and brushing their teeth.

>deepseeded personal hate for tards

No.370831883

>Highschool
>Gymclass
>Free day
>See tard
>Me and friend mess with him and make him chase us as we hide in curtains that divide the two gyms.
>Tard goes mad when you say "Colts suck".
>Friend says it and the tard goes crazy and runs full speed
>I start laughing
>Friend screaming and laughing (he has a feminine voice so it's just hilarious)
>Friend hides and tard calms down
>Friend and I continue free time
>I see tard behind us and imitate my friend's voice "Colts suck"
>Friend looks at me like "What the fuck?"
>He turns around to see a tard coming at him full speed
>Friend's jaw dropped two sizes that day
>I laugh so hard
>Friend being beaten to a pulp by tard screaming in his feminine voice

No.370831894

>be in high school
>group of me and my friends
>big ass black teacher <almost GIGA NIGGA>
>convince tard that he is a govenment agent code-named "roody-poo"
>tard goes up to him and says "Mr. Nigger, how are you doing today?"
>die laughing
>expelled for racicism

No.370831990

>>370831336

i dunno why he calls her ugly.

HER TITS OR GTFO

No.370832181

>work in a nursing home
>be an Oldtard Wrangler
>So. Many. Fucking. Stories.

No.370832187

is there such thing as a bangable female tard?
like...how easy would that be, fucking a tard?
shed be all like "huur durrr bagyina"

No.370832219

>10th Grade
>In Class
>Everything is quiet as fuck
>Suddenly a passing tard in the hallway lets out a "DUHRRRR"
>Snicker
>Whole class looking at me
>Nervousness makes it worse
>Burst into laughter
>People shaking their heads, saying I'm an asshole
>Can't stop laughing
>ohshitroody-poowhatareyoudoing looks all around
>Sent to the principal office

Fucking hell. What's funny is funny, dammit.

No.370832560

>>370824221
>>370824221
>genetic mess of life

i died laughing

No.370832756

>be drunk
>make it halfway through thread
>mfw

No.370832886

We need a new sound for retards to make other than "herp" and "derp".

No.370832956

I used to work with tards. These bleeding hearts keeping them around make me sick.

If they can't at least hold down a job mopping floors then just put them to sleep.

They lead miserable lives. At the large institutions they usually get the butt rape because they can't speak out. Seeing any human being even a tard that can't comprehend shitting in your pants or in the kitchen sink is bad just makes me sick.

Then there is the cost to keep them alive and locked up so they don't walk in front of a freightliner. I think the tards in the home where I worked got like twenty thousand a month. Just some sickening amount of money to keep them alive. We could pay for the next Einstein's education for what we spend on one tard in a month.

If I ever got Alzheimers and sat around in my own shit I would hope someone would have the decency to put me out of my misery.

No.370832962

>>370832886
its "DURRRRRRRRRRR"

No.370833104

>>370829458

>mfw anyone with Down's syndrome is sterile

No.370833249

>Be in 12th grade Gym class
>Filming tards with my iPhone because my friend in Tech Class doesn't believe the shit that usually happens
>Trying to capture the elusive basketball tard
>Hidden iPhone camera in my hoodie sleeve
>Whilst filming two tards start swinging each other in circles
>They start getting closer to me, spinning faster and faster
>I back up against the wall, they're still getting closer like a tard-nado
>One tard realizes the other and yells "BEY-BLADE SPIN!"
>The released tard spins and slams into me
>I'm against the wall
>Tard falls to the ground
>The thrower tard runs over and starts fucking dry humping on the ground
>No, not like could be taken as dry humping
>Fucking full on slamming his dick against his ass and and holding onto his hips thrusting him in
>The humping tard shouts again "BEY-BLAAADE SPIN!"
>Tard wrangler runs over and says "What are doing? Giving him a massage?"
>Both tards shout "BEY-BLAAAAAAAAADE!!!"
>They both get up and run away
>FUCKINGWUT.jpg

No.370833263

>>370833104

they have reproduced in the past.
they are considered sterile because no one will ever mate with those vermin.

No.370833287

>>370832956
thats deep man.
>let's send them all to the moon with the aids people?

No.370833439

>In grocery store getting like 5 things before christmas
>in 12 items or less
>stupid long line but still the shortest
>tard 2ed in line, i'm like 11 people behind him.
>tard lets out the loudest fart ever
>must have shit himself
>people behind him in line leave because of smell
>I step right up behind him
>was born with a lack of smell

go tards

No.370833557

>>370832962
Yeah but what else? They make tons of funny noises.
We need a fucking see-and-say. "The tard goes 'Eeeeaaaagggghhh'"

No.370833621

>>370831894
Ahahahahhaah you're so cool that's amazi g

No.370833696

>>370833557
the autistic goes "..."

