No.379029312

bamp

No.379030143

bump

No.379030811

>Music class, elementary school
>Autistic/full retard kid is in the same class, his name is Ghiaz
>We get a break since it was a double lesson
>I stand outside for a bit until I hear "Anon, come up quick and look into the bathroom, its fucking important!
>I race up the stairs and look inside to see Ghiaz with his pants and underwear pulled down the way Butters does
>"Jesus, Ghiaz, pull up your damn pants!"
>The retard promptly does what is told to him
>He pulls up the pants while pissing
>His pants are up but his hose is still blasting away
>I get the fuck out of there and go back to class
>Break is over and Ghiaz enters the class, with teary eyes
>He sits down and puts his pencil case on his crotch
>He starts to sob almost inaudibly
>The smell
>The sobs
>And finally the laughter of everyone in the class
>The best part was when we had to do some kind fo musical game where we play an instrument and walk around the class in a certain pattern
>Techer never notices
>class is over and the waterworks really start
>Get called by the homeroom teacher to apologize to him for "making him pee himself"

No.379031226

>Elementary School
>Go to bathroom
>Every time I go to the bathroom, this same retard prairie dogs over the wall of the stall and stares at me.
>One day bring a giant rock into school in my bag
>When he pops over the stall to look at me, throw rock at his face.
>Busts his nose and he falls down the stall and breaks his ankle
>teacher asks me what happened, say he was climbing it and fell
>he can't talk well enough to say I did anything

Fuck, I feel bad now, but I wasn't old enough to grasp retards don't have boundaries

No.379031634

>11 years old, hanging out with a bunch of guys and girls outside my class
>giant (well into the six foot range), drooling, mustached, spastic looking retarded roody-poo walks by. he's in his twenties, everyone else at the school is 10-13. let's call him ben
>he has crusted drool on his shirt
>everyone is disgusted
>some of the guys decide to play a game
>HEY, HEY, BEN
>roody-poo looks at us, his retard face scrunched in concentration
>LOLOLOL HEY BEN, DON'T YOU WANT TO KISS ANON? OR HOW ABOUT ANON? SHE REALLY LIKES YOU, SHE TOLD US ALL
>last time is mine
>what
>WHAT
>retard starts to lumber over, oh god he is going to rape me
>run off fucking screaming along with the rest of the girls
>terrified whenever I see the retard roaming that he might try to pull me aside and rape my virgin vagina

Why would you even put a giant, twenty-something retard in a school of children?

No.379031897

>Dating crazy christcandy-ass for reasons that still escape me today
>Go over to her house for Thanksgiving dinner
>SURPRISE! RETARD SISTER!
>"She has a very high IQ, but she has learning disabilities"
>Looks like someone hit her with a shovel when she was fresh out of her mother's vagina
>The whole family teases her by asking her to spell 'art'
>Not sure how to react when a fully grown adult can't spell art
>Tard storms off to cry
>Family actually laughs about it
>She comes back out and starts punching her mom
>Actually punching her hard
>Family is still laughing at their resident tard

I really had no idea what to do or say. I think that's partially the reason why I broke up with her, though. Crazy christcandy-ass aside, I don't know how I'd act if my children had a retarded aunt. I sure as hell didn't want to be associated with a family that laughs at their retard either.

No.379032022

>waiting in lunch room after eating
>everyone gets up when bell rings
>friends and i are walking back to class
>downy comes up from behind me
>grabs shoulder, shouts in ear:
>HAI BUDAY
>fight or flight tiem
>whip around, deck downy square in face
>he falls to ground like sack of bricks
>he rolls around on floor, moaning
>HERRRR ERRR DERRRF MERRRP NERRP
>teachers come over
>principal
>suspension
>notasinglefuckwasgiven.jpg

that shit was scary

No.379032060

Bamp

No.379032251

>Autistic kid approaches me in the hall:
>"Do you have a roof rack on your vehicle?"
>Retard proceeds to start licking the number engraved on the door next to us
>After he finishes, I answer.
>"No."
>"Why not?"
>"Because I don't need one."
>"OK. Are you a junior or a senior?"
>"Senior."
>"So am I."
>Retard walks away.

I liked that guy.

No.379032508

bump

No.379032619

Back in high school, I needed to participate in a social project in order to write an essay about it. So I didn't really know what to do, saving the environment is gay so can't do that. Helping old people? There's only one cool guy between every 100 old geezers so guess not.

But what is the holy grail of it's-horrible-to-laugh-about-it-but-if-I-don't-my-face-will-explode-entertainment.

>needed to participate in social project for essay back in high school
>help out for a day at retard center with a bro
>first thing I see is a bunch of retards smoking outside
>one of em is talking about bitches he's playing
>my face almost explodes from trying not to laugh

>later that day, following a group
>one tard who isn't that tarded (not a downer) but talks a fucking lot tells sad story
>parents dead, one sister can't take care of him, other alcoholic
>while he's telling this see a retard in shop class going fucking nuts with a saw
>she has her warface on
>burst into laughter
>feels bad man

>during lunch break, enter kitchen
>tard making coffee, his back facing towards me
>turns around, face looks like Pyle in Full Metal Jacket when he goes nuts
>he says while pointing to the coffee: "look, it's POO!"

>at retard's room
>on his nightstand pictures of celebrity women
>they are his 'lovers'
>he kisses them

>later that day retard says something retarded
>I try not to laugh
>supervisor says I should just laugh when I feel like it
>he basically laughs at retards the ENTIRE day

No.379033122

>8th grade
>7th grade rain man Alex next to me at urinal
>pants down to ankles, tighty whities down as well
>pissing, not talking
>he finishes, pulls up, walks up behind my ear
>what he said haunts me to this day
>soft whisper "I saw ya"
>tard leaves
>shaking in my boots
>didtardjustseemydick.jpg

No.379033201

Alright, let's do this shit.

