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Anonymous
Yo, /fit/. I did an article over at Cracked entitled "6 Of Your Favorite Things That Are Secretly Making You Fat." It just went up today, and I thought to myself "Hey, this article is basically two thousand words making fun of tubbies. /fit/ likes making fun of tubbies. /fit/ might like this!"

So here it is, submitted for your approval. Hope you like it, Digg it if you do. Or don't. (But actually do.)

http://www.cracked.com/article_16708_6-your-favorite-things-that-are-secretly-making-you-fat.html
>> Anonymous
i like cracked

thank you OP
>> Anonymous
No, thank YOU. If my article gets over 200000 unique hits in its first week, I get an extra fifty dollars. And a hug from David Wong, if the rumors are to be believed.
>> WS
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Cracked is pretty fuckwin, rock on OP.
>> Anonymous
>>408074
i was promissed an article which makes fun of fat fucks, but the shit you posted is fucken non offending and is boring and false as green shit
>> troll
>Remember when your mother told you to clean your plate? You know, because of those starving kids in Africa? Most of us are programmed to eat until we see the bottom of the dish.

I yelled at my mom to stop saying stuff like this. I can't help but eat everything that is on my plate. If I don't I feel like I did something wrong. Thank god I cook for myself and only make small meals now.

My little brother is way over weight and I know it is because mom is still making diner meant for 5 people and it is only 3 of them every night. So she is putting extra food on my brothers plate and forcing him to eat it all. I told her that any meal you eat should never be over 1000 calories and you are forcing a meal of 1500+ calories into him everyday.

It has been 2 months since I told her and I think she is still feeding him way to much. Not to mention that he drinks about 3 cans of soda and eats a big bowl of ice cream after diner sometime before he goes to bed. 1500 calorie meal then another 700 calories in snacks right afterwords.

When I have kids I am only going to force them to eat their greens and fruit.
>> Anonymous
>>408150
Eat a dick, fatty. What's the matter, couldn't see all the fat jokes through your eye-fat, Sir Fatsalot? You pudgy little fat-havers make me puke.
>> Anonymous
>>408169
no OP , i am one of the skinny guys and enjoy laff at fat fucks, but your article is made of fail and 14 year old writing style
>> Anonymous
>>408199
Sorry, the characters in your reply were too fat for me to read them. Try losing a little weight and then posting again, fatass.
>> Anonymous
Tighten up the graphics, i mean words, it was tl;dr half of it. I just looked at the pictures
>> Anonymous
Pretty good article OP, about time somebody put the friends thing up, I've noticed it a while ago which is why I always watch what I eat when I'm with friends moreso than when I am by myself.
>> Anonymous
holy fuck. i read the comments on the article on cracked. those fucks read david icke too much.

also good article op
>> Anonymous
>>408222
Sorry about that. The night before the article went up, the text portion of the article just started binging on rhubarb pie and beef jerky. It was disgusting. All the studies I cited? Those are the text equivalent of stretch marks.

>>408227
An internet and a half to whoever can name the nutrition book I pulled half of my studies from.

>>408236
The comments section is where we keep all the retards who are too fucking fat or stupid to post on the forums. Needless to say, I loathe every single person who posts in the comments section.
>> Anonymous
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>>408244

Good 'ol UNF UNF UNF?
>> Anonymous
So far only 58 Diggs as of right....... now. You want to make money? Also try asking /b/ and 99chan's /fit/ to digg you up.
>> Anonymous
so all those people i know that downed caffeine pills didnt burn weight through it.

wat?
>> Anonymous
>>408244
anabolic diet
>> Anonymous
>>408257
Though a tome worthy of the ages, you are incorrect.

>>408260
Alright, trying that now. Wish me luck.
>> Anonymous
>>408257

rofl
>> Anonymous
Fuck, /b/ is a fucking whirling vortex of activity right now.

I've tried the following:
-offering them porn
-not offering them porn

NOTHING IS WORKING
>> Anonymous
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errmmmmmm.... caffeine is a "performance-enhancing stimulant" banned by the NCAA, now I'm not condoning drinking a pot of coffee everyday, but I drink a few cups a day, and there's a good chance I'm in better shape than most of you (because I'm a division I athlete)

take everything you read with a grain of salt.

in fact, studies have shown that a cup of coffee a day is GOOD FOR YOU!

