File :-(, x, )
ITT: jokes about travel Anonymous
>>49567
"Say, for a board about Travel, it doesn't get much mileage."
>> Anonymous
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"
>> Anonymous
A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.

What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.

Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."

Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."

Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"

Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"

The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.

Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?
>> Anonymous
A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.

"This temple is 1503 years old", replies the guide.

Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.

"Easy", replies the guide, "the archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago"
>> Anonymous
While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.

"Sand," said the cyclist.

"Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?" "Bicycles!"
>> Anonymous
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.

Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!"
>> Anonymous
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
>> Anonymous
>>49567
...I hate myself for laughing at al these. Except the bicycle one, thats was just *facepalm*.
>> Anonymous
My freshman history teacher once told me this story of when he traveled to Atlanta and got pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop walks up to his car and asks him if he knows how fast he was going. My history teacher says, "Not as fast as Sherman went through here!"

ba dump tink
>> Anonymous
DAMN I LOVED THE BICYCLE ONE!
>> Anonymous
>>49573

I don't get it.
>> Anonymous
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire. A Russian, a Mexican, and an Arizonian. The Russian pulls out a bottle of vodka, slugs half of it down, tosses it, and shoots it out of the air. HE looks at the other two and says "In Soviet Russia, ve have more Vodka then any man could ever know".

So the Mexican pulls out a bottle of Tequila, chugs half of it down, throws it, and shoots it out of the air and says, "In Me-he-ho, we have more tequila then any mang can know".

The Arizonian pulls out a 6 pack of Budwieser, opens a bottle, sips on one for a couple of minutes, and shoots the Mexican. He looks to the Russian and says "In Arizona, we have more Mexicans then any man could ever know"

zing!
>> Anonymous
"What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages?"
-Trilingual
"What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?"
-Bilingual
"What do you call someone who speaks 1 language?"
-American
>> Anonymous
>>49569

goddamn that joke is so fucking old
>> Anonymous
>>50258
fail
>> Black ? Star !x8ngkAZjXE
>>49568
This is brilliant and I might have to carry a flask around just for that.
>> Anonymous
>>50852
Butthurt Mexican.
>> Anonymous
>>50267"What do you call someone who speaks 1 language?"
-American

This is bad why? I don't think anyone has ever told me why it should matter if someone speaks more than one language.
>> Anonymous
>>50878
The only language one needs to speak is English.
>> Anonymous
>>50880
fucking concurred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>> Anonymous
>>50881
fucking retarded!
>> Anonymous
>>50885
FUCKING NIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!