>High School during lunch in the cafeteria
>Me and my friend are in line for some motherfuckin' pizza, bitch
>All of a sudden, like some kind of parade of people who got the shit end of the genetics stick, the special ed class rolls on in the place
>These people are SUPER retarded. If you've ever had to spend lots of time around retards you probably have observed there are certain levels of retard. Well motherfucker these kids were the retards amongst retards
>Me and my friend try to ignore them while waiting for our shitty school pizza but one of them, a fucking fat ginger kid is right behind me yelling "I WANT CHEESE!" in his mangled retard English
>Me and my friend continue to ignore him
>As we go up to get our pizza one of the lunch ladies hands retardo a slice of cheese pizza
>He completely freaks the fuck out because of this
>He takes off his shirt revealing his gigantic fucking moobs and starts swinging it around going "AUGH! AUGH! AUGH! AUGH!"
>He then throws the pizza right at this hot blonde girl behind us
>He then freezes as if he's just realized what he's done
>He then turns very red and farts fucking loudly
>He starts crying
>Turns out he actually shit himself as when his retard tamer was ushering him away watery shit was sliding down his legs
>mfw during this entire ordeal

No.379033552

im puttilng all these stories on Funnyjunk

No.379033588

> Sitting on a train
> Family across from me was a mom with a small baby, a dad and a retard older brother (probably 15/16)
> Mom has baby on her lap, is talking to retard brother who is next to her
>Retard brother starts yelling about sunflowers
>Retard brother stands up, still yelling about sunflowers
>Slaps baby across the face, full retard strength
> Mother screaming
>Retard screaming
> Baby screaming
> Dad freaking out tnjj65jk76kj6

No.379033637

>>379033122
I saw ya....
Wow

No.379033800

I have one more, back in law school there was one pretty 'famous' local case.
>one of our fellow students, one with a very sandy vagina, was waiting at the bus stop after class
>downie happened to be around
>apparently he hugged every girl that he found pretty
>he hugs this girl from behind at the bus stop
>she flips out, people see all of this crap
>she calls cops
>people confirm he 'groped' her from behind (they just confirmed he hugged her)
>retard gets sent to a closed facility for agressive mental patients because of a bitch with a cell phone

No.379033864

Due to an overcrowded high school, we used the local retard and his tard-strength to pave the way in busy hallways. The Janitor even gave us some cardboard boxes that we fashioned into a train for him to wear.

His trigger word was "choo-choo", and upon hearing this he would just bolt down the hallway at full speed. Quite a few unsuspecting people were annihilated by the train.

No.379033974

>be 4 weeks old
>feel really bad stomach ache
>whole family there
>fart so hard it rattles my chair
>everyone laughs
>i shit myself
>it smelled like poop

No.379034119

> Be in high school (English)
> Have a retard school built in our school.
> Somewhat normal retards integrate into our school.
> Hot chick has retard brother in my year.
> Dickheads are taking the piss out of him.
> Feeling grumpy, tell them to stfu and leave him alone.
> Retard tells sister.
> ????
> Couple of blowjobs.
>feelsgoodman.jpg

No.379034258

>in middle school
>i was quiet and had messed up hair
>the classes were integrated, we took things like art, music and gym with retards
>the art teacher thinks from the first day that i'm one of the retards
>she makes me sit at their table
>some of them were actually really cool and fun to talk to
>never tell her the truth, she thinks I'm retarded for the whole year
>she was never impressed by any of my art
>feels bad man


Several years later in high school, the same thing happened. I just love hanging out with retards, they're really interesting and more fun to talk to than normalcandy-asss or misfits. One of the gym teachers called me "big guy" like I was a giant four-year-old.

No.379034674

Just though of another one.

>summer job at grocery store
>retard kid does groceries every day
>if this is the guy that has the task of buying their food, the rest of the family must have megadownz
>he is overweight and he's a fan of cycling
>he wears a Quick.Step cycling uniform EVERY day of the week
>overweight downer in spandex, with cycling helmet that is WAY too small
>shits himself on his bike
>I spotted this while filling up some stuff at the registers
>his seat is dripping fluids, his spandex obviously acting as a filter for his big wet brown sausage
>walks in the store like a motherfucker, shitwater running down his brown spandex pants, past our air conditioning that was blowing hard (it was one of the hottest days ever)
>the entire store now smells like Chris Farley's used diaper after he ate Oprah

No.379034978

>High school gym class
>Waiting outside gym for teacher to unlock doors and let us in
>Retard in class decides to pull down some kids gym shorts
>Pulls down his shorts and boxers
>Dick hanging out in front of everyone
>He runs off
>No one sees him for the rest of the day
>Retard never got in trouble

No.379035208

Ok, so there's this place in Mexico called Playland, which is like a big arcade with shitloads of machines and shit. This happened there like 10 years ago.

>be really bored
>see this game which was sort of the rockband drums but uglier
>HOLY SHIT I WANNA PLAY THAT
>in line for like 15 minutes
>finally hop on
>oh look Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, I'll play that
>suddenly, hear II WUNNA PLAYYYY I WUUUNNAAA PLUUUUUUY
>ignore it, think it's just some fatass kid being dumb
>suddenly, get knocked the fuck off the chair by this gigantic retard, who then proceeds to beat the fuck out of the drumming thingies
>while loudly and in a very retardy voice singing SO YOU THEENK YOU CUN STAHNE MEH AND SPEET IN MAH EYE SO YOU THEENK YOU CUN LUV ME AND LEAVE MEH TO DIE OH BABYYYYYYYYYYYY
>dude wtf
>HURR I DUN LIKE IT ANEMORE
>retard storms off somewhere else
>while doing so, steps on my hand
>oh god it hurts like fuck
>staff justs laughs or stares awkwardly

Since then I hate retards forever and ever

No.379035507

>Be 11, 6th grade motherfuckers
>Retarded 17 year old "blind" (he could see perfectly well) kid
>Has woman assistant that's basically like Seeing Eye dog, with much the same complexion
>Goes to bathroom, assistant says "I'll wait for you outside,"
>10 minutes pass, I am walking down hall, assistant spots me and asks me to go check on him
>only person in there
>far door closed, hear a faint p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p
>knock, retard answers
>ask if he's done yet
>he kicks open door, he was whackin' off in there, and he blows his load RIGHT IN MY FACE
>MY FUCKING FACE
>I HAVE FUCKING BLIND SPERM ALL OVER MY FACE
>ALL OF MY FURY

No.379035669

please someone screencap this.

No.379035811

From 4th through 5th grade I knew this one fella, he did some weird shit.
> He ate his money, change AND bills.
> He made out with a knothole in a tree.
> When said tree was cut down he had to be restrained by two teachers whilst screaming "NO MY HUSBAND."
> His helper had to cut off the sleeves of his shirts because he was taking bites out of them.
> He declared on occasion that Mr Clean was his "Mortal Enemy" he brought bottles and stabbed them.
> He had an unhealthy obsession with clowns and mimes and drew them everywhere.
> He beat me unconscious with a 2x4 and was streaking around the daycare centre when I woke up. (In a puddle of blood, nobody helped me)
> He bit me once through a shirt, undershirt, pants and boxers and made me bleed.

