File :-(, x, )
So guys Anonymous
Citizens of /d/, I come to you with a question.
I'm super submissive to my boyfriend. But he refuses to fully dominate me because he says it's demeaning. How do I get it into his skull that that's exactly why I like it?
>> Meh Anonymous
I love bondage because I find it's one of the most trusting activities that you can partake in with your significant other. Tell him about how you feel it would mean even more for him to "insert kinky activity here" because it shows how much you trust each other. Then snuggle when you're done. ^_^
>> Anonymous
Congrats, you've got a rare, caring guy.
As for your question, telling him is out of the picture?
>> Anonymous
Suprise him by tying yourself up or something to that effect.
>> Anonymous
Believe me, I've tried to tell him. Just told him yesterday actually. Maybe he thinks I'm pushing him a little?
>> Anonymous
>>544769
Huh.
Maybe, then, he does think that.
Or, he's not ready to, worried about repercussions of things that may, or may not happen.
Either that, or he's just too caring about you.
-Wanders off to ponder more random things-
>> Anonymous
Ask him in a horny/seductive voice that you want to be dominated and that this will get you off more then anything else.
>> Anonymous
make it a role play.
first yo uare dominant and he is sub missive and tie him uo a bit. then the other time hs is dominant and you are sub. and every time take it a step further. from light bondage to taking a crap in your mouth.
>> Anonymous
>> Anonymous
>>544793
Uhh... This poses serious hygiene dangers.
The intestine/colon harbors bacteria that will make you sick if put anywhere else than there.
>> Anonymous
Just have to accept that everyone has their own sexual kinks. Some people like it vanilla. That said, the more time you spend together the more open to the idea he'll become. Probably. I mean, he might be gay.
>> Anonymous
Leave him and come live with me.

Seriously.
>> Anonymous
Tell him that you enjoy him being authorative and that it _isn't_ demeaning (even if you think so).
>> Anonymous
>>544852
He'll feel betrayed if you lie.

Ask him why it's against his principles. He has a problem with this, and it's important you understand exactly why if you want to have a chance of making him see it from your angle.
>> Anonymous
ahh, sorry to ask this in a serious thread but... SAUCE!!!!
>> Anonymous
>>544759
Beat the shit out of him and say that unless he starts dominating you like a whore that you're going to rape the living shit out of him. That will show him that you mean fucking business.
>> T.L.
     File :-(, x)
=P tie yourself up in his workplace's bathroom like so with a note around your neck saying "For [insert boyfriend's name here]" and tell him that you'll do this every day if he doesnt do it at home.
>> Anonymous
>>544885

Great idea. Simply place yourself in submissive situations with him in public, and he'll either have to force you to stop or enjoy your submissiveness. If>>544885seems a little much, try kneeling before him or crawling under a table to give him a blowjob. Making him cum over you and wearing the cum like a badge of shame is a plus.
>> Anonymous
Just sit him down, and explain to him how you feel about domination, tell him why like it, what you want him to do, and if he doesn't want to, ask him why.

If he has concerns that he may hurt you, or feels that its immoral, point out that its YOUR choice. He's not doing anything wrong, because thats what you want him to do.
>> Anonymous
Giving people ultimatums is never a good idea,
as sexy as
>>544868
>>544894
>>544885
might sound, if you force him to do this against his will it may very well end the relationship.
Get rid of his mental barrier before trying any of those, otherwise you might be forced to find a new partner.

Let's pretend your partner had been into something you seriously disliked. If he suddenly committed you to it without your consent, for instance blackmailing you into geriatric sex (or by tying you up) to be violated by five dried up and wrinkly 80-year-olds, would you really not feel violated and seriously ticked off?

Forcing someone to do something or else you're gonna do X is blackmailing them.
>> Anonymous
>>544905
What are you doing giving sane advice?
>> Anonymous
Try and explain to him exactly why you want him to do it. You're not going to be able to coerce him into doing it. You're going to have to try and make him understand that you -really- do want it. It may be that he just really doesn't like the idea of doing it, in which case you might never be able to convince him otherwise.

