File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
Hey /d/! I've recently started dating a submissive girl who's into bondage, choking, being slapped around and called names. It's been a lot of fun so far, and I've had no complaints about anything, but I can tell that she would definitely like it if I were more dominant. Can anyone out there offer advice on how to be a better dom?

I have very little experience with bondage, so if anyone can direct me towards resources about knot-tying that would be really helpful too.

In return, a bondage thread seems appropriate.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
I could bang a girl who's into that.

She wouldn't be my girlfriend. ;_;
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>1072558
Why not?
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Annonymous
i got myself one to lately search for 'shibari'
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Well, the trick is to have triggers that move her into a sub state, or you into a Dom state. Doing things that are degrading to her help, such as feeding her food on the floor, or having a collar. Hidden Shibari ropes, a hidden vibrator, a discreet piercing. All can help invoke dom/sub states.
>> Answers Anonymous
Been there, done that.
Here is what I found helpful:
http://www.japaneseropeart.com/RopeArt/tutorials.html
http://www.japanrope.com/tutorial.html
The first link includes some basic knots.

Ou and I toe fucked my GF yesterday, really degrades your sub. Recommending it.
>> Anonymous
You'd probably do best to find a local BDSM/fetish group and get some in-person pointers - it's one of the few ways to properly learn safe full-body ropework, for example.

One random thought for enforcing a rather subby mood on her - have her on or across your lap with her forearms thoroughly tied together, and start idly playing with her (hand down her pants or skirt while she's fully clothed) while most of your attention is (seemingly) on something else (like the TV or whatever).
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Thanks for the responses so far! /d/eviants are always so helpful <3

She's usually in a submissive mood no matter what I'm doing (if she's in the mood at all, that is), so that's not so much an issue. I think I mostly need to work on convincing myself that it's okay to degrade someone in all of these ways; it's more of a mental barrier on my end that I have to overcome. I'll definitely be experimenting some of the degrading behavior you've recommended soon, though.
>> Anonymous
Get her to wear a collar; whenever you're alone together, clip a leash to it, even if you're just holding it slackly most of the time. Don't take it off - she has to task permission to go farther than the leash's length, and if you grant it you go with her and keep a grip on it, even if it's just to get something from the kitchen or to go to the bathroom.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Bump.
>> NIMBY
It depends on her preferences, but a few suggestions:

One easy thing is simply making her serve. Note I say 'making', not 'asking'. A simple order to, say, prepare dinner, or wash the dishes, or do some other chore. Make sure it's an order, and of course make it clear (but don't overdo it) that you're pleased when she does. This works only if she's into proper submission, not just kinky sex. The other two will work either way.

Second: Deny her. Get her all hot and wet and ready to fuck you, then have her blow you and leave her unsatisfied. Make it clear you're doing it on purpose, because you want her to suffer for you. If you can, control her orgasms entirely; absolutely prohibit her (if possible) from having an orgasm, ever, without your permission.

Third: Pain. Always good. Experiment. Search for blogs on the topic for ideas. Clothespins, paddles, canes, candles, ginger... it's amazing how many things exist that can be used to hurt the female body and genitals without causing damage.

The fundamental thing to remember is that she will want to suffer, to hurt, to serve. Make her do so. Get creative. Degrade her (though you should never make her feel like you don't love her. It's tricky, but you'll do okay if you work with her).
>> Anonymous
2 words OP,... CUNT BUST!
>> Anonymous
Most doms start out as subs. I say this as a switch, myself. I started off being topped by women before I topped a girl myself. Empathy is key. Also, the less you think about the girl as a "girl" and the more you think about her as "flesh with holes", the closer you are to reaching her dreams. It takes a level of acting, or roleplaying, if you will. The right mindframe makes it or breaks it... special knots and tying techniques are largely irrelevant if the atmosphere isn't right.