I didn't like him very much.

No.379036184

I like how a majority of these stories take place in a bathroom.

No.379036352

>be in high school
>tard called dust bunny (she like to run her hand over any dusty surface then lick it off)
>me waiting in cafeteria lunch line
>see dust bunny attempting to exit doorway
>theres some poor soul blocking her way
>nu-oh my god
>dust bunny attempts to say "move" but it comes out a random incoherent noise
>kid is facing the other direction, doesnt hear her
>dust bunny loses it, lets out a savage war cry, and lifts her lunch tray over her head
>as the kid starts to turn around, dust bunny brings the tray down on his head with incredible retard strength
>i see a glimpse of terror on his face before he crumples to the ground
>dust bunny casually strides over his body with a look of triumph
>mfw

No.379036354

Alright guys, I've got a couple, SO STRAP IN~

>sitting at lunch with a couple of bros from senior video class
>glance over at retard table, full two inches of fat retard roody-poo buttcrack
>point in direction of tard.
>"Hey, Nolon, you like the ass on that hoe?"
>He looks, then instantly back at me shocked.
>looks down at his food
>throws up all over half eaten corndog with the half he just ate, topped with chocolate milk.

>Talking about dinosaurs with friend, dunno why
>Turn corner of hallway, deep in the convo.
>feel a sharp pain in my knee, say THE FUCK
>look down, midget kid with trex arms ran into me
>felt bad at first.
>realize he did it on purpos.
>thinks I was talking about him
>remember he is a wigger cunt.
>"hey nigga, watch where u goose steppin"
>dontevengiveafuck

>Office worker, going to classess handing shit out
>pass bathroom, hear awesome screaming sound
>Think it is one of my bros, repeat the scream louder
>Retard and handler walk out of bathroom
>run down stairs laughing my ass off

>Working at local pool, lifeguarding is awesome
>two buses pull into parking lot
>Doors open.
>TARD STAMPEDE
>have no idea what to do
>start pulling everyone out of the pool
>ready for the onslaught, bring the drownings on
>mfw they swim better than me

No.379037059

>>379035669
Relax dude, this is just like every other tard stories thread.

No.379037072

>in lit class, kid with tourettes is in class
>normally only has mild tics and occasionally stutters
>teacher is black
>calls her a roody-poo several times a week on average by "accident"
>either her blackness is triggering his tourettes or he is faking it
>if the latter then son I am proud

No.379037343

>do tax internship
>help poor people prepare and file their taxes
>a fucking gaggle of retards come in
>this one retard just goes NGHHHHHHHHH really fucking loud over and over
>start laughing so fucking hard in their face
>their slave master gets mad at me
>tell them i have to go to the bathroom so i don't have to help them
>can't stop laughing
>mfw

No.379037426

>>379035669

y'know you can screencap anything on the internet for free- all on your own. there's no special permission that needs to be granted, just perform the screencap button combination for your particular platform and enjoy the tard stories or whatever else for the rest of your life.

No.379037591

>sitting in class
>teacher leaves the room
>some kids start throwing paper balls
>phil throws a ball and accidentally hits the retard, brendan
>he flips his shit and yells "HOOO DID IT????"
>we all point at phil because hes a candy-assgot and we always like watching brendan go crazy
>brendan throws his desk in retaliation, it misses phil, breaks the window
>brendan is laughing maniacally
>phil runs out the classroom
>whole class can't stop laughing

Another time

>brendan asks if he can go to the toilet
>is gone for about half an hour
>walks back into class not wearing any pants and carrying underpants full of shit

When we were in computer class

>brendan trying to load the printer with paper
>can't figure shit out
>starts trying to shove the paper in forcefully
>eventually rages and throws the printer across the room
>he really likes throwing large objects

No.379037909

>>379033800

She ofcourse really did have a sandy vagina.

No.379037935

>Was in 3rd grade with retard named Malik.
>Went to annual pumpkin patch field trip during harvest season
>Bumblefuck of a teacher decides it'd be a good idea to show the class what the insides of a pumpkin look likes.
>Farmer takes ax, splits pumpkin in half, and children pass the split pumpking around in a circle.
>Malik, the first one to get the pumpkin, vomits in it.
>When we come back from the field trip

No.379038268

>>379037935
No you can't end a story like that. My Grammar rage tingles

No.379038514

>Go to an christian youth group
>talking about how the church has helped/affected our lives
>go in to small groups to discuss it
>finish, its time to volunteer to speak about stuff to the whole church
>retard sticks his hand up
>thisisgonnabegood.jpg
>HAI, I JUSS WANNA FANK YOU GAIZ FOR HELPIN ME AND MAH FAMIWY FROO HARD TIMES AND STUFF AND I WANNA SAY FANK YOO
>aww, well that was uneventufl...
>AND MY PAWENTS PROBABBLY DONT WONT ME SAYIN DIS BUT-
>oh fuck yes.
>WUN TIEM I WAS GONNA WATCH A MOOVIE SO I NEEDED SOME SNACKS
>SO I WENT TO DA MILKBAR WIF 4 DOLLAHS TWEN- NOT WAIT 4 DOLLAHS AND FIRTY CENTS.
>SO I GOT TO DA MILKBAR AND GOT SOME CHIPS AND COCA COLA WITH VANILLA
>DA LADY SAID IT WAS 5 DOLLAHS TWENTY BUT I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH
>SO I SAID WHY CANT YOU JUST GIVVIT T ME
>AND SHE SAID NO
>SO I SAID WHY CANT YOU JUST GIVE IT TO ME
>AND SHE SAID NO
>AND DEN IT WENT ON LIKE DAT FOR A WHILE
>DEN THE POLICE CAME WITH SIRENS AND I WAS SCARED AND RAN AWAY
>I DIDNT GET MY SNACKS SO I COULDNT WATCH DA MOOVIE.

>the whole church is silent
>im standing next to my friend
>DONTLOOKATHERDONTLOOKATHER
>eye contac
>i had to go to the bathroom to laugh.
>she went outside.

