File :-(, x, )
HOW TO GET THROUGH SECURITY AT THE AIRPORT... A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO! !!rX4XoCgyivh
Those of us in the US are nearing the Thanksgiving holiday and for many, this means trying by plane to see others.

I present you a brief guide for traveling through US airport security checkpoints as quickly as possible.
>> /n/
1. Amtrak
2. ???
3. PROFIT!!!
>> Anonymous
WOW GOOD TIPS OP, THANKS!
>> A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO! !!rX4XoCgyivh
>>76499

1) ARRIVE EARLY
-the closer you are to any holiday, the more people will be traveling and you will stand in line longer.
-be at the airport a minimum of 3 hours before domestic flights.
-generally, mid-afternoon is VERY busy and you will need to arrive even earlier.
>> A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO! !!rX4XoCgyivh
>>76502
(they are incoming)

>>76503

2) HOW TO PACK WHAT YOU BRING
Carry on:
-Only pack WHAT YOU NEED in your carry-on bag. These should be things that IF you don't have, you will DIE while on the plane.
-If you bring a computer in your carry on, keep it accessible, you will need to take it out when you get to security
-Keep you liquids and gases (that would be anything that is not a solid at room temperature) accessible, you will need to take them out when you get to security

Checked Bags:
-Pack your cloths on the bottom of the bag and everything else at the top
-If you put a lock on your bag that isn't a "TSA approved " lock, it will most likely be cut off if it needs to be checked by security before it goes under the plane.
-If you put a huge lock (ie pdalock or other commercial lock), you bag may be cut open by security before it goes under the plane.
>> A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO! !!rX4XoCgyivh
>>76505
3) AT THE SECURITY CHECKPOINT
-The security lines will be LONG, be prepared to stand around.
-Keep your state or federal photo id accessible.
-Keep your boarding pass accessible.
-When you reach the actual security personnel (they will be the ones with the badges), they will want to see your ID and boarding pass. There are other people at the airport (most airports have "Airserve" and they are supposed to organize the lines you stand in, security is only concerned with security)
-If you are running late, no one is going to let your "cut" to the front of the line, so make sure you arrive early.

WHEN YOU ARE NEAR THE X-RAY MACHINES:
-You shoes need to come off, regardless. Save yourself some time and wear slip-ons
-Take your computer out of it's bag and put it in one of the provided tubs. Even if you think you have a "laptop friendly" bag, you should still take it out, just to be sure. You laptop MUST go into the x-ray machine by itself... this means BY ITSELF and not on top of the computer bag or under you wallet... BY ITSELF!
-You liquids need to come out of your bag. Just take them out, ALL OF THEM. You will feel like a real ass if your toothpaste is the reason you miss your plane. The best place for your liquids in under the plane... you should put them their unless you are going to DIE while on the plane without them.

THE PROPER ORDER TO PUT YOUR BAGS INTO THE X-RAY MACHINE:

(first)-shoes<-jackets<-bags<-computer-(last)

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE METAL DETECTOR:

-Put your shoes on first
-Put shit back in your bags
-Put your computer in your bag
>> Anonymous
>>76505
Even better: just pack everything in your carry-on. Unless you're staying for a long period of time or plan on buying a lot of shit, this is easily accomplished.
>> A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO! !!rX4XoCgyivh
>>76508
4) IF YOU ARE SELECTED FOR ADDITIONAL SCREENING:
-Don't get mad. The security personnel didn't select you and they can't unselect you.
-Just endure it and it will get done faster.
-The security people can't tell you WHY you were selected.

5) IF YOU HAVE TO HAVE A "BAG CHECK" DONE:
-It means that a security person will need to look into your bag.
-Don't be a dick and start getting pissed off, it won't get the bag check done any faster.
-If you have liquids that are too large (in CONTAINERS larger than 3.4oz or 100ml... note: CONTAINERS, not how much you think is in there) you can go back to the airline, get your bags back, and put them in your checked bags... or throw them into the garbage.
-If you have some other prohibited item, you will most likely have the same choices.
>> A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO! !!rX4XoCgyivh
>>76510
6) DEALING WITH SECURITY
-Remember: you see them once... they seen THOUSANDS of people like you... and most have no idea what is going on at a security checkpoint and are being dicks because they are late.
-Getting angry with security will only cause you more delays.
-The security agents are only there to enforce the policy, they have NO SAY in what the policy is... so don't argue the merits of the policy with them.

