File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
Okay /an/ I've got a squirrel with it's guts hanging out and hyped up on some pain killers I hoped would have killed it so you don't go through with this, A bottle of Whiskey, rubber gloves, sutures, superglue and a screaming niece who expects you to "Do some thing! Save him!" and 50 miles from anywhere that will put it down for free. Killing the bastard is not an option.

Step 1: Lie to nice that all vets are closed so you don't have to foot a vet bill for some damn rodent.

Step 2: ???
>> Anonymous
break its neck doofus

or even better - crush its skull with a big rock

instadeath - it is the proper thing to do
>> Anonymous
KILLING THE BASTARD IS NOT AN OPTION.
>> Anonymous
unless a cat wanders along and kills it good... which will traumatize your niece, which from the tone of your post you're trying to avoid, you're SOL.

Take to a vet and hope they say there's nothing they could do?
>> H
Um.. I'd like to offer you a good way out of this, but you can't exactly just stuff the innards back in and sew it up.
>> Anonymous
Slap your neice. She sounds like a little brat. If killing it yourself isn't an option then just leave it to die outside.
>> Anonymous
make your niece busy by sending her to make a comfy cardboard box nest for it. give her a job so she will quit looking at it and screaming. wrap its stomach up with something and tell her that the best thing you can do is to make it comfortable for now. if that isn't an option, sew it up, but don't let her look.
>> Anonymous
tell your neice to fetch some milk, when she's gone, snap it's neck.
when she comes back tell her it's sleeping.
and when it doesnt wake up........ you can tell her it's dead.
>> Anonymous
Find man with large, open rectum
Apply Squirrel to inside of colon
tell niece "It's that man doing a goatse's fault!"
???
profit!
>> Anonymous
>>99766
aaaahahahhaahahahaha
fucking win
>> Anonymous
If you've got time, pick up some dry ice at the store. You can humanely kill a squirrel by getting a cooler full of dry ice, put the squirrel in some kind of closed cardboard box (with airholes) and then put it into the cooler with the dry ice. He will fall asleep peacefully (aside from the pain he's already in) and his heart will just cease. It shouldn't take more than 5 minutes.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
SQURRELS ARE EVIL
>> Anonymous
Do the dry ice thing as suggested and you should tell your niece that sometimes the only humane thing to do is putting a creature to sleep. You'll do two great deeds; she gets a very valuable life lesson and the creature won't have to suffer anymore.

Honestly, something with its intestines hanging out isn't going to make it.
>> TripNameFag !3GqYIJ3Obs
>>99803
Niece needs to learn that things die.
Will make death of humans a bit easier for her to accept.
>> Anonymous
>>99808
Well after her uncle saves the squirrel, you can bet she's going to bring her abusive gang-member boyfriend who's been shot in the chest to save him when she's 16. "DO SOMETHING! YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS!"
>> Anonymous
>>99808
She probably won't accept human death easier with this, but still, she'll accept that animals die sometimes if you teach her that.

And yes, the dry ice thing. It's the best solution.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
photoshopped out the string
>> Anonymous
>>99749
harder than you think, if you haven't practised
>> Anonymous
1. Place squirrel head on table
2. Place your hand on squirrel head. Hold down.
3. With your other hand, push squirrel body upwards until spine is at right angle with head.
4. ???
5. profit

Works on mice. dunno about bigger animals.
>> Anonymous
Funny image of OP trying to soothe hysterical little girl while a squirrel with its intestines hanging out is struggling for life amidst a bottle of whiskey, an empty aspirin bottle, rubber gloves, sutures, superglue, etcetera.

You're a good, or at least a decent, man OP.
>> Anonymous
i think OP needs to take some english lessons before he tries his hand at squirrelicide
>> Anonymous
>>99825
looks like hes doing tai chi
>> Anonymous
Got a slingshot? Tell your niece that the only thing you can do at this point is send the squirrel to heaven. Then load it in the slingshot and fling it out into the woods or something.
>> Anonymous
>>99881
lol
>> Anonymous
Don't Lie to her.
Tell her there's nothing that can be done. And
the squirrel will die.
It'll be a harsh but valuable life lesson
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
I CAN HELP!!!
>> Anonymous
Get a spoon, put it's insides back in with the spoon, bandage the thing up, give it whiskey, hope the combo of whiskey and pain killers will kill it.
>> Anonymous
My neighbor shot a squirrel but didn't kill it. Happened to be in OUR yard, flopping around all dying and delusional and such.

Other neighbor had to come kill it with a shovel.

Best option = KILL THE BASTARD
>> Anonette
Last option: kill the niece.
So, she won't suffer from the death of poor squirrel.
>> Anonymous
cook it up into a nice squirrel broth and feed it to your family
>> Anonette
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
Do you have a gun? My friend keeps a pistol in his car to kill not-dead-yet roadkill that he comes across occasionally. But you can only do that if you live way out in the boondocks which I'm only assuming you do.

Bad luck dude. I always find injured cats, squirrels and birds on Fridays after 5pm and all the vets are closed until Monday. It's sucks.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
>>100069
nice
>> Anonymous
>>100069
WINSAVE
>> Anonymous
Step 1: Lie to nice that all vets are closed so you don't have to foot a vet bill for some damn rodent.

Step 2: ???

Step 3: PROFIT!!1
>> Anonymous
>>100056
What the heck do you need the gun for? It's a SQUIRREL. If you want to euthanize it, just smash its head with a hammer (or similar object..your foot would even work). It's easier, quieter, and far more likely to be a painless death than a gunshot will. A squirrel is small. Your chance of causing a less-than-instantly-lethal wound is high, unless you literally hold the barrel against its head, and that is going to be really messy.
>> Anonymous
>>100148
Squirrel's dead by now guise. Discuss what to do with remains and crying niece.
>> Anonymous
>>100000
>> Anonymous
>>100170

pooper.

both.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Frieza: You dont know what youre up against!
Squirrel: I know exactly what im up against...