No.379039027

>Go for drivers test
>mcdonalds beforehand
>retard bus was there
>full of retards
>go to piss
>downie at urinal, pants round his ankles, going HHHNNNGGGGG while not pissing
>downie in only cubicle too, fuck
>sees me there
>OH HELLOOOO
>I GOING FOR PEEEEEE HHHNNGGGGGGGGG
>i get my ass out of there without pissing
>mother asks if i am ok
>i say "no"

No.379039237

>In middle school
>There is an autistic kid in history class, not full retard but still pretty slow
>Get chosen by teacher to help him with a worksheet
>Fucking great
>I tell him every answer so he can copy it on his paper
>He decides to use a grease pencil that he stole from the science lab instead of a regular one
>He says "Anon I gotta sharpen my pencil"
>I tell him it won't work
>He doesn't listen
>Walks up to front of classroom
>Shoves grease pencil into electric sharpener
>It gets mucked up instantly and breaks
>Retard screams EEEGAAAAAAHHHH and throws pencil sharpener on floor
>Rips off his jacket, throws in the air
>Runs out of classroom, screaming down the hallway
>Teacher instantly dashes out of room, yelling "SOMEBODY HELLLLLPPP! HE'S LOOSE!!!"
>Everyone is completely silent, listening to the chaos unfolding outside
>Whole class looks at me, friend says "Anon, what did you do?!"
>Shrug
>Everyone lol'd

No.379039563

Okay so this dude wasn't retarded but... he was pretty autistic.

>His senior year, my sophomore year
>He asks this girl to prom but she's going some dude
>They break it off so he decides to get crafty
>Storms into her math class with a rose, one knee and asks her by putting her on the spot
>She says she's going with her friend sitting next to her (friends a girl too)
>Dude FREAKS TEH FUCK OUT
>Yelling and slamming of doors breaking a clock
>He goes outside for a few minutes then comes back in apologizing
>Math teacher is PISSED, straight up tells him to get the fuck out or else
>Dude picks up a desk and THROWS it across the fucking room

You think you're forever alone?! That dude has it way bad

No.379039645

>Be in grade 11 (This year)
>Tard kid everyone loves in class
>The teacher is sitting at her desk
>The teacher pulls her lunch out (spagbol)
>Retard get's angry because we're not allowed to eat in class
>"then how has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to eat morelike??"
>Suddenly spaghetti flows out of her bowl onto the floor
>Tard kid starts dancing and shouting
>all of a sudden spaghetti is poor out of his ears and nose
> spaghetti sauce starts leaking out of everyones asshole at an alarming rate
>Whole room filled with spagbol
>WhatTheFuckJustHappened.jpg
>Be confused for the rest of my life
>Two years later I was

No.379039709

>in college marching band
>tard schools ask us to get a small group to play at tard homecoming football game
>we go and we're all ready to play for the entrance
>tards come out
>one tard runs around the entire field giving everyone the middle finger
>other tard gets him to stop by kicking him in the nuts
>tard fight
>best thing I have ever seen

No.379040078

>Be in 5th grade
>Theres this annoying ass kid who snitches on everyone. Seems to have mental problems of some kind.
>Me and friend find out he has a phobia of birds
>Trollfaces activate
>We follow him home from school and yell "AJ the birds are gonna get you! Coo Coo!!"
>He flips the fuck out, drops his books and runs with his arms over his head
>Many laughs were had

No.379040334

>be called to video-record an award ceremony
>get there with the camera an tripod and stuff
>everyone is so weirdly loud
>the ceremony starts
>they hand diplomas to down people who learned how to use the internet (mails, facebook, etc)
>one shouts at his mom while on the stage, to come an pick the diloma with him
>she gets on, the hug and cry, every single heart on the audience was melted
>a life lesson was learned~
>eat free cake at the after-party

No.379040420

When I was 11 or 12 I was at a swim center about to run off the high-dive, and there was a fucking retard in line behind me who was like 6'2, he runs up and literally punches me in the back with both his hands and sends me flying into the water.

After he jumps off I let him get in line in front of me, and when he was about to jump I threw his ass off.
Everybody looked at me like I just punched a baby.

No.379040742

My autistic ass was in when of these special classes for 4th and 5th grade. It was pretty much shit, but I met a lifelong friend there so it was worth it I guess. My memories are pretty vague, but I'll tell what I do remember.

Oh and this class had a time out zone, pretty much a box filled mats where you'd go if you were pissed or the teachers were restraining you.

>scrawny kid acts like a tough guy
>gets in argument with teachers, ends up in time out zone
>teachers give him typical rhetoric, "no one's perfect" and all that
>NO I AM PERFECT. I'M PREFECT! I'M PERFEEEEECT!!!
>goes on for at least ten mintues
>all my 9 year old self is thinking about is Cell from DBZ

>fat kid
>sounds like he's always on helium
>says "supposed to" as "esposed to"
>correct him
>teachers bitch how it's "not my place to do that" and the like
>rageface.jpg

>jewish kid
>candy-ass, talks like a high school girl
>always tries to play games with me and my friend, teachers don't make us play with him so it's all cool
>gets restrained on a daily basis
>delicious tears.jpg

>stereotypical ginger, fuckton of allergies, fat and gets sick all the time
>cries all the time over the most trivial bullshit
>seriously, one minor thing and he starts bawling

>we get our own "buses" (really they were just vans)
>driver is total moralcandy-ass
>"my kids don't have tv and etc."
>doesn't let us talk about games higher than E rating because "we're not old enough to play them"
>all I want to do is talk about Metroid
>why.jpg

>different scrawny kid that acts tough
>we have a disagreement
>he puts his fist to him like he wants to fight
>I stand there egging him on, knowing I'm twice his size and could easily beat him if he tried to start shit
>teachers send him to time out zone, and praise me for not punching him back
>trollface.jpg

No.379041013

>Computer Class
>retard tries to turn on computer
>doesn't realize that its unplugged
>gets increasingly madder
>i see this shitstorm happening but dont say anything because i expect some lulz
>retard stands up and yells "IT WONT TURN ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>picks up the $2000 dollar computer and throws it across the room
>Runs out of the room
>Substitute teacher has no idea how to react
>Teachers goes out of the room to tell principal
>Whole class erupts into laughter
>Suddenly retard comes back in the class
>Whole class is silent in anticipation of more lulz
>Retard goes to every computer and shoves it off the desk
>Nobody tries to stop him
>Substitute teacher and principal come back just in time to see him trash the last working computer
>I almost die from holding back laughter

Fucking retards man...

