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Anonymous
Hi /fit/.

Couple questions.

I just got a free month pass to a gym and I'm looking to get as much mileage as I can out of it as up until now all I've been able to do this summer is go running and do bodyweight exercises.

Questions:
1. Would swimming in the lap pool be a far superior cardio exercise and lung strengthening exercise to running? Do I have to use a certain stroke to see better results?
2. How can I stop my legs from coming off of the ground when I do crunches? I'm short and skinny and I whenever I do crunches or situps I end up getting more of a workout in my legs than in my stomach because I can't even keep everything weighed down.
3. How can I get the jets in the hot tub to give me a nice anal fucking without other people noticing my bizarre sitting accomodations. I'm not gay but cmon, everybody has tried this and it feels hella good to get a prostate massage without having to actually be penetrated.
4. I feel embarassed when I go to do the bench press and can only put like 25 pounds on each side of the bar. What should I do?
>> Anonymous
1) No. Swimming sucks for cardio because if you're a noob and don't know technique your muscles fatigue way before you ever get any good cardio going.
2) Do crunches with your legs in the air, bent at a 90 degree angle.
3) Find some old naked guy in the shower to ass fuck you instead.
4) Stop being a pussy and try harder.
>> Anonymous
op here, I don't wanna get my assraped, i just want to get a massage from the hot tub jets.

also, i feel very intimidated by the huge dudes at the gym, I think they'll laugh at me for benching so little.

I took swimming lessons from kindergarten to 5th grade, and I'm not a swim team racer or anything but I wanna do swimming cause I heard it's better for breathing than running.
>> Anonymous
Who cares if they laugh? Everyone fucking had to start somewhere...

Breathing is breathing.