>>76509
Enjoy being in security longer than you need to be. If you pack your checked bag in the manor I suggested, it will increase the probability that your bag will arrive at your destination with you. More shit in your carry on... more shit for security to look through... more time at security.
>> A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO! !!rX4XoCgyivh
>>76511
7) DON'T BE "THAT GUY"
-Don't be that guy who thinks he is a bad-ass and is going to talk back to the security personnel. They will just call the police and you can go talk to them, in a holding cell. It is a felony to disrupt security operations and the local airport police sit around all day, WAITING to do something.
-Don't be that guy who thinks, "Well, I am going to try and sneak X past security." WHEN security finds it... you may be in deep shit.
-Don't be that guy who shows up drunk, you can be kicked off the plane, out of the airport, or issued a citation for public intoxication.
-Don't be that guy who stands in front of the metal detector with their shoes still on. YOU SHOES MUST COME OFF YOUR FEET AND GO INTO THE X-RAY MACHINE.
-Don't be that guy who thinks your cellphone is NOT metal... it is.
-Don't be that guy who thinks WATER is not a liquid... it is.
-Don't be that guy who brings a carry on bag onto the plane.
-Don't be that guy who tries to bring 5 bags onto the plane... you get 1 carry on bag (and your computer bag IS a carry on bag) and a "personal item" (a small bag, about the size of a purse). A computer bag and a regular bag are TWO, 2, bags.
>> Anonymous
Furry.
>> Anonymous
PROTIP: You may be restricted on how many bags you can carry on, but what can you fit in your pockets? Buy a cheap jacket and add huge pockets that you can put your laptop etc. in!
>> Anonymous
Not really so much a "guide" to airport security as a review on common sense.
>> Anonymous
For some reason I -always- forget to take out my cellphone. ffffffffffffffffffffffffff
>> Anonymous
Here's how I roll:

Backpack: 3 pairs of undies, socks, t shirts. 1 pr jeans. Toiletries. Books. Water I bought just before I got on plane. 3 protein bars. Gameboy. Magazines.

No checked baggage (checked baggage is for amateurs and chicks).

I wear a hoody and a light coat.

The backpack is too big to fit under the seat in front of me. But I don't want to put it in the overhead compartment. I want it handy, so I can get stuff out of it.

I take my window seat, and put my backpack on the floor, tucked behind my legs. I then take my coat of, and put it over my lap, like I'm trying to stay warm. I pull my hood up, and act like I'm sleeping. The stewardess never notices the bag. I never have to wiggle past 2 fat-ass Midwesterners to get into the aisle to get my stuff from the overhead compartment.

Can't get the window seat? Stuck in the middle with no armrest room? Act like you need to get up to pee. The guy next to you will move his arm off the armrest to let you past. Suddenly change your mind, sit back down, and claim the now-open armrest.

Ever break your leg/foot/toe? I hope you saved the soft cast the doctor gave you. Wear it when you get to the gate. The lady behind the counter will put you in one of the seats up front, or an exit row (since you can't squeeze into a regular seat, you poor thing).
>> Anonymous
>>76563
Yes, I know it's not really related to getting through security, but fuck it. Just felt like sharing.
>> THE MOST IMPORTANT Anonymous
when they ask "do you have any dangerous weapons?", say: "just these two bad boys" and make your hands into guns. "fire" at the security, making the appropriate noises. blow the top of your forefingers.
>> Anonymous
>>76501

Same price and 100 time slower?

