File :-(, x, )
NOT A SPORT Anonymous
To my way of thinking there are really only three sports: baseball, basketball, and football. Everything else is either a game or an activity.

Hockey comes to mind. People think hockey is a sport. It's not. Hockey is three activities taking place at the same time: ice skating, fooling around with a puck, and beating the shit out of somebody. If these guys had more brains then teeth, they'd do these things one at a time. First go ice-skating, then fool around with a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the shit out of somebody. The day would last longer, and these guys would have a lot more fun. Another reason why hockey isn't a sport is that it's not played with a ball. Anything not played with a ball can't be a sport. These are my rules, I make 'em up.

Soccer. Soccer is not a sport because you can't use your arms. Anything where you can't use your arms can't be a sport. Tap dancing isn't a sport. I rest my case.

Running. People think running is a sport. Running isn't a sport because anybody can do it. I can run, you can run. For Christ sakes, my mother can run! You don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated, do you?

Swimming. Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense. Sailing isn't a sport. Sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the fuck should sailing be a sport?

Boxing is not a sport either. Boxing is a way to beat the shit out of somebody. In that respect, boxing is actually a more sophisticated way of hockey. In spite of what the police tell you, beating the shit out of somebody is not a sport. When police brutality becomes an Olympic event, fine, then boxing can be a sport.

Bowling. Bowling isn't a sport because you have to rent shoes. Don't forget, these are my rules. I make 'em up.
>> Anonymous
Billiards. Some people think billiards is a sport, but it can't be, because there's no chance of serious injury. Unless, of course, you welch on a bet in a tough neighborhood. Then, if you wind up with a pool cue stickin' out of your ass, you know you might be the victim of a sports-related injury. But that ain't billiards, that's pool, and that starts with a P, and that rhymes with D, and that brings me to darts.

Darts could have been a sport, because at least there's a chance to put someone's eye out. But, alas, darts will never be a sport, because the whole object of the game is to reach zero, which goes against all sports logic.

Lacrosse is not a sport; lacrosse is a faggoty college activity. I don't care how rough it is, anytime you're running around a field, waving a stick with a little net on the end of it, you're engaged in a faggoty college activity. Period.

Field hockey and fencing. Same thing. Faggoty college shit. Also these activities aren't sports, because you can't gamble on them. Anything you can't gamble on can't be a sport. When was the last time you made a fuckin' fencing bet?

Gymnastics is not a sport because Romanians are good at it. It took me a long time to come up with that rule, but goddammit, I did it.

Polo isn't a sport. Polo is golf on horseback. Without holes. It's a great concept, but not a sport. And as far as water polo is concerned, I hesitate to even mention it, because it's extremely cruel to horses.

Which brings me to hunting. You think hunting is a sport? Ask the deer. The only good thing about hunting is the many fatal accidents on the weekends. And, of course, the permanently disfigured hunters who survive such accidents.

Then you have tennis. Tennis is very trendy and very fruity, but it's not a sport. It's just a way to meet other trendy fruits. Technically, tennis is an advanced form a Ping-Pong. In fact, tennis is Ping-Pong played while standing on the table. Great concept, not a sport.
>> Anonymous
In fact, all racket games are nothing more the derivatives of Ping-Pong. Even volleyball is, technically, racketless, team Ping-Pong played with an inflated ball and raised net while standing on the table.

And finally welcome to golf. For my full take on golf, I refer you elsewhere in the book, but let it just be said golf is a game that might possibly be fun, if it could be played alone. But it's the vacuous, striving, superficial, male-bonding joiners one has to associate with that makes it such a repulsive pastime. And it is decidedly not a sport. Period.
>> Anonymous
this is the worst thread in the history of /sp/

this "sport / not a sport" bullshit is worthless and a waste of space

whoever posted this should be ashamed of themselves
>> Anonymous
>>354450

NEWFAG
>> Anonymous
>Soccer. Soccer is not a sport because you can't use your arms. Anything where you can't use your arms can't be a sport. Tap dancing isn't a sport. I rest my case.

very true
>> Anonymous
not even funny
>> Anonymous
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrYBwivKhoI
>> Anonymous
ITT: Truth.
>> Anonymous
10/10

Would certainly troll again
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
cancer etc
>> Anonymous
>Even volleyball is, technically, racketless, team Ping-Pong played with an inflated ball and raised net while standing on the table.

oh how I lol'd
>> Anonymous
fuck carlin
>> Anonymous
>>354486
butt hurt UK soccerfag
>> Anonymous
This guy died lol

his opinion doesn't matter because he's not alive
>> Anonymous
10/10 would lol again
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
these threads are the cancer

post some cats, it the only way
>> Anonymous
>>354494
and he was never funny
>> Anonymous
Have more respect for a legend, you faggots.