Either way, you two will just need to sit down and have a long hard talk. There's no other way around it really, the both of you are just going to have to have a really honest chat about this stuff. It may go bad or it may go really good.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>544906
I'm not allowed to? ;_;
Sorry, Master.
>> Anonymous
1st off words are good for you. Talk it out to him and if need be debate the idea of D/S with him. Hell as someone else suggested, start off with light bondage and ease him into it. Second off, feel good you found a dude that care for you enough that he is hesitant to take hold of this, but just makes sure he has a dominant in him, as one of the reasons he might not be doing it is because he might feel that he will not do a good job and cannot be commanding enough.
>> Anonymous
>>544907
>It may be that he just really doesn't like the idea of doing it

Ask him why, but not with that word and whatever you do do NOT nag. Ask him what he associates with it, what he feels it represents and how it's so very bad. Then explain what you associate it with, what you feel it represents and why it's good.

Worst case scenario: Both of you feel the opposite way about the exact same thing because you two have fundamentally different world views that surface more intensely at more extreme scenarios. If that is the case, you either will need a new partner, or get him more and more used to the gray zones, inspire him to think more like you, until he finally wants it by himself.
>> Anonymous
>>544908
That picture is adorable. Source please.
>> Anonymous
>>544913
No clue, sorry. I found it in my too tiny anime/manga bondage folder. Apparently I saved it down almost two years ago.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>544915
Aww.
>> Anonymous
Maybe he just feels you dont demean those you love and istead treat them with love and respect, which is something you think you are not good enough for and have to be punished because of it. And if he really feels strongly about his opinion dont try to coerce him into it it will not end well.
>> Anonymous
>>544913
not sauce.
http://bbwchan.org/pet/src/1162689737698.jpg ?
>> Anonymous
>>544932

What is that scrawny girl doing in a bbwchan? ;__;
>> Anonymous
>>544937
Because it's the pet board. Size not relevant.
>> Anonymous
suigun murakami "F-ism"

http://ww5.tiki.ne.jp/~msuigun/
http://ww5.tiki.ne.jp/~msuigun/eve1.htm
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Wow, you guys are awesome at advice.

First off, some clarifications. He is quite dominant and I can tell. He wants to go further because he's told me, but he just can't get over the fact that he thinks it'll demean me somehow. We do a lot of the lighter stuff (rope bondage, spanking, etc) but the stuff I want goes beyond that. I don't want to be his submissive, I want to be his slave because I trust him enough to know that he won't abuse the control that I give him.
So believe me, it's not like he's against the idea, he even bought me a new collar for my birthday. He's just having a hard time letting go of this worry that what he does is bad, even though I've told him a thousand times that I want it really really badly.

Once again, you guys are awesome. Why are the nicest people I've ever met on the internet always the people into alternative fetishes?

Have another picture!
>> Anonymous
Because the people who aren't into, or at least accepting of, alternate fetishes/sexualities tend to be dicks in other ways, too. And stupid, because their hyper-antiquated brain has, in fact, fossilized inside their head. I know, because I dissected a man from Arkansas in biology.

Seriously.

I say, like whatever you want, just let me do the same.
>> Anonymous
>>544956
>He's just having a hard time letting go of this worry that what he does is bad, even though I've told him a thousand times that I want it really really badly.

So in other words, he doesn't trust himself? In that case you two need to put up very exact limits to what he may do, and that way inch your way to more and more dominance over the span of many sessions.
As others have said, it's really important you help him realize why he has certain barriers, and rationalize them away. He needs to feel that his reasons for feeling that way do not apply to you two. You should speak about what dominance implies and brings, discuss his fears and feelings of shame. Help him, don't force him.
>> Anonymous
>>544956
>Why are the nicest people I've ever met on the internet always the people into alternative fetishes?
Most of the time, I have no clue whether people on the internet are into alternative fetishes, as I don't frequent many fetish sites. But you may be onto something.
>> Anonymous
>>544868
LISTEN TO THIS MAN.
>> Anonymous
>>544992
People who are anything but normal in their tastes sexually - whether gay, BDSM fans, etc. - have had to grow up knowing they are different. After coming to this realization at whatever age they did, they tend to study how people "work" more than the average joe. So they have a better understanding of themselves and people around them than most do and therefore also tend to be a bit more empathic overall.

