File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
You have just been chosen as the head of the Uplift Project. It is your job to choose which sentient or near-sentient animal species shall be uplifted to human-level sapience using genetic engineering (and cybernetics, if necessary). Note that the uplifted species will receive person rights and can not legally be used as a slave or a pet.

So, what is your first choice?
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Gorillas. Seriously. A future world without talking gorillas would be a sad, sad place.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Cuttlefish!
>> Anonymous
Could you marry them afterwards? If so, I vote for foxes.
>> Felis silvestris catus
     File :-(, x)
the CAT
>> Bitter Anon !!WJLRQ1cwCyZ
     File :-(, x)
Well, I would suggest Paris Hilton because I would be implying that she is not sentient, but really, talking to a waterbear? Fucking win.

Though, I would vote for lions, because you know they would not enjoy the attention they would get from furries and therefor would rip them to fucking shreds. AND a car would be no barrier, because they would understand how to open them.

>>175467
moar like cuddlefish, amirite?
>> Anonymous
>>175467
And then D&D nerds and Elder god fanatics would celebrate with their Zoidberg people.
>> Anonymous
>>175466
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius! OHHH DR. ZAIUS!

AS for the OP's question, elephants.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Rats. They like to live in the same places and eat the same food we do and seem to enjoy being around us.

Who'd want to uplift a species that'd want nothing to do with you?
>> Anonymous
>>175469
bad choice. cats would take over the world.
>> Anonymous
Dogs.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>175469
I thought that project was well underway already?
>> Anonymous
>>175463

locusts BWAHAHAHAH
>> Anonymous
>>175486
Locusts are sentient/near-sentient now?
>> Anonymous
Ravens
>> Anonymous
>>175505
>Ravens. Forever.

fix'd
>> Anonymous
Nothing. We alone deserve to be at the top of the food chain.
>> Anonymous
Cats, because this impies catgirls
>> Anonymous
I think it'd need to be some species that sort of sucks otherwise. We wouldn't want to uplift something like rats or roaches that are already doing really well without sentience because they'd kick our asses.
>> Anonymous
lol
>> Anonymous
>>175508

Corvids are a really good choice. They have the physical requirements for speech.
But more importantly they probably fit better into civilisation socially than any other critter.
Being highly social, but not a flock animal like most social mammals.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>175523
This man is thinking with his pants.
>> Mad Stan
Let's see. Who would I grant sentience to first?
4channers? Fratboys? Republicans? Fred Durst?
Nah, I think instead I'd just BLOW IT ALL UP.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Velociraptors. But first we'd have to bring them back to life.
>> Anonymous
Isn't it a rather common consensus that squid are the most likely candidate?
>> Anonymous
>>175583
I don't know about common consensus but I know a bunch of people think that squid will eventually become the new dominant species. I'm not sure why.
>> Anonymous
Blue whales. I would go out to see them and have long discussions about where they go, what they've seen, what they remember.

I'd be wary of picking something really numerous like roaches or rats. While I think they would be awesome to interact with, I'd be afraid of what they could do if they wished us harm. What if they struck up a bargain with some evil superpower and started wreaking havoc?
>> Anonymous
dogs, or wolves. We kind of owe it to them, for all the shit we put them through, and it might shut the furfags up for a while. They're also intelligent, social animals. Although parrots, Ravens, or Gibbons would work as well.
>> Anonymous
Skunks, so that I could screw a hot skunk-fem.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Has anyone said chimpanzees yet? They are so close to humans already, all they need is speech. They are the species of ape not yet extinct that is most closely related to Homo Sapiens.
>> Anonymous
I would like something that doesn't have sharp claws, teeth, horns, etc or anything that can over power us.

>>175466
No matter what age, a gorilla can beat the shit out of us.
>>175469
Tear the shit out of us.
>>175476
Even as they are now, getting bit by a rat is no fun. Imagine them forming their own plague to over throw us.
>>175587
I'm ok with them. They don't do shit.

My vote goes for ravens as well. We can use them as spies and they are badass in general.
They'd tell off all the gothfags.
>> Anonymous
Dogs, really. They deserve it, don't they? Being by our side for so long and being so loyal, being able to interact with us as an equal would probably mean a lot to them.
Or, you can be a pessimistic and think they'd be mad at us for dumbing down wolves to get them. But fuck that, the dog really deserves to finally be our best friend on a normal stance.
>> Anonymous
>>175508
>Forevermore
...NOW it's fix'd.
>> Anonymous
A MONKEY WITH A GUN!
>> Anonymous
Cats, all the way. Domesticated cats are so human already.
>> Anonymous
>>175476
I agree. Rats are a prefect candidate for Uplift.
>> Anonymous
>>175585
Yeah, apparently Squids are a very likely candidate to become the next dominant species on the planet. According to that Discovery Channel documentary they don't need much in way of evolution to be able to come on land. That documentary was amazing. Tree-swinging squid, land walking giant squid...
>> Anonymous
>>175635

meh, it was speculative. besides, i preferred the colonizing silver spiders.
>> Anonymous
Raccoons. They are omnivorous, adaptable, and already very clever with their hands. With a bit of size increase and increased intelligence they would make excellent technicians, mechanics, etc.
>> Anonymous
>>175635


