File :-(, x, )
Dire need of help Anonymous
Hey guys, this may sound really stupid...but I'm going to jail for a month. I'll be honest with you I'm pretty scared about it because I'm a /fa/ggot. Even going for a month scares me. I have a single cell and I don't want to leave it for the whole month in fear of being assraped. What's the best way to stay in shape and get some muscles so by the time until I'm ready to leave

I want to kick some ass and preferably protect my own while I'm there and I don't want to be traumatized for only going for a damned month.

Please /fit/ help me out. My only options for working out are a chair and a bed. THAT'S IT! Also I'm not leaving to go use the other equipment as I don't want any issues. Just give me some good things I can do without equipment.

My ass thanks you.
>> Anonymous
what did you do
>> Anonymous
lift the bed
>> Anonymous
prison squats
google them
>> Anonymous
Op Here disregard that last sentence that doesn't make any sense on my first paragraph... didn't notice the trail off sentence there. Just supposed to say, "What's the best way to get in shape and get some muscles"

Anyways, I was a big dick to an officer. I have resisted arrest, disrespect to authority, and he threw some other things in there. The judge says it's a lesson to respect the laws that govern me. A fucking month....
>> Anonymous
Also the bed isn't movable....

I was thinking of doing pushups and situps the entire day...
>> Proteinfag
I don't think you stood up to authority, enjoy your rape.
>> Anonymous
>>466867
Ahahaha.

You should leave your cell. Make some friends. See the sights. Enjoy your sodomy. That kind of thing.
>> Anonymous
Fuck that! I'm promise you I'm not leaving that room.

You guys have no idea how much I am NOT a bad ass. Imagine that kid at school who is pretty cool to hang out with yet would be ganged raped by mexicans if he ever had to go to jail. Yeah that's me.

Seriously guys recommend me some good workout techniques.
>> Anonymous
They can just enter your cell at daytime since they're open for a few hours every now and then though.
>> Anonymous
Well if I never go outside of it they will never see how sexy I am.... and if I'm working out all day they will think twice.
>> Anonymous
>>466891
If you're working out all day you'd be exhausted and they'd see you as an easier target
>> Anonymous
Pushups on the ground. Once that becomes to easy put you feet on the bed and do them. Squatz, lunges. Crunches an situps.
>> Anonymous
>>466894


Fuck...there is no way around this is there? I'm going to get raped.

God Dammit.
>> Anonymous
>>466897


How effective are squatz without any weight?
>> Anonymous
What kind of prison is it...what are you in for?

If you didn't rape a child, rape somebody, or get charged with posession of CP (which you'd be in Prison...not jail) then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Chances are its pretty minimum security. Its not going to be like the maximum/ supermax prisons you see on TV. You'll be fine...if you're only there for a month, other people are only there for a few weeks to a few months...they aren't going to do anything stupid to jeopardize their release. Since jail holds offenders for less than a year, and prison is for over a year...the jail is generally safer.

You'll be fine broski.
>> Anonymous
OP, I think your best bet is to learn to suppress your gag reflex and become somebody's bitch. It's only for a month.
>> Anonymous
A lot of lower back exercises you can do without any equiptment, research them. A lot of variations on the squat and push ups that you could try.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
You should get an idea on how prisons work. I have no clue myself but maybe you can buy yourself protection.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
do this
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
>>466909


Anyone have a link to some good squat variations that proved effective for you without weights?
>> Anonymous
1. BED SQUATZ
2. CHAIR CURLZ
3. ??????
4. profit
>> Anonymous
>>466913
>>466916
>>466918


I think biting off someone's penis will scar you worse than actually taking it... because not only did you have it in your mouth... you fucking bit it off. You can't erase that.
>> Anonymous
>>466906

What he said, and if there is a bit of hard-asses there then stay with your race. (Black then stay with the blacks, whites stay w/ the whites) etc Or just ignore all that shit AND TRUST NO ONE. Seriously.
>> Anonymous
>>466926
but that guy got super tuff after that

...or maybe it was the karate he learned in prison
>> Anonymous
>>466916


Sauce plox?
>> Anonymous
>>466849
Protip: Jail is rarely like what you see on TV or in the movies.
>> Anonymous
>>466937


