File :-(, x, )
WHY? Anonymous
why do humans take such long shits?

all other animals take 3 second shits....but

why do we take so long on the crapper?
>> Anonymous
Wiping?
>> I am a macfag Anonymous
because animals only need this time to take a shit. however, humans, which are capable of more thought process than animals, are able to use this time to multitask. such as reading the paper, listening to music, playing portable video games, thinking about life, and posting on /an/.
>> Anonymous
OP here

I've been taking a shit here for about five hours.....it just got me thinking
>> Anonymous
does anyone have any toilet paper?
>> Anonymous
IM ON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!
>> Anonymous
It was evolutionarily beneficial for animals who could be hunted while taking a dump to take quick dumps. Humans no longer have that evolutionary pressure.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Dont worry!
IM ON THE WAY!
>> anonymoys
>>308624
Need scissors?
>> Anonymous
>>308629

Also we eat more, and don't eat massive amounts of fiber like say... Horses. That shit (no pun intended) shoots right through them.
>> Anonymous
>>308620
I'll explain since everyone else is like IDK BUT I HAV A FUNEE COMMENTZ LOLZZ

... Just look at our diets. We eat foods that contains tons of chemicals etc. If we ate naturally like dogs are forced to and had active life styles typically poo moves quicker and solidifys. Long shits can entail alot of things. Such as a bad diet, over eating, or even health issues (i.e. being sick). But in the end the typical human being takes a huge long shit because the typical human being doesn't eat correctly. K bye.
>> Anonymous
Animals squat.
Humans sit.

Also this>>308633
>> Anonymous
I don't.
I never understood why people sit on the toilet for so long.
>> Anonymous
We aren't able to relax our ass as much as an animal
>> Anonymous
I get in, get out.


I take normal human shits, and don't feel the need to catch up on my reading.
>> Anonymous
>>308620
Don't know about you, but I can take a shit in less than 30 seconds.
>> Anonymous
Sooo, what's up with the BDSM gear on the dog?
>> Anonymous
I can poop in not too long but damn if wiping don't take me a half hour
>> tigerfeather !CrwtTbFNxQ
I've never understood people who take more than 10 minutes in the bathroom. I can understand 10 if, say, you didn't eat any fiber the last two days (and you get what you deserve for that), but I'm usually in and out in around 2 minutes.
>> Anonymous
Give me a reader's digest and I'm on the pot for half an hour easy.

I find joy in pooping, and going to the bathroom without something to read is awful. In a pinch (harrr) I'll grab a soap bottle or shit and read the label.
>> Anonymous
>>308734

how much of that time do you spend wiping/washing your hands? how do you not get sick from touching your own food
>> Anonymous
look here http://tinyurl.com/5hup3h
>> Anonymous
>>308633If we ate naturally like dogs are forced to

DURR
>> Anonymous
>>308692

I thought I was the only one who wondered.
>> 4tran
>>308747
like, omgz, same here! (except the finding joy in crapping part)

The one thing I never understood is why humans need to wipe. A cat/dog takes a crap, and is able to move around without dripping feces everywhere. If we take a crap, there's brown stuff distributed all over our gluteal muscles.
>> Anonymous
It's cause animals have internal scissors. We have to pull on it so it can detach.
>> Anonymous
>>308762
So you do not have a sphincter. I know I do. I shit once a day to two for like a minute, usually one wipe and then another to make sure.

On the other hand I have a lab that takes 10 minutes to shit...and he has to walk around...he walks all squatty all over the damn yard dropping little turdlets everywhere for 10 minutes..fucking hate that dog
>> Anonymous
>>308757A cat/dog takes a crap, and is able to move around without dripping feces everywhere.

Dogs frequently will wipe their asses on the grass, and cats in the litter box.

Unlike us, cats and dogs are not bipedal and do not wear clothes. Hence any remaining feces tend to dry up and rub off for them, while with us they'd smear on our clothes, and stink due to mixture with sweat.

Idiot.
>> 4tran
>>308766
I'll try putting more pressure on the sphincter, to see if I get better results. I really envy your only having to wipe once or twice. I usually take 5-15 wipes :(
>> Anonymous
>>308757
dogs and cats also don't have butt cheeks. They more or less just have buttholes right there with nothing surrounding. For most humans, you actively have to spread their cheeks to see the whole puckered opening. Also, with their strict diet, animal poop tends to be less soft or prone to rubbing onto things/breaking. There are exceptions, always, but this is a general thing.
>> Anonymous
>>308769

Any more than 10 wipes, and your no longer just wiping to get shit off your ass. Its just cause you think it feels good.
>> 4tran
>>308783
I wipe until the paper is no longer yellow/brown.
>> Anonymous
shitfeelsgoodman.jpg
>> Anonymous
I don't shit for more than a minute or so unless I have a stomach virus or ate Taco Bell
>> Anonymous
cause we like to read while we crap
>> Anonymous
>>308827
Me too! High five.
>> Anonymous
i have a really hairy ass so add 2 to 5 min of wiping on most shits.
>> Juba, The Baghdad Sniper !1EVr3uyPJI
I give myself regular enemas, so when I do have to take a shit it usually takes me longer to reach the bathroom then it does to take the shit.
>> Anonymous
this thread is awesome
>> Anonymous
>>308850
Yeah, same with me. Sometimes if the poop is the right consistency I don't have to wipe at all. That is rare though (and of-course I only learn this by wiping and having the tissue come up clean). I've spent nearly an hour wiping my ass before when I took a really wet and goopy shit. Takes forever to clean it off the hairs and sometiems I have to get a washcloth. My ass gets sore when that happens.
>> Anonymous
>>308896
If you can, just take a shower. That's why I do in those instances.
>> Anonymous
You people seriously need to start using baby wipes, they are so much fucking better than paper, I don't see how anyone can use it.
>> Anonymous
/r/ screen cap from /b/ about the new craze of shitting backwards on the toliet (newfag thought that was how everyone did it, everyone tried it, lulz ensued)
>> Anonymous
is it just me, who puts paper in the toilet. to evade splashing sounds?
>> Anonymous
This thread is full of win
>> Anonymous
>>308925

not just the sounds, you also avoid the dreaded 'splash-back' effect
>> Anonymous
>>308715
Ditto.
>>308908
Great way to ruin your septic tank my friend.. great way.
>> Anonymous
>>308925
I do. Goddamn it's so embarrassing to make a loud splash when other people are BEHIND THE WALL.
>> Anonymous
>>308925
>>308933
>>308940
This