WE ARE SUPERIOR!!
>> Anonymous
>>544956

I think you'll be fine. You both need to trust in each other and yourselves, and that "gut trust" takes a long time to build.

I'm sure you're frustrated. The upside is, when he finally realizes he won't take advantage of you in a way you don't want and that you'll still love him even after he gives you what you want... he really can be trusted.

Also, it's the nice ones you can trust when they're being really nasty.
>> Anonymous
>>544960
Wow you sure are a ignorant, intolarent, narrowminded person aren't you?
>> Anonymous
Saying you are better because you like sexual things that are not the norm does not make you better. I'm atheist myself but its crazy how other atheists act, they feel they know the truth, that they have found the correct thing, that anynone who believes in religion and not the way they do is lost, ignorant and intolerant, yet they dont realize that they are being the same way. Thats what a few of these comments seem to parallel.
>> Anonymous
>>544956
Trust issues? Would he trust you to not seriously hurt him if you were the one to be dominant? Does he trust you to be able to know when you've reached your limit when you're subbing? Does he trust himself to be able to stop himself when you've reached that point? Does he trust himself to know when and or listen to you?

Does he feel that going all the way would be taking advantage of your weaknesses?
>> Anonymous
>>545074
"a few" being the key word. Most of us know we're not "superior", we're just better equipped for dealing with inquiries of this kind, as we're used to these sorts of kinks.
>> Anonymous
>>545085

I think that's probably most of it to be honest. Especially the part about not trusting me to know my limits - I have a history of sexual abuse and it's highly likely that he's worried that if he does something I don't like, I'll say nothing out of fear.
>> Anonymous
>>544956

Out of interest - what kind of things would you like done besides what you're doing already?
>> Anonymous
>>545123

I don't mean to sound like I'm showing off, but a friend of mine who is Gorean is jealous of my boyfriend because his girlfriend isn't half as submissive as I am.
But to be more specific, the only things I won't do involve children, bodily waste and animals - although I'm not against dressing up as a catgirl. Anything else is fair game with me.
>> Anonymous
>>545092
" history of sexual abuse", no surprise there, just curious you never had that resolved have you?
>> Anonymous
>>545137

Been 6 years since it happened, have been in therapy for the past four years. It's helped a lot, and actually helped me talk to my boyfriend about my desire to try D/s because I realised that this is all my choice and instead of being taken by someone, I'm choosing to give myself to them.
I sound like a crazy girl now. Oh dear.
>> SMAP
>>545155
To quote, "We're all crazy here. I'm crazy. You're crazy." The key is keeping in mind _how_ you're crazy so you know how to watch for your own particular brand of inanity.

>Why are the nicest people I've ever met on the internet always the people into alternative fetishes?
There are plenty of nice "normal" people out there, too, but it's the natural inclination of humans to befriend those who share an intrest (hobby, job, living space, etc).

I'd definately side with the other posters who say don't rush into this- you and he likely have different tolerances for what you each want to do. You say he likes being a Dom, and that's great- talk over what you'd like to do and suggest things to make sure he's comfortable with them. If he isn't, don't push the subject, as that will only annoy him. You've already gotten rather lucky in finding someone who shares the other half of your fetish; no need to ruin it over a triviality. If you are indeed correct and he also wants to take things further than I'm sure he'll come around in time, but make sure you make your feelings on the subject known. Calm and rational shoudl be your keywords here: make sure he understands what it is you're asking, why you're okay with it, and (just as importantly) that you're not trying to force the subject, only communicate on the matter.

As said, trust is important. Be honest with him on the matter.
>> Anonymous
>>545155

Don't worry, /d is full of horny nerds that would be glad to subjugate you on your own terms.
>> Anonymous
fuck your boyfriend come over here and take a ride on the 15 incher
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
Simple just tell him your into dominatrix.
>> Anonymous
>>545155
So in other words, your boyfriend doesn't want to help you reenact your sexual abuse? Can you prove to yourself and him without a shadow of a doubt that it isn't what you're trying to do here? To instead of working on resolving the past, you're trying to mentally rewrite it and confirm that old world view that was imposed on you in a milder form?