A good starting point is with costumes or outfits, dressing her in a certain way, and blindfolding her or covering her face, so you associate her less with the girl you cuddle with.
>> Rahvin
I recommend the book "Screw the Roses, Send me Thorns"
It's a great introduction to the scene.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Here's your ropes!
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
This is one case where "stick it in her pooper" is actually good advice.
>> Anonymous
read Midori's essays. She goes around the world teaching various kink/DS/SM activities. also, the book Different Loving is very good.
>> Anonymous
>>1073272
Any more in this series?
>> Anonymous
>>1072782
I agree with this one. Even just combine 2 and 3, get her really hot and ready, then reward her with an hour of pain.

Also, if you have a real problem staying dominant, create situations she can't escape from that she has to endure (tie some rope round her breasts and tie them to a hook so she has to stand on her toes) and just arbitrarily leave her like that. If you play it right, you'll look like you don't care to her, even if you're in the next room concerned as all hell that she's alright.

Blindfold works with that too, so your eyes don't give away your compassion. There's nothing wrong with having a heart, it means your human, remember?
>> Ted !SeStaLLYNs
>>1072590

This is key when practising hypnosis, but it's also useful in training scenarios, too. My pet's got a collar; she doesn't have to wear it, but when she does, she can't disobey me. Simple enough, but with a bit of hypnotic reinforcement it becomes quite a powerful tool.

The goal is to make her *want* to wear the collar without a command. :3
>> Anonymous
Hey all! OP here. Wasn't expecting this to still be up.

It seems she's stressing out about exams at the moment so I doubt I'll get a chance to spend any time with her this week. I'll let you know how it goes when I get a chance to try out these suggestions, though. >:3

I especially appreciate the advice on how to distance myself from her enough to let myself be a little abusive. I'm still a bit worried about taking it too far but I'll talk it out with her and try to find a good balance.
>> Anonymous
I'm a novice dom myself; been doing it on and off for about two years and just recently started hitting my stride. That mental block you have isn't a *problem*, it is just part of caring for her. Realise that she wants you to control her, and that this is part of caring for her. A good dom is completely responsible for their sub's experience, and to do what you want, you have to know what makes her tick.

Find out what she likes without seeming like you care all that much - make her beg for it rather than ask her. If you do ask, deny it or torture her instead to learn about her without losing your dominance. Once you really know what she likes, it'll be easier for you to reconcile caring for her with degrading her.

Try ordering her to call herself names; this might help you get in the dominant frame of mind, while also making her commit herself more deeply to being your s!ut.

The other advice so far is pretty good too, especially the stuff about triggers. Get into the role, dominate her, ease out of the role (if you need to!). Remember that even a deep sub likes to be held and loved, just not while she's being forcibly PWNT.

lole, now to press the SUBMIT button.
>> Anonymous
pretend to be in a position of weakness
>> Anonymous
learn partner dancing
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
nobody mentioned safety words? those things are fucking important.
OP, a safety word is a word or phrase agreed upon before any kinkiness starts. It should be something random and couldn't possibly be related to what you're doing (my and my ladyfriend's safetyword is "Colorado").
The idea of the safety word is for an emergency escape from your kinky goings-on, because some people will get wrapped up in the heat of the moment, and not register their significant other's pleas to stop as legitimate cries. When someone utters the safety word, the fantasy is broken, and no harm is done. Obviously if there is gagging involved, some noticeable body language is called for.
So get a safety word. It shows foresight and concern for her well-being, good points in any relationship.
>> Anonymous
in b4 safetyfag
>> Anubis !D.Jip6r9wQ
     File :-(, x)
>>1073690
also, this
>> sage sage
>>1074162
Safety = important. Sage for stupidity when concerning RL issues.
>> Anonymous
>>1074212

Age for seconding that safewords are a bloody vital thing to have. Ideally you'll never _use_ them but you do need them.

It's also good to not just have the ABORT ABORT ABORT safeword (a common one is "Red") but one that signals something is amiss (and if you go by a color theme this would be "yellow").

What's that good for? Well, if you're tied up and something starts hurting or even worse _stops_ hurting from numbness, you can communicate that without breaking off the whole scene.

Of course, it's even better when your communication works well enough that you don't need that either.

And when you're good to go, it's "green" or whatever.

