File :-(, x, )
LORD BATTLESHIP
Hey /p/

I had my junior thesis critique on Wednesday, and while there were generally no bad comments, people couldn't seem to get over the fact they hated the composition of this image. So I ask, how could I compose this better? keeping in mind I'm shooting a 150 Schneider on a monorail, and the cell phone, and general area of the shot is important to the narrative of the project (im also aware it's a tad magenta, it was corrected prior to original printing, this is a sized down version of an early scan)

thanks
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>> Anonymous
It might be technically good, as you got the exposure, choice of DoF for the scene, point of focus correct, but it's a picture of a very boring thing.
>> Anonymous
>>98843

If it isn't meant to stand out on its own, how the fuck are we meant to magically imagine it in the context you have in mind? Show us the context then if it is apparently of vital importance to the photo. Otherwise it is just a shitty snap to us.
>> LORD BATTLESHIP
>>98852
the series is a documentation of a relationship my sister was in that eventually ended in her suicide, photographs are locational significance to her decline through my eyes- this specific spot is where she sat and first called him (I was there), its pivotal to the series
>> Anonymous
Your composition is off if you want the phone to be the centre of attention. My eye is drawn to the lamp post area of blur thanks to the lines of the concrete making a giant fucking arrow pointing up to it and the large area of OOF background and nothing interesting in the foreground to counter it (a tiny phone is not interesting in that scene). It also looks like a rather dull day and the scene is uninteresting in general, which only mean the eye is not drawn to anything.

For a piece about memory, it is utterly forgettable. I hope the irony was intended.

You can print that whatever size you like and it will have the same problems. Remember that viewing distance and print size go hand in hand too.
>> Anonymous
>>98855

The you need to form that scene so that the eye is drawn to the phone. The phone is important in that narrative and story. It is TOTAL BULLSHIT to say that it doesn't have to stand on its own because there are others. What makes a good photo still matters even if it is part of a series.

Adjust the scene so that the eye is drawn to the phone. Make the viewer look there, even if it is subtly done.
>> Anonymous
quit photography
>> Anonymous
>>98855
Then it needs to be twice as good as the other photographs, if it's so pivotal.

I think perhaps getting closer and using a wider lens would've helped.

Could you post the rest of the series? It's sounds interesting.

And I'm sorry about your sister.
>> Anonymous
>>98883

I'd like to see the rest, too