File :-(, x, )
David
Hey /fit/,
I know this isn't entirely on topic, but I hope some of you will be able to offer some advice here.

I've been dating this girl for 2 months. She's extremely hot by any standards, a total nutjob but physically almost perfect. She's made me look at myself so much that Im now actively losing weight just so I look normal standing next to her.

She's massively into fitness stuff. Like hugely. HOWEVER the more I get to know her Im finding she basically NEVER eats anything. She punishes herself for eating chocoloate by basically starving herself for 24 hours at a time, and always exaggerates how much she's eaten to friends so they dont suspect anything.

Ive told her that that sort of shit will just slow her metabolism and make her gain weight, but the problem is, it IS working, she is trimming down bit by bit. Obviously, it would be better for her to hit the gym, she knows this, however she still does this not eating bullshit.

Then, last night she told me she was vomiting up her lunch every day. WHAT THE FUCK. Right now Im desperate to help her any way I can (inb4 /b/ bullshit)

This issue seems to be related to the whole fitness world, which I'm very new to. The darker side of losing weight.

Does anyone have similar experiences?

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>> Anonymous
>>68919

You can't fix those things in a few days. Let the bitch will learn the hard way.

If you tell her that what she's doing doesn't really work and harmful, she most likely will dump you.
>> Anonymous
Get out. Now.

There is no way to cure bulimia, and it's almost impossible to stop once you've started.
Her skin is going to go to shit and she's doing irreparable damage to her throat, esophagus, and heart. She isn't noticing it now because she's young, but when she hits her late 20s her body will start taking a shit.

Trained professionals may be able to help her, but there is NOTHING you can do. If you really care about her tell her parents so they can intervene and send her to counseling.
>> Anonymous
I had family that dealt with this shit. There's nothing YOU can personally do to stop it. You need to tell her its unhealthy, tell her she needs help and then do your best to push her in that direction. The thing is, shes your GF and if it begins to take its toll on you you need to realize the limitations of what you can do. Don't beat yourself up or blame yourself if it continues. Just encourage her in the right direction and try and get her help.
>> David
also, my normal attitude to this shit is quite passive. I dont want it to be a cry for attention so I ignore it.

I only feel like helping because of this throwing-up bullshit.
>> Anonymous
>>68919

She's an idiot. Can't help.

My only experience of this was the opposite. An ex wanted to gain weight upon my telling her how much I admired curves. Difference is, she knew when to stop and turned out really damn well.
>> Anonymous
>>68930
>when it begins to take its toll on you

Fixed
>> David
>>68930
cheers man.

I guess there's no magic cure for this. Fuck.
The problem about getting help is complex. If I told her parents (or even friends) she would flip. It would make it worse.

:/
>> Anonymous
>>68947
>The problem about getting help is complex. If I told her parents (or even friends) she would flip. It would make it worse.

No, it's very, very simple.
If you want to help her, you have to tell her parents.
She'll flip the fuck out and it'll be the end of your relationship, but it will put her on the road to recovery.

If you don't tell anyone she'll feel better about what she's doing since she's confided in someone, and if you try to pressure her to stop she'll either dump you or ignore you.

If you're lucky you can tell her parents, she'll hate you for a little while, and then once she realizes you only did it because you care she'll come back to you.

But untill you tell someone in an authority position who has the power to force her to change she's just going to keep getting worse.
>> Anonymous
>>68959

PS: This happened to me. I'm a recovering bulimic who was hardcore about it (vomiting 2-3 times a day after basically every meal) for about 3 years and ignored multiple attempts to help me from friends. The only thing that made me change was when one of my friends squealed and told my parents, who put me in therapy. I still have relapses and I still freak out about my weight all the time, but I'm not destroying my body the way I used to be and even though I hated her at the time I thank my friend for letting my parents know.
>> Anonymous
Oh, wow. My last girlfriend was the same person mentally, and a vegetarilirtwmeian, except I would give her the "for every fewd u don eat, i eats 3". So I, who'd lost 50 pounds, gained it all back in fat. So I told her parents. Then she started cutting. So I told her parents. And now she's completely insane. Moral : no-win, do the right thing.
>> David
>>68960
seriously?