I'm all for trust and kinkier ways of bonding, but you really might want to re-evaluate your own motives for this. Because if you really want him to trust you, you need to show that he can trust you with it. Try some domming, that should show that you're strong enough not to lock up.
And really: inch your way into being dominated further with him. Have him do a little more each time, prove to him that you're not afraid of using the safe word and that you won't lock up. Have and decide training sessions where you make sure to use the safe word at least once each twenty minutes, where he too is allowed to say it as dom, without you getting upset with him. These are about seeing where both of your limits are. Pick one activity, start from mild, and slowly and gradually work your way up until either of you say the safe word, preferably you. Rinse and repeat, using a different activity each time, sessions of three times in a row twice or thrice a week should be a good pace. That will give you time to also in depth discuss any issues that might arise. Communication, communication, communication: a vital part in a healthy relationship. Discuss the past and following sessions. Discuss how they make you feel, what you liked and disliked. Don't belittle each other, don't be afraid of being honest (protip: bluntness is not the same as rudeness).

Within a few weeks he should feel comfortable with intensive domming without too much co-planning, and trust you to know where your limit is.
>> Anonymous
>>545336
Well, a few weeks or a few months.
>> Anonymous
rofl tldr
>> Anonymous
>>544956
Do to him what you want done to you. =/
>> Anonymous
>>544960
>>544992
>>545030
>>545074
>>545088
>>545273

I think maybe it also has something to do with the fact that, if we didn't know how to be empathetic in these kinds of situations, we'd all kill each other in the process of getting our rocks off. I'm sure many of us can be assholes with the best of them, but I know I'd hate to give terrible advice when it involves someone's safety.
>> Anonymous
>>545336

Take Anons advice here. This is by far the safest way to get what you want. Just remember to emphasise that you want to GIVE him control, not that you want him to take it from you, otherwise you'll be back to square one.

>>545363

Too right.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>OP

Sounds like he doesn't have the confidence in himself. All guys have the urge to dominate and put a female in her place, its just sometimes hidden under some baggage.

Solution: Baby steps. Try getting him a Joker costume (from batman). Everyone gets a little aggressive/psychotic when they're pretending to be him.
>> Anonymous
>>545408

Make sure to dress up as catgirl though, or it'll be wasted on him.
>> Anonymous
>>545410
NONSENSE! Catgirl goes with The Penguin.
>> Anonymous
>>545412

My bad. I'm not a great batman follower tbh, I just think Michelle Pheifer* in a catsuit is hot.

*No idea how to spell that.
>> Anonymous
>>545413
Of course she was. The Joker has Harley Quin.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>545410
>>545412
>> Anonymous
>>545415
FUCK YES
>> Anonymous
>>545416

What he said.
>> Anonymous
maybe you should try respecting his wishes instead of being selfish
>> Anonymous
>>545434

how is it selfish? she already said he wants to do it, i don't see how helping someone feel comfortable with doing something they obviously want to do already is selfish
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
I'm gonna talk with my gf about this cause we're about in the same boat. Ive very dom and she's very sub but in the normal world, she's extremely dom and I am too and we get into a lot of fights. She is always complaining about me not being dom enough. I think she has some serious problem in her thinking cause ive done everything from punishing her, holding her on the ground a few times that resulted in her fainting, to taking away every single privilege she has so that she was sitting in her room alone for a few weeks.

I think maybe she is doing this:
"Just remember to emphasise that you want to GIVE him control, not that you want him to take it from you, otherwise you'll be back to square one."

I think she isn't GIVING her control away and so she says im not dominant enough and she is expecting me to TAKE it. Because man I've scared girls off with my dom before. And I think this girl thinks dom is about me TAKING her. And i'm not gonna full-blown vaginal bleeding RAPE her. That should be built up to with trust and safety right no just randomly initiated. This is what I got to make her understand right?

