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mai story soapdrop !!qNZsJoc6Llb
hey /d/
i've been lurking around and reading the fetish threads, good stuff. it inspired me to write a shitty story. tell me wat you think....in;b4 poor makoto
btw pic definitely related, its who the female charcter is

START


He tries to run, but it was too late. Autumn knocks him in the back of the head and floors him instantly. Makoto had no chance. Not even from the start.

Makoto was angry. The kid ridiculing him was pissing Makoto off. He blew it and slammed his fist into the kid's skull and it knocked him out. He wouldn't wake up for 3 days.

....................................................................
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Makoto finds out 2 days later that Autumn Kobayashi was the kid's older sister. "Not good," he thought, "that beast will tear me apart." On top of discovering this bad news, he was about to discover what would happen to him and discover a little something "special" Autumn had.

....................................................................

He runs and she chases. Autumn trips throws her 20 pound bag at his legs and he falls. She grabs Makoto in a death grip. Autumn forces Makoto around to face her, straddles him and holds him down. She had no problems doing this; she was 5'7", 145 pounds and extremely atheltic. Not to mention extremely beautiful. Makoto on the other hand was 5'4", 110 and was comparable to a stick..no chance at all.

She screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU STUPID PRICK? HUH? WHAT THE FUCK!? I swear, you're going to get it, you little bitch."
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He realized who this was and the position they were in. All of the sudden, Makoto was greatly aroused. He had played with the thought of having a girl completely dominate him. Now that it was actually happening, he didn't just like it, he LOVED it. It was the feeling of being scared and anticipating what she would do to him, not to mention the quite sexual position he was in with her.

Autumn felt him getting hard from between her legs, and her face was an inch from his. She smiled and she had an idea. The best idea ever because she wanted to make him suffer and this would definitely do the trick.

She was going to rape him, right then and there. Perfect revenge.

She eyed him, with the grin plastered on her face, and didn't hesitate to flip him over. Makoto saw this as an opportunity for escape, and tried to get away. Autumn grabbed him from around the waist and placed her crotch right up against his ass, and giggled voraciously. What he felt made him sick, and motivated him to try his hardest to get away after he realized what she was going to do.

She was going to shove her long, hard dick into his tight, virgin asshole.

She let him try to get away only so she could grab him by his pants and rip his pants down. Makoto screamed. "NO! Let me go!" He realized that she was really going to do this, regardless if they were just 200 feet away from the school entrance. She obviously wanted people to see this.
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With that accomplished, she grabbed him around the waist again with one arm and held onto him with deadly force. She digged around in her bag with her other arm for the bottle of lubrication and opened it. She spread a large amount on her middle finger and shoved her finger up his ass. Makoto screamed and tried once again to get away, but this time his try was extremely desperate. All the sudden, Makoto was reminded of the time the doctor shoved a pill up his ass to treat a stomach flu when he was 6. That hurt substanstially. Now, he especially didn't want her dick up his ass considering the size of the thing. He wanted to get away.

Autumn moaned and her dick got even harder. "mmmm...your ass is soooo tight! You're a virgin, so I gotta fuck you extra hard!"

She took it out and whispered in his ear "I think I am being a little unfair with you. You are terrified but you fucked this up for yourself."

Makoto tried again to convince her otherwise, thinking from the last statement there was going to be some mercy. "Listen, can we work this out or something!? I don't want to do this, It doesn't turn me on anymore and it's not funny!"

Wind rustled the trees and Autumn merrily continued on.
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She pressed the head of her thick, 8-inch dick against his asshole. Makoto felt the pressure. He was worried she was going to shove it in right there, but not quite.. Autumn then continued, whispering into his ear, "Alright, buddy. If you cooperate with me, I'll make this quick. I'll even lubricate my cock for you so that it goes in nice and easy! However, if you try to fuck around, I'll thrust all 8 inches of it up your ass as hard as I can and as dry as a bone, and the pain will be so bad you will wish you were dead."

Makoto didn't say anything.

"Now before I do this, I am going to give you some good advice, okay?"

Nothing still.

"Since this is defintely the first time you've ever done something like this, it'g going to hurt real bad. It's going to feel like someone sticking a knife up your ass. Because of that, and since I don't have anything to keep your trap shut, I want you to think of something you really like as hard as you can. Don't concentrate on the pain, concentrate on the happy thoughts. It'll be best if you do, that way you don't scream, attract unwanted attention, like help for you, and screw this up for me. If you do, I'll find you and complete my task, albeit with the goal of making you suffer as much as possible, not just to make me come."
>> Anonymous
please stop
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He was shaking and now was very nervous. Makoto wanted his mother to come and save him, but that wasn't going to happen.

Now with the lube smeared on her dick, she shoved and 4 inches of it slid into his ass. Makoto clenched his teeth. At first, she went extremely slow, just to get Makoto used to the feeling of his butt being spread open. She went faster, being careful not to put more than half of her dick in; she didn't want to surprise him just yet. Autumn started to grind the head of her dick against his prostate and Makoto began breathing hard. He was starting to forget the pain and concentrate on this bizarre feeling. They were both in bliss; Autumn fucking Makoto's tight, virgin ass and Makoto in a state of indulgence, recieving her thick, hard cock...

