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hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
So I'm starting work on a project tomorrow, and I figured I should work out what I've done especially poorly in the past. Any comments or criticisms are welcome.

(It's a narrative sequence, so bear that in mind.)
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>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
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>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
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>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
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>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
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>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
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>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
     File :-(, x)
This was the original ending, but I realized it was kind of stupid and nonsensical, and decided to end with (6) Six. Take that for what it's worth....

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>> Anonymous
i don't get it

but you would probably get 2094940 views on deviantart and be in the most popular group in flickr though
>> Anonymous
NOO OBI WAN KENOBI
>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
>>149459

hm, deviantart... so... too melodramatic?
>> beethy !HJGkSBB3Ao
i get what you're going for here... the sequences don't tie together well at all. and the whole idea of the matchstick going out is terribly cliche and unoriginal.
the scene of the 2 people is also very messy and random looking.
basically this entire series looks and seems as if it were throught through in about 5 minutes. something you decided to do on the go, not something planned.
next time.. try and draw the idea up on paper, get the idea checked and reviewed by people you know (people that know art or good films).
then refine the idea.. and shoot it.
because like this, right now.. it looks rushed and bad.
>> Anonymous
>>149466
ahh I understand now
>> Anonymous
rofl

i think beethy is a pretty cool guy. eh gives advice like he's a hotshot professional with years of experience but turns out to shit and doesn't afraid of anything.
>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
>>149476
Right, so, say these frames are sketched on notebook paper and you "know good films". What would you suggest to me? Basically, I know exactly how I'd do something like this with a motion camera, but if you see so many problems with this set, maybe you could offer something other than "get help from someone else".
>> I||ICIT !!mknjFN/v/49
perhaps similarly, but instead of>>149453ahving him look like "ngargh! get the voices out of my head!!!1!!1" try having him defend himself? even an indy/emo would give some self defence.

also, perhaps not so many matches shots? how bout a shot of the flames just before they go out, ot have gone out just at the end?

and how bout try having the smokin dude glance at the "rough guy" as hes walking to him? it seems more logical that the rough guy would have a go at him just standing there, whereas if he had given him a fuck you look or something?

also, take the shot of indy guy dead on the ground and the rough guy walking away from the other direction. it seems kinda odd that rough guy specifically worked up, fucked indy guy and walked back the same way he came. perhaps even have him running?

hope that helps/
>> hal9000 !a4fa8BKGtQ
>>149513
Thanks for the suggestions. I think my biggest problem is that the frames don't seem to suggest at all what I was thinking when I shot them. It was supposed to be, Guy's minding his own when a mugger approaches, Mugger's holding up the guy who is just kind of in shock like "hey man, chill, don't stab me with that broken bottle", then Guy freaks out with a major headache or something which causes the Mugger to freak out and back away apprehensively (hence the motion blur), and then the Guy inexplicably disappears leaving behind a pile of empty clothes which sends the Mugger running scared the direction he came.

I dunno, it's somewhat difficult to imply something so retarded. A puff of smoke, perhaps? Nevermind. This is all stupid, and I should probably just try to forget about it and move on with my life.
>> I||ICIT !!mknjFN/v/49
lol, i didnt notice it was just clothes.

i dont think its time to bail, perhaps try to express it in more than 7 frames, 3 of which are mathes, i mean thats only about 1/5 of a second of motion/film shots so id give it at least 10 frames?