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fucking lizards holy shit Anonymous
HOLY FUCK /an/

ausfag here

so my dog - a little fox terrier - is in "hunting mode" around some bushes in my backyard. I go over to investigate, but before I get to him, he whips his head out from the bushes, a blue tongue lizard's FACE locked between his jaws. I give him a slap to make him stop shaking this poor fucking lizard, and I grab him and pick him up.

I look over at where the blue tongue is, about a metre away from me. It's lying motionless. I look down at my own foot. THE BLUE TONGUE'S FACE IS NEXT TO MY FOOT.

My dog may as well have sawed this poor bastard's face off with an incredibly sharp blade, that's how clean this cut was. I looked over at the body and, sure enough, just lying there without its head. I've highlighted in the picture the portion of its face that was removed: From the tip of the nose to just behind the eyes.

So I figure I better shovel the head/body combo into a bag and dispose of it. I go and grab the shovel, return to the crime scene, and OH FUCK THE FUCKING BODY IS SITTING UP

THE LIZARD IS FUCKING STILL ALIVE
>> Anonymous
Like some sort of hideous beast from a fucking zombie movie, it hears me approach and sits up, swinging what's left of its head to "look" at me. Jesus Christ. Blood is pouring out of the red, fleshy space that used to be connected to the rest of his head. Then it did the worst thing imaginable.

It puffed itself up and started HISSING. It's their usual defense mechanism, but this time, it was FUCKED UP. Blood was pouring into the 1/4th of its jaw that was still attached, and as it hissed, it fucking GARGLED on its own blood, the layer of goo covering its wound literally bubbling as it tries to defend itself.

IT HAS NO FUCKING FACE AND IT IS STILL TELLING ME TO FUCK OFF

I fetched a shoe box from the house and had to fight to get this horrific, grotesque half-corpse of a lizard into the box. It was still fully mobile and put up a struggle.

I actually took this lizard to the vet to have him put down. My dog normally gets one or two of these lizards per year, and sometimes they're left paralyzed or just slowly dying, so I do the humane thing and finish them off swiftly and dispose of them. But I couldn't do that for this one. This motherfucker lost the entire front of his head, lived for at least half an hour after it (that's the amount of time it took for this story to unfold) and was actually fighting me off right until the end. This little fucker is a fucking champion. He deserved clinical care in his dying moments.

This was easily the most amazing/horrific thing I have ever seen. I had to tell you, /an/, because I feel that being revered as a fucking MACHINE is the only appropriate way for this fucker to be remembered.
>> Anonymous
WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE PICTURES?

Blue Tongues are tough bastards.
>> Anonymous
FUCKING LOL'D
Excellent story, OP.
>> Niggertits !!mGchtWMuwyw
Its brain didn't come off along with its face, did it? That sounds pretty normal, but scary if I ever saw it myself for real.
>> Anonymous
Yeah, I keep Bluetongues myself, they're great pets after a few months, they get used to you, but the downside is they get used to living the high life and lose their wild instincts, start moving obscenely slow, etc. They're built like fucking trucks, to be honest. I recall when I was a kid I found one with it's head cut nearly clean in half and I thought "Shit, dad must have got it with the lawnmower. Godamn it." so I went to get it, it turned to look at me and hissed wildly, then proceeded to step towards me, keeping half it's face looking at me. I can only assume the other side of it's head wasn't functioning because it couldn't blink or anything. Quite simply, badass animals.
>> i - !EoFJjFcCco
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Certainly one of the most excellent things I've read on 4chan for a long time, well done sir.
>> Anonymous
I also found one of these guys today, he was hanging out by my front steps. Lucky my dog is too much of a pussy to do anything but growl at it. We picked up the angry little fucker and put him in the greenhouse, hopefully he'll stay in there and eat the snails that fuck up the vegetables.
>> Anonymous
ITT: "IT WON'T DIE!"
>> Anonymous
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>>337586
>> Anonymous
Fuck you, dick. He deserved to fight to the death.
>> Rampardos !/jmLCzH/gQ
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_the_Headless_Chicken
>> Anonymous
Wow, good story op, but try to control your little faggot of a dog god damn.
>> Anonymous
Jesus christ, lizards are fucking crazy.
>> Anonymous
Cool story, bro.
>> Anonymous
Lizards brain are located at the very back of their skull, so it kinda got just faceless.
Horrific. Freaky.
Must hurt too, if something like that happens next time, do snap it's neck to end the pains as soon as possible.
>> Anonymous
>>338438
Reptiles aren't smart enough to feel pain.
>> Anonymous
>>338458
You don't need to be smart to feel pain. I bet you're able to feel pain too.
>> Anonymous
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>>338458
At first I was,

...

>>338496
And then I lol'd.