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Anonymous
Hey /an/ here's a short story for you. I came home an hour ago and well there's some lawn in front of my house. The thing is, some ugly dog was taking a dump on MY fucking grass and the owner (some middle-aged bitch) just did like it was normal.

Now I'm REALLY frustrated. Not because there's a turd on my lawn. But because I should have done something VERY nasty to that bitch.

So I made a decision: next time I see some fucking bitch letting her dog poop in front of MY house, I'll follow her and act normally. Eventually she'll get suspicious but that's what makes it funny. When she finally gets to her house I'll just say "So that's where you live", turn around and go home without turning back. That will scare the shit out of her and she'll never go around my house anymore.


I don't think this is evil enough though. Do you have any suggestions that wouldn't get me in jail anon?
I've already thought of a few things:
- Pick up the dog turd and put it right in front of her fucking door along with some shit of mine
- Make it look like I eat dogs (I'm Asian so it should be pretty easy)
- Take a dump in front of her house (now that would be awesome but it takes some guts)
>> Anonymous
I felt bad for you right up until you said you were asian.
>> Anonymous
Shoot the fucking dog next time it happens.


I am dead fucking serious.
>> Anonymous
You know, I bet hundreds of birds shit on your precious lawn too. Better break out the pellet gun.
>> Anonymous
>>249193
Well then it should make you feel very bad for me since we Asians are supposed to have small penises.

>>249195
I don't think it would be reasonable because the one at fault is the owner and not the dog (c'mon you can't teach a dog to "keep things under control" so that they can let it out once they're back at home right?). Owning a dog means that you're owning its turd, which is why dog owners are the ones who have to clean up the mess or pay for it.
>> Anonymous
(OP here again)

>>249196
Birds are not at fault plus bird shit isn't nearly as big and ugly as a dog turd so it doesn't annoy me.
>> Barksalot !!bUy38Am5hmk
>>249187
Have you seen those "Clean up after your dog. $500 fine" signs? Print an authentic-looking one out and put it where she can see it - next time walk out your door and take pictures.
>> Anonymous
>>249195
Son of Sam?
>> Anonymous
just take a huge shit on her lawn/car/doorstep, if the dog shit annoys you that much, it will be worth it.

bonus points if you eat mexican food for a week then chug down a bottle of laxatives before you do it
>> Anonymous
>>249198

The small penis thing is just funny.
>> Anonymous
tell her to bring a bag next time to pic it up or you will call the police. or take a dump on her lawn like you said
>> Anonymous
>>249206

I was gonna post this, but this guy did it first. Let's reiterate:

Shit on her lawn. Shit all over it.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
OP here

thanks anon for your advice, it'll definitely prove useful.

BTW this thread made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbUhI3Es708
(it's the part with the red devil at 4:00)
>> Anonymous
If that happens again, take dog gently and rub it in its own shit.
The keeper will be very happy.
>> Anonymous
You should have run out and chased the dog around as it was stooping. They fucking hate having to stop shitting half way through, and their first few waddling steps are hilarious.
>> Anonymous
Stuff the turd down her mailbox.
>> Anonymous
You should have told her to clean it up. If she does it again tell her she's cleaning it up.
>> Anonymous
Next time you see her grab her by the back of the head, stare her in the eyes, and calmly say "bitch, if your dog ever shits on my lawn again I'll have you on the end of a leash bare-ass nekkid pissin' on my lawn". Then kiss her roughly, slap her ass and tell her to GTFO.
>> Anonymous
Easy. Shit on her lawn.
>> Anonymous
Let her keep doing it for several months. Every time you see her, make polite conversation so she feels welcome to let her dog plant one on your yard. Maybe mention to her it helps the grass grow or some bull.
Each time, wait until she's out of site. Collect the dog turd in a jar and store it somewhere you don't need to go very often (for the smell and such). If he doesn't crap on your lawn enough, you might want to collect it from other dogs as well, though it might be a little weird to go up to a stranger and offer to clean up after their dog.

Once you have a big enough collection, you and maybe some friends wait outside her house, inconspicuously, until she leaves to walk her dog again.
Now here you have a lot of choices. You could simply throw all the turds onto her lawn, paint her house with them, fill her car with them, whatever. It's really up to you. Hopefully, with you two being on good terms, and considering she's almost definitely let her dog crap on many other people's lawns, she won't think of you and you'll get off scott free.
>> Anonymous
I know this is an old one that is mostly urban legend, but it brings a smile on my face whenever it comes up.

1.Put the dogshit in a papersack. 2.Place it on her porch. 3.douse it with lighter fluid. 4.Light on fire. 5. Ring doorbell. 6. Run and watch from a distance.
>> Anonymous
>>249187
- Take a dump in front of her house (now that would be awesome but it takes some guts)

That was my first idea before reading your options.
>> Anonymous
Just start manking tons of pics of the dog pooping and the owner too with your digital camera (if you own one), right in front of the bitch.
If she reacts and wonders why you are taking photos, just answer politely "you should guess it yourself." and get inside your house telling nothing more.
But probably she'll grab the dog and never let it shit there, trust me. Paranoia wins.
>> Anonymous
>>249302
that whole video was hilarious
>> Anonymous
take her dog, shit on it, then smear yourself with the shit from the dog and roll around the floor frothing from the mouth
>> Anonymous
maybe you should take a better care of your shitty lawn so people wouldn't mistake it for a toilet.
>> Anonymous
>>249302
I lol'd heartily
>> Anonymous
Get some airsoft shit, ghillied all up and popped that sonafabitch while it's doing the business.
>> Anonymous
>>249554
At that rate you may as well start a jenkem business.