>Gymnastics is not a sport because Romanians are good at it. It took me a long time to come up with that rule, but goddammit, I did it.

Classic.
>> Anonymous
>>354495
this
>> UZ !kHzD4It5Tc
>>354497
>>354450
>>354469
NEWFAGS TO THE WORLD
>> Anonymous
Skateboarding is not a sport because the main point of it is to make pointless moves to try to impress others. It's also a dumb activity where a group of pot-smoking hippies film "rad" moves and think that what they're doing will win them some attention. News Flash Wankers: You are not cool you fucking attention whores!
>> Anonymous
>>354998
Skateboarders: The Second Largest group of attention whores, only behind emos.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>Soccer is not a sport because you can't use your arms.
>> Anonymous
Baseball and basketball are sports?

That's why you're not alive anymore.
>> Anonymous
baseball, basketball and football are games.
>> Anonymous
ITT: trolls
>> Anonymous
Football is a combination of running, playing a GAME of catch, and beating the shit out of someone, in that case.
>> Anonymous
>>355018
euro
>> Anonymous
he makes up the rules faggots....
>> Anonymous
>>355039

Actually I'm Canadian, thank you. Sure my opinion is biased, but really, how are they sports? Tell me. Shoesqueekball isn't fun to watch, especially when they take 6 timeouts in the final minute. Baseball is a sport that is meant to be watched in highlights.
>> Anonymous
>>355047

Meant to say game, not sport. I fucked up.
>> Anonymous
>>355056
this is why you are not as cool as george carlin
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>355047
is called melonball
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>354442
>>354441
>>354439
>> Anonymous
George Carlin can't be right, because he is dead.
>> Anonymous
>>355103
He was never right when he was living.
>> Anonymous
>>355062

I'll take being alive, thanks.
>> Anonymous
>>355047
Thats part of the reason I love college basketball... its only two halves, so you get all the excitement you would get during an NBA game due to the constricted time and stress level inherent in that, along with the fact that it only takes up an hour or two of your day.
>> Anonymous
i love you OP
>> Anonymous
>>355146
Shit's George Carlin yo
>> Anonymous
lulz
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
YOUR CHOICE IN SPORTS

READ THE FOLLOWING SIX STATEMENTS AND THE AMAZING CONCLUSION THEY LEAD TO:

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate excecutives is GOLF.

AMAZING CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
>> Walter Carlton
Epic Win OP!
>> Anonymous
>>355356
i lol'd
>> SSG Posted Here
>>355356
I shat bricks......
>> Anonymous
>Soccer is not a sport because you can't use your arms.
dead man don't know 'bout our goalkeepers
>> Anonymous
>>355356

Olde.
>> Anonymous
>>355417
OH HURF DURF ONE FAGGOT WHO USES HIS ARMS WHEN THERE IS MAYBE 2 OR 3 SHOTS ON GOAL THW WHOLE GAME.
>> Anonymous
>>355435
Throw-ins. Have you heard of them?
>> Anonymous
>>355442
butthurt uk fag
>> Anonymous
soccer = ninety minutes of grass diving
>> Anonymous
>>355435
and 98% of them miss and it's just a pathetic dive attempt at an unreachable ball
>> Anonymous
>Field hockey and fencing. Same thing. Faggoty college shit. Also these activities aren't sports, because you can't gamble on them. Anything you can't gamble on can't be a sport. When was the last time you made a fuckin' fencing bet?
>> Heynonnynonnymous
>>356654

i want to go on record that I support any women's sports which involve short skirts.
>> Anonymous
Why is anyone responding to Carlin like he was being serious?

He fucking admits he's making up his "rules" as he goes. Holy shit, lighten up.
>> Anonymous
>Swimming. Swimming isn't a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense. Sailing isn't a sport. Sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the fuck should sailing be a sport?

i lol'd
>> Anonymous
>>356675
>>356675
>>356675
>>356675
>>356675