File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
It was like any other day. Partly sunny, 20 degrees. I had just gotten off of work, and was filling up my car for the drive home. After paying, I was walking to my car, pocketing the package of roasted peanuts I'd purchased, for later. I then dug my keys from my pocket, opened my door, sat down, and noticed immediately something wasn't right. Looking toward the passenger seat, I saw an elephant sitting next to me, garbed in a pinstripe suit.

We stared at each other for a second. He spoke first.

"I know you have peanuts in your pocket, Anonymous." The elephant said in a deep rumble.

"How did you know my name was Anonymous?" I asked.

The elephant scratched his chin nonchalantly. "You Indians just don't know when to quit."

Fuck. He knew I was Indian. This was serious. "Why should I hand over anything, especially peanuts?" I asked, trying to buy time.

The elephant reached into his pocket and pulled a knife out, twirling it in his trunk. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that elephants love to... KILL!" and with a lightning move, the elephant lunged.
>> Anonymous
"Ha", I thought as the elephant came toward me like some big grey boulder that was holding a knife, "like any fuckin' elephant is gonna do me in. I'm not gonna go out THIS way. I promised my father this, before he died."

I caught the elephant's trunk with one hand, stopping it cold. "Bad move" I said in a low growl, and struck my fist out, faster than the eye could see. The elephant's face caught the brunt of my hand's monumental blow, and its head richochet'd off the window, only to meet my other hungry, waiting fist. The next 10 seconds were brutal for that elephant, as I landed blow after blow. Soon my fist was covered in elephant blood, as was the elephant's pinstripe suit. It sat, dazed and wobbling in the seat next to me.

"Time to end this game" I said to the elephant, raising my hand. Just as I was about to land my killing blow, taught to me by my master Lo Quan Chi, black belt of the deadly art of Po Nin Sai, I heard behind me: "That will be quite enough."
>> Anonymous
Spinning around, I saw a 9mm pistol pointed at me through the window, held by another trunk. "Get out of the car." the newcomer said. I did so.

This elephant was dressed in a stained wifebeater and nothing else. It wore shades. The first elephant was regaining its composure and soon got out of the car as well.

"Tell me" said the elephