File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
Hey /fit/. I have no idea where to start here - I need an exercise plan for getting myself in shape. I'm 5'9", male, and if I had to venture a guess I'd say I'm at around 170 pounds right now - I'll likely check on this tomorrow. Problem is, very little of that weight is muscle. My legs are in decent shape, strength-wise, and I've been working on my upper body lately, but I can only just now do parallel pullups, with no hope of doing either chinups or standard pullups. My cardiovascular health is also shit. So what do I do? I don't want to put on weight, so bulking seems ridiculous, but I don't want to lose the little muscle I have, so cutting does as well. What kinds of exercises should I be doing? I've got about a month left before school starts and it would be awesome if I could see some results by then, but even if not I can keep it up past then.

tl;dr help the chubby gain muscle and lose weight

pic related because I expect to see it as the reaction to yet another one of these threads
>> Bigoted Builder
So you think that you're going to get some magical fucking workout from this site that will turn your life around, magically burn off all the fat and get you to have sex with girls?

There's no simple answer. From what you've said you clearly no nothing about nutrition and exercising in general and from the descriptions you've made of your body, you're already making excuses and shortcuts, pretending your legs are in shape. Protip: They're not.

Firstly, stop eating junk food (that should be a fucking given), watch for things with saturated fats and try and minimize carbs. But the thing is, you have to make sure your protein intake is HIGH. This will make sure the weight comes off, but the muscle stays. Eat chicken, fish, egg (whites), peanuts, soy beans. Find a workout routine that suits you and stick to it. If you want to speed up the process you're going to have to start lifting weights. Make sure you're doing compound exercises like bench presses, deadlifts and (eek) squats.

Cardio is possibly the easiest area. I find jogging works best for me, but some people damage their knees or ankles so you may have to try something else.

Lastly, you should know that no one gives a fuck whether or not you lose the weight. It's your journey and yours alone. Don't kid yourself into thinking you're doing it for anyone else than you. But just know that things will be a bit better if you do manage to lose it. And use that as your motivation.
>> Anonymous
just go to stronglifts.com and do his 5x5. read all the other stuff too.
>> Anonymous
I'm honestly curious where anything I said implied that I knew nothing about nutrition?

I'm not looking for a magical fucking workout, I'm looking for a starting point. I have no fucking clue what to do to get myself into shape, and I don't know what any effective routines are.

I tend to eat pretty healthily - fresh fruits and vegetables whenever possible, minimal starches except oatmeal, and healthier meats. I do drink soda - and I know to quit the shit out of that when I get into the routine.
>> Anonymous
If you actually followed a good lifting guide, you could take advantage of the newbie gains you would experience, and could lose some fat, while your body grew from the initial shock of heavy weight training.

Then in three months you can decide what the fuck to do.