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Anonymous
I got a new puppy. Unfortunately he's retarded. All he does is poop and pee and mess up my apartment. Also, he's starting to chew on everything.

How do I make him stop?
>> Anonymous
judging by his facial expression (if he is the one in the top right hand corner) he has down syndrome. enjoy your retarded dog.
>> Anonymous
That's kinda what they do at first, get a training book & do what it says.
>> Anonymous
Funny thing about pugs,
If they hit their head on things like coffee tables of table legs, their eye balls fall out, and you have to put them back in.
Not like fall out fall out, but hang by the eye ball string, whatever it's called.

Thanks Mom and Dad for a great pet.
>> Anonymous
You need 2 rubber bands and a rock.

Take one rubber band and wrap it around his dick, take the other and wrap it around his puggy little mouth.

Now that last one is tricky, and it might take you a few tries.

Lastly, take the rock and coat it with milk. Slowly...and I do mean slowly, shove the rock up the pugs ass. Make sure the rock is big enough that it won't come out on it's own.

problems solved.
>> Anonymous
OP here.

Seriously guys, any good suggestions? If I can't stop him from messing up my apartment by next week, I have to get rid of him.
>> Anonymous
welcome to owning a dog, dummy. what did you expect it to do? for the dog's sake, i hope you're trolling~
>> Anonymous
>>267119
you're a dummy, faggot.
>> Anonymous
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>>267125
Did you think they were born housetrained? I hope you're trolling. Otherwise, it's probably best that you find the puppy a new home, because clearly its owner has no idea what they're doing.

Seriously, though. Get him into a puppy training class, get a book on puppy training, find out how to housetrain him.
>> Anonymous
>>267132
you're a faggot
>> Anonymous
lol @ op
>> Anonymous
Good god they are cute. Also, enjoy your NORMAL PUPPY.
>> Anonymous
Spoilers: that's what puppies do. Go buy a dog raising book and read it, moron.

Jesus, what did you THINK it would do?
>> Anonymous
OP here

My friend had a puppy and it didn't shit around the house. this is what convinced me to get one. How do I tell it to wait until I get back from work??

This stupid fuck chewed up an electrical cord while i was gone.
>> Anonymous
>>267437
You can't.

Good luck trying to house-break a puppy while being gone all the time and not structuring his feeding.
>> Anonymous
>>267439
hey fuck you. my friend did it, but he moved away, and i can't get a hold of him.
>> Anonymous
>>267438
Missed the joke.
>> Anonymous
>>267443
please sell your puppy to a reasonable human being.
>> Anonymous
>>267447
no way, i paid $200 for him at Pass Pets.
>> Anonymous
Go to a dog wesbite or forum instead of asking 4chan.
You're fucked in the head if you think you can get a reasonable answer here.
>> Anonymous
Such a clever troll!
>> coolguy
>>267450
it's a troll for sure, but the sad part is that there are lots of people who actually do this :o( even my sister did...at least she rescued her dog from a shelter, but because she was never around to train the damn thing when he was little, he still shits in their house sometimes (and he's not small, either).
>> Anonymous
definately a troll. Unfortunately some people really ARE this retarded.

Dear OP, in the slight chance that you are not a troll:
cingratulations! You have a completely normal puppy. Although an obvious impulse buy with little to no research on puppy behavior beforehand, you can still manage this crazy puppy behavior.
First, FEED YOUR PUPPY AT SCHEDULED TIMES. Puppies need to poop/pee anywhere up to 30 minutes after they wake up, eat, drink, play, and excersize. If he eats and random intervals, he'll poop randomly too, making your job of housetraining him a lot harder.
Clean the messes in your house with a PET ENZYMATIC CLEANER, such as Nature's Miracle or Simple Solution. Not water or bleach or any of that shit, that won't cut it. Dogs are attracted to where they've already been, so if you don't clean up every mess, he'll keep going in the house.
KEEP YOUR PUPPY IN A CRATE WHILE YOU ARE AWAY. This will keep him from messing in the house as well as keep him from destroying anything! Oh, wow! Make sure he gets a potty break every couple of house - if you can't come home to let him out, have a friend or neighbor do it. Make sure the crate is big enough for him to sit, stand, lie down, and turn around, but NOT MUCH MORE or else he'll poop/pee in one side and sleep in the other.
EXCERSIZE YOUR PUPPY. Take him on plenty of walks, let him play with other dogs, and wrestle with him in the house to get out some energy.
GIVE HIM STUFF TO CHEW. He's teething right now, so he needs to chew, you can't stop that. Give him a kong toy with some peanut butter inside (not too much, don't want to make him fat) or something alike to keep him occupied.
TAKE HIM TO PUPPY CLASS. I can't emphasize this one enough. You're an obvious first-time owner and you need the class just as much as your puppy does. They'll help you teach him manners, and he'll also get to socialize with other dogs.
>> Anonymous
>>267594
cingratulations, lol. What the fuck.

CONgratulations.
>> Anonymous
>>266904
Hope you named them biscuit?
>> Anonymous
>>267594
Thanks, but I already gave him to animal control. The little shit destroyed my shoes.
>> Anonymous
>>267613
LoL there goes $200. which is pretty cheap for a dog
>> Anonymous
People are still replying to this thread?