File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
Joke time!

A man meets 2 female genies and gets 3 wishes. He makes the wishes and when he wakes up the next day he lives in a BIG beautiful house, and hes surrounded but hundreds of women. He has sex with 'em all for an hour, when it suddenly knocks on the door. Somewhat angered he gets up and opens it, behind the door he sees 2 persons dressed as KKK members, they drag him away into their car and drives far off to a big tree were they hang him. When the man is dead they take of their hoods, and its the 2 genie girls he meet the other day. One of them looks at the other and sais "I can understand that he wanted the big house and all the girls, but I cant understand his wish to be hung like a black guy"
>> Anonymous
lol, wish I knew some good jokes :(
>> Anonymous
Heres one

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his class, but she belonged to someone else.
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me screw you", the girl said NO.
Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw some money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished byt the time you pick up"
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend....
So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says "Ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he wont be able to get his pants down"
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. 20 mins goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
She said "THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!!"
>> Anonymous
nice, dont let this thread die plx
>> Anonymous
On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" She wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt ...one button at a time.

No one moves.

He removes his shirt.

Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps.

He whispers ... "Iron this, and get me something to eat..."
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm, his wife is on the bed reading a book which she puts down when she sees him. The man bursts out "Look honey this is the pig I have to have sex with when you have a headache"
The wife looks at him disgusted and sais "Thats a sheep not a pig!"
The man looks her in the eyes and sais "do you think I was talking to you?"
>> Anonymous
A man, who had been hard for the past year, decided he would take a day off and relax at the beach. He arrives at the beach and begins to walk along the water looking for a place to layout. As he's walking he spots a young women with no arms and no legs crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.
"Well", she replies, "In my whole life, I have never been hugged, not once."

So the man bends down and hugs her and she stops crying, so he continues on his way.

After about an hour the man gets thirsty and starts to walk towards boardwalk. As he's walking, he again passes the woman with no arms and no legs, and again, she is crying. The man stops again.

"Ma'am, why are you crying now?"
"Well", she replies, "In my whole life, I have never been kissed not even once."

So the man bends down and kisses her and she stops crying.

After getting a drink, the man is walking back when he passes the woman with no arms and no legs, who is once again crying.

"Ma'am, why are you crying NOW?!" he asks.
"Well", she replies, "In my whole entire life, I have never been fucked, not even once."

So the man bends down and picks her up, throws her into the ocean and yells out, "There you go, you're fucked now!"
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
nothing wrong with jokes! however bad some of them are...
>> Anonymous
A man walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50

HAND JOB: $1.000.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.
"yes? Can I help you?" she inquires with a knowing smile,
"I was wondering" whispered the man, "are you the young lady who gives the hand jobs?"
"yes I am" she purrs
The man replies "Well wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger"
>> Anonymous
how do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
Nail it's other hand to the floor.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Two blonds walk into a building... >:]
>> Anonymous
What did the dick say to the anus?

I'm sick of your shit! I'm packing up my balls and leaving.
>> Anonymous
On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" She wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt ...one button at a time.

No one moves.

He removes his shirt.

Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps.

He whispers ... "Iron this, and get me something to eat..."
>> Greatest Jokes Ever Anonymous
Miley Cyrus

Jonas Brothers

Done
>> Anonymous
penis
>> K-POGO
The roughest, toughest Marine in the Corps blows into town on leave. He walks into the dirtiest, roughest looking bar in town and shouts, "I'm the baddest, meanest, toughest SOB in town! Who wants to prove me wrong?!"

The people ignore him, and he repeats himself. The bartender says, "Keep it down, junior, we know your *not* the baddest SOB in town."

The Marine goes nuts, trashes the bar, kicks the crap out of everyone there, "Now *I'm* the baddest SOB in town!" he boasts.

The bartender gets up and glares at him. "No, you're not. You gotta do 3 things to own tha ttitle, junior, and nobody's gotten past step one."

The Marine tell shim to get on with it. The bartender gets out a cracked, dusty bottle and hands it to him. "Step one: you gotta drink that whole bottle of the worst, most stomach churning, brain frying rum. Step two: theres a mean old pitbull in the back yard, and he needs his tooth pulled. And step three: theres the oldest, ugliest woman in the world upstairs, and you gotta fuck her."