Sign me up
>> P3epe.tk !!o3dGqMjG/66
Oh wow airports look like a REAL pain in the ass. Scary shit ITT.
>> Anonymous
>>76563
I would rather listen to this anon. Thankyou :D
>> A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO! !!rX4XoCgyivh
>>76519
...and yet, 90% of all passengers fail to know this "common sense".
>> Anonymous
>>76577
This is definitely the best piece of advice in this thread.
>> Anonymous
[spoiler]wat[/spoiler]
>> Anonymous
Fuck american airports are shit. Fly somewhere else if you don't really HAVE to go to USA.
>> Anonymous
ITT: How's it's done in america.
>> Anonymous
i once got stopped going through security wearing a basketball top cause my GUNS were classified as a threat to national security
>> Anonymous
About computers, do they check for any illegal stuff in the HDD?
>> Anonymous
>>76890
I heard they can ask you to hand over your laptop and check it without having to give a reason.
>> Anonymous
>>76891
Fuck, I better buy new HDD for when I go abroad.
>> Anonymous
I keep a picture of Osama in my carry-on
>> Anonymous
>>76890
>>76891
Never happened to me (I've flown 6 times in the past year, 2 of those were to the USA). They do ask you to turn it on, but thats it. I suppose it is possible that they check it, though I have never seen nor heard of such things happening.
>> Anonymous
>>76577
I fucking lol'd so hard. Thanks, whoever you are.
>> Anonymous
"Personal item" is not just a small purse.

I usually travel with 1 full-size carry-on suitcase (And no, I"m not the isle-blocking guy - I'm fast)
For a personal item, I've had a briefcase, a medium sized laptop bag, a small backpack (day-pack, like when you were in school).. or even a big plastic bag of miscellaneous airport goodies.
>> Anonymous
>>76890
>>76891
>>76894
>>76905
Yes, it's technically legal for them to pour over your data. Just encrypt your drive. It is not legal for them to make you fork over the key, as that was already challenged in court.
>> Anonymous
>Don't be that guy who brings a carry on bag onto the plane.

wat.
>> Anonymous
>>76508
>>76510
>>76511
>>76512

>HURRR SECURITY JUST DOING MY JOB DURRR

Fuck off.
>> Anonymous
I think we need tips on how to sneak contraband past security. I want to travel with drugs. How do I do that? How bout weapons?
>> Anonymous
A_CAT_IS_FINE_TOO, do you work in airport security, or something?
>> Anonymous
I still don't understand what makes people bitch so much about airports/airplanes. The fares are cheap (trust me they are, airlines don't make money); the service is tolerable (for what they charge for a ticket, it could easily be intolerable); shit security killed 3,000 people not so long ago, and while I am not for the level of security that prevents another tragedy 100%, lets at least not be jackasses about it. And it's still pretty damn simple: queue up, shoes off, shit in the box, do what they tell you and in a few minutes you're whizzing off into the terminal. Some of the lowest fares in the world buy you the best air safety record in the world, and Southwest still finds time to crack jokes. Air travel has been passed on to the masses, and if you honestly still expect to be treated like a dignitary just because you shelled out a few hundred to get on an airplane with 130 other people, then go ahead and bitch to the staff and make them hate travelers/kill their lighthearted spirit. Air travel is relatively fun and easy in the United States and I want everyone to shut the fuck up about how far up their asses the industry's cock is.
>> Anonymous
>>77008
>and I want everyone to shut the fuck up about how far up their asses the industry's cock is.

Too bad.
>> Anonymous
>>77008

No one hates flight attendants troll/faggot, we hate bullshit security that DOES NOTHING.
>> Anonymous
I traveled international with acid in my pants, lol
>> Anonymous
>>77105

Its scares people from trying shit
>> Tammy-chan !!W4iTABR3Au8
Since i saw this thread ill ask

Will a USB HD brought on in a laptop bag be searched? like turned on and explored untill they see the golden words of piracy?
>> Anonymous
Methinks OP work for TSA. Not that the tips aren't good though. Oh, and>>76977enjoy your time in a holding cell.
>> Anonymous
>>76577

fucking lold. gonna do it.
>> Anonymous
>>76501
low speed rail is just awesome