It's worse.
>> Anonymous
>>466936
shamo

read at onemanga.com
or download at gotlurk.net
>> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. !3GqYIJ3Obs
play a game of pretend with one of the inmates

sodomy doesnt HAVE to be unpleasent
>> S.T.A.L.K.E.R. !3GqYIJ3Obs
or

rape them before they rape you
>> Anonymous
how would you know you're getting a single cell and you haven't even been booked? liar. they only put you by yourself as punishment, reward if you've been in county long enough and you want it, serious pc cases or if you're some hannibal lecter type. tl;dr, i don't believe you are going to jail, enjoy your ass
>> Anonymous
this does sound really stupid
>> yo yo
     File :-(, x)
yo buy rapex itt's a anti rape condom it has razors n shit inside women use it in south africa


peace
>> Anonymous
>>466888

SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU BROKE THE LAW FAGGOT
>> Anonymous
>>466976


They check your ass for drugs... and I'm sure they will notice a gaping chasm of fangs logged in there.
>> Anonymous
>>466849

Read this, OP.

http://www.jimgoad.net/nicest.html
>> Anonymous
>>466966


OP here I'm allowed to send some emails out before I'm canned as my final trial is tomorrow. My Lawyer is goddamed superman and since I don't break the law that often mixed in with being a dick I get a shitty sentence. Final decisions are tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure what's going to happen to me as I talked to my lawyer about my options. Since it's not that serious I am opting for a single room. WHO CAN BLAME ME AMIRIGHT!?
>> Anonymous
what did you do?
>> Anonymous
OP Try shadowboxing, work on your form, look up MMA bodyweight workouts, theres a few.

Mostly just try to be like a shadow the whole month the best you can.
>> Anonymous
>>467013

Thanks dude that really helped a lot. Not I kind of feel like a faggot for complaining for just a month... maybe it will just build character.

>>467033

It's a long story but involves me being blamed for something I didn't do, threatening an officer, running after being "asked not to" (wtf?) then when being held down I started to struggle while spitting on the officer, (hoked a big one right on his eye. Saw it drip it was awesome but he was really pissed) being maced then as I'm flailing my arms I hit one of them all the while yelling obscenities.


It was quite the night. My friends think it's funny but judging from the fact I showed no remorse the judge thinks I have some "thinking" to do. I'm 19.
>> Anonymous
now*
>> Anonymous
>>467033
>> Anonymous
>>467042
FUCK YEAH SELF PWNAGE
>> Anonymous
>>466849

Bring a bible and stick your nose in it. Pray (or just count to a hundred in your head) two times a day, for some reason the spics and niggers leave you more alone if you have religion.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Hey, OP, have you ever seen Oz?
>> Anonymous
If someone is about to assrape you, just piss and shit yourself immediately. He will back off.
>> Anonymous
>>467073


OP here what if I pretend I'm mentally insane. Start shouting and jumping on the cages yelling random /b/tard phrases.
>> Anonymous
I can't believe nobody has suggested burpees yet. Do pyramid sets for 10, 9, 8 all the way down to 1.
>> Anonymous
>>467077
Mentally insane doesn't get you not raped, it might get you shifted to a mental institution, but they'd probably tell you were faking it and add 3 months to your sentence.

Mind your business, keep your back straight and eyes up, chest out. Don't look frail and like an easy to rape guy. Mind your mouth and make a friend or 3.
>> Anonymous
>>467073
You need to relax in order to piss and shit. It's hard to relax with an unwanted cock skewering you like human shish-kebab.
>> Anonymous
>>467042
Because nothing say character building like jail time?
>> Anonymous
>>467063

Seconded.

Wear some crosses too.
>> Anonymous
You are gonna have to find your inner beast, if you dont have one you are gonna get fucked ITS THAT SIMPLE NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS.

Fight or flee motherfucker.