The Marine laughs and rips the cork out of the bottle with his teeth. He guzzles the rotgut rum in seconds. He stands in a daze for a minute, then staggers outsid einto the backyard. The pitbull yelps, howls, barks, and makes all kinds of noise. The Marine staggers back in and yells, "Allwright, now wheresh that old broad that neesh a tooth pulled?"
>> Otsuko !zn6obdUsOA
>>1346212
i've heard one similar to this
>> Anonymous
chinks
>> Anonymous
One day, a man walks into an antique store. After browsing around for a while, he finds this rat made of brass, placed in an ornate glass case. He decides it would be a wild piece of decorum for the house and brings it up to the register.
The clerk says, "the brass rat costs $20, but the case is another $20."
The man refuses to buy the case. Despite this, the clerk insists that the man buy the case too.
The man, impatient with the clerk, replies, "Look, I don't need the stupid case, okay? Just give me my rat and I'll be going
"Whatever," replies the clerk, as the man was leaving, "but you'll be back for this case."

The man gets in his car and starts driving back to his house. As he's driving, he looks into his rearview mirror to see a large group of rats following him. The man obviously dazed, collects himself and tries to lose the rodents. But every turn he takes, the rats follow, only to seemingly be joined by more rats. Somehow, the group is gaining on the car more and more by the minute. The man, panic stricken, drives straight for a cliff. Last minute, he jumps out of the car and stares in amazement as every last rat follows the car off the cliff to their demise.
A flicker of realization strikes the man, and he starts running back to the antique store. After running a couple miles, he bursts into the antique store gasping for air, much to the clerk's delight.
"So", the clerk says, "I see you've come back for the glass case."
The man replies, "Hell no! I wanna know if you guys carry brass niggers!"
>> Anonymous
what did the ocean say to the boat?


nothing. it just waved.
>> Anonymous
niggers. ha!
>> Anonymous
>>1346235
HAHAHAHAHAHA
>> Anonymous
>>1345489
except you say someone is hanged and not hung
>> Anonymous
>>1346255

http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/hanged.html
>> Anonymous
A man is riding on a train when he sees another man across from him with two black eyes. After unsuccessfully trying to ignore it, the man asks happened to the fellow that he would have two black eyes.

Motioning to his right eye the man says, "It was just a slip of the tongue. When I went to buy my ticket, I meant to say 'Two tickets to Pittsburgh,' but when I got to the ticket counter, the women working there was very well endowed and what came out was, 'Two pickets to Tittsburgh.' The woman was so offended, she punched me right in the face."

"What about the left one?" the curious train-rider asked.

"Again, it was just a simple slip of the tongue. This morning I was eating breakfast with my wife and I wanted to say, 'Honey, could you please pass the salt?' but what came out was, 'You stupid whore! You ruined my life!'"
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>1346255
lol fail for reading too far into it, GTFO spock
>> Anonymouse
I'm drunk but here it goes

A priest a Doctor and a lawyer all receive a summons in the mail. It informs them that their friend has just passed away and his funeral will be the following week, also is enclosed 1 million dollars. It goes on to say that it was the mans last wish that he be buried with his money, and would like his closest friends to put it into his casket at the funeral.

So, next week the three men meet each other, say their goodbyes to their friend, and each puts something into the casket.

The priest is the last, and he comes to sit with his friends. His face is white, and he says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned, I kept half the money, and am going to add a new wing to the church with it."
The Doctor smiles and says "I to have a confession, I kept half the money, and am going to use the other half to buy new medical equipment, it will save lives!"
The lawyer stands up and says "You make me sick! This man was our friend, and after all these years, you betray his trust and goodwill for your own needs!" They look at him and the priest asks, "You kept nothing?" The lawyer looks down and says "I most certainly did not! I wrote him a personal check for every penny."
>> Anonymous
An Australian carpenter and his fiance walk into a bar.
The bartender says to them: "It's a beautiful evening, don't you think so?"
But before the carpenter can respond, Pyramid Head enters the bar.

There are no survivors.
>> Anonymous
more like>>1346314
>> Anonymous
Here's a joke.

What turns a fruit into a vegetable?
>> Anonymous
>>1346698

AIDS!
>> Anonymous
>>1346704

Hahahah, that joke never gets old.
>> Anonymous
A man goes to the doctor, and that doctor say, "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"What is it, doctor?" The man says.

"I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers."

And the man says "Whew! Well at least I don't have cancer."