File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
HALP PLEASE

Any natural ways to rid oneself of constipation? Need to poop, do not want to take laxatives. Any fruits/herbs or sumthing to help anon?

Thank you.
>> Anonymous
i dunno
>> Anonymous
Fiber 1 57% and celery.

Good luck.
>> Anonymous
>>258888
try sticking a finger up your pooper and check to see if maybe there is a clog. then take an awl and make another asshole coming out of your abdomen that way you can bypass the colon.
>> Anonymous
a jack
>> Anonymous
Fruit, lots of it... or 2 whole packets of very strong mints.
>> Anonymous
I recommend the prunes
>> Anonymous
prunes. and prunce juice. also milk if your lactose intolerant. enjoy your shit stream.
>> Anonymous
The natural way: fiber and fluids. DON'T STRAIN while trying to take a crap.
>> Anonymous
Sugar free licorice

You will shit. EVERYWHERE
>> Anonymous
smoking tobacco products.
>> Anonymous
Get out on the street and sling your ass for some cash.

After you've finished shitting all over some suckers dick... you can take the money and buy a filthy rock of crack.
>> Dr. Kingsley !3iurW66eMo
Eat half a watermelon.
I'm serious.
>> Anonymous
force that shit out and crap out your spine.
>> patrick
herbs you say?

try MIDRO tea. it's some weird german herb thing, 100% natural. really funny story about this one for me.

i was on holiday in greece, got constipated bad. so went looking for something to take and found this in some pharmacy. box is all in greek and shit with one bit in english saying read the instructions. so i buy the stuff. get back to my hotel and read the instructions that are all in greek. mother fuckers i think. but it's cool, it has fractiosn on the box. says 1/4 to a 1/12 so im all "cool, quarter to half a packet" so i go and chow away, eating about half, thinking, im bunged up something rotten and can do with the upper limit here.

big fucking mistake. after got home to england i looked for the stuff online and found out it actually said eat a 1/4 to a half of a TEA SPOON. i had about hand fulls of the stuff.

needless to say i was shitting like anything, food went in half an hour later, at the most, it came out. everything, i had a greek salad the next day thinking i was maybe better, nope, fucking came out all and green and untouched.

also, greece is fucking hot so i was needing to drink a lot of water. shiting water isn't nice. and it's not even smoothing like one might think, arsehole starts to sting like a bastard from what i imagine is all the bile and acid coming out of it.

so yeah, not really funny for me at the time.
>> Anonymous
Coffee usually cleans out my poop chute in the morning.
>> Anonymous
prunes, apricots, figs

just eat more fruit.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
have someone shove their fist up your ass and grab out the shit
>> Anonymous
>>259137
so the stuff you took was MIDRO tea then? or what?
>> patrick
>>259241

yes, very fucking yes. i could feel it working for days, took Imodium on the plane so i wouldn't shit myself mid-flight. that made me not shit for like 3 days after but i could feel my body in a fight with it'self about needing to shit.

proof that Imodium is a pretty good drug i guess.
>> patrick
>>259241
wait so after reading that story you actually want to take the stuff? you my friend have some fucking balls!

i did have an idea for the stuff today actualy, eat a load of popcorn and then take a load and eat mroe popcorn. that would rake you out like nothing before. might actauly be cleansing. painfully so.
>> Anonymous
>>259261
ok koo guess ill buy some. need to do some spring cleaning down there >_>

So like how long does it take to start kicking in? & its not that expensive rite?
>> Anonymous
Warm water is the quickest cure for constipation. Drink a few large glasses of warm (almost hot) water (approx. 8 cups), set your ass on the toilet seat, and wait five minutes. It's as if you were never constipated.

It works every time and is pretty damn fast. The only downside is that drinking warm water is very difficult.
>> Anonymous
hey flush it

pancreatin will help digest next time
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
This with any other fruit you put in your cereal. I like strawberries.
>> patrick
>>259282
think it took me about 20 minutes. i did have a mega dose though and unless you like not eating for days because you'll shit it in minutes or just popping some imodium and not shitting for days, do what it says, maybe a little more.

nah, it was cheap, might be hard to find though.

the amount i took, think it would have had be shitting for 6 days if i didn't take something.

you best post again with how this went down haha
>> Anonymous
DRINK MEXICAN WATER

:D

PEE OUT YOUR ASS
>> Anonymous
In addition to more fiber and water, try this exercise:

http://exrx.net/WeightExercises/RectusAbdominis/WtJackKnifeSitUp.html

I just did these tonight for my constipation. Some Anon recommended these awhile ago, and they actually work. I did 10, rolled over and had to fart like crazy. Not little toots, but thunderous ones. Like 45 minutes later I had to take a dump.
>> Anonymous
>>259298
Haha believe me I will
Ill start a thread about it if the situation turns out hilarious