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Anonymous
Dear /an/ please help I'm hopeless on what to do!

I've got this piece of paper, he's a very loving and joyful piece of paper.

I don't know what to do so I just tried things out myself.

I tried giving it water but that didn't work out. He's starting to get a brownish colour and I'm freaked out.

But he's just lying there doing nothing, I think he's dead, can you please help me?
>> Anonymous
Toss him on a fire for a few seconds to dry him out. Paper likes to be warm.
For exercise I reccommend folding him into a paper airplane and tossing him around the room a few times. I had a piece of paper once that really loved that!
Paper learns quickly so you might want to look into origami to challenge him.
Good luck!
>> Anonymous
Aw.... I remember the first time I had my own piece of paper. I was 6 at the time, and I got it for my birthday. 5 years later my piece of paper just stopped breathing all of a sudden, so we rushed it to an ER where the fucking bastard vet said that it had to be put to sleep. 8 years later and I'm still sad... :(

My advice: don't send your piece of paper to the ER, it will only make it worse.
>> Anonymous
Draw on him to cheer him up. Paper is really into bod-mod. If you have to erase anything, don't press too hard - looks like the poor thing has suffered enough, doesn't need any more stress in its life. ;_;
>> FatOldBenzGuy
posting in epic thread.
>> Anonymous
Oh.. that doesn't sound good. Is there an emergency 24-hour vet around?
>> Anonymous
If your paper doesn't make it, besure to recycle it. It sounds bad yes, but it's the right place for your paper to rest ._.
>> Anonymous
OP here, I accidentally sat on it :(
>> Anonymous
>>64758shat
fixed
>> Anonymous
>>64758
Lay him down flat and place a towel on top. Put an iron on low heat and iron until the wrinkles come out.
>> rayefrenzy !w2oH/6dL8k
Place your paper in a gerbil tank, I mean, you probably just got a feeder-paper from the pet shop, might as well put it to it's intended purposes.
>> Anonymous
>>64695
I'm calling PETA, you monster.
>> Anonymous
Give him toys. Paper loves toys, they need lots of stuff to play around with so they don't get bored. Paperclips are good, and so are folders for a game of the old hide and seek.

Unless you want him to turn emo, don't give him a stapler.
>> Anonymous
If you want to do a bring-your-pet-to-work -day with your paper just fold him into a box (very crude origami) to hold your, um, something small. Like ...paper clips. That way she/he/it can also feel like "I IS HELPING YAY!"
[Btw, epic thread here, guys.]
>> ThreadKiller Anonawry
Take care to separate them from rocks as they are very agressive to rocks. I once put a new paper next to my pet rock and the paper killed my rock.
>> Anonymous
Also, make sure your paper has plenty of friends. Rocks and Sciccors seems to be the best friends for your pet for some reason. They made get into fights but they will be fine.
>> Anonymous
>>64896
Make sure that your papers compainions are larger rocks and safety scissors! Large rocks are tougher for paper to wrap around and we all know safety scissors cut everything but paper.
As with introducing any new pets to each other introduce them in a neutral enviroment. A playground is ideal!
(Someone please save this thread for posterity. XD)
>> Anonymous
Maybe you should try teaching him Kung Fu. Exercise would be good for him, and he can better defend himself against The Shredder.
>> Anonymous
What an idiot. You can't pet a wild animal.
>> Anonymous
Man don't you need a license for exotic pets?
>> Anonymous
Hmm...well, in all actuality, what the OP has appears to be a common White paper, something of a working class paper, and an all around agreeable type. Not as common as say, News Print or Tissue, but also a bit more hardy. However it is far from being an exotic like Parchment, Cotton or other specialty paper.
>> Anonymous
Your paper seems to have a mild case of ink stains. I suggest getting some white-out to patch it up.
>> Anonymous
OP Here (yarly), funny how it seems that this cute little piece paper gets more help then other 'I need help' threads.

Which clearly shows papers are the superior kind of pet.

I don't know about giving him friends though, I'm not sure if I have sufficient funds.

But if you're willing to donate me money you can call me at:

770 938 5295
or call my cell 770 570 0977

PS. Papercut (it's his name) Is fine now thanks to all your help, I even learned it a few tricks (like lying down and stay).
And it's a A5 Printing Copy Paper breed btw.
>> Anonymous
GTFO
>> rayefrenzy !w2oH/6dL8k
I don't think anyone understands how awesome paper is, 'cause otherwise there'd be nothing else on this board.
>> Anonymous
>>64980
I find that Common whites are a lot harder to manage than Loose Leaf or College Rule. But that may just be me.

Do have any other papers for your pet to play with? Papers are extremely social animals and like to kept in packs of 150.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Saved for future generations.
>> Anonymous
>>65064
wut?? there's an entire board dedicated to papers and how you make them perform tricks:
http://zip.4chan.org/po/imgboard.html
>> Anonymous
Everyone else in this thread is full of shit. Paper is meant to live in the wild and by bringing it in and robbing it of its survival skills all you've done is given it a short unhappy life.