No.379041027

>>379031897
I would of lol'd so hard, you're a fucking moracandy-ass gtfo

No.379041202

>>379039645
>be in eleventh grade (this year)
>two years later

getthefuckout

No.379041287

>live next door to family that has a retard son
>little sis is friends with the retard's brother
>he sometimes tags along with them when they're playing
>sometimes, he's left to his own devices
>one day, he's carrying this bottle of window cleaner and spraying it on every surface he can find
>he gets into apartment building where we live (poorcandy-ass here)
>sprays our door with it
>I catch him in the act, try take the bottle away from him
>mom's boyfriend was there and had seen him as well
>he's pissed
>he yanks the bottle out of the retard's hands
>he positions the bottle over the retard's patchy head and
>*spray*
>*spray spray*
>*spray spray spray spray spray*
>I cannot believe what I am witnessing
>inform the guy that the kid's a retard, in case he didn't know
>he doesn't seem to care
>no one ever finds out

No.379041606

>be in high school
>kid by the name of Billy, not sure what's wrong with him but you can tell he ain't all there
>Billy is generally annoying to everyone so eventually people start making fun of him
>he doesn't get it, keeps annoying people
>a guy I used to sort of hang out with gets this idea to give him a nickname
>makes up a word to use as the nickname, which is "Romadeer"
>word has no meaning
>it catches on and everyone starts calling him that
>a year later after the guy that created "Romadeer" had left school, people still call him that
>Billy now rages every time someone calls him that, throws trash cans and shit
>Teachers finally get tired of him raging and call everyone that they can find that has called him that at some point to the office to ask why we call him that and what it means
>They never get a straight answer from any of us and eventually just tell us not to ever call him that again

Apparently, to this day if someone calls him "Romadeer", he'll rage and beat the shit out of someone when they call him that.

No.379041912

>retard sits at my study hall table and plays pokemon every single day
>me and my friend follow into the bathroom
>pretend to take a picture of him peeing
>he doesn't notice
>tell him that we took a picture of his cock
>he starts throwing a FIT
>throwing chairs, crying, screaming
>tamer holds that retard down
>/retard strength
>throws tamer off
>jumps into garbage can
>starts eating banana peels, leftovers, etc
>security guards wheel the garbage can out
>never see tard again
>never got in trouble

No.379042271

>be in grade 6
>retard in class, some sort of heart defect or something, also loss of oxygen to the brain during birth
>working on projects
>group retard is in asks him to get something from another desk
>while gone, groupmates draw a huge pink sparkly dick on retard's worksheet, detail and everything
>retard goes full retard
>flips desk, tears sheet, crying
>storms out of room and slams door so hard lock is broken
>fucking locked in our non-AC room in June with "safety" windows you can't open
>instant hate towards retard by all students
>locksmith eventually fixes lock
>later, retard's morbidly obese mom tries to chew me out for provoking her retard offspring's tantrum
>I scream for help, claim she's trying to take me with her
>teachers within hearing range bolt towards lardass
>I get the fuck out of there
>friends saw it all
>couldn't stop laughing whole way home

No.379042475

>>379033864
>>379033122
I lol'ed so fucking hard i couldnt breathe, those were the funniest stories i've read in SO long

No.379042941

ohhh boy...

>2nd grade
>tard in gr 3, this kid was like 10/10 retarded. he wore the same pair of sweatpants everyday, weighed at least 200 lbs, as wide as he was tall, and was balding. legit. there were huge patches of his tard hair missing.
>this fucker peed everywhere he could.
>tard pisses in boot room
>more specifically, pissed inside a kids shoe
>nice hammock made of blue rope in playground at school
>one day tard pisses in it
>whole fucking hammock smells like piss
>tard trollface when school removes it

>Gr 10
>best friend has fat black retarded chick named tracy on his bus
>every fucking day tracy sings along to hannah montana on her fucking late 90s walkman cd player
>loud and annoying as shit
>whole bus throws carrots at her one day
>she cries and tard rages, bus driver installs cameras
>shit gets so bad driver puts in seating plan
>my friend gets tracy's former seat
>when bus driver tells him this he gets super pissed
>DO I LOOK FAT, BLACK, OR RETARDED?
>whole bus cheers

>be in gr 12
>tard on my bus
>favorite tard ever
>short, arabic, two lazy eyes
>this kid physically cannot maintain eye contact with anyone or anything
>super polite but occasionally swears like a sailor so it's really funny
>will laugh has ass off if you say "shit" or "fuck", thinks tourettes guy is the funniest thing ever.
>obsessed with christmas
>has been singing christmas carols every day on the bus since the end of september
>carries around an iphone which he shows to everyone, only two things on it are national lampoons christmas vacation and tourettes guy clips
>every picture on his facebook (yes, this tard has fb) is christmas related
>kid has no memory; i talk to him everyday and i'm still not sure if he knows who i am
>bring guitar on the bus everyday and he always asks if its a guitar
>wants to be a paramedic
>calls every girl he meets beautiful, honestly means it
>mfw this tard is a nobler gentleman than i


more to come...

No.379042997

> semi - retarded kid in 8th grade
> I steal his lunchbox
> he doesn't see
> Tell him I might know where it is
> Kid tells me he'll pay me $5 to help find it
> go out into hallway
> eat everything in lunchbox
> it had lunchables
> my mom NEVER buys me lunchables
> give it back to him empty
> get the $5
> go buy a five piece
> fuck up on my flute in music continuously

No.379043661

>>379033201
>like some kind of parade of people who got the shit end of the genetics stick
>SUPER retarded.
>retards amongst retards
lol'd so fucking hard

No.379043666

SLEEP

No.379043740

>get sent to psych ward one spring break during high school for being a stupid suicidal pussy
>all of the kids there are younger than me
>earn unofficial 'ward momma' title
>all the kids love me and i make them get along with each other
>us vs. negligent, occasionally abusive nursing staff
>two black autistic kids admitted one day
>like, bad autistic
>i mean fucking near-vegetative autistic
>scream all night
>cannot make words
>all we get to do in there is color and play board games
>sick of board games, start coloring a sweet-ass
elk-man hybrid
>black autistic girl approaches me, looking excited
>offer her my completed coloring page
>she swipes it out of my hand and gets agitated
>pick it up, ask if she still wants it
>she grabs my thumb instead
>yanks it violently towards her mouth while snapping her jaws over and over again LOUDLY
>nursing staff APPEARS OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE to tackle her
>my kids are screaming and trying to find out if i'm okay
>coolface.jpg

I have nothing against the autistic. They're usually pretty upbeat and kind despite the shitty hand they're playing with. I'm glad I kept my thumb, but that place was so fucked up I would have loved to start some legal shit on account of that.