OMG I REMEMBER THAT EVERYTHING WAS A FUCKING SQUID! FUCK SHIT
>> 4tran
     File :-(, x)
>>175618
Perhaps, but then we can't eat them anymore.

I vote for ducks. Pic related.
>> Anonymous
>>175637
Just in jest, I feel compelled to make a nigra-joke...
I shall resist.
>> Anonymous
>>175647
Aye. This isn't /n/
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
crows undoubtedly. they're already very smart and it would be a matter of altering the brain and genetically engineering them limbs that can manipulate tools.
>> Bitter Anon !!WJLRQ1cwCyZ
>>175645
QUACK QUACK QUACK
Ducks are shit
>> Anonymous
>>175685
Crows probably still have the genes needed to make fingers, like archaeoteryxes (archaeopterii?), so we could give them functional hands while retaining their ability to fly. And corvids can already produce eeriely human-like speech, and they have a theory of mind, so they wouldn't need an awful lot of brain-engineering. Plus they are fairly small, and don't need to walk to commute, so they could easily live in the same cities as us.
>> Anonymous
>>175700
This is why nobody would ever trust a duck doctor.
>> 4tran
>>175700
You miss the humor in my suggestion...
>> Anonymous
>>175820

BAD ANON.
>> Anonymous
>>175463
Dolphins.
>> Anonymous
I don't think dogs are near sentient. Mine repeatedly runs head first into the propane tank when she gets excited and runs around the yard. The other dog makes her do it, too, by running really close to it.

I'd vote for crows or elephants.
>> Anonymous
>>175917
to much inbreeding for most of the breeds made them retarded anyway.
>> Anonymous
>>175920
Mine is definitely not inbred. She's a stray mutt.
>> Anonymous
>>175917
I'd hate to see what uplifting elephants would do to transportation (of any kind). Imagine elephant cars, elephant seats on aeroplanes, elephant-compatible elevators... not to mention elephant toilets, elephant footwear, elephant staircases, even. And just imagine what kind of damage one drunken elephant can do.

I say we should stick to uplifting species smaller than ourselves.
>> Anonymous
Chimps or Gorillas would be easiest, but they are awfully close to us as far as their ecological niche. The earth is already really full of humans, do we want things even more crowded?

I like the idea of someone that can live in our seas, and a species with a radically different way of looking at the world that they can tell us about.

Cheesy, but I'm gonna go with dolphins.
>> Anonymous
Definitely crows. Does the process of uplifting involve just giving your chosen species a more or less a human brain, or is the animal made to evolve so that their problem solving skills are equal to that of a human but the way that their thoughts are processed are (using crows as an example), crow-like?
>> Anonymous
btw I take it most of you are familiar with the David Bryn novels about uplifting dolphins?
>> Anonymous
>>175946

I agree with your line of reasoning. It should be dolphins.
>> Anonymous
>>175952
I would assume it would be easier to boost the existing crow abilities until they reach a human-like level than to turn them into little feathered humans. They'd probably be crow-like in the sense that humans are ape-like.
>> Anonymous
didn't anyone mention mudkipz?
>> Anonymous
Dogs. THE END.
>> Anonymous
If we uplifted bulldogs and pugs, I wonder what they'd do when they finally figured out it's our fault their faces are grotesquely deformed.
>> Anonymouse !!h5ALjqgB4DE
Neocons
>> Anonymous
dolphins, because coastal cities that are above and under water would be awesome
>> Anonymous
>>175988
Hey, just wait a hundred years, the melting glaciers should take care of that...

Oh! You mean coastal cities that are INHABITED above and under water. Sorry 'bout that.
>> Bitter Anon !!WJLRQ1cwCyZ
>>175846
No, I believe you missed the source of your suggestion.
The emoduck is sad because of the Duck Translator. It translated "quack quack quack" into "ducks are shit" and made him sad.

Please, lurk moar, possibly near a source of fire where you might perish.
>> Anonymous
Anything that can sit on your shoulder with ease and be like a shoulder-companion.

