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Part 1/2 Anonymous
/an/ I want Help.

I want you to remember that as you read this.

I own a Ball Python. Sunday I was supposed to feed it. I bought Darwin (the snake) a white mouse.

My friends watched as i fed him. But he wouldn't eat. a whole big deal and he wouldnt eat. I flicked the mouse's head a few times to knock it out. That didnt work either.

So when i was alone i broke the mouses legs.

I figured that if the mouse couldnt get away it would be easier for Darwin to eat. I just wanted him to eat.

A day went by and the mouse was still alive in there. Darwin repulsed by it.
the order of events and the details get blurry to me now.

Comment too long. Clickhereto view the full text.
>> Part 2/2 Anonymous
i hid the fact from my friends. i told them that darwin had eaten.


today i realized i have a problem. i kept trying to hide myself from the what i did. tried to ignore it and forget it.

and i cant

and i shouldnt

i did something awful

and if i were to be in YOUR place and read what i just wrote

i would think what you are thinking now

CRAZY SERIAL KILLER CREEP MONSTER
and i dont want to be that.


i love animals.

i really do.

i always have.

but now looking at my life, i see that what i did to this mouse fits a pattern.
and really, i dont want to be
CRAZY SERIAL KILLER CREEP MONSTER.

i want to be normal. mentally healthy. i want to be good.


so what i'm saying is, /an/, help me.

i know i'm awful. i want to stop. help me.

for god sakes someone help me stop being like this.
>> Anonymous
nothing can be done for you here. If you're not some fucking idiot /b/tard looking for attention, find a fucking shrink.
>> Anonymous
>>306448

i promise you i'm not a /b/ tard. are there any support groups online for this sort of thing?
>> Anonymous
>>306449
a support group for psychopathic tendencies? No. Find a shrink.
>> Anonymous
>>306450

there are groups online for everything. i want help finding one that cna help me. i dunno what to search or how to. i type in the obvious searches and google sends me nothing but garbage.
>> Anonymous
>>306453
dude, you tortured an animal to death just because you could. That is beyond the realm of any fucking "lean-on-me-kumbaya-support group."

FIND A FUCKING SHRINK.
>> Anonymous
>>306454

ok
>> Anonymous
>>306454

thank you
>> Anonymous
I did something like this once. Sometimes I imagine hurting people in various ways (both psychological and physical) just so I can observe how they react. I would find this both educational and funny.
>> Anonymous
>>306459

this isn't funny. this is sick. im sick. its not funny what we are doing. fuck you.
>> Anonymous
posted during the /b/ flood

what a coincidence
>> Anonymous
I did something of the similiar my anon, It was to a baby ground hog, it was sick and i was young at the time. Involves a brick. I too love animals to death, and would never think of it. But that 1 time as a youth, I still think about it and why i did it
>> Anonymous
>>306506

im not a /b/tard. i usually post during the snake threads
>> Anonymous
As long as you realize you did something wrong, you wont be a CRAZY SERIAL KILLER CREEP MONSTER. Not that what you did was ok, or that you should do it again, but your not as much of a nut as you think you might be
>> Anonymous
Yeah, anon, as long as you realize that you did something horrible and fucked up, you're okay. I drowned three mice or so when I was much younger (think early teens) and regularly regret it.

Also, ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH
>> Anonymous
>>306635
>>306642

thank you.

I think i will go to a shrink. It's just a matter of time and money.

I really dont want to be like this
>> Anonymous
the fact you deeply regret it is something. talk to someone about it, even if not a shrink at first.
>> Anonymous
FAGGOT!!
Go, kill more.

It's a fucking mouse.
When you start killing people you can go see a shrink.
>> Anonymous
I dunno. I have a snake too. And when he was little and got lost in my heater for two weeks and finally came out molting and looking like shit, I cut his mice in half for him and watched them try to stumble around on two legs for a minute before they died. It even became a game to see which mice could get further than the others before they fell on their faces.

You're fine.
>> Anonymous
I think alot of little kids went through a phase when they killed animals.
I remember when I was around 6 or 7 when I would actively hunt out woodlice and kill them by crushing them between the latch thing on a dog's leash.

I look back at it now and think how could I? I reckon this has something to do with dominance. As a little kid you are basically on the bottom rung of the social/pack ladder, putting things in their place would probably aleviate this.
>> Anonymous
that's pretty fucked up man don't do that shit
>> Anonymous
>>306676
not me
>> Anonymous
You'll be okay, as long as you realize you did something wrong. Therefore, you won't do it again because of the guilt surrounding your actions. Though you might want to go see a shrink if you think you should.