No.379043862

>>379033552

I vote we rape this candy-ass for being here. Funny junk candy-ass in our midst stealing our shit.

No.379043983

>>379043666

I see your sleep and raise you Down

No.379044056

> Be In middle school
>Tard in a few of my classes named Author.
>Stupid enough to set password to abc123.
>everyone surfs porn on his name
>He ends up surrounded by four kids just teasing the hell out of him. They are ready for the pouncing.
>I speak up about evening the odds.
>Downie uses the distraction and used Strength. It's super " Oh god I've never seen a kid used as a weapon before" Effective.
>Gives me candy from his stash
>never saw him again, but I do chuckle thinking about 4 kids bleeding on the floor.

No.379044215

Actually this is an embarrassing story to myself.

>Be in Grade 10
>In the computer lab
>Doing lab report
>I forget how to spell hypothesis
>Ask friend beside me
>Autistic kid turns to me and yells out "H-Y-P-O-T-H-E-S-I-S, YOU MOTHERFUCKING RETARD!"
>Class goes silent
>I start to tear up a little, I don't really know why
>Looked at the clock, it said 2:22
>Trips
>Checked 'em
>Grabbed all my books
>Slowly leave
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur

mfw I later got hit by a snake
mfw I am the snake
mfw I have no face

No.379045196

>Sitting at lunch with friends in our senior year
>Giant mondo tard hobbles over. Huge, thick glasses. Looks old enough to buy alcohol, but he's generally tolerable.
>We pay no attention to him
>Suddenly, he says "You've brought this on YOURSELVES." in this really creepy, cryptic voice.
>We all look at each other like WTF
>He slaps my friend in the face with a piece of pizza, then licks it and wanders away
>Can't stop laughing

No.379045261

>>379043862
I say you fuck off candy-assgot. here I am reading funny as sped stories and comments saying how funny they are and you come out of nowhere like a candy-assgot trying to start a little fight. tits or gtfo

No.379045864

>>>>379045261
0/10

No.379045909

bump we need more of these

No.379045990

>Be 4th grader
>Retard named Alyssa in same grade storms in
>HAI GUISE
>Recess, fuck yeah
>Run around on playground
>Suddenly out of nowhere "Anon over here now!"
>Run to friends
>Alyssa has pants off and is shitting in middle of playground
>Why I'm experiencing the crushing feeling of my innocence dying after seeing a retard shit on my playground I don't know, I don't like it.

No.379047128

Bump

No.379047260

>mom works in hospital
>tells me all about this pretty young woman working in the cafeteria
>how much she loves jesus
>how much she loves the pic of me mom showed her
>notsureifserious.jpg
>pick up mom one day after work
>she needs a few minutes to "wrap up work"
>mom disappears
>I hear a sped yell from deep in the kitchen "HE'S HERE?"
>attractive young woman appears
>wtf is going on
>she opens her mouth and sounds completely derpy
>whyboner
>whymom
>drive mom home
>explain her coworker is retarded
>"but she loves Jesus"
>areyoufuckingkiddingme.jpg

No.379047270

>>379042941
>tard trollface when school removes it
This would look unbelievably hilarious.

No.379047340

>At local coffee shop
>Tard hijacked LITERALLY every 'open mic night' to read his terrible poetry
>Tards voice resembles the teacher from Ferris Beuler's Day Off but with that offbeat tard tone
>Tard calls parent or guardian or some shit
>Keeps asking if he can go to church or something
>Person on the phone insists that he had some sort of prior engagement
>Tardrage.exe
>Begins throwing shit around coffee shop screaming incoherently
>Owner asks him to leave
>Tard flips shit and screams 'YOURE A BAD .... MONEY.... BUISNESSMAN!!1!!!!11'
>Gets taken away by guardian/ parent
>Coffee shop urchins rejoice

No.379048062

Bump lets keep this thread living

No.379048166

Nodder bump

No.379048324

>>379048166
Live dammit live

No.379048331

>be in 4th grade
>last day, last hour of year
>weird ass kid sets backpack on floor
>dafuq is that smell?
>whole class looks at weird asses bag
> grayish purple juice flowing out one of the pockets pooling on carpet
>reeks like dead asshole
>gagging, laughing, and general disgust
>teacher notices and reluctantly, opens bag to remove cause of said liquid
>removes popped bag of grapes that weird-ass admits his mom packed for him on day one
>smell is over 9000

same kid next year
>wears sweat pants everyday and plays so he can play with himself with ease
>looks like a pedophile to this day (11th grade)

No.379048374

>>379047260
Why didn't you hit that shit?
No, seriously.

No.379048476

>>379048324
i wont let you die on me i need your lulz

No.379048573

>be in 9th grade
>be at lunch
>have a monster energy drink
>tell my friend to piss in a empty milk carton and tell tard it's some monster
>friend fucking delivars
>we give it to tard he believes us
>he takes a sample
>says it "sho is gud"
>my friends start laughing fucking hard as fuck
>my friend that pissed is now alpha as fuck
>tard takes a sip fuckin lol
>still "sho is gud"
I sat and watched a tard drink my friends pis it was the best day I the fucking year.

No.379048662

>be 15
>2nd period
>holyshitineedtopee.jpeg
>goes to bathroom
>notice tard wrangler walking out of bathroom
>think tard has broken free from tard wrangler’s grip
>walk into bathroom
>hear high pitched voice
>then hear low pitched voice
>shit breaches ass cheeks
>duck into bathroom stall
>imgoingtodiehere.wmv
>hear flush
>prepare anus for stretching by tard
>see big brown figure pass by stall
>brown figure stops
>smells the air
>oh shit
>Tard is actually a bear
>bear loses its shit and starts raging in the bathroom
>realize I have to do something quick
>take what seems forever to come up with a plan and regain composure
>finally decide to commence plan
>open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

No.379048703

>>379048374
>>379048374
Should have told her he was Jesus...

No.379048794

>>379048476
bump

No.379048928

>>379048573
Feeding a tard piss is not alpha. It's not even beta. It's omega shit tier. Less than. Being alpha=/=being a complete and total douche. You're both fucking failures.