Baring that, dragons.
>> sage sage
>>175996
4tran is an oldfag. rarely posts here, typically on the programming text board (or something). your memory is poor, like your venereal disease rating. phail.
>> Anonymous
Parrots. Not only because they're already damned smart, but because I want to see their reaction to the parrot sketch.
>> 4tran
>>175996
Lurking is in progress; one can never lurk enough.

>>176082
Though the name is more fitting of someone in the programming text board, I'm actually a troll from /sci/.
>> Anonymous
Uplift humans, most people can see there's room for improvement.
>> Anonymous
>>176294
QTF. We seriously need to start here.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>175917
elephants would rock,we'd get babar :D
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
CATS ! where is your god now .
>> Anonymous
Corvids for sure. They should stay the same size as they are too, because the world would be much bigger and therefore a more resourceful place for them.

They can speak, and maybe they'd do stuff with their beaks, though little hands would be better really.

Give them five million years, and we might not even have to uplift them (I personally can't wait that long though).
>> Anonymous
Parrots and corvidae, certainly.

Elephants and bears are both likely choices - elephants are my personal bet for the current second-most-sentient species on Earth - but I'd be really scared of what they'd do...
>> evil-I_r_n00b !uBtEV.LAic
None, because then we couldn't eat their delicious flesh if they got civil rights.

Besides, this is just a ploy for furries to become mainstream.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Rats. No Contest.

http://www.youshare.com/view.php?file=YFTR43.flv
>> Anonymous
oh man can you imagine a civlization of crows with their own cathedrals worshipping the 5 gods that are really the 5 scientists that worked on the uplift project before humanity went extinct?
>> Anonymouse !!h5ALjqgB4DE
>>176678
At least they'd be worshipping something real.

BA DUM TSCH
>> Anonymous
tigers, i don't care if they eventually decide to take over the world at least then we'll get genocided by something that's beautiful
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>176718
In the year 2247AD, war is brewing...
>> Yves
>>175488
>>175917
Oi, they are both perfectly sentient which just means that they are using at least one of the five senses, ie. touch, taste, hearing, smell, sight.

I think the word the OP probably was looking for was sapient, which means that they have reasoning skills, can use judgment. Not necessarily limited to metacognition or self awareness, but often referenced together.

Also, sheep. Cutest things ever, soft and fluffy. But yeah, rats are a close second.
>> Anonymous
>>176530
Agreed, we should not try to uplift species that 1. are known to be delicious or 2. appeal to furfags. This would make corvids a prime candidate, since nobody likes to eat them anyway, and they need not be anthropomorphisized in the least to be uplifted.
>> Anonymous
Anything with a more powerful physical structure than humans is just asking to get your face smashed. I know I'd smash some face in that position when the time came to reorganize the food chain.

No to gorillas, elephants, tigers, dinosaurs, komodo dragons, bears, lions, basically any predator that weighs more than 100 lbs.

Animals that already successfully occupy the same environment as humans or an environment that humans won't be competing for in the near future are prime candidates.

Yes to corvids, rats, marine mammals, cats, dogs, racoons, and of course.. penguins.

Honorable mention to turtles and snakes who I would support if only to see what kind of technology they would develop to compensate for their obvious handicaps.

Huge no to insects and arachnids.. they're way too damn prevalent, I'd hate to think of what would be possible with an organized mind behind them.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>175637

Raccoons. What he said. Plus they are social and unaggressive, making it less likely they would start fighting us at the first chance they get.
>> Anonymous
>>176788

This is good advice! Everyone should listen to it!
>> Anonymous
>>175618
how 'bout horses, with all the things they've contributed to human society?

also, tortoises.
>> Anonymous
>>175463
tl;dr what kind of furry are you?
>> Anonymous
>>176795
The only thing I hate more than furfags is furry paranoids.
>> Osbourne Moonbarker
You imagine how racist people are to other human beings imagine how bad they'd be towards some genetically enhanced mutants?
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Has anyone said dogs yet? Come on dogs are man's best friend don't think I'd want to Uplift any species that didn't have that title. Cats certainly wouldn't give a shit about us. All they need us for now is to feed them and clean out their shitbox however even now they are fine for getting food on their own and if you don't clean their shitbox they'll just crap on your carpet. Dogs are friendly playful and loyal and are hard working and strong when the situation calls for it.
>> Anonymous
>>176833
Racism has probably a lot to do with whom we see as competitors for resources and mates. That means it's more probable we'll see slightly different-looking humans as a threat than, say, crows with fingers.
>> Anonymous
>>176833
I know, it'd be hilarious.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Behold!
The Uplifted gorilla!
>> Anonymous
>>176924
that is so racist calling a black person a gorilla
>> Anonymous
PANDA BEARS!!!!
>> 4tran
     File :-(, x)
>>176967
Old picture, not really a pistol, but related.