I did something similar one when I was 4 or 5, I crushed a gerbil to death. I regularly think back on it and think "How could I?"
>> Anonymous
>>306687
the thing is, most of these responses are "when I was a kid..."

The OP, in this case, is at least an older teen, if not an adult.

When I was five, I once dropped a large rock on a baby starling. To this day, 30+ years later, i feel fucking horrible about it... but I was FIVE. No concept of mortality, cause and effect, or really anything else. OP isn't five.
>> Anonymous
Honestly, if you can keep it to animals. It's not endangering people and it's not affecting your life. Then maybe just forget about it.

That or you could see a psychiatrist.
>> cap'n Danny
     File :-(, x)
sick! all of you! how dare you hurt an innocent mouse! you and those cat-bastards.....DAMN YOU CATS! DAMN YOU ALL TO MY MICROWAVE!
>> Anonymous
>>306676
I never tortured or killed animals as a kid.
>> Anonymous
>>306446
You're a sick mother fucker Mac
>> Anonymous
I always felt bad when I saw people crush bugs etc.

Although..once me and my friend filled a little bucket with snails.

So we put it in the freezer for no real reason.

:|
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Well, as long as you realize you fucked up. Don't do it again or else I'll put you on dodecatuple academic probation.
>> Anonymous
>>306448
>>306450
Go find work at a slaughter house
>> Gitto
Its not that bad if you think about it... your snake was going to swallow it alive, it could die from suffocation bet there is enough air inside your snake to keep the mouse alive time enough for it to be digested for a while without diyng...
Of course it's not that good to make a mouse suffer like that but at least u didn't waited for the thing to agonize to death...
>> Anonymous
I literally threw up in my mouth when I read that. People who hurt animals fucking disgust me, especially when said animals are completely fucking harmless. Fuck you OP.
>> Anonymous
>>306717
Yeah, instead he himself agonized it to death. That's so much fucking better and completely necessary! Moron.
>> Gitto
>>306719
I was saying "agonize to death" /after/ the torture section... not in the snake's stomach...
Sorry, missed some words.
>> sage
Your snake wasn't hungry, otherwise he would have eaten it. I do know your a fucking moron though. Anyone who knows how to care for snakes would have realized that he wasn't hungry.
>> Anonymous
>>306446
you are a fucking asshole and deserve to die
>> Anonymous
If you can ask yourself *Am I crazy* then you aren't crazy. Real crazy people don't see anything wrong with their behavior. Do a Google search for Sociopathy or Antisocial Personality Disorders. Those sorts of people don't feel guilt.

At the same time, I think you need to find a way to move passed this. Talk to your parents, or a counselor, if you can. Or try doing something meaningful in the mouse's memory; like lighting a candle and saying a prayer.
You may have done an awful thing but you aren't a totally evil person.
>> Anonymous
it was just a fucking mouse
>> Anonymous
Why does nobody realise this was a troll?

Also, I never killed animals as a kid. Never.
>> Anonymous
i hope to die
>> Anonymous
Bleh, /b/ needs to go back online.
>> Marx !ztENIsXjtM
Assuming you aren't a troll...

It was a mouse, and understandable in all reality. When I was a kid (7-11, really) I used to kill lizards on a regular baisis - on purpos, and sometimes in gorey ways.

I feel horrible about it now, and I honestly believe it was because I was recieving emotional abuse from my Grandmother, who lived with us at the time.

Once she moved, I stopped.

You? You're probably fine. Most people seem to kill something on purpos at least once in their lives. Perhaps to see what happens? I don't really know, but you feel bad about it, and probably won't do it again. Go to a therapist if you want.
>> Anonymous
>>306446
Is it bad that I'm more worried about the snake and if he's eaten yet? I don't want him to starve...
>> Anonymous
next time don't buy a white mouse, some species of ball pythons will not eat white mice.
>> Anonymous
>>306883
there is more than one species of Ball Python?

Besides, OP should be feeding frozen/thawed, not live. That way, he can torture the food all he likes... it's already dead, no worries.
>> Anonymous
>>306676
I definitely agree.
It's certainly NOT ok to do things like that, but I think as a child a lot of people have. I pulled a rolley-polley in half to see what was on the inside, and I was in preschool. Later though, I drowned them, and it became a contest to see which could hold their breath longer. The ones that didn't unroll lost. It doesn't sound like you are a child though, and I think you need to see a therapist.
>> Anonymous
>Assuming OP is being honest:

Be honest with yourself about what happened. People can be cruel, it's in our nature. You had good intentions and things went awry. If you accept that you made a mistake, and honestly regret it then just move on. Don't dwell on it or it will fuck you up.