The only other option is that there are no rapetards there and even then you are gonna have to fight likly.
>> Anonymous
>>467063

Problem is, that will mark you out as a child molester. They know the weedy religious guy isn't in for armed robbery or drug dealing or assault, so they will assume poking the little 'uns.
>> Anonymous
Meh, if you're only in for a month it's unlikely to be a rapepit.
>> Anonymous
>>467080


What's a blurpee?
>> Anonymous
You WILL be forced to leave your room. Stop acting like a bitch. Just act normal, mind your own business, don't talk much and you'll be fine.
>> Anonymous
>>467099
>What's a burpee?

this is a burpee:
http://www.rosstraining.com/articles/burpeeclip.htm
>> Anonymous
>>467042
You're kind of a jack-off, you know that? I wish you WOULD get raped.
>> Anonymous
>>467077

Do it, I dare you, get solitary confinement or just be knocked the fuck out because they find you irritating.
>> Colombia
nobody gets raped in jail....prison is where rape happens because they are in there for life....

if worse comes to worse, poke eyes and kick groins.
>> Anonymous
buy a condom
>> Anonymous
rape is not nearly as common as it used to be

you're not going to get raped

mind your business

you'll probably make friends
>> Anonymous
If you go in there acting all nervous and as if you are expecting to get raped then you will. Man up and don't show any fear. Just keep your head down and you'll be alright
>> Anonymous
Hey OP, it's fucking jail. I went to jail for 14 days awhile back and it's seriously like a fucking camp, nobody get's raped in fucking jail where people are in for 6 months max, and most are there for like 10 days on DUI's and shit.

Nobody usually get's their ass kicked, and if you don't start shit and act like a fucking tough guy nobody will do shit to you.

I went to Tent City and Durango in AZ when I was 19, like I said nobody did anything, the most they expected was for you to show some respect to your "race" and declare who you were "hispanic, black, white etc etc." it wasn't gang shit, they didn't expect anything from you after that, just some decency, they made sure nobody goes around doing stupid shit like punching people for no reason less they want to get their ass handed to them. After that I never heard from those dipshits again, I just sat in my bunk.

Basically, don't steal shit and be a fuck bag and you won't get in trouble, just sit there and keep to yourself, talking only when necessary. People will usually give you the DL pretty fast.

As far as working out goes, you can't usually touch county property to use for a work out, unless you want to get thrown into fucking solitary (with 2 or 3 other guys, lol overcrowded) That includes lifting beds, putting water in trash bags, etc etc. Just do push ups and sit ups and shit.
>> Anonymous
YOU DO NOT GET RAPED IN JAIL, THAT IS PRISON
YOU DO NOT GET RAPED IN JAIL, THAT IS PRISON
YOU DO NOT GET RAPED IN JAIL, THAT IS PRISON
YOU DO NOT GET RAPED IN JAIL, THAT IS PRISON
>> Anonymous
>>467042
>It's a long story but involves me being blamed for something I didn't do.

OP, I can't say whether or not you did or didn't do anything wrong, but think long and hard about it and try to see if you are just living in denial, seriously, if you think you did nothing wrong and are like OMFG THAT GOD DAMN COP!!! Then that fucking attitude will land your ass right back in there, seriously, just man up and be like "this isn't the end of the world, I'll learn from my mistake etc etc. and set out to change your life, if you had faggot ass friends that induced your incarceration, get rid of them pronto, it's not worth fucking your life up for some dipshits. Also...

>>468365

>you'll probably make friends

Talk to people, but make no effort to associate with them when you get released, meeting fucking "friends" in jail is only a good idea if you want to go back to jail.
>> Gabe Newell
>>468411
>>468415
Wisest shit posted in this entire fucking thread.
>> Anonymous
>I'm 19

lol I was 19 too when I went to jail OP, I'm kind of trailing and leaping around here but think about the other posts I said.


>>468415
>>468417


>hoked a big one right on his eye. Saw it drip it was awesome but he was really pissed

You are lucky you are not in Arizona, that would of been Assault and you would of easily got 6 months, anyways try to change your life around OP, I'm still going through the probation sentence after my jail term, and I'm about a year and a half in, almost done, it seriously changes your life, and usually for the better...if you let it.

Also, if I can sea/expungel my record in AZ you can do it probably where you are at man, lol first mistakes are easily over looked, just give it time.
>> Anonymous
>>467065
show rox
used to be on monday nights
whatever happened to em city...
>> Anonymous
This is the op: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZO7-QJGVdM4&feature=related