File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
/hc/ I tried sticking a decent size cucumber up my ass yesterday so I could ifnally get my fist in, and had no luck. It hurt like hell and I think it literally tore my ass, holw ong should I wait for it to heal before going at it again? Also, good ways to stretch it?

Pic unrelated.
>> Anonymous
please tell me ur not a dude
>> Anonymous
OP Here, yes I am a dude and I don't see what is wrong with anally pleasuring myself. I just dont want to get torn again. Maybe I could take a real cock in the ass?
>> Anonymous
trolled
>>229187
>> Anonymous
I'll never get a boner again :(
>> Anonymous
First start off with carrots, then move up to zucchini, then leeks, and finally cucumbers. Always poke a hole in one end and tie a string to it in case it gets "lost" otherwise your trip the the ER will be an embarassing one.

Finally, when you are done with the veggies, put them back in the fridge for safekeeping, then invite your friends over for salad.
>> Anonymous
>>229263
i loled
>> Anonymous
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jt's stockroom has a dildo shaped like a fist, but it is soft and not full of bones like a real fist. Practice with that.

and post pics
>> Anonymous
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Biggest thing I've taken up the arse is 2.5 inches, but I'm pretty sure my methods will scale up.

First, stop fucking around groceries and get some proper equipment. You should get a small dildo that goes up to about an inch in diameter to start, something that goes to 1.5 inches, something that goes to 2 inches, and so on until you can get a fist in. Textured surfaces, ridges, odd shapes like the picture or even animal shaped dildos all help to open you up quicker, experiment and find out what gets you loose.

You'll also need some good quality water based lube. ID Glide is great and I've heard good things about Astroglide.
Note that these aren't intermediate stages that you drop and never use again. Each time you decide to go for the fist, you'll have to gently work the muscles, lube up and all that shit each time. Now you know why women are so focused on foreplay, you need to be in the mood and worked up to take anything beyond a finger.
>> Anonymous
>>229639

That's 2.5 inches in diameter, btw.
>> Anonymous
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>>229639
Agreed. Taking a blunt object like a cucumber without working up to it is stupid. Time to get some real toys that you can use to 'work up to speed.'
>> Anonymous
post pics of your distended bowels