People make mistakes, we all make mistakes. You grow, you learn, you make different mistakes. Don't make yourself out to be an evil person in your mind. Because if you do, then that's what you will become. Just accept the mistake, be honest about it with yourself and move on.
>> Anonymous
Well, I had found a wounded bird that my cat at the time had mauled.. I realized the bird was way too gone and put it down and walked away and watched as the cat slinked up and the simply ripped the thing to shreds. It was hard to watch and it made me pretty upset, but I knew then just as well as I do now that it was the right thing.

Although in your situation I'd say that's pretty fucked.. I would have gotten a knife and decapitated the thing. I may have morbid thoughts but I can't stand to see suffering.
>> Anonymous
>>306922
PS I was four when the bird thing happened, I'm in my twenties now.
>> Anonymous
>>306706
My friend and I once froze a bumble-bee in an icecube. When we broke the cube on the patio it was still alive. We freaked out beause obviousloy he would be pissed. We ran inside and didn't come out the rest of the night.
>> Anonymous
When I was 5 me and my friend saw this hige bumblebee on the patio. It was just sitting there, and he poked it and it raised it's legs and walked a bit but it wouldn't fly.

So my friend goes and mashes the bee with the bottom of a watering can. It looks all goey and brown.

"HAY THERE'S HONEY.... IN HIM." he says.

We poke our fingers in and taste the honey. It was the fucking worst tasting honey ever.
>> Anonymous
>>307001
Holy shit anon. I love you.
>> Anonymous
op here.

again not trolling.

just thanking everyone who has contributed
>> Anonymous
I used to do things like that when I was a kid. It was oddly exciting to watch things writhe around in pain and struggle.
>> Anonymous
>>306862
Your grandmother? EMOTIONALLY abused you? LOFUCKINGL.
>> Anonymous
>>306454
Not OP.
My friend said when he was young he found a dove with a broken wing at his farm, so he threw it into the middle of his pond. He said it kind of flapped lamely till it reached the edge of the pond but couldn't get out, so my friend fished it out and threw it in again. Again the dove reached the edge, and again my friend threw it in. This kept happening till it was having real trouble swimming, at which point he felt bad and threw stones at it trying to sink the bird.

I don't remember how the story ended, but I think he said he was about 7 when he did this. He's always been a heartless bastard though.

But I know a few other people who enjoy harming certain animals. One of my friends has a phobia of frogs, and says he's cut them open, put firecrackers next to their heads, and tried to burn them, always while they're alive.

I often feel bad when I hurt animals though.
>> Anonymous
>>306731
I drove past the shop.

I passed the shop on the way to work.

Learn the difference and respect our language. Thank you.
>> Anonymous
How do you all feel about killing bugs? Its the same as killing animals really but I don't feel bad when I walk over a locust or smack a wasp that somehow gets in the house.

The only things I killed as a kid were a couple of frogs, neither on purpose. It taught me that frogs can't live in bottles.
>> Anonymous
Growing up in the country I've killed lots of things meaninglessly.

Once when I was little one of our 30 or so puppies we had at various times ran away (more like crawled away since it was so young) I dropped it on the ground repeatedly...againit took me a few days to realize it had died from the event.

My sister and put a kitten on a see-saw thing and jumped on it, flinging the kitten several yards...it took me a few days to realize it had died.

My cousin and I trapped a squirrel and shot it with pellet guns until it died.

When my grandfather died my cousin and I were driving and saw a red earred slider, we ran over it, backed up, ran over it again, and again.

Growing up loveing birds, I've always hated brown-headed cowbirds...I have killed at least 400 of them with BBs, pellets, shotguns, and poison.

Some of those cowbirds were skinned for the hell of it, some were doused in home made napalm and set on fire.


Working at pet store I routinely killed mice/hamsters/gerbils with a sack and brick wall, or seperating their spines. Working at a fish store I routinely take sick fish out tanks and throw them on the floor violently to kill them instantly.


