File :-(, x, )
Advice? Anonymous
Hi, /fit/.

I need some advice. I realize that this isn't physical-health related, but it does involve mental health and the "fitness" of a relationship I have. (And quite frankly, as a socialfailure shut in, I don't know where else to go for advice but 4chan.)

The third anniversary of the death of the mother of a very close friend is two weeks away. I only made this friend about six months ago, and this is the first "anniversary" I've been friends with them through.

Going back to the socialfailure part, I have never "dealt" with this sort of situation before, and I have no idea what would be appropriate in terms of trying to console them, if I should even attempt such a thing.

My first impulse is to say nothing; I don't want to bring back bad memories or hurt them by talking about it. But only three years gone, the loss of their mother still stings quite harshly.

A card is another option, but that seems somehow wrong. You give cards to say "Happy Birthday!" and "Have a great Easter"; is it appropriate to give one to say, "Sorry your Mom died a few years ago...."

I have no idea what could be taken offensively or accepted gratefully. I realize full well that every person is different and may react to the same thing in a different way, but just tell me what YOU would do in this situation. What is your advice and your reasoning behind it?

Sorry again for the misplacement/possible irrelevance this thread has on this board, but /fit/ seemed the most appropriate place to post.
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>> play !3rZQiXcf5A
Don't just randomly bring it up, if they want to talk about it, they'll talk about it. Give them a hug if they need it. Don't give them the whole pity routine, just be their for them and listen if they feel like talking.
And for god sakes don't send a card.
>> Blarg !X7hwxcdD2Y
I'd ask about what his mom was like and listen. Then say that she sounded like a great person (unless she wasn't).

Whatever you do, be genuine about it.
>> play !3rZQiXcf5A
>>29391
*there

Oh and don't pretend that you know what your friend is going through if you don't.
>> JohnD !A.I6YFjyO2
>>29391
Best advice anyone could give.

if the person's generally light hearted, you could try to joke around a bit (disclaimer: USE GOOD JUDGEMENT! NOT MY FAULT IF YOU USE THE DEAD PARENT IN A VERSION OF THE ARISTOCRATS) to try to cheer them up.

Otherwise, if it's brought up, try to just be supportive and positive. XX is in a better place now, etc... I hope this helps some. :D
>> Anonymous
Follow their lead. If they're walking around looking like they're going to break down sobbing, comfort them. If they want to spend the day honoring the memory of their mother, you can do what Blarg said. If they look like their having a great day for some reason or another, don't bring it up. You don't need to prepare them anything special or send them anything. Just be there for them.
>> Anonymous
I do appreciate all of your advice. The first anniversary of the passing of their only sibling was Christmas Eve of this year, and though we saw each the night prior, neither one of us brought it up. That worked fine, and he did share his feelings on the matter a while later. His mother was his whole world, though, so I'm concerned if I should say "sorry" in some way.

I'll nix the card idea.
>> Anonymous
>>29407and he did share his feelings on the matter a while later.

Like what?
>> Anonymous
>>29420
He shared a personal piece of writing he did just after his brother's death with me that pretty much covered a lot of what he felt and went through in the years before, just as, and directly after his brother died.

It sounds like the consensus is to keep from addressing it directly and just be the friend I've always been and offer any comfort I can if he seems like he needs it. Ask him how he's doing and lend him a supportive smile.

Again, I appreciate this, /fit/.
>> Anonymous
agreed
>> Anonymous
>>29404