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Colonoscopy Care Package? Anonymous
Hiya, /fit/.

A dear friend is having a colonoscopy for the very first time in a couple weeks. Niether he nor I are very familiar on what to expect as far as preparation and recovery go. He lives alone and doesn't know many people in the area, and I wonder if /fit/ can suggest things I could do for him before and after the procedure.

Unfortunately, we work different shifts, so I won't be able to be there to help him directly. So, I had the idea of a "Colonoscopy Care Package." What would /fit/ suggest I put in such a package?

I know he'll have to be "cleaned out" the day before and he has a gallon of supershitjuice with flavoring packets sitting in his kitchen and I figure he's got loads to read at his disposal for when he's emptying his soul into the toilet, but does anyone have experience on what else might be nice to have while "dealing"?

Also, how quick will he recover? Should he be able to cook for himself that evening without trouble, or would it help to give him a pan of food to heat up? Will he be tired? In pain?

Any protips would be great. Thanks, /fit/.
>> Anonymous
I don't get what your asking. Are you asking how to help deal with blowing fiber-induced diarrhea out of his ass?
>> Anonymous
PROTIP: send him some fucking valium because colonoscopies hurt like a motherfucker
>> Anonymous
>>195958
Really? He was told he'd be under anesthesia and would just be groggy afterward.
>> Anonymous
>>195958

Haha I enjoyed my colonoscopy. But that's probably because I'm bottom.
>> Anonymous
>>195965

Ah, I didn't know they put people under for that anymore. My virgin ass took a beating.
>> Anonymous
>>195984

anymore = nowadays

sorry. I suck.
>> Anonymous
I went through a colonoscopy and it's not that bad at all. The evening before I just diarrhead everything out, the next morning I went over there to get this shit done, I was under anesthesia so I don't remember anything, nothing hurt, not even after the colonoscopy.
>> Anonymous
>>196003
Were you "normal" following the procedure, or were you groggy/tired/out of it?
>> Anonymous
The worst part of a colonoscopy is the prep. You have to drink a bottle of laxative and shit your brains out...all the while you can't eat (obviously). I had major Taco Bell cravings...so much to the point I was drawing pictures of people eating tacos in order to suppress my food cravings. The anesthetics are fucking awesome though... makes the procedure sort of worth it. I woke up in the middle too and watched my doctor go spelunking through my colon/intestines.

After the procedure my father drove me to taco bell because I could barely stand on my feet from the anesthetics. PROTIP: Don't eat "complicated" food directly after the procedure....I took a bite of a taco and literally sprinted to the bathroom to spray vomit all over the walls (lololol didn't tell the staff). Make him some mashed potatoes or some bland shit to heat up after.

Unless they royally fuck up, there should be no pain whatsoever. He will be tired as fuck, though.

It's really not that big of a deal. The grogginess wears off in like 2 hours...then you're back to normal.
>> Anonymous
Do you have to get the anesthesia? Seriously. I am afraid of that shit.
>> Anonymous
>>196033
It's either anesthetics or the feeling of getting anally raped by a tapir. It's totally up to you.
>> Anonymous
idk. id rathe be awake than wake up with the doctor mounting me like mufasa from the lion king in heat
>> Anonymous
I heard you can lose anywhere from 1-10 pounds after a colonoscopy. Any truth to this statement?
>> Anonymous
I know a guy who had one all the way, and he said miraculously a week or so afterwards his lactose intolerance fucking vanished- he can eat cheese, cereal with milk, etc, he hasn't bought soy products since.
>> Anonymous
well, you don't have to worry if you get the anesthesia. Apparently the worst part is devoiding your body the day before and not eating up until the colonoscopy.

The real bitch is I am 19 and going to see a doctor in a couple weeks to set an appointment for a colonoscopy. I regularly have blood in my shit so either i got polyps, cancer, or shit way to hard.
>> Anonymous
>>196093
Exactly. The pain is in the prep. Afterwards, you're just hungry and tired as fuck. I almost fell asleep eating a sandwich.

Coming from someone who used to shit blood, it can be a lot of things, many of them easily treatable. You might just have to take a few pills every morning for the rest of your life- pretty simple compared to the surgeries I had to have.

P.S. Writing this from my laptop in the bathroom. Still got the diarrhea, but no more blood.
>> Anonymous
ITT, the TL;DR version: Homosexual asks how he can comfort his boyfriend after he gets his asshole cleaned the fuck out.
>> Anonymous
PROTIP: there is no friend
>> Anonymous
They blow up your colon like a balloon with air, so they can see something.
If your friend is feeling bloated afterwards, it's due to the air.
Afterwards I let out the biggest fart of my life.
You wouldn't believe it.
Problem was it didn't come out at first, so I had to get on my knees and stick my ass in the air. BLAAAAARBBBB.
>> Anonymous
>>196116
I rofl'd
>> Anonymous
What exactly are the benefits of having a colonoscopy?
>> Anonymous
>>196420
Getting something in your ass with the excuse that it's not gay. But in reality it is gay, very gay indeed.
>> Anonymous
Tell him to enjoy his 12+ hours of sitting on the pot

Seriously, he will get no sleep after drinking miralax or GoLYTELY.
>> Anonymous
I've had one done; honestly the shit they make you drink is WORSE then the actual procedure. It is some of the most vile, revolting shit you can possibly drink and you have to drink a lot of it. Whatever he does DO NOT eat or drink anything other then what they allow you to. If you fuck that up you get to do it all over again.

You get a local so he's going to need a cab or somebody to drive him home but other then that it's not too bad. You're tired for a few hours afterward but that's about it.

It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to make dinner ahead of time and just heat it up afterward.
>> Anonymous
ive had 3 colonoscopys, they arent that bad. the hard part is not being able to eat the day before and drinking the miralax.

the good part is the drugs they give you. they are wonderful.
>> Anonymous
>>196465
seriously? rectal cancer from having water pushed into her bowels? maybe she already had cancer cells and the water spread it out....
>> Anonymous
>>196433
samefag here

>>196470
has a point

I work at a hospital and had a nurse tell me GoLYTELY pretty much tastes/feels like drinking cum
>> Anonymous
>>196478
this does not make me feel good about the colonoscopy. since i dont get down with putting penis in my body ive pretty much figured that i wouldnt be willingly drinking any cum in my lifetime.

not pleased.
>> Anonymous
Oi! All everyone is saying is what happened at their procedure and how much it fucking hurt!
WHY did you do this?
>> Anonymous
>>196509


OP here. Colonoscopies are generally performed to check for polyps and cancer. If you find blood in your stool or have other symptoms of cancer or other serious conditions like intestinal blockage or deterioration or what have you, a colonoscopy is a great way to explore the affected area and see what's wrong first hand. Once you hit 50 years of age or so, it's recommended that you have an annual colonoscopy just to keep an eye on things as you age.

In this case my friend went in for a routine check up that included submitting a stool sample, and the lab found traces of blood on the exterior of the stool. The doctor said that it's possible, even likely, that the blood came from a hemeroid (a result of straining to have a bowel movement) and isn't anything serious, but to cover all bases and be certain, they recommended he have a colonoscopy. If nothing else, it will serve as piece of mind for him and he won't have to worry about having another one for at least a decade.