You make a lot of sense. Theres a problem though. Currently this girl is living in another country in Europe away from her family and friends.

I know that if I told her parents it WOULD help in the long run, but right now that means they cant really do anything, she has the power to eat nothing and no real authority around her to stop it.

Im OK that she leaves me, Ive actually tried dumping her before but she wants to stay together. Right now I feel the best option is to work through it with her. I think she wants me to help because Im the only one she tells this stuff to.

One of the main motivations behind this is her best friend, who's the same age but ridiculously thin and with more serious problems. She makes my GF feel like shit when she talks about weightloss, which is basically her whole life.

If this Other girl says she's getting seriously into it my gf follows for a while.

The problem with dealing with HER is that SHE TOO lives in another damn country. They just communicate online.

Do you think that theres a possibility of helping through the support of a partner or is therapy the only thing that works in your experience?

Thanks
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Pic related.
Marilyn Monroe - one of the greatest models back in the day (and still is imo), and she would be considered chubby by today's standards!

Guys tend to like a bit of meat on their girls. Not whale blubber, but a bit more than skin & bones is nice.

Point this out to her if you want.
>> David
>>68975
dont think that would work dude. Its not about pleasing men. Men practically drool over her already. She keeps saying its about "control" or something. Also that its kind of adventurous. Like a secret thing that noone else does.

Sad I know :/
>> Anonymous
>>68970
>You make a lot of sense. Theres a problem though. Currently this girl is living in another country in Europe away from her family and friends.

When will they be back?
Because yeah, the different-country thing changes it a lot...
It might be better to wait...
>> David
>>68987
Shes taking a year out, so she wont be back full time for 6-9 months
>> Anonymous
>>68975
Wow, this is the problem. There is a fundamental misunderstanding about bulemia.

NEWSFLASH GUYS! ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!

Men and Women do it not because they want guys or girls to like them, but because they usually have OCD tendencies that become caught up in their food intake. Sure, a magazine ad or tv show might make them think "i want to look like that" but if you think its about impressing guys, you're dead wrong. As OP said, its a "control" issue. THey want obsessive control over their bodies, and that means starving themselves, or managing their food intake. Purging is the expression of this desire...

Anorexics are the ones that starve themselves and it's more often associated with wanting to be skinny than bulimics.

Anyways, feel free to correct me but my family counseling taught me a shit ton about this stuff.
>> Anonymous
>>68975
Some girls look good with a thicker look. Scarlett Johansson is similar in body type to Monroe. Definitely a thicker girl in a lot of her roles, and everyone loves her.

If a chick has a good face, her weight is less relevant. Still no fatties accepted, but a few extra pounds that are worn well are fine.

On Celebrity Fit club that chick Tocara is definitely HEAVY. I would fuck her. Even though I like fit white bitches.
>> Anonymous
Try not being a fucking pussy. Lock her up in the basement and force feed her food and beat and torture her if she won't cooperate.
>> David
>>69016
gb2/b/

im still hopeful there are people who have beat this without counseling.
>> Anonymous
>>69622
Sorry, but eating disorders are a form of mental illness and if you can't make her see a shrink it might be a long time until she realises that what she's doing isn't about her weight but about trying to control her life.
>> Anonymous
>>68919
So what exactly is the problem? Are you just bragging you're fucking a hot skinny girl or what?

>>68975
No whales in my /fit/ please.
>> Anonymous
>>68919

She's a control freak. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. Basically, whenever something in her life goes out of her perfectionist controlling habits, this is the way she punishes herself. Most people deal with this shit by joining Scientology or begin an obssessive hobby (like Hello Kitty fandom), but her weapon of choice, obviously, is her weight.

I should know better, I have an anorexic and bulimic friend who is 48kgs. Her parents ENDORSE this behaviour, telling her that she is fat and she eats too much all the time.

Tell her parents, and just get out of the relationship. The massive radioactive fallout from when she finds out that someone tattled about how she fails at controlling every fucking detail of her life is NEVER worth it.
>> Anonymous
>>69641

Ever had a ... relationship? You know, where you actually care about the health and well-being of another person, beyond the status of a fuckhol...oh wait, this is 4chan. Never you mind.
>> David
>>69647
Easier said than done.

