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Anonymous
THINGS MATT STAIRS IS BETTER THAN DIRK KUYT AT: THROWING, CATCHING, BLASTING HOMERS, BANGING CHICKS, DRINKIN BEERS, REBUILDING ENGINE BLOCKS, PUTTING OUT FIRES, CHUGGING JACK DANIELS, EATING BUFFALO WINGS, MAKING BEEF JERKY, BLOWING OFF SUPERMODELS TO DO HIS OWN THING, FLYING COMMERCIAL AIRLINERS, WOWING THE CROWD IN BATTING PRACTICE, FATHERING ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN, BATTLING ILLITERACY, FIGHTING OFF INFECTIONS, ANSWERING THE TOUGH QUESTIONS, HOSTAGE NEGOTIATIONS, BASIC FIRST AID, REPAIRING CANOES, CHOPPING DOWN TREES, BLACKSMITHING, KICKIN ASS, TRIUMPHANTLY ROUNDING THE BASEPATHS AFTER CRUSHING A FASTBALL OVER THE RIGHT CENTER FIELD FENCE, KISSING DIRK KUYTS MOTHER GOODNIGHT, REMEMBERING WHERE HIS CAR IS PARKED IN LARGE CROWDED PARKING LOTS, JUMPING RAVINES ON MOTORCYCLES, SNAKE CHARMING, ALLIGATOR WRESTLING, BULLRIDING, EATING A BIG TURKEY DINNER, SMOKING BIG FAT CIGARS, WAVING THE AMERICAN FLAG IN ONE HAND WHILE BRANDISHING A CHAINSAW IN THE OTHER HAND, SKIPPING STONES, DELIVERING BABIES IN THE BACK OF MOVING CARS, DETERMINING BY SIGHT AND SMELL ALONE IF A HOOKER IS INFECTED WITH VD, ARM WRESTLING, CARNIVAL GAMES, FISHING, BILLIARDS, STREET FIGHTER, TYING SHOELACES, FLYING KITES, CONDUCTING A SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA, SOLVING RUBIX CUBES
THINGS DIRK KUYT IS BETTER THAN MATT STAIRS AT: RUNNING, KICKING A SOCCER BALL
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