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Anonymous
Copypasta from /tg/ I found to be lulz:
+++++ Tales from the Battlefield: A data log of Imperial Battles by Adept Scribe Manfold the Note-Taker. Chapter XXIV: The Rose's Thorns. The Battle of Gerlei II. +++++ Privy to information from rogue traders of an Ork invasion upon the verdant world of Gerlei II, I arrived to find PDF forces already fighting a bloody and brutal trench war with the savage greenskins. May the Emperor bless those fine men for their valour in the face of such a horde (and forgive me for not fighting), but they were outnumbered.
All appeared to be lost at the main hive, when a strange procession made its way towards the battle. Resplendent in their purple armour and bearing the symbol of the rose upon their shoulders and banners, I beheld the Pretty Marines in their glory. As they advanced the air seemed to clear, the sun appearing to shine directly upon their battle-ready forms. Behind them was a procession much like one I had seen of pilgrims following Sororitas as they marched to war, though instead of flagellating zealots I saw a throng of screaming fourteen year old girls.
In war they were as any Astartes, brutal and swift. The Ork horde were caught in the sudden counter-attack spearheaded by assault troopers who glided gracefully overhead before diving upon greenskins like an eagle swooping upon its prey.
The Orks were annihilated utterly, but the marines did not celebrate. They left the battlefield, bearing the body of one of their own in a mournful procession. I managed to get a hold of one of their scouts to ask him what had occurred to fell this brave warrior, for no marks appeared to adorn his form.
"No marks?!" the scout had exclaimed at me, manly tears streaming down his face, "Those greenskins cut his cheek! His beautiful features are marred forever!"
The wailing of the little girls lasted well into the night and the next day. +++++
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