Last time I broke up she stopped eating and sleeping for days.

I want to help her.
If you read my posts you'll see telling her parents wont change very much. Shes in a different country.

Im not looking for /fit/'s opinions, but for your experiences with this, if any.

Thx
>> Anonymous
>>68919
This girl is smarter than you. She sees the world for what it is and is conforming to fit as well as she can within it. You would be smart to take a cue from here and lose some goddamn weight you fucking fatass.
>> Anonymous
>>68919

I'd screw the girl in the mirror in every hole.
>> Anonymous
>>68919
>This issue seems to be related to the whole fitness world, which I'm very new to. The darker side of losing weight.

See, don't tell what your stupid girlfriend does is related to fitness in any way.

And

>Where the hell does fitness stop?

What kind of bullshit sentence is this? Are you some kind of 40 years old dumb bitch?

Women do this kind of shit all the time, they know nothing about any form of fitness so they do the best thing they can come up with. Reading your pathetic post, it doesn't seem you are more knowledgeable than your girlfriend, and moreover it seems you are a sissy and a faggot. Desperate to help her? You can't help her, this is what she wants, and any outside interference will end up badly, meaning you'll have a big fight, she'll hate you for patronizing her and probably cheat you with someone who isn't all bitchy. There, I have saved your relationship and emotions, thank me by not being a bitchass faggot.
>> Anonymous
Is she underage b&? If so, tell her parents. They can force her to do something.
>> Anonymous
Talk to her about it before telling the parents.
Tell her about all the bad things that can result--heart failure, teeth fall out, death, ect...

The fact that she told you means she wants someone to know, maybe because she has realized she needs help and can't do it on her own.
>> Anonymous
>>70077

>Tell her about all the bad things that can result--heart failure, teeth fall out, death, ect...

Sometimes people just have to hear things enough times or from the right people or it has be said the right way before it clicks.

My older sister always tried to get me to floss. Never clicked. Then one day, I'm browsing /fit/, and some guy is like, "If you don't floss, you have food rotting between your teeth." Haven't missed a day of flossing since.
>> Anonymous
Oh man, bulimia sucks really bad.

A few years ago, I was doing some hardcore fat loss. I ate significantly less (though, not under the amount I should, just significantly less than what I used to eat), and I'd spend like 2 hours straight just running. I had lost so much weight, and my parents were worried and kept annoying me about it. I was annoyed myself that they didn't want me to get healthy...

Anyway, so we go as a family as guests to another family that we were friends of. It was after dinner when we were talking, and I got some fruit salad to eat. I wasn't even paying attention to what I was eating, and after eating a good amount, I see the mother of the family making a new bowl, and I saw she was cutting up kiwis as well. I freak out, since I'm really allergic to them. My stomach starts to feel like it's spinning, sort of like diarehha, but a lot worse. I run to the bathroom and close the door, and just start vomitting, bringing out pretty much my whole dinner.

So... One of the family's kids doesn't even fucking knock and opens the door. He starts yelling shit like "ewwww!" and makes a huge fucking scene, and my parents come up. The first thing on their mind? Bulimia. They don't say anything until after we leave, when they start putting all this shit up. I told them that it was the kiwis, though neither of them even ate or saw the fruit salad. They think that I'm just in denial, so they make me get therapy... Long story short, therapist doesn't believe me when I tell him the truth, calls for many more therapy sessions, I get angry as hell and punch him, get arrested for assault, bail set at like $2500... So, I go to court, I get charged for assault, and spend months in anger management.

Worst two years of my damn life. All wasted...
>> Anonymous
She is a control freak. Get the fuck out.
>> Anonymous
>>70184
Unprofessional, sue the therapist.
>> Anonymous
>>70192
I cant wait until im done with college so i can start being a therapist.

You wanna know some real shit? Most therapists just want to help people figure out their lives. I dont give a shit. I just want to emotionally manipulate you like a puppet and sleep on a bed of your money. I look foreward to it.
>> David
>>70198

OP here. EX-fucking-XACTLY.

