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Anonymous
This is my barbell. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My barbell is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My barbell, without me, is useless. Without my barbell, I am useless. I must SQUATZ my barbell true. I must SQUATZ straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must SQUATZ him before he SQUATZ me. I will...
My barbell and myself know that what counts in this war is not the plates we lift, the noise of our grunts, nor the mussles we make. We know that it is the SQUATZ that count. We will lift...
My barbell is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its grips and its spring clips. I will ever guard it against the ravages of faggots doing curlz in the SQUATZ rack as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my barbell clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...
Before Longcat, I swear this creed. My barbell and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. WE ARE THE SAVIORS OF MY LIFE.
So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace!
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