No.379049146

>be 15
>tiny thing new to this Earth and high school
>a wild hambeast appears
>16 year old freshman, 6' tall, burly, hairy, derpy, female
>derpina is enchanted by my tiny elfin little body
>we share the same bus
>never gets the courage to sit next to me but eyeballs me every ride
>joins my afterschool class for reasons that become apparent
>eyeballs me every ride back home too
>starts telling people we are dating
>disrupting my attempts to date a completely normal person
>clumsily asks me out
>proximity to smell and sausage fingers and body hair frightens me
>fear for my life
>be courageous
>say no, insist we are not dating, announce I mad she told others we were
>she cries
>she wants to make out anyway
>I run like the fleet-footed woodland creature I am

To this day I do not know exactly what kind of tard Derpina was. I do not know, and I do not care. Maybe they would call it Asperger's today, but as I said I do not care.

>captcha Odysseys snsdati
oh come on captcha its not THAT epic

No.379049260

>be in high school
>one tard thinks he's a cat
>meows, hisses, and wears kitten ears ALL THE TIME
>go to the bathroom unaware that the tards are about to charge the bathroom
>just poopin', minding my own business
>fucking Mr Mistoffelees breaks the door with the strength of a thousand downs
>pees all over me
>I was raped by Mr Mistoffelees.

No.379049370

>>379048374
It is true! Those titties weren't retarded! They were round and buxom. But even at the awkward age of 18 I was not that desperate for ass.

No.379049503

>>379045261
no he's right you're a candy-assgot. Go back to funnyshit

No.379049819

>Been in school with one particular retard my entire life
>Kid has always been a hulking goddamn monster
>In highschool he lumbers at something like fucking 6'7", couldnt be any less than 270lb
>I go in for lunch early because my off campus class gets me in before others
>Sit down, eat pizza
>Cafeteria is completely deserted except for me and like two other kids
>Jacob the Giant comes lumbering through
>Stops in the middle of the cafeteria
>Emits a noise similar to that of a diesel engine at full speed
>Throws three chairs across the cafeteria unprovoked
>what

Kid is scary as fuck.
Also I fucking hate retards and the fact I'm forced to share a facility with them. They are literally incapable of personal survival, I dont know why we waste money on them

No.379049912

bump

No.379050608

>>379049370
Does she still work there with your mom?
Go back round, see if she's still hot. HIT THAT SHIT. Be sure to post pics.

No.379050708

>>379049260
>one tard thinks he's a cat
>meows, hisses, and wears kitten ears ALL THE TIME

You sure he wasn't just some kind of furry?

No.379050971

>be 12 and in middle school
>only tard who was a fellow student was pretty inoffensive
>School janitor clearly had something wrong with him
>Arranged lunch tables in the quad so the only shady spot had no table in it
>Got mad at me when I used my modicum of physical strength to move a table into the shade
>Accused my friends and me of making messes that were nowhere near our table
>Constantly said he would go to the school administration to have them deal with us
>Principal thought I walked on water because I was able to do basic math
>Nothing happened, but he never left us alone.

No.379051284

>in middle school
>big autistic retard named alex
>spaz and will kill you if you look at him funny
>sat at my table
>me and my buddy mike throwing nasty ass chicken patty around
>he loses control and it hits alex in the face
>alex slams his hands on the table and sreams "YOU FUCKED UP"
>alex climbs over table
>tackles mike onto floor
>stabs mike in eye with plastic spoon
>mike hit him so hard his eye got fucked up
>he doesnt notice
>teacher comes to stop it
>alex hits teacher
>teacher goes back in classroom
>Alex stopped on rampage 10 minutes later by horde of police
>expelled
>mfw he is my dealer

No.379052036

Bump

No.379052301

> be tard
> struggle hard to get through each day, trying to take advantage of the rare opportunity of getting a real education
> years constantly harassed and insulted by classmates for no reason other than looking different/being slow at communicating
> one day group of bullies come up to me and start pushing me around
> hits me in the ear (I'm nervous about my ears)
> go into a blind rage
> punching and kicking the nearest ones
> smashing their heads together
> take down all 5 of them
> run away terrified I might have killed someone
> get expelled
> end up in detention centre
> spend next 20 years there

No.379052727

>high school
>first time dealing with tards
>they are not tragic heroes like in movies
>tards occupy their own special table at lunch
>it is not that they are loud it is that they bellow and make animal noise
>monkey instincts say "stay the fuck away"
>I try my best
>high school built for 900 people
>high school has 1600 students
>between bells we're packed in the halls like cattle
>am between classes packed like cattle
>behind me hear animal bellowing
>monkey senses tingling
>someone has startled the tard
>tard rampage
>tard is moses
>red sea of students being thrown out of the way and falling down
>I am pushed, tripped, and fall down
>wranglers are chasing moses down the path moses has cleared
>takes more effort to push and run than just run
>wranglers catching up shouting at tard
>he makes a break for it out the door
>one fewer tard and a bunch of quiet tards at lunch the next day
>tell people I'm scared of the tards because they are dangerous
>they say I'm insensitive
>mfw normal people are even more retarded than retards

No.379052949

Any of you remember tardblog when it came out? That shit is cash. There are mirrors...go read it. She is one of Tucker Max's friends. May be the reason I know who Tucker is. He has some funny shit too if you like living your life vicariously through a complete asshole.

No.379053450

>Be in kindergarden
>Two retards in class. Vikki, the mustached tall savage with a speech impediment, and Karen, the color-my-teeth-with-crayons-because-mommy-smoked-crack-when-i-was-in-the-womb tard.
>Be 5 years old and innocent
>Ask vikki why she talks funny
>ITCHS BEE KAWH UZ I SPEK AWNGLUSH


Later that year

>Watch retards from afar, pretend I'm on a tard safari with national geographic
>Karen has her hand down her pants, walking around the room in a circle.
>Teacher calls Karen over to tell her to take her hand out of her pants
>Karen promptly leaves a shit hand print on my teacher's boob.

No.379053558

>>379028909
Someone please archive this shit

No.379053632

>>379053450
lol

No.379053791

>>379053450

No.379054037

>tard walks up to me
>says "I just prevented a murder!"
>I humor him by asking "how?"
>responds with "Self control."
>tard walks away
>fear him forever now

No.379054755

TARDS!

Make money by filling out Captchas.

You can write in random shit like NIGGER into the captcha and still get paid!

>So EASY that a TARD can earn.