I'm suspicious of any therapy or counseling. Ive been through it myself over other shit and I thought it was a waste of time and money. Nothing that speaking with an intelligent friend wouldn't conclude.

>>69905
Doesnt relate to fitness but does relate to weightloss, which is what many of the posters here are aiming it.
>> Anonymous
Well I have been trying to recover from bulimia and when my boyfriend mentioned he didnt find my ribs sexy and found it would so much more of a turn on if i gained some weight I got upset but then I felt less guilty when I ate food. I havent purged for 3 months now and my boyfriend has helped by encouraging me everytime he noticed i gained weight. He said things like I dont know why but you look so much sexier than you did last week. and didnt mention the weight gain. there isnt much you can do though. but mention it to her parents if anything. i go to weekly doctor checkups and we talk alot about this issue and it has actually helped alot.
good luck.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Try to sell her on the idea of semen as a low-fat, high-protein source of nourishment.
>> Anonymous
OP, READ THIS.

1) Decide at what point you are going to leave the relationship. People ITT are correct; it's not about weight loss, it's about control over her body, and given enough time, over you. You must not let yourself become consumed with wanting to fix this girl (woman? how old is she?), because all that will lead to is both of you crashing and burning.

2) Tell her you both need to talk and for her to please hear you out.
2a) Tell her about the way tou have experienced her and your relationship. You said that she got you into fitness (though it seems for negative reasons) and that you appreciate it, because now you're taking better care of your physical wellbeing.
2b) Then tell her that you also experience her as someone who is unable to recognize and stand up to her self-destructive behavior, and that it makes you sad/mad/scared.
2c) Then explain how you, too, do some of the same things that she does [I suspect the reason that you guys attracted each other is because you both have body image and control issues, but I'm just guessing.] Anyhow, that last step is CRUCIAL, because you are together in this.
2d) Then, tell her that what you need from her is to go start seeing a counselor, and stop talking to her friend online. I know, you're dubious about therapy, but seriously, some therapy will work, because she will at least then be seeing a doctor regularly.
2e) Ask her if she is willing to to do so, for her own, as well as the people who care about her.
>> Anonymous
>>70565
3) Depending on her answer:
YES: Hurrah! You have made slight headway, but you are not through this yet. There will be huge resistance from her sometimes, and as I said, you are in this together. Try and stick with it and have courage.
NO: Refer to Step 1. Put a limit on how much energy you're going to waste on trying to stop this girl from killing herself. Once you hit that point, walk away from the relationship. Her friend is a toxic person who has poisoned your girlfriend, and your girlfriend will eventually poison you, too, if you let her.

Good luck.
>> David
>>70567
THANK YOU. Did you go through this yourself?

I appreciate you writing that. We had a talk last night and I made it very clear she has to stop this. I'm normally passive about this stuff but I read all about how it can take 4 years to get over and how it fucks up your skin. She was with me on it.

I will have a look for doctors in town that might speak her language.

Re: speaking to her friend. I will meet her personally next week, so can have some strong words with her about all this. My powers are limited when it comes to restricting them chatting online.
>> rowerfag
>>68997
most (or at least a surprising amount of) self-harm is about this to some extent...

many cutters, for instance do it so that they can treat the wounds afterward... some people who are less publicised (my current roommate for instance) do things that cause pain (cutting doesn't... razors only cause shock unles you scrape them.... my roommate for instance used to scald himself in the shower so that he could control his sensitivity to pain)

in conclusion OP (as much as this sounds contra-common-sense), if you have a healthy relationship with her, you ought neglect the relationship in order to help her by telling someone... there is no sense in psychologically harming yourself over this... only she can change it
>> Anonymous
>>68919

she needs help. Tell her family for one thing (make sure they you tell them not say you told them). Try to get her to see a doctor or better yet, sign her up to a dietician/trainer and make sure she keeps to at least the dietry side of things.

If she's excersizing heavily whilst not eating much and being bulimic, she's probably going to be doing some major damage to her body. It may seem to be working now but the trouble is, it won't stop, she'll keep losing body fat, then she'll start losing muscle mass and be fucked.
>> Anonymous
*(make sure you tell them not to say you told them)
>> Anonymous
>>69716

Look, you don't get it, do you? If you break up with someone, and that someone starts crying into the phone "I'm going to jump off a bridge unless you come back into the relationship" it means you SHOULDN'T come back. You're obviously in this relationship because you feel you ought to, not because you WANT to. If you did, the first breakup would never have happened.