But then she remembered this was for revenge and started to fuck deeper. She didn't like the idea of him enjoying it, even though she was too, and shoved every inch into his ass, nearly cumming in the process.

Meanwhile, the pain Makoto felt was closely resembling that of a red hot piece of steel being rammed into his ass, while at the same time he could feel his entire abdomen being violently kneaded by her massive dick which seemed harder than concrete itself.
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Autumn knew what would come when she did this and proceeded to hold his mouth shut while Makoto tried to let out a massive howl of sheer pain. His body became extremely tense and then weak from the shock. His upper body collapsed on the ground. She continued to rape him like nothing happened, grinding her hips against his butt, and fucking him harder and deeper with such force you would wonder if you would eventually see her dick poking out from a hole out of the other side of his stomach.

At this rate, she could only last so long. She squirted every drop of cum into his ass, making Makoto feel extremely full. Autumn ripped her dick out, only to discover Makoto in tears. and shaking violently from the pain."

She then said, "This should teach you."

Makoto tried to hide his face. He didn't want her, or the three other guys and one chick standing and watching by the entrance of the school, to see him.

Of course, it was too late as the aforementioned students had watched the whole ordeal. Autumn looked at them, waved and walked home, leaving Makoto there to think about his "lesson". The humilitaion that would come after this from the rumors would be insanity.
>> Anonymous
>>1116139
I would rather appreciate your constructive criticism : 3
>> Anonymous
>>1116144
You're not the OP.
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>>1116146
i forgot tripcode
>> wow Anonymous
I think I cried.
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>>1116183

I am assuming you think it sucks... enlighten me.
>> Anonymous
>>1116144

Do another one where he begs for moar
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>>1116194
perhaps I might if i get more positive feedback
>> Anonymous
For starters, your tenses don't match.
>He runs and she chases.
>She screamed
>He tries to run, but it was too late.

Second, it shows poor proofreading.
>Autumn trips throws her 20 pound bag

Third, English is clearly not your first language or, if it is, you have a very poor handle over it. See above, but also:
>all of the sudden
>All the sudden
>she digged around in her bag


Fourth, later showings of a good command of the English language -- as well as the use of words one wouldn't expect from a simpleton or a foreigner, words such as "aforementioned" -- suggest this is a well-orchestrated troll. Why one would waste so much time trolling /d/ in this laborious manner I have no idea, but people can be weird at times and I guess this is just one of those times.
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>>1116237
I appreciate the criticism because for once it's not someone just typing "shitsux" and posting. Your post has some meaning to it because it does contain some useful advice, which I will take with a grain of salt.

Just to let you know, I was not striving for grammatical correctness, nor watching out for spelling errors; I wanted to concentrate on the idea, not how correct the grammar and spelling was. I'll admit I didn't put much effort into proofreading it because I just typed it, gave it a read over, and posted it.

However, I don't appreciate you calling this a troll; it was not even an attempt. I apologize if it had seemed so.

I posted this here because I wanted people to read this and tell me what they thought. Compared to a lot of places, 4chan has a very tolerant userbase compared to a lot of places on the web, and this board seemed like the right place to place this story.

Anyway, once again I do appreciate it, I'll make sure to look out next time I do something like this.
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>>1116290
>>1116237

>facepalm.jpg

I realized I said I would proofread...ooops...
>> Anonymous
>>1116290
"You have to learn how to crawl before you can walk; you have to learn how to walk before you can run."

As eager as you are to produce a solid narrative, right now you need to focus on those very elements you say you don't care much about. And there's a reason for that beyond mere grammar Nazism:
a) no one wants to read stories that have such poor grammar. It can be confusing but more often it's just plain distracting. It breaks your concentration when you see humorous flaws in spelling or syntax.
b) if nobody is willing to even just read your stories with no strings attached, then you're going to have a HELL of a hard time finding anybody who would be willing to read your stories and offer feedback.
c) and the few people who do proofread for you, so distracted by the technical flaws as they would be, will be unable to give you the advice you want.

But if you really want to be taken seriously as a writer, then there's something you have to realize: nothing is more ridiculed in the literary world than pornographic (or "smut" or "trashy romance") novels with the possible exception of the fanfic. Your story reads like a porno fanfic. That's NOT GOOD. Not if you want people to take your writing seriously, anyway.
>> Anonymous
wheres the rest of this toshiki yui work
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>>1116340

Funny how you mentioned becoming a writer. I have actually played with the thought of writing professionally. Unfortunately, it hasn't really gone farther than that. I did this just to see, and wanted to get the idea out.

lol @ this "creative writing piece"!

Thanks a lot though. It is quite motivational to see that someone is actually interested in "helping out" if you will. 1000 internets to you, my good anon!

>>1116363
I do have the other 2 shots of that, but nothing else I am afraid.
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>>1116363
The last one I have in my possession.