Use these invite codes:
>7QR
>7U7
>7U8
>7U9
>7UA
>7UB

No.379054866

>everyday I go to work
>I put my crap away, say hello to my coworkers
>check my email
>gather my supplies
>head to my classroom
>teach special education

No.379054943

>>379054755
Report submitted! This window will close in 5 seconds...

No.379055877

>>379054866
Does the "I killed the thread" dance.

No.379056512

>>379049146
'derpina'
GTFO

No.379056920

>>379056512
>so foreveralone cannot laugh
>gets buttmad at other people for no reason
normal people are more retarded than retarded people

No.379056989

>Be in grade 9
>Kid has Aspergers or something
>People making fun of him
>Two pens come out from his sleeves a la Assassins Creed
>mfw

No.379057072

>in the train station waiting for train to uni
>the only places they have to sit are these massive square stone benches
>sit on the only one that's empty, they're huge so they can seat like 20 ppl
>big group of downie tards on a fucking tard field trip comes derping down the stairs
>ohfuck they're so going to sit next to me
>of course they do
>massive tard girl sits right next to me, so close our shoulders are touching
>pokerface....just pretending to read my book...can't get up and move b/c trying to not act revolted and terrified at the same time
>tard girl looks over at me and says hi
>ignore
>thank fuck she just turns her potato head and derps with other tards
>after an eternity the train comes
>of course it's fucking packed full
>nowhere to sit, have to stand next to the tards
>start to feel like a tard
>as soon as the train starts moving, one of the tards starts howling at the top of his lungs in terror
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>I have to turn and face the wall, cover my mouth to prevent from laughing
>for 5 minutes straight the tard is howling like a banshee
>smell shit
>he shit his pants
>other tards start getting excited...looks like a pack of chimps
>finally the next stop, the dimwit tard wranglers decide to take them off
>as they get off, I hear the screamer tard say "I liked that ride"
>once they're gone, look at the floor, big streaks of shit and footprints
>walk to the front of the car, ppl look at me like i'm an escaped tard
srsly why do they let these fucking 'people' out in public?

No.379057091

>>379056920
> foreveralone

take that with you when you fuck off back to redcandy-ass

No.379057378

>>379056920
>9gagcandy-ass

No.379058254

>be born didn't think many retards
>grow up, everyone retard
batmannjpg

No.379058418

>Be last week
>Be on the bus home from school(mom was always too lazy to get me my lisense).
>Retard comes up I have my kneels in the bus hall
>whole bus is empty
>I have noise canceling headphones on cant hear shit
>Retard kneels in my lap till i move
>i dont move by myself
>retard that is half my size manages to muster up all his tard strength and shove me to the wall of the bus
>sits like its NBD
>he calls his little retard friend over that has a hannah montana backpack to sit with us
>MFW
>im pissed
>retard manages to hear what im listening to
>slams his retarded elbow onto my chest till i communicate with him
>i look at him
>all he says is hey
>i reply "die"
>put headphones on again
>not a single fuck was given but i was extremely pissed that that retard thought he could do that.
>MFW i got off the bus.

No.379058800

> frustrated that everyone is better than me no matter how hard I try
> spend whole childhood wondering how everyone around me can learn things faster, figure things out without being told, never shit themselves in class
> one day it gets too much and in a fit of anger I throw a chair across the room
> get expelled from school and put into a detention centre for retards
> finally realise why everyone was smarter than me

No.379059678

Wasn't retarded but was legit crack baby and kinda like Forest Gump

>playing xbox live with friends and Forest Gump
>'So Forest Gump, what kind of girls do you like?'
>WELL I LIKE, WELL--UHH, THE ONE BIG BIG TITS
>LIKE, OKAY, I WAS JACKIN OFF RIGHT
>AND DIS GURL HAD HUUUUUGE TITTIES
>LIKE OH MA GAWD
>AND IT WAS SO HOT THAT--UHHH THAT I CAME
>I CAME SO HARD AND LIKE YOU KNOW?
>YOU KNOW HOW WHEN ITS GOOD YOU SHOOT?
>I SHOT ALLLLL OVER MY FACE!
>'What?'
>Die of laughter
>YEA MAN I MISSED MY JAR SO BAD HUR HUR
>'Wait, jar?'
>YEA DUDE, MY CUM JAR!
>I KEEP IT IN THE FREEZER AND, I LIKE, CLEAN IT
>'What? WHAT!?'
>ONLY WHEN ITS FULL DOE HUR HUR
>yousickfuck.jpg

No.379060195

>>379057091
>>379057378
Foreveralone is a 4chan meme inspired by you very gentlemen, who should be put down like the rabid apes you are.

No.379060266

>>379059678
> 2011
> not keeping your cum in a jar
I seriously hope

No.379060552

>>379060266
>2012
>still thinking it's 2011

No.379061700

>>379060552
>>379060266
>implying it was ever acceptable to keep cum in jar

No.379062997

>>379060552
the years begin to run together every January/February when you have lived more than 5 of them

No.379063643

>>379054037
go back to reddit you absolute candy-assgot

No.379063741

>be a senior in high school
>lunch with my drama friends
>quiet autisti-tard always sits at the table next to us and watches tv
>me and drama friends start singing from our recent musical
>tard turns around and screams "SHUDDUP STAHP SINGING" like a howler monkey
>I decide to be a smart-ass and whistle
>shitstorm
>he punches his beefaroni so hard it fucking splattered two tables away
>"WHO'S DOING THAT"
>coolface.jpg
>I pull off my epic high-pitch poker face whistle
>After about a minute he lets out a war cry and runs into the wall, knocking himself out
>I think he tried to kill himself

No.379064308

>>379063643
Pretty sure its ok to use 4chan memes on 4chan. And I'm pretty sure I knew 9 year olds who yell at their moms in public better than you.

No.379065483

since an angry 12 year old has killed the thread allow me to fill it with joy until it once again revives and new stories of tards might abound

No.379065609

Is it wrong that I read all these stories in Bitch Stuey voice?

No.379065624

>be 10th grader
>be in cafeteria
>fuckin tater tots man
>retard walks up and shoves sexy chick into me
>ketchup cover titties
>OH GOD IM SO FUCKING SORRY
>got laid
>realized this was fucking awesome
>followed retard around the rest of the year
>got laid maybe 3 more times
>FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKYEEESSSS.xml

No.379066177

>>379065609
That kind of makes them sound like little bitches, which some of the "authors" most certainly are, but not all. Mostly the bitch in the story is inevitably the adult who gets offended at the suggestion that retards are any different from you or me.