File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
I'm an Alpha male /sp/.

And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly asks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays Warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

You see /sp/, your 18-1 claims don't bother me. Fuck, I already have three rings already, and that gets me all the bitches I'll ever need. You know what I did the night after that Super Bowl? Went home and fucked my super model girlfriend.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
And what's more? I laugh at guys like you. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can't just see that you're a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you'll find someone right for you someday, don't give up hope man. But inside? I'm laughing my ass off at you you pathetic fuck. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn't a disgusting pig-monster, I'm going to fuck 6 ways from Sunday before you even tell her you think she's cute. I won't bother trying when you finally settle for that 350 pound girl who works at hardees, you can have that. Anything else I'm going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it.

And the biggest reason I laugh? It's not me doing all this. It's the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and disappear, and all that Emo bullshit? You're triggering her "Don't Fuck" instinct something fierce. You're a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you're great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you'll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to fuck her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won't see any hunger in their eyes. They won't beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won't know what it's like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
And she's cheating on you, I promise that. When she sits around quiet and uncomfortable, acting irritable and irrational towards you, wanting you to just back away and leave her alone, it's not her period. It's because I haven't called her for a day or two and her instincts are telling her to go find me. The primitive section of her brain doesn't want to risk smelling like another man when she gives herself to me, she wants me to know she's completely mine. We do things together she tells you she never would. Her pooper? Mine. I want to give her a facial? of course. I want her to suck the cum out of my dick, even though I just finished pumping away at her ass? she's never going to tell me no. She doesn't WANT to tell me no. She wants me to know she'll do anything it takes to keep me. She'll rim my ass while she's down there sucking me off if it means pleasing me. She'll drink my cum from a shotglass. She'll wear a buttplug when we go out to dinner. She'll sleep handcuffed to my headboard. Anything.

And then she'll go home to you and tell you she's not in the mood today.

I'd say you should become an hero, but you being around makes her want a real man all the more, so keep fagging it up Emo bitches, I'll keep that pussy warm while you're crying in the corner.

Also, one last thing. A shoutout to my buddy Drew Bledsoe. Thanks a lot man. Your injury was the best thing that ever happened to me.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>37437

lol ur welcome.
>> Anonymous
I hope there's not any emo /sp/orts fans. I don't think emos like sports. /b/ is that way, Tom ---------->
>> Anonymous
>The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff?

LOL Tom are you still in fucking high school?
>> Anonymous
Wait, did the OP just go from being an alpha male and ended up turning into a bitch?
>> Anonymous
>>37459

Not that I can see...
>> Anonymous
>>37442

I lol'd so hard...
>> Anonymous
fuckin newfags. copying articles from collegehumor.com now? pathetic...
>> Anonymous
>>37580
much of it was all originally a copy pasta on /b/. so blame them for copying from /b/, so goto /b/ and bitch to them about stealing faggot.
>> Anonymous
jesus newfags are everywhere today. this article was written the day after superbowl and posted on ch.com.

so fuck you.
>> Anonymous
>>37587

LOL no it wasn't.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Hey Brady, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

This is Michael Motherfuckin' Strahan saying something very simple...

HA HA HA HA HA HA YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THIS

18-1, bitches
>> Anonymous
>>37670
wow, what a face. oh exploitable.
>> Anonymous
>>37670

But Brady already has a few Super Bowl rings.

And he doesn't need Brett Farve to hand him an NFL record.
>> Anonymous
>>37670
Happy nigra is happpy
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>37676
You best be jokin' nigga.
>> Anonymous
im lolling left and right
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Maybe you niggas don't understand. Tom Brady is a motherfuckin' choke. He could've broken every record in the world, and it still wouldn't matter for shit, wanna know why? cuz the mother fuckin Giants, a wild card team with more backups playing then ever in the history of a playoffs team just stomped your perfect season into non-existence.

18-1.... get used to it Brady, cuz your gonna hear it the rest of your life.
>> Anonymous
>>37690
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo
lololololololololol
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
I'm an Alpha male /sp/.

And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly asks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays Warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?
>> Anonymous
>>37728
Holy shit, Monty Brown.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
I'm an omega male /sp/.

And omega males need to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That Tom Brady guy that you want to be like but can't. The one who went 18-1 like a total failure but you still think is really cool cause you're a patsfag?

Yeah, I'm fucking him... in the butt.

That alpha male who just won some other... ah whatever who cares, I'm a busy man /sp/ so the point is I fuck all alpha males in the butt. In fact, I'm about to pound Tom Brady right now.

So, you can talk about your alpha males all you want /sp/. Just know that I will fuck each and every one of them in the butt.
>> Anonymous
>>37759
is that barry bonds?
>> Anonymous
>>37433

Someone's been reading far too much dave deangelo
>> Red Machine D !CJ/cB6WIsA
>>37728

Hard to fuck all the chicks when you can't even cut it in Extreme Cut-rate Wrestling.
>> Anonymous
Tom Brady has us down...
>> Anonymous
copypasta?