No.370833763

>Be 12
>In gym class showers
>Random tard kid walks in
>We are all wearing swimsuit type shit
>He rips off all his clothes
>Looks my friend dead in the eyes
>Says in tardy voice "JOO HAS DEM BLOO EEYES"
>He backs the fuck up
>Tard steps forward, tard dick in hand
>nope.jpg
>I get the fuck out as tard rushes friend
>Friend trips tard
>Tard literally breaks his fucking boner on the floor
>Everyone is confused whether to laugh or scream
>Laugh
>Evil eyes at me
>Blood is now spilling out of tard's broken dick
>I walk away shunned
>Tell tard wrangler
>Get extra credit points for getting help
>fuckyea.jpg

No.370833771

>Freshman year
>Passing period, everyone in the halls
>CRAZY ass tard out of nowhere at the end of the hall
>"GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>See him CHARGE an unsuspecting girl who was wearing a skirt.
>Everyone running towards the scene
>Retard lifts girl 1 ft off the ground, whilst pants fall
>(I think) His dick got up her skirt and he humped
>Jock out of nowhere knocks the fucking retard out
>I and a friend take the girl and ask her if she's okay. Crying hysterically after retard rape
>Everyone kicking the shit out of the retard
>School police arrive, arrest people and handing out tickets left and right.
>Called a friend
>"Holy shit dude! *TARD* just tried raping the hot blonde girl from art!"
>"DUDE! I'm driving over there right now!"
>After rape party of people hanging out around the scene
>Cops grabbing people, trying to cuff some
>"HEY YOU!"
>See them pointing at me
>RUN LIKE FUCKING HELL, pushing people out of the way, etc
>Get out the door
>See friend who I just called in parking space really close
>"Anon, what are you do-"
>"JAKE, START THE FUCKING ENGINE"
>Speeding off
>Feel like I just fucking escaped the god damn Templar knights from Assassin's Creed.

No.370833863

>>370829582
>>370829582
>>370829582
please tell me thats true looool

No.370833968

>Be in primary school
>Lunch time we play Tiggy= Tag for you americunts playing at home
>Teacher informs us to stop playing with Tard
>Reason, the sickbay was unable to change daily his underwear/pants from the shear excitement of pissing himself
>Ofcourse we knew

No.370834317

>be in 8th grade
>prettiest girl in senior class is helping chaperone our middle school halloween party, dressed as Lloyd Dobbler from Say Anything
>tard named spencer asks her to slow dance
>she's so nice she says yes
>She's 6'1" with amazing boobs
>he's 5'5"
>immediately grabs her around the waist, shoves face into her cleavage, motorboats the shit out of her
>no one helps her
>tries to push him away, but he's in tard strength mode.
>finally simultaneously shits himself and jizzes
>girl tries to act like nothing is wrong, cum has soaked through onto her pants
>find her crying outside later
>she goes on to be valedictorian, most successful person to graduate from our shitty high school, and I'll always remember her as the girl that got covered in tard cum.

God, I fucking loved that tard.

No.370834385

>>370819027
nearly pissed myself.

No.370834427

>Be in grocery store
>Tard walks in
>He is wearing fuckin knee and shoulder pads with helmet
>See him fondling melons
>He walks over to the yams/sweet potatoes(whatever they're called)
>Pulls down his pants
>Sticks a yam up his butt
>He pulls up his pants and starts to scream while running around the produce
> He's screaming "Adventure time!"
>After he yells that he falls the the floor
>Pulls down pants
>Takes a massive bloody shit and yam comes flying out at my face
> nope.jpg
>walk out of store
>And not a single item was bought that day

No.370834438

>>370833696
Meewwwgggg

No.370834537

>Be at mall
>Hot jailbait chick and friends shopping
>Tard out of fucking nowhere
>Grabs girls ass, fondles it
>Girl and friends freak out, scream
>Girl is in skirt
>HHHNNNNGGG!!! Tard tries to remove girls panties
>Tard wrangler comes bolting to the rescue
>IHAVETHEWEIRDESTBONER.jpg
>Girl and friends crying, big scene, police involved
>I go into HMV and buy Tim and Eric DVDS
>Today was a day to remember

No.370834728

>playing stalker
>some fat tard mexican named zac thinks he's cool or something
>get dubs

No.370835039

>Be in 9th grade World History Class
>Half way through semester we get new tard kid in class
>He's one of those obvious tards but is still in normal classes
>Teacher doesn't really care
>Teacher says we're about to take some notes
>New tard kid yells from the back "Any niggas got a pencil?!"
>Black kid who didn't know that kids a tard turns around
>Says "What did you just say?"
>Tard yells "Get outta my face NIGGAH!"
>Black kid leaps out of his seat and throws tard out from his desk
>Black kid gets on top of tard and starts fucking beating his face
>Blood starts squirting from tards face
>Tard begins screaming "Lynch em'! Lynch em'!"
>Tard full on craps his pants whilst being beaten
>Teacher pulls black kid of tard
>Tard gets up and runs from the room with blood, shit and tears raining onto the floor
>Fuckingwut.jpg