Or I could just ass rape her wearing the joker outfit and then flee to mexico afterwards. That sounds easier.
>> Anonymous
>>545345

That simply doesn't work. People are different with different needs. GB2/school, Jesusfag.
>> Anonymous
>>545450

>>Or I could just ass rape her wearing the joker outfit and then flee to mexico afterwards. That sounds easier.

Give it a whirl. It might work.
>> Anonymous
>>545450
>Or I could just ass rape her wearing the joker outfit

Proven Results.
+ All girls want to be shit on by the Joker
+ All guys want to shit on as the Joker
>> Anonymous
Mexico is only a few miles away, so it is convenient. Hell its even downhill. I could coast on my bike there! I don't even have to drive!
Just sit back and let the wheels roll me to my new life.
>> Anonymous
wow.... my girl just called me and told me she has cancer...FUCK
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
argh you dont joke about cancer. im gonna kill her
>> Anonymous
>>545473

I CAME!
>> AT
I think that if you sit down and watch "secretary" with him and masturbate to every scene he'll get it! 44759>>544759
>>544759
>>544759
>> Anonymous
>>545473
If that's bullshit: "hurr hurr, At least it's not Aids!"
If that's serious: I'm so sorry for you. You'll be in for a very rough, long and exhausting time. I hope she'll survive this, best of luck to both of you.
>> Anonymous
>This is what I got to make her understand right?
Yes.
>> Anonymous
srs thread is srsly done
>> Anonymous
>>545450

>She is always complaining about me not being dom enough.

In this case, just get to it man. If she really is going so far as to do things that force you into punishment of some sort, she's craving a serious amount of control from you. Next time the situation arises, tell her to sit the fuck down, and pay attention. Then, tell her what to do with no room whatsoever for questions.

If she still wants more with you holding total control over her, try a bit of kinky/sexual violence ie dont beat her face in, smack her arse til shes red. And if that doesnt work then god help you.
>> Anonymous
There is a fantastic book called, "Screw the roses, send me the thorns"

It is a comprehensive look at the world of BDSM written by a Dom/sub couple, so you get both kinds of persepctives and opinions.

Might be what it takes to get him to see it's not "wrong" just "different"
>> Anonymous
If he has a moral hangup, he might feel guilty about what you talk him into after the d/s play. If so, it's more important that you encourage him (possibly the next day, and on your own initiative) to remember not just that you enjoyed it, but that you think he's a great guy. Otherwise, he might start suffering guilt issues that you won't be aware of until they start affecting your relationship.

If the ethics holding him back are embedded in a fundamental part of his personality, it may take a lot of patience and encouragement before he begins to really feel comfortable.

I had a similar hangup and the guilt I felt over doing what my g/f wanted eventually wrecked the relationship. (She wanted more, but I couldn't get past the idea that what I was already doing was 'harmful' to her.) Eventually, I worked through it, but it was a long process. So, be patient if you don't see results as quickly as you'd like.
>> Anonymous
Something tells me you both are very ugly.
>> Anonymous
>>545547

And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking into your gums
- Tom Lehrer - "The Masochism Tango"
>> Anonymous
>>544759
"super submissive" and allowed to post about him on /d/? LOL not very sub at all I would say.
>> Anonymous
>>545586

You can be super submissive in your sex life but not in day-to-day life, dumbass.
>> Anonymous
He's obviously gay, find a new boyfriend.
>> Needs Moar Tentacles !!fqj+MtPj+Zt
     File :-(, x)
>>545092
From this comment I would say it may be possible that if he knows about this abuse he is reluctant simply because he thinks you only want to be submissive because you were abused and need the actions of your abuser to be justified by your partner 'abusing' you. (ie. his mock abuse of you allows you to accept the abuse you recieved earlier as something that was acceptable and meant to happen to you rather then a horrible crime against you)

If that is the way he really does feel then on one hand you should be happy as it means he really cares for you and doesn't want you to emotionally scarred further by your previous ordeal.

on the other hand however you perhaps have to ask yourself (or talk it over with your therapist if you haven't already) if this isn't acctaully the reason you want to be dominated in the first place.