Oh, and tops can need safewords too. Shit happens.
>> Anonymous
search gorian slave practives. You'll have fun. just pop behind her, cuff her, and before she can say anything gag her..math out the rest ;)
>> Anonymous
Just remember kids, she can't say no if you gag her.
>> Anonymous
Safe words are good, but make sure its something that won't possibly come up otherwise - mine's "proletariat".

Also, if you're working with rope (which I heartily advise), keep a pair of EMT shears on hand, just in case. They've got blunt tips so they won't stab anyone, and they can hack even jacketed nylon rope off your sub in seconds if something goes wrong.
>> Anonymous
I concur with the other anon's idea of getting into a local kink group. They'll teach you how to safely do evil, evil things to her. Just google the name of a major city near you with 'kink group' or 'bdsm group'. I'm in Phoenix AZ, and ours are APEX and TNG. There's gotta be one near you! I've been in mine since 3 mos after I was legal ;)
>> Anonymous
>>1074505
Oh, you capitalist pig! Screw me like you screwed the proletariat... oops.

Mine's "safeword safeword," just in case the above situation comes up.
>> Anonymous
>>1074342

Goreans are the /b/tards of BDSM. Only even more annoying and wrongheaded.
>> Anonymous
>>1074569
You forgot a couple adjectives: fucking loony
>> Anonymous
Make her crawl on the floor, or something, and then demand something of her. And then demand it further. Like "Don't speak at all, in fact don't even fucking let me hear you breathe". And when you tell her to do something, act as if she isn't doing it good enough/fast enough. Like if you tell her to stick her ass in the air, stick a finger in her ass/pussy and hook your finger kind of so it catches skin and then start pulling up.
>> Anonymous
behindkink.com is a free site (with registration that has some rope tutorials in the archives
>> Anonymous
>>1074633
>>1074569

This is true.

Goreans are to kink as otherkin are to everyone else.

It's somewhere beyond pathetic, where you laugh while simultaneously feeling kind of sad inside.
>> Anonymous
I had a girlfriend like this once... I broke up with her because I couldn't being dominant enough, largely because I don't trust women and thought she was just trying to get me to slap her around so I could be sued.
>> Anonymous
Sounds like you two've got a good relationship going on, so keep her personality in mind. You know her better than we do, anon. Be careful with taking the dominance out of the sex, as she may resent that. She may like it when you rough her up and have your way with her, but don't think just because she likes being submissive means she's going to want to do your dishes or be put on a leash.

Just saying, since this is likely the best sex of your life. You don't want to fuck it up.
>> Anonymous
Tie her up in an extremely uncomfortable (but safe) position. Put some clamps or clothespins (or chip clips!) on her, strap a vibrator to her clit, and slap her ass until she orgasms. Which will probably take five minutes, tops. Very few would be able to last that long, even.
>> Anonymous
>>1074904
Gag her partway through while you're at it. No need to give her much of a warning just use whatever you have to do it.
>> Anonymous
Was she abused?
>> Anonymous
Do NOT bother trying to guess, when it comes to females. Girls operate on a twisted version of logic and reason, and as far as communication goes, what they think they're saying and what it looks like to everyone else are completely different things. That said, ask her. Just ask her what she wants. If you think it'd be wise, introduce her to 4chan if she doesn't go already, or more specifically, to /d/. Tell her to keep a folder for pictures of things she'd like to try. It's forward and direct, and it works.

It works with my girlfriend. We go to colleges about three hours apart, and I can't tell you how much it makes my day to see in my email, "Heyhey, let's try this sometime, k?"
>> Anonymous
Everything I wanted to say has been said, except for a few things: if you've got her tied up and gagged (or just tied up), don't leave her in a room alone. It's not safe.

And, you'll become better at domming with practice. So just give it time. Also, ask your girlfriend if she only wants to be submissive in bed, or if she wants to be submissive in and out of bed. Someone said it before, but she may not want to be your maid. Good luck!
>> Anonymous
haha ours is "schadenfreude"
>> Anonymous
I'm a subby girl myself, and don't do half the stuff these guys mentioned without asking her first. Personally, I will only give up control in the bedroom (or whatever room my bf and I choose to fuck in).
His friends actually think I'm the dom in our relationship, which I find pretty hilarious