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Anonymous
People will say that to not be socially retarded, you have to just get over the feeling: go out and be yourself.
This is wrong. This is why you feel socially retarded.
The programmer archetype personality usually saw smalltalk as really unbearably inane during some formative period, and this is why you're not good at it. So you need to think of about ten questions that most people like to answer and get good at asking follow ups. Let the other person lead. Try to ask four questions before you say something about yourself. Get good at making other people open up, and then you're in control and you won't feel retarded anymore.
At this point, you can let a little bit of your real self in again and see how that goes. If it goes well it will come across as confidence and if not, fuck 'em, move on.
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