Also, my worst pet peeve is load flushing toilets/urinals, once I ID one I avoid it like the plague
>> Anonymous
>>308925
i do too.

sometimes i bring my ds with me and just lose track of time.
>> Anonymous
I never spend more than 5 min pooping including wipe time and washing up.

Also, I only go once every other day.
>> Anonymous
I wanna poo, but i dont wipe my ass in the end like the linkin park song
>> Anonymous
COZ I LIKE PLAYING ON MY PSP WHILE SAT ON THE BOG U FUCKER!
>> Anonymous
i take about 20 seconds to shit. am i an animal?
>> Anonymous
>>309014
Yes.
>> Anonymous
BECAUSE SHITTING FEELS GOOD

not in a kinky way just like
we can get all that shit (oops pun) out of us idk and it's not all BAWWW I HAVE TO SHIT it's more like FUCK YEAH SHITTING GET ER DONE unless you're constipated, then it's more like FUCK YOU WORLD/WHAT I ATE LAST NIGHT
>> Anonymous
it's 4.11, time me /an/ i'm gonna go take a shit
>> Anonymous
>>308935
Sure if you get non disposable ones, but they sell ones that break up just as well as paper. Do a little research before you try to discredit the greatest shitting invention of mankind.
>> Anonymous
>>308827
Same

>>308898
Yeah, I've only done that once, usually I just tough it out.
>> Anonymous
>>309086

Jankem is probably the greatest shitting invention of mankind.
>> POWAR BABBY !!/WysbL1+3eR
>>308861
You -really- should think about taking your tripcode off before telling us about your fetishes.
>> Juba, The Baghdad Sniper !1EVr3uyPJI
>>309106
NEVAR
>> Anonymous
>>309115
Aren't you the guy with the dildo collection?

Also, I really don't like to read on the couch or anything. only on the shitter.
>> Anonymous
>>309115
You're not the guy with the rubber fists that he poses around guns are you?
>> Juba, The Baghdad Sniper !1EVr3uyPJI
>>309123
>>309117
No, I'm not.
>> ?Ol' Pervasive? !!WofkO8tPeNi
>>308861
Oh dear.
>> Anonymous
Could someone PLEASE tell me what the FUCK is coming out of his ass and what the shit is he wearing?!
>> Anonymous
>>309422

It's obviously some sort of turd collection apparatus.
>> Anonymous
>>309422
dog is obviously a Wendys' frosty machine preparing some delicious frosties for the children
>> Anonymous
>>309033
>BECAUSE SHITTING FEELS GOOD

You don't say.
I have a very slow digestion and take a crap every 3-4 days (sometimes even more unfrequent),
but then it feels more like getting your ass torn apart.
There already must be some rips in my muscles...
>> Anonymous
You know that tubing that has pleated ribs to allow it to stretch and bend easily? Maybe you've seen it some kid's toy or other, or something similar on the tubing of a vacuum. They just used a short length of that with a bottom to it, and strapped it onto the dog good and tight. You see, when he craps into it, it'll sag and won't be jumping back up to bite the dog in the ass, if you get my drift. You didn't get what it was by looking at the image though, so we'll see.
>> Anonymous
>>309446

Eat more fiber, tubby.
>> Anonymous
>>309506
Why on earth would you need it though? How hard is it to collect some fucking dog shit? I mean, I think most dog owners 99% of the time know when their dog is shitting, and if not, know the location of the shit.
>> The messiah
>>308748


yes, i grab random objects to read off labels too!
>> Anonymous
>why do humans take such long shits?

I don't get it either. When I want to take a shit, I just sit on the toilet and do it. I can't for the life of understand why some people bring reading material to the bathroom.
>> Anonymous
>>309549
I'm just surprised at the amount of support that thing seems to require. I mean, it straps to the dog's whole body.
>> Anonymous
>>309530
>tubby

FYI: I'm 1,80m and about 70kg.
>> Anonymous
It's a...shit powered accordion?
>> Anonymous
tl;dr

squating = fast shit
>> Anonymous
My boyfriend perches himself on the toilet seat and squats too.. yes, it does help.

... and btw, it takes me all of 2 minutes to shit. I'm not in there reading and doing other such nonsense.
>> Anonymous
It's our diet. If we ate what we did before civilization, we'd poop about the same as other animals.
>> Anonymous
>>310943
Also, sitting on something chair-like while pooping is unnatural.
>> Anonymous
>>310061
>My boyfriend perches himself on the toilet seat and squats too.. yes, it does help.
I DO THAT TOO. Dear god, I thought I was the only one.
It's actually more natural, empties your bowels better, and helps prevent hemorrhoids.
>> tigerfeather !CrwtTbFNxQ
>>309422
I'm not real sure of what's coming out of his ass, but he is wearing a "No-Jump Harness."
>> Anonymous
>>310061
Jesus Christ, how do you know that?
You watch your boyfriend taken a shit.
God gracious.