If however you are fully comfortable with it and definatly feel it is your choice rather then your previous experiences that are forcing you to desire such a strong sub/dom relationship then you just need to reassure him of that fact, and I would stress, take it step by step. Encourage him to be a little more dominant, maybe if he is spanking you ask him to spank you a little harder, or if he apologises for something like tying ropes to tight say 'don't worry, I really like it', etc. and at the end of the day just let him know that he can go that bit further with you and that you positivly enjoy it.

at the end of the day if it takes weeks, months or even years for him to dominate you the way you desire you will know that he truely cares for you and your wellbeing, and you could trust him a lot further then you probably could with any other partner.
>> Needs Moar Tentacles !!fqj+MtPj+Zt
>>545592
Although take that with a pinch of salt as I am not a therapist and can't claim to know the mentality of your partner.

It is just one possiblity you may want to think over.
>> Anonymous
>>544802
Tell that to the Japs.
>> Anonymous
>>545587
you are the dumbass.
OP wants to be fully dominated. That means not just on-Saturdays-to-spice-things-up.

In all forms of D/s (and BDSM also btw) the most important thing is communication, yet she takes this to /d/... The boyfriend is worth a better sub, I say.

Seriously OP, talk to him, not us.
>> Anonymous
>>545564
Something tells me the pot just called the kettle a nigger.
>> Anonymous
>>545587
maybe you can't, but some people do.

OP: it is EXTREMELY common for a top new to the whole deal to be reticent. I went though it myself. It takes time, and that my girl was willing to tell me that it was what she wanted, and the willingness to just work with me.

bondage.com has some very good forums if you just want to read and tell how to deal with him, but ultimatly it comes down to communication, and time.
>> Anonymous
This all sounds so strange to me. More power to you if you enjoy it! I wish i understood more about this sort of thing so i could give advice, but sadly it's quite foreign.
>> Anonymous
How come people who've been sexually abused always end up fucked up like the OP?
>> Anonymous
>How come people who've been sexually abused always end up AWESOME like the OP?
>> Anonymous
>>545680
Because being abused and treated like crap at a young age sets the precedent for how you will want future relationships to develop and as for the OP if you want him to dominate you all the time and not just during sex, I feel you still havent recovered.
>> Anonymous
Epic thread is Epic
>> Anonymous
shit sucks
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Epic thread is epic
>> Anonymous
Domination doesn't belong outside the bedroom.
>> Anonymous
even though I'm a virgin, I'm definitely turned on by the whole being dominated thing. XD

I don't know what to suggest though, except communication. good luck!
>> Anonymous
Seriously, I've been in his situation, and there's no real changing it. My last girlfriend wanted me to pretty much slave her. I didn't want that. What's a huge turn on for you is NOT necessarily enjoyable for him at all, and it's tricky to learn new kinks (4chan fappery is not the same).
>> Anonymous
Bah, I want to hear more about the OP's stituation but the thread is past the bump limit.
>> Anonymous
4chanarchive doesn't take /d wtf?
>> Anonymous
>>545630
see
>>545734
>>545759
>> Salt_the_Catgirl
>>545592
Hey, isn't there a tentacle version of that, somewhere? That's one of those pictures where you have to wonder why the guy looks so bored.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>544765
>> Anonymous
Tell him that treating you like a child is more demeaning.

Then his head will explode like a robot in old star trek.
>> Anonymous
>>545734
>>545759
you know that sometimes even people with completely normal upbringings want this too?

in some cases it is just the way people are wired.

as long as you can walk away from it (eg, no codependancy, which can happen just as easily in any non kinky relationship) there's nothing wrong with it.
>> Anonymous
Hey, OP, so what did you learn from this thread? What are you going to do?
>> Anonymous
Rape him instead.
>> ?? !rape.hoh.I
>>544913

Naturally I assumes to know the answer.

Observe picute. From the clothing in the backgroung and the redhead, I draw the conclusion that it's To Heart.