I'll finish reading the rest of the article, then I'll finish critiquing.
>> Anonymous
Black coffee is the only thing keeping me from sugary drinks
>> Anonymous
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on to "saving money"

one would need a road map to follow that nonsense logic.

I buy in bulk, however, like most normal people, if I were to buy a 40 lb tub pretzels, I would eat maybe 20 pretzels a day, keeping things in moderation, saving money, and staying healthy!
>> Anonymous
>>408299
The coffee-a-day people aren't really the people the studies refer to; s'more the people who actually develop caffeine dependencies.
>> Anonymous
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now, as for air conditioning..... you're a fucking retard

after I get done with an hour or two in the gym, or a couple mile run, I'm hot as fuck, I'm going to turn on the air conditioner.... if I miss out on the hundred calories or so, big fucking deal, I just burned more than that by working out, and workouts (if done properly) continue to burn calories ALL DAY!

eat like a normal person, drink like a normal person, and get off your sedentary arse and you'll look fucking good without sacrificing "your favorite things"
>> Anonymous
oh god, this one is the best yet "your friends"

there's a brilliant idea: want to get skinny? BETTER NOT HAVE FRIENDS, FAGGOT!
>> Anonymous
>>408311
Oh wow oh geez you guys you think maybe if you eat healthily and exercise regularily then maybe a lot of the stuff in this article doesn't apply to you

holy shit this is profound

i should start a blog or something

brb, gotta scoop the sandbaby out of my vagina
>> Anonymous
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here's the deal, if your friends "want you to eat more" they prolly aint your friends. my friends are fit, and care about fitness, they make fun of me if I splurge, and help me get motivated to work out and eat right. friends are people who back whatever you feel like doing. and shit, if you want to go out with some friends, fucking doing it, and eat and drink..... but work out extra hard the next day. and don't make it a habit
>> Anonymous
>>408315
ITT: missing the point
>> Anonymous
Good article OP, I enjoyed it.
>> Anonymous
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>>408316

negative.... ITT: fat people try shortcuts to get fit, and I tell them they're wrong.

but I should've seen the next one coming: your mom.

of course, school violence is mom's fault so why isn't your fat ass? while this one almost has a point, they approach it the wrong way. it's a well published fact that people are more fit when they eat slowly, this is the same reason described in the article: eat slowly so you realize when you get full, it's that simple: don't blame your mom, she loves you, eat slower.
>> Anonymous
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bahahaha, at least the last point had some usefullness,

OP you are fat and will always be fat, because you're looking for shortcuts. enjoy being a slob for the rest of your life.
>> Anonymous
>>408315

The apple has fallen very far from the tree, Mr. Wayne.
>> Anonymous
>>408074
#4 on your list
>>But Cracked
>>Butt cracked
>> Butt crack
>> buttcrack
I lolled
>> Anonymous
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>>408331

OP here. Lemme see if I can outline the Cracked article writing process, as you understand it:

Step 1: Get an idea
Step 2: Do research
Step 3: BECOME THE COMPLETE PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF YOUR ARTICLE'S TOPIC. THIS IS IMPORTANT, DON'T SKIP THIS
Step 4: ???
Step 5: Profit

Seriously, how fucking stupid are you? Has a roving band of vagrants taken up residence in the desolate area of your brain where your sense of humour used to be? Do you understand that the articles on Cracked are written with humourous intent, not as ironclad mandates all readers must follow to the letter or be forevermore spurned by the rest of the readership?

The truth is, you don't think any of those things. You're just another fat little bitch who takes every opportunity to tell people how ripped he is on the internet, where nobody can prove anything. How about you tell me about all the chicks you've banged or all the money you make next?

Take your pseudointellectual psychanalytical horseshit to some other internet, fag. The rest of us are trying to have a good time here.
>> Anonymous
>>408654
>if you dont like my article you are fat BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW