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Nigeria Anonymous
Everyone knows the horror stories; Kidnappings, rapes, muslim extremists and such. It has been getting alot of media attention, so here's a fun little experiment.

ITT: Worst case scenarios / what would Anon do if they were ever to be going there?

I'll go first:
Make copies of all travel documents, email myself scanned versions of travel documents, inform friends and family i was going there, and i'd probably study kickboxing for 20 years prior to leaving
>> Anonymous
I'd jump out of the plane/ship before we arrive.
>> Anonymous
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bodyguard.
>> Anonymous
Rapex.

Put it in your ass.
>> Anonymous
I'd go there and preach the word of Tom Cruise to Muslims so I could start a war between these amusing religions.
>> Anonymous
>>31413
I'd learn krav maga instead

>>31416
I'd buy a local warlord
>> Anonymous
Oh Jesus. As an anon with Nigerian parents, and have actually gone there, have I got some stories for you.
>> Anonymous
>>31424
Pray tell
>> Anonymous
>>31424
Share them, pls.
>> Anonymous
Appear male so I have less of a change of getting raped.
>> Anonymous
>>31436
>less of a chance
>> Anonymous
>>31424
Lol, good stories or bad?
>> Anonymous
>>31424
Nigger.
>> Anonymous
>>31422
Fuck, get back to /b/. People like you are ruining 4chan.

>>31436
Nobody gives a shit that you're an attention whore. Fuck off.
>> Oyibo
I worked out of Lagos, Nigeria for 2 years. It's surreal. This country often makes the top of the list for the most corrupt country in the world. The most commonly heard saying: What do you have for me? Oh yeah, Oyibo means white person
>> Anonymous
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>>31454
They didn't triple circumsize you or anything? Do tell.
>> Anonymous
>>31457
what is it with you guys and circumcision?

srsly it's everywhere
>> Anonymous
>>31438
>>31432
>>31430
Well, of course the trip wasn't all moan and groan, but hell if it wasn't very good either. I'll tell you the stories that stick out to me the most, when I get back from outside.
>> Anonymous
>>31461
Ahh, you reminded me... Which country is the best for getting circumcised?
>> Anonymous
>>31468
not israel
>> Anonymous
>>31454
Don't forget tha all of them, hell everyone in Africa hates each other
>> PEOPLE CAN'T DRIVE HERE Anon from Nigeria
Well, I'll start off with one of my most memorable 'adventures' in Nigeria. It was nearing Christmas Time, and after being hyped for so many years about how much superior Christmas is there (it wasn't, but that's another story), we jammed all seven (an extra cousin of ours that I really didn't like) of us into the car and moved on from Alimosho to Imeko. When we finally naviagted to the Freeway, that's where the problems first started.

-The 'Highways' are merely two lane roads with a patch of land between them (nothing dividing them to stop people from driving over...
-You don't need a driver's lisence in Nigeria, or at least no one uses any.
-People have no common sense there.

So we're driving along, and then traffic gets horrible, but we're still trudging though it. And then it comes to a complete standstill. What was the problem? People from the other lane (heading towards us) were moving from their lane to our lane and still driving in the same fucking direction!!!! There was no other choice but to switch lanes, although we drove on the side of the road. Then some random guy with a badge and a horsewhip tries to tell us to get back to the otherside of the road. We keep moving until traffic finally clears up, and move back to the 'right' side of the lane. What was the problem? One car broke down in the middle of the road, and no one wanted to wait or some shit....
>> Anonymous
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>>31489
daaaaaayyum
>> Anonymous
>>31489

Haha, Nigeria. 3rd world countries are awesome. I've only been to Iraq and France, but I can relate.
>> PEOPLE CAN'T DRIVE HERE part 2 Anon from Nigeria
>>31489
Well, that trip had taken up to 4 hours. But the worst had yet to come. It was the leaving from Imeko we had to do, and we made the great idea of doing it on New Year's Eve.