People like you should be charged with animal cruelty. If you really cared about it you'd take it to a wildlife shelter.
>> Anonymous
i'm amazed this thread has lasted so long without an appearance from zippopaper
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>65259
>>65259
>>65259
>>65259
>>65259
>>65259
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
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>> Anonymous
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>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
cry moar paperfags
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> rayefrenzy !w2oH/6dL8k
My god. This is the most epic thread I have seen in a long time.
>> Anonymous
>>65258
Oh, go hang out with your Green Peace buddies. Domesticated papers can't survive in the wild. Everybody knows that. They'd crinkel to death. You Paper Rights activists are so predictable. I bet you say the same thing about pencils too.
>> Anonymous
>>65302

Quit being such a whiny faggot. You and I both know that pencils have been relying on mankind for lead removal for millenia. Pencils are a fully domesticated species. If paper was really domesticated howcome THE EXACT SAME SPECIES can be found in the african desert right now?

Jesus christ. /an/ gets stupider every day.
>> Gunlord !.YMO7aNBcQ
>>65338
WTF? There is NO WAY you can say that pure-bred African paper is the "exact same species"" as white paper. Morphologically they're completely different, as evidenced by the texture and color of the OP's paper, they behave in completely different ways, etc. etc. etc.

Paper is domesticated in the same way dogs are domesticated from wild wolves--over millenia of coexisting, human beings have bred several specific subspecies (i.e breeds) of paper to suit whatever needs we have for them.
>> Anonymous
If she's not moving much lately and being lethargic, she might be pregnant! You didn't have her with a male paper, did you? They can have litters upwards of 400 little confettis!

I'm so fucking sick of backyard breeders RUINING the paper pet market with their mutts! Do you know how many papers are RIPPED TO SHREDS EVERYDAY because there is no where to keep them all?! Think a little harder before popping out confettis just because you think they're 'cute'! >:(
>> Anonymous
>>64691
>>65269
>>65270
>>65271
>>65272
>>65273
"2. Posting images depicting animal cruelty is strictly forbidden."

Enjoy ur B&, you sick freak.
>> Anonymous
>>65345
Right. The earliest example of papers and humans coexisting is the Papyrus and the Egyptians. The Papyrus is the common ancestor of all Paper breeds. You can still find packs of Papyrus roaming in the wild today.

And those African Wild Papers are just domesticated papers that have gone feral. In most of Africa, all of the paper species had been domesticated from Papyrus for thousands of years when European colonists came in with their paper breeds. Some of those papers got free and became what we now call African Wild Papers. So yes, they are the same species as common papers, but they are a totally different breed.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
I let her into the backyard to play around for ONE HOUR! and THIS is what I get! Damn strays.. now what am I supposed to do?
>> rayefrenzy !w2oH/6dL8k
Do you know how old your paper is? I hear they and survive upwards of thousands of years in the right conditions.
>> Anonymous
>>65446

In b4 humidity, bookworms & UV rays.
>> Anonymous
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>>65446
This is true. They are a rare breed called Manuscripts. The monks of medeval Europe were famous for breeding Manuscripts. Some were highly decorated with pictures and designs. The designs were the result of a genetic mutation called Illumination. The rare mutation was highly covated and Illuminated Manuscripts were inbred to the extent of becoming a new sub breed.
>> Anonymous
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>>65367
I bet they even have trophies of wild Diplomas hanging on their walls. =(
>> FatOldBenzGuy
     File :-(, x)
Not to forget the dreaded book scorpion that loves to nest between old paper sheets.
Beware its' powerful claws!
>> Anonymous
>>65361
Papers aren't just ripped to shreds everyday because of overpopulation. Some prized papers are put through shredders to protect their selfish owners.
Make sure the place you work at doesn't support paper shredding!
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
My paper playing Bayou Billy SNES with my pokemons.
>> Go Canes! Go! Sebastian the Ibis
>>65273
>>65276
>>65269

Obviously not the same paper!

I can't believe you would get your paper whole-punched. That's not natural. They should be free to populate!
>> Anonymous
>>65707
see
>>65428
if we allowed every piece of paper to have this many confettis, we would be overrun with strays! imagine all that paper roaming around the city! is that really a world you would want to live in?
>> Anonymous
i had a line paper once it was a A4 format. I teach it to do tricks so when there is draft in a room it can fly and also when you tell it to sit it stands in the place. Its really cool it would fly all over the room when there is a draft. I named the paper Paper.
Paper one day escaped trhough the window. It was a big draft and paper just went flying through the window. Oh man how i miss Paper :(. I placed "Have you seen this paper?" all over town but all the call i got is that i was crazy.
>> Anonymous
>>65267
>>65269
>>65270
>>65271
>>65272
>>65273
you idiot how could you?
>> Anonymous
I remember long ago when I was a little kid living with my parents, that we had small coop in our backyard where we raised papers. We would raise 50 baby papers per month, and sold about 30 of them to other people.

Anyway, I had a pet paper that I raised myself from a baby in the house. When it was all grown up, I put it into the coop one day and left it there so I could go to school. When I came back, I smelled my mom cooking my paper for dinner... :( I was so sad that I never did forgive her, even after nearly 10 years...
>> Anonymous
>>65734
That's horrible... :(
>> Anonymous
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>>65734

Muffins!

They tast excellently with paper.


...or aren't you supposed to eat the paper? It's dead anyway.