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Anonymous
1. Go see a Broadway show to get your "culture fix". 2. Do not go to see anything actually cultural, because in all honesty it's pretty intimidating and those people are all snobs anyway. 3. Stand in the turnstile swiping your card the wrong way, all the while ignoring the graphical instructions right next to the swipy thing. Make sure not to read the instructions until at least five people have missed the train because of you. 4. Go to Harlem so you can tell your friends about how brave you are. Get confused about directions, and ask for help from the first white person you see. If a black person is standing nearby, do not, under any circumstances, attempt to ask them for help or speak to them for any reason. 5. Stand in the street in the rain screaming "Taxi", at every passing taxi, because that's how Sarah Jessica Parker does it. Become upset and angry when none of the taxis stop, despite none of them being actually available. Assume it's because you need to scream louder. 6. Go to Manhattan's Little Italy for some nice Italian food, against the advice of the person whose advice you sought. Eat the nice Italian food, and pretend you enjoyed it. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to eat Italian food anywhere other than Little Italy. 7. Buy a t-shirt with a picture of a gun on it and a caption that says, "Welcome to NYC. Duck" 8. If time permits, go visit Ground Zero. Look guiltily at the souvenirs. Buy a laminated "Never Forget" place-mat for $40 and stuff it into your bag as quickly as possible. Stare solemnly at the construction workers below, trying to think noble thoughts.
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