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Anonymous
I am STOIC. I am IRON. I am Mike Nolan, and I am a master of perception.

tonight we kick off another season, and somehow I still have a job. i owe it all to my daily regimen. i wake up every morning and do fifty squints, one hundred lip curls, two hundred snapping neck turns. then i'll stay in place for about an hour, imagining i'm a department store mannequin. this is what it takes to win at this level.

the press keeps pestering me about the quarterback situation. i don't even know what the fuck a quarterback is. they tell me we're starting some new irish guy or something. whatever. i LOOK confident, that's all that matters. my suit is pressed, my shades are armani. they can blast me in print all they want. the cameras will tell a different story.

the raiders are my favorite team to play because of their logo. even with the menacing eyepatch, the dual swords, that pirate face is so calm, so serene. pensive like a buddhist. even his chin strap is loose. huh. well, it might work for players, but that's not the face of a successful head coach.

yet i think sometimes by virtue of my gaze, that i myself am developing a kind of buddhist power. perhaps if i peer into a reporter's face long enough, gaze into the lakes of his eyes, i might someday get a peek into his soul. maybe then i can say something profound. maybe then they'll stop asking me so many questions about football. but no matter. as long as i keep looking forward, peering stolidly into nothing, i can steer us to the promise land.
>> Anon vi Philadelphia !!CF3BKIiUIDY
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>>236756
Oh my lawd.
>> Anonymous
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i was walking around golden gate park the other day. evidently people are saying there's a homeless problem. the way i see it, it's not a homeless problem, it's a future hall of fame quarterback problem. i see guys everywhere that would flourish in my system.

write this name down, TOM SEPA. How the fuck did the scouts miss on this guy? personally, i see big things, as soon as he clears up that whole homeless thing. anyways, watch JT O'Sullivan tonight. i'm gonna make him a star.
>> Anonymous
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They say I blew it. Again.

People have been telling me for years I make horrible decisions on 4th down. That must mean I make great decisions on 1st to 3rd. Either way, I just stare at the space between their eyes and count to 20. Usually by then they leave.

They ask me why I don't go for it. It's the preseason, they say. But even in the regular season, I hear that a lot. Why didn't you go for it? Go for what? I'm too busy looking at all the dirt on the field. Where did they get all this dirt? And why is it shaped like a diamond? So much dirt. I thought football was played on grass. I learn something new every day.
>> Anonymous
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>>236765
OH LOOK IT'S THE NEXT GREAT 49ER QUARTERBACKS
>> Anonymous
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>>236880
>> Anonymous
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>> Anonymous
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Josh Morgan was quite impressive though. Did Martz find him?
>> Anonymous
love the 49ers but damn did they play like shit