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Anonymous
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary


Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to haunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for their actions perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped it's headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

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>> Anonymous
;_;
>> Anonymous
lulz
>> Anonymous
Now this is some good copy-pasta.
>> Anonymous
It is nice and I like it
>> Anonymous
win
>> Anonymous
This is Old as shit. OP is missing like 3 or 4 more entrys.
>> Anonymous
>>153556
>BAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW
fix'd
>> Anonymous
>>153556

If you are not going to provide said entries, I suggest you STFU
>> Anonymous
here is the real thing

DAY 659
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.


DAY 662
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.


DAY 669
Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
>> Anonymous
DAY 681
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm Not working according to plan: perhaps I should try this with their baby...


DAY 688
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.


DAY 690
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
>> Anonymous
DAY 699
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other paw has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time .....
>> Bitter Anon !!WJLRQ1cwCyZ
Oh good, I see the inhabitants of an assisted living home have made it to 4chan. Can we expect a few chain letters, perhaps a "45 Reasons Cats are Better than Men" next?
>> Anonymous
Ohh this is a good one. One of the nurses here sent it to me.

48 reasons why cats are better than men
1 Cats always think you're smart and don't make fun of your shortcomings

2 Cats are willing to sleep on a rug

3 Cats spend less time worrying about hair loss

4 A Cats old buddies don't show up on doorstep unexpectedly

5 Cats are utterly disinterested in professional sports

6 Your parents find them easier to like

7 Cats are rarely jealous of your former boyfriends

8 Cats are willing to hold your purse in public

9 Cats are unlikely to roll over and lose consciousness immediately following intense play

10 Cats don't complain when you want to go for a walk

11 Cats are willing to eat anything you put on their plate and will always want more

12 Cats tend to bathe themselves daily, men must be encouraged to do so

13 Cats do not have problems expressing affection in public.
>> Anonymous
14 Cats miss you when you're gone.

15 You never wonder whether your cat is good enough for you.

16 Cats feel guilt when they've done something wrong.

17 Cats don't brag about whom they have slept with.

18 Cats don't criticize your friends.

19 Cats admit when they're jealous.

20 Cats are very direct about wanting to go out.

21 Cats are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.

22 Cats don't feel threatened by your intelligence.

23 Cats are easy to buy for.

24 Cats are good with kids.

25 Cats are already in touch with their inner kittens.
>> Anonymous
26 You are never suspicious of your cat's dreams.

27 Gorgeous cats don't know they're gorgeous.

28 The worst social disease you can get from cats is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)

29 Cats understand what NO means.

30 Cats don't make a practice of killing their own species.

31 Cats understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.

32 Cats do not read at the table.

33 You can house train a cat.

34 Cats don't correct your stories.

35 Middle-aged cats don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
>> Anonymous
36 Cats don't mind if you do all the driving.

37 Cats love to dance

38 Cats don't step on the imaginary brake.

39 Cats admit it when they're lost.

40 Cats don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.

41 Cats look at your eyes.

42 Cats like your size.

43 Cats do not care whether you shave your legs.

44 Cats aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

45 Cats mean it when they kiss you.
>> Anonymous
46 Cats are nice to your relatives.

47 Cats obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

48 Cats don't care how you dress.
>> Bitter Anon !!WJLRQ1cwCyZ
>>154016
>>154018
>>154019
>>154020
Thanks buddy. I knew it was forty-something. Can you do me another favour, and die in a horrible accident or fire? Thanks in advance.
>> Anonymous
I blame Bitter for this horse shit.
>> SAGE Bitter SAGE !!WJLRQ1cwCyZ
>>154025
Me too. We should sage the hell out of this thread.
>> sage Bitter SAGE !!WJLRQ1cwCyZ
Here, I'll do yours for you. You can sage for me later. Remember, sage goes in every field.
>> Sage Sage
     File :-(, x)
Sage grows in every field!