EVERY FUCKING GIRL bawwwwws for up to a month after any relationship is over, regardless of whether they even liked it or not or whether they were the dumper. It's normal, it's natural, and guess what, if she doesn't get over it and REALLY kill herself, it's not your fault, nor is it any of your business.

Yes, yes, we get it about how you care about her and how difficult it is to get out of a relationship you're used to and all that shit, but I don't think you understand this fundamental point:

She doesn't care about you.
She doesn't love you.
She couldn't give two shits about you.
She doesn't consider herself in a relationship with you where she sees you as an equal.

What are you most afraid of? That the moment you tell her "You're fucked up, let's end this" that she would threaten to garrotte herself with the phone cord then and there? That's not a relationship. That's a hostage situation.
>> Anonymous
>>69716

>>69647here.
Look, so basically you're saying, you've already grown tired of the relationship once before, and broke it off. Upon which, pre-fucking-dictably, she started out on a hunger strike against you, because as I said, her weight is her weapon of control, and now that she felt that she could no longer control you, she turns to her weight. It's something she did all the time throughout the relationship. There's really nothing to it.

It's pretty low for any girl or guy to use emotional blackmail in order to manipulate someone into a relationship.

In fact, I don't think it's really the fact that she cried and lost more weight that got you back with her. I think it's more the case of either her or her friends DEMANDING you pay retribution for all that crying and weight loss. After all, you broke up with her then. How the hell do you know whether she cried a lot or lose weight a lot in the first place?

Also, think on the other side of the coin. If she was supposedly so devoted to you and couldn't bear the thought of being away from you so much that she cried all the time and lost weight, what IS she doing in another country for months?

... Also, just to satisfy my curiosity: her name isn't Laura, is it?
>> Anonymous
sage
>> David
>>70678
her name is not laura.
Shes in a different country from her PARENTS, not from me.

btw
She didnt blackmail me by starving herself, I found out all that after I let her back. AND the breakup wasn't anything to do with this bulimia shit in the first place, this is a more recent thing.

anyway, thanks /fit/. one or 2 valuable posts here.
>> Anonymous
>>70630
I didn't go through it myself, but I've realized through therapy that probably ever person in the world exhibits some self-destructive behavior in reaction to a lack of control they felt when they were children, that went unaddressed by their parents or whatever caretaking/authority figure.

>>My powers are limited when it comes to restricting them chatting online.

As it should be. It's not your job to police your girlfriend and make her not talk to her friend. She must realize that it is she who needs to take responsibility for her own actions. She has power and control over herself in ways she didn't when she was young. You and her parents and better friends will provide her healthy support, but the onus is on her whether she wants to do it.
>> Anonymous
You have 2 options David.

1. You allow your GF to starve herself to death & probably know later in life you could've done something to save her.

2. You get help for her & save her life, but ruin your relationship; unless she sees you were trying to save her & once she gets help you can live a normal life and you can then play the HERO roll. (I saved your life blah blah blah...)
>> Anonymous
>>70854
Ignore this guy. It's not your responsibility to save her. If you go into this with some sort of rescuer mentality, she will vascillate between helplessness ("But I can't do this without you!") or making you feel like you're the asshole for not letting her do what she wants ("You don't know what I've been through!" etc.).

Don't let yourself get sucked into the victim triangle. No one gets any help, it just keeps going back and forth.
>> Anonymous
Okay, I don't know if I'm of any help here, but I used to have anorexia. I have been cured for six years now, and have maintained a healthy weight (5'6" 120-125 pounds) since then.

What you guys need to realize is that eating disorders often have a lot to do with the person possibly having mother issues. When it's not about control (which it wasn't for me) it ends up being about the person's mother not treating them well or loving them enough. Food can literally become a prop which represents a lack of love and attention.

David (the OP) should tell her parents what's going on before things get out of control. Just my opinion.