The traffic on the 'highway' was suprisingly not as horrible, but as we got into the village/city/whatever, it turned to shit. The roads were jam packed, smog everywhere, hot as fucking hell, and dark as shit. 'Luckily' the road was a small two lane road so there wasn't any switching lanes bullshit.

But then it got worse. Going up, the road expands for a while to roughly room for 8 lanes (just dirt) going up hill, and then finally closes to four lanes, and then back to two.

So naturally, no one has a shred of decency or patience so they try to drive along the sides to get to the other side, and then you have what I call traffic hell.

You've got broken down cars everywhere, unorganized lanes, two lanes of cars heading towards each other so they both can't move, people arging, people shouting screaming and making threats...And worst all, our car stalls and starts to head back downhill, so we all have to jump out of the car and push it uphill during all of this. We finally make it up.

This whole thing took 7 hours. And then when we got home, the orange I was saving for the whole trip to enjoy at home? My dad ate it.

.......*Sigh*
>> Anonymous
One of my favorite posts from the "Budget Traveller's Guide to Sleeping in Airports":

> "On August 5th 2001 I went to Nigeria to set up an emergeny medical services system when I was less than 1-2 miles from the airport in a government vehicle headed for Ibadan when we were ambushed by 2 cars that had a person in each car with a machine gun. The gunman shot into the car multiple times, we were in three accidents, the last accident involved the driver being shot in the back of the head through my window ( my friend and I had our heads down in the back seat ) we had a head on collision then the car rolled over onto its roof. My friend and I went running form the scene and made it back to the airport with the help of some policemen. I asked to go to the British Airways office and a very nice manager helped book us on a flight to London and then back to the USA. When I was in Nigeria in April 2001 I had a military escort to Ibadan and had no problems until I tried to return to the USA on KLM which the ticket agent gave away my seat for bribes. KLM stated no seats available and took me to 3 different hotels in Lagos at 12:30am ( all hotels were booked except the roach infested airport hotel ). The next KLM flight was 2 days later with no available seats. I had to fly out on Lufthansa first class ( no other seats available on any airlines ) to get out of Nigeria. When I was leaving in April 2001 the immigration "official" tried to get a bribe for these simple wood carvings I had bought from a shop for my children because they were "national treasures". The government driver who was killed during the ambush left a wife and three kids. I would not recommend ever going to Nigeria. It is one of the most corrupt and dangerous contries I have ever been to." Added 30 January 2005
>> Anon from Nigeria
>>31501
>When I was in Nigeria in April 2001 I had a military escort to Ibadan and had no problems until I tried to return to the USA on KLM which the ticket agent gave away my seat for bribes.
>Nigeria. When I was leaving in April 2001 the immigration "official" tried to get a bribe for these simple wood carvings I had bought from a shop for my children because they were "national treasures".

That's another thing I hated. Fucking extortionists. You can't go down a fucking road without them putting some crude form a rake in the road and holding their rifles at you to make you pay, or otherwise you have go turn around, and you were fucked, because most of the time, there's no other road.

Hell, when we were trying to get out of Nigeria finally, we had to go all the way around, because the 'security guard' wouldn't let us though unless we gave him money.

Fuck that douche.
>> Anonymous
2 of my high school friends were the sons of the vice president, so i'd prepare to have a fucking awesome time.
>> correctiondick !!ytVXCtVqcVc
>>31457
this is a Keyhole saw not a hacksaw as you have named it.
>> Anonymous
OP's pic is why people should just stay home.
>> Anonymous
Hello Anon, i'm in a shitty situation.
My biological father is Nigerian, and my parents got divorced when i was a small kid because he was a terrible man, he treated me and my (white) mother like shit. The divorce was very hard because he was Islamitic and didn't want one, but eventually succeeded because he was an abusive man. So of course she later remarried with a white guy and all was good again. But when i became 18 the Nigerian dad found me, showed up several times claimed he "changed", you know the deal... nice guy, wearing suit, giving me some pocket money for me every visit, regretting his past, stories about how he became successful, that kind of thing. 60% of the conversations he tried to convert me to Islam though =/. Personally i think he's full of shit, he rarely calls me and when he does it's always "I've been busy with my business here in Nigeria/i had an accident" or some other excuse and afterwards he asks me when i'm coming over to visit the family lol..

