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Anonymous
I had a rat once. His name was Huey. I got Huey at a small chain store that has since disappeared. I purchased him for $2 because he didn't piss on me when I picked him up, and he had balls like a mule.
I had Huey for two years and a bit before he knocked over a barrier in his cage and heroically raped my sister's rat. A few weeks later, my sister ditched her rat in favor of a newly appeared cuter, younger rat. She sold her first rat an the rest of the litter back to the pet store for $9, and didn't give me any of it because she's a little bitch an my parents hadn't yet explained how pregnancy worked.
A bit over five years after I got him, Huey had trouble waddling. He was never big on running; I imagine he was terrified his nuts would catch on something whenever he had too much momentum, which I took as a sign of good health. At the same time, my sister's rat developed cancer. By "developed," I mean the tumor was almost half again the size of the rat. This was not a sign of good health.
When the vet finally convinced her that he couldn't operate on her rat, we scheduled a 2-for-1 because the incredibly limited novelty of supporting your weight on your nuts had worn off for Huey.
So, at about five and a half years, my store-bought rat perished due to natural means and a big does of happiness in a needle. My sister's rat, born of two store-bought rats, naturally weened, and raised on advice of the vet, lived about three years and died from too much time on the cell phone, and again, happiness in a needle. Potentially she was a retard baby because of the incest.
...I was intending to have some sort of message towards the end here, but I'm not sure I had one in the first place. Fuck rats. Buy a chinchilla or a badger or something.
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