All that said, I have a degree in biology, work at a lab and help run a pet store part time, own many fish tanks and fish/corals, and have an overactive sense of guilt and am depressed some of the time though never violent, I think I lead a happy, good life.
>> Anonymous
Listen, thats not the biggest problem in the world. You didnt seem fucked in the head at all until you were tossing it about. Even thats so much a matter of fascination. Though im sure theres better ways. I think theres probably some thing from your past (bullies insecurities, whatever) that lead to this. Just dont stress your entire waking schedule over this. Like another anon said, just talk to ppl about it.You feel better. Talk, cry, emote, whatever you think is nessacery.

btw, aside from feeding a possible troll (who can tell nowadays) 7/10
>> Anonymous
on my holidays, i dropped some salt on a snail just to see how the snail melted
>> Anonymous
i threw a crab into an ant colony a few years ago
it started making blue bubbles and shit. it was pretty nasty
i regret it, and thats pretty much the worst thing ive ever done to an animal. i hate animal cruelty with a passion now
>> Anonymous
when i was really little our dog didn't really like me (i now know why) and I found out that when you threw a rock at her, she would yelp and get low to the ground and wiggle up close to you looking pathetic. so i did that kind of a lot...it was the only time she ever showed me (what i thought was) affection.

i feel horrible every day for that now. I really can't believe I would do something like that.
>> Anonymous
Just a fuckin mouse. I always kill mice before I feed em to my snake.
>> Anonymous
You must be pretty sick and fucked up to intentionally torture something, regardless of it's "just a mouse"

"Its just a jew" quoth Hitler! Lawl, anyhow, where do you draw the line with "it's just a"?

I suggest you seek help and remove yourself from any opportunities of ever doing that again since you obviously can get out of hand.

Sick fuck.
>> Anonymous
i used to pull the legs off daddy longlegs and watch them drag them selfs along w/ there fangs.......i was 7.... i would never do a thing like that now
>> Anonymous
greetings from Hungary.
i don't remember killing any animals, but I almost killed two last week.
I was driving out of town. I went pretty fast, when 2 cats, 1 big, and 1 small (probably a mother, and a cub) ran accross the road. I didn't have enough time to stop safely, so I drived my car to a tree... My car had minor damages, I've broken my arm, but, and most importantly, the 2 cat didn't get hur.
I may be an idiot, for crapin' up my car, but I rather cause damage to myself than kill a single creature.
>> Anonymous
So what if it's just a mouse? I could kick a baby, that has the intelligence of a mouse, into a wall and use that excuse.
>> Anonymous
Some people torture cats and say "its just a cat."

Using "its just a _____" is the worst excuse to torture anything EVER!

Things dies, it's the natural order, but you are a sick and twisted individual if you derive joy from causing harm and death to something.
>> Anonymous
>>307462
Not that I agree with torturing mice but I'm pretty sure that a baby is a hell of a lot more intelligent than a mouse.

I also just want to add that thousands upon thousands of mice are killed for various reasons every day.
>> Anonymous
>>307503
I would go so far as to say millions
>> Anonymous
>>307503
Okay that's arguable, but you can safely assume that they feel the same amount of pain and question why they deserve it.
>> Anonymous
>>307508
>> they feel the same amount of pain and question why they deserve it.
>> they question why they deserve it.
>> they question why.
>> they question.
>> Anonymous
>>307511

I read that as "you can... question whether they deserve it", not "they ... question whether they deserve it". Makes more sense that way, anyway.
>> Anonymous
Go see a psychiatrist if you are genuinely bothered OP. In fact I would recommend you see one.
>> Anonymous
>>307503
A newborn baby can barely be described as having any intelligence, and a 6 months old baby has a pretty average mammalian intelligence. Which is to say, it's not a good idea to base your ethics on measures like intelligence alone.
>> Anonymous
>>306676
During my preteen years, when I was maybe 9 or 10, I would kill woodlice by the hundreds, in the most horrible ways imaginable, slow and agonizing. On some lever I understood what I was doing, but I did it anyway. Later I ended up regretting it greatly. But the truth is, I had the most fucked up, repressed childhood and youth. I'm only now coming to terms with some of that shit, almost two decades later, and it amazes me how blind I have been to all of it.

So I agree with the other woodlice-killing anon, it probably stems from your life, possibly from how others treat you and how it makes you feel. This is the kind of stuff cognitive-analytic-psychology could help you with. I don't think you're in any risk of becoming a crazy mass murderer, but I do think there are things you should change about your life. You wouldn't do that kind of stuff if you were prefectly in balance with your life.
>> Anonymous
I had a snake too and remember having to thump this mouse over the counter a few times to stun it because it was a little too big for my snake. At first I flicked it in the head a few times but saw that didn't really have any effect so I took it by its tail and smacked in over the counter a few times. I felt really shitty doing it but it was either that or have this mouse potentially harm my snake which happened before (it bit my snake).

I think you acknowledging that what you did was wrong is good. If you enjoyed it and feel the need to do it again then you might have a problem. Just don't do it again and try freezing your mice so you won't have an urge to harm them again. Or possible get rid of your snake all together.