I don't trust him because
A, if he's so rich why doesn't he have an email adress? Especially since he "has a successful company."
B, he says it's not easy for him to wire money to european banks.

Anon, i'm pretty positive he is full of shit but is there any way/service to check if he has a legitimate business in Nigeria? He lives in "Borno State" which according to google is a farmer community. So a huge company there doesn't really make sense.. half the time i call there the phone doesn't even work. Oh well! ^^
>> Anonymous
>>31542

He's Nigerian, he can't possibly be telling the truth.
>> Anonymous
sounds like a drug runner to me.
>> Anonymous
>>31446
>> Anonymous
>>31446
>Fuck, get back to /b/. People like you are ruining 4chan.

We are 4chan, get off you dirty gypsy.
>> Anonymous
>>31562
>> Anonymous
muslim extremists are just so cute...how can liberals not want to import them into your nation.
>> Anonymous
>>31562

I wonder when people like you will realize they are the minority.
>> Anonymous
>>31573
And then you were the minority.
>> Anonymous
sage for everyone in this thread.
>> Anonymous
I'd try to get some government to recolonize it before I go.
>> Anonymous
>>31573
>>31574


In after butthurt.
>> Anonymous
>>31578
And then you were the butthurt.
>> Anonymous
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How is the local cuisine? Is the food even fresh/safe to eat? pic related
>> Anonymous
>>31581
I don't like dark meat.
>> Anonymous
>>31581
it looks pretty fresh

could even be alive
>> Oyibo
>>31581
their staple food is "gari" which is made from ground and fried casava root. It has virtually no taste, but provides them with a high energy starch. Their BBQ, or suya as it's called is delicious. I've eaten that many times along with fried yams. Huge Mangoes abound as well as coconut wine which will not your dick in the dirt and make it start digging, lol
>> Anonymous
>>31585
>yam
now you made me remember things fall apart
>> Anonymous
oh shi-
http://www.forbes.com/2007/01/31/most-dangerous-destinations-forbeslife-ee_0201dangerousdestinations
.html
>> Anonymous
>>31496
>3rd world countries
>France

0/10
>> Anonymous
>>31624
Actually there are entire third world countries inside France.
>> Anon from Nigeria
>>31585
When we have no gari, we have no food, I can tell you taht much.

I rarely had any, but goddamn. suya is fucking delicious.
>> Anonymous
It's that bad over there, huh? Well, at least okra soup will always be delicious.
>> Anon from Nigeria
>>31702
I've always hated Okra....
>> Anonymous
>>31423

lol krav maga. Krav maga is completely useless.
>> Anonymous
>>32272
Yeah it really is. Its really just "Smash him with the buttstock of your gun or kick him!"

Its mostly just a morale thing that lets the soldiers run around and scream and hit things, its not a real fighting technique, its just "Let your instincts go crazy and beat the shit out of them"
>> Anonymous
>>32275
you don't know shit about krav maga
Israel will raep you.
>> Anonymous
I forget where, but there's a certain province in Nigeria that has a bunch of (a few dozen) white zimbabwean farmers in it. Apparently not all niggers are completely stupid, and a nigerian governor lured about 12 or so farmers to Nigeria to buy some land and run it.

They now have electricity/mobile phones/etc.

I would suggest visiting whatever province that is.
>> Anonymous
>>31517
That is a coping saw not a keyhole saw as you have named it
>> Anonymous
>>32275
You wanna try to let your instincts go crazy and beat the shit out of someone who has studied krav maga? Id like to see that happen.