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Anonymous
In short
my advice
which is really going to annoy Mike "Man and Animal" Huckabee
is
um
to buy that big house, RUFF, one with a nice, big yard
and do what you gotta do. Inside, please, shades drawn.
Bestiality is wrong, wrong, wrong, because an animal cannot give its consent. But
uh
anyone who's ever actually owned a boy dog knows that most would be only too delighted to
um
well, you know.
I'm assuming that you want to be fucked by dogs, of course, as that's almost always the case with dudes into dogs. Man-on-dog is a whole lot wronger than dog-on-man, if I may use a certain former senator's formulation, most importantly for reasons of safety for the animal, so I don't smile on man-on-dog. (Actually, I don't smile on the dog-on-man, eitherit's more like "grimace, cover eyes, look away," but, hey, that's the reaction I have to cunnilingus.) Take a torn-up girl dog to the vet, RUFF, and you're going to wind up talking with the police and having to cross a PETA picket line to get back into your houseand it'll serve you right.
For the record, I'm con bestiality (and very much pro cunnilingus). I think fucking dogs is wrong, wrong, wrong. But I had pork and beef and chicken at dinner last nightall 100 percent factory-farmed meat, derived from animals that were cruelly tortured every second of their brief and miserable existenceand my particular strain of Tourette's syndrome commands me to say this: If I were an animal, I'd much rather be screwed than stewed. We murder animals for their flesh, skins, fur, and just for the fuck of it. Those of us that eat meat; wear fur; run around in leather pants, jackets, shoes, restraints, etc.; and kill animals for sport don't have much moral authority when it comes time to lecture those of you who wanna smooch the pooch.
Finally, RUFF, build a nice, tall fence around that yard, okay? And seeing a shrink probably won't make you wanna screw humans, but hey, it couldn't hurt.
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