No.370835248

>Sophmore year
>We have a tardette who love to droll
>In math class
>Tardette is for some reason in Algebra 2
>Taking test
>Tardette starts drooling
>I notice
>Watch her for a second
>She looks up and locks eyes with me
>She smiles
>Fucking tsunami of drool flows out onto test
>She looks down and tries to lick it up
>nope.avi
>I try to tell someone
>Teacher tells me to shut up because tests are out
>I try to get the wrangler
>Wrangler is in the corner on her phone
>Sit there listening to the slopping noises made by tardette
>Wait
>Tardette starts to cry and drool at the same time
>Someone finally notices
>Wrangler looks up and goes to help tardette
>Picks her up
>Bad idea
>Tardette was wearing a white shirt
>Combination of tears and drool make is see through
>Tardette tries to wipe it up
>Fucking 15 seconds of tard porn with tardette rubbing tits together in front of class
>I break out laughing
>Random other tard in class gets a boner
>Wrangler takes them both out
>Didn't see them after that
>Turns out tard started fucking tardette in the office and they both got expelled.
>whatthefuck.jpg

No.370835588

Why isnt there quality threads like this all the time? Ive been on this thread for 3 hours and Im still not bored with it.

No.370835612

>>370833771

>"After rape party"

I fucking spewed the egg nog I was drinking all over my new computer monitor.

You're an asshole, but I haven't lol'd that hard in forever.

100+ Internets for you sir.

No.370835622

>Be 16 in spanish class
>Bored as hell waiting for class to be over
>Door to class is left over and a tard walks by
>He starts making wierd noises and stops noticing the door open
>Tard peeks head in and says in tardese "I cant breathe"
>Tard walks off
>2 Mins later tard wranglers sprinting down hallway after tard

No.370835719

>>370834728
lol'd at pic name

No.370835756

>be 4th or 3rd grade
>be done with lunch and about to go play
>BOOM
>tackled by tard who starts beating me
>WHY DID YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT
"WTF KID I DIDN'T LOOK AT YOU!!"
>YES YOU DID!!!!
>cry like a bitch
>tard guard comes and grabs tard off me as i cry

yeah /b/ i got my ass beat by a tard
on another day
>this time its first grade
>be fresh immigrant from mexico, never ever in my life had i seen a tard
>be in the boys bathroom pissing
>here a some one humming the bow cheeka bow wow porno theme
>look behind me
>tard from tard class is coming out of stall, nude, covered in shit
PUTA MADRE!
>run out of the bathroom as tard gives chase
>run, look back, see tard chasing me like a shit covered Velociraptor
>purest fear ever felt by a living being runs through me
>tard guard grabs tard and takes him away

mfw tard came out of stall smeared in shit

No.370835874

Somebody needs to make a fucking book.
300 pages FULL of greentext tard stories.
Id buy it.

No.370835968

>Be in 11th grade
>Have to piss fucking bad
>Ohfuckingshitrun.jpg
>Find empty bathroom
>Use urinal on the end for courtesy reasons
>Peeing for about 0.2 seconds
>Fat sweaty mongoloid in basketball jersey waddles in
>Uses urinal next to mine
>I rage a little
>He drops his pants to the floor around his ankles
>Vice grips his dick with the strength of 10 men
>Looks at me
>Whispers "I like mah weinurh..."
>Begins violently spinning his cock in circles whilst blasting the urinal with piss
>Starts shouting "WWWOOOOoooohhhhWWWooohHHHHHHWooohhWWOOH!"
>I fucking sprint out of bathroom laughing uncontrollably
>See two tard wranglers run in after hearing his screams of ecstasy
>Bestdayever.jpg

No.370836054

>>370835874
i would buy that book too lol

No.370836060

>>370835874
>>370835874

This.

Or even better, we should start a "Tard Stories" website! It'd be just like "FML" where you can contraboot.

Only this is, we'll need 'tard endorsement. Plenty of other retards who'd get offended.

No.370836072

Bump

No.370836249

>Be 14 in 10th grade
>300 pound Tard in Calculus class
>I don't even know how the fuck it happened
>Hear fapping noise
>Look back at tard
>Tard looks at me
>Winks
>Whips his dick out and starts fapping like a monster
>Stands up on chair while fapping
>Tard sits on desk
>Hear a noise that sounds like a fucking car is starting up
>Tard lets out a rip that shakes a quarter of the class
>Goes on for 10 seconds
>Class smells like pig ass
>See UFO fly across class
>2 more...
>4 more...
>Lost count
>People everywhere in the class feel sticky stuff hit them
>UFOs turn out to be pieces of shit
>Hear a deep rumble from tard's belly
>Fucking bomb shit explodes from his asshole and covers a few desks with shit
>I'm on the other side of the class
>Fuckyeah.jpg

No.370836287

>>370836060
>Plenty of other retards who'd get offended.

Hopefully they'll start a riot and give us more material to use.

No.370836488

>>370835756
>Shit covered velociraptor
Jesus Chirst, my lungs need a break I'm laughing so hard

No.370836555

>>370835756
Being chased by a tard is one of the most terrifying and exhilarating experiences in life.
I wonder why no one has turned it into an extreme sport

No.370836575

holy shit, i sat down for a nice browse on /b/, saw a tard thread, looked at the time and 2 hours have passed O_O

No.370836710

>be 10
>go to bathroom
>14 year old tard walks up and takes the urinal right next to me
>kinda creepy but he doesnt know better
>curious 10-year-old eyes wander
>mfw he's hung like a horse
>what a waste

No.370836819

>10th grade..
>in field house after football practice
>the freshman football couch is king of the tards and one of his subjects is with him..
>this is one of the 20 somethings that is still in highschool..
>someone must have did something or he just blew a fuss..
>suddenly with the strength of five gorilla he has a tard fit...
>coach has to man tackle this poor fuck and hold him on the ground for 5 mins..the whole time hes just crying..
>after words he tells us that they are stronger than most adults with the mind of a child...
>christ

No.370836837

I MADE A TARD STORIES FORUM. POST AWAY /B/
retardstories.forumotion.com/
retardstories.forumotion.com/
retardstories.forumotion.com/
retardstories.forumotion.com/
retardstories.forumotion.com/
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retardstories.forumotion.com/
retardstories.forumotion.com/

No.370836838

>Know this tard kid in freshmen class
>Sit with him ocassionaly at lunch
>He's always watching anime on his ipod
>Make fun of it saying he's watchin hentai
>One day i call him on it
>He flips out
>Throws a piece of lettuce at me...from his pocket
>I say "wtf?"
> I push him
>He hits a trash can
>He crys on floor for 15 minutes
>Runs to the nurse saying i broke his arm
>Called him on it
He got in trouble for lying
>nothing happened to me

No.370836846

>whoops

No.370836848

When I see tard wrangler I think of a fat minority with ass less chaps and a cowboy hat with a lasso around a tard.

No.370836913

>Freshman year
>In PE
>Tard who just moved here from Texas starts speaking in tard while running with us
>I look at tard and say that only steers and queers comes from Texas
>I say that he doesn't have horns
>Fucking tard starts running after me at full speed
>whatthefuck.jpg
>I start lightly jogging
>Still faster than him
>He yells "Go go sonic team"
>He accelerates to warp speed
>I step to the side
>Tard trips on my foot
>Tard tries to get up and fake passes out to piss of coach
>Coach tells him to stop acting
>Tard on ground yelling at me in tardese
>eveythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

No.370837058

>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837
>>370836837

No.370837347

>>370836249
Go to bed kid

No.370837349

>>370836848

queue snorting laughter at midnight

No.370837537

>Be in 5th grade
>Obvious tard with Assburgers is in our normal class
>Tard carries Pikachu doll every day and wears a red hat
>Half way through semester
>For the third week in row tard still doesn't have home work
>Teahcer says "Now ____ you have to do your homework if you expect to do good"
>Fucking tard rage out of no where
>He shouts "I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT ANYMORE!"
>Shitjustgotreal.jpg
>Tard flips his desk and leaps our of his chair
>Runs over to the door with his Pikachu in one hand
>Turns his hat around
>Yells "THUNDERBOLT!!!"
>Fucking chucks his Pikachu at the door
>It slams into the door, swinging it wide open and leaves a huge dent in the wood
>He sprints out of the classroom
>Found 2-hours later playing pokemon yellow under the portable class rooms outdside

No.370837556

>be in 6th grade
>tard goes mental
>screaming and running around school
>no tard wrangler
>teachers do nothing
>tells us not to give him any attention
>tard keeps running around school
>screams tardnonsense at everyone
>kisses my teacher full on the mouth
>mfw

No.370837622

>be in 2nd grade
>tard (dont know if hes actually tard, but hes a fucking tard, leave it at that) in class
>collects toilet paper rolls
>brings like 50 of them in a box for show and tell
>calls them "henry's doot-deh-doos"
>mfw fat teachers starts collecting her toilet paper rolls and giving them to henry

No.370837628

>be 15
>walk out of classroom with bro
>bro is being a dick and kept kicking back of my knee
>tard goes up to him and tells him to stop that
>bro says 'who the fuck are you? gtfo fat bitch'
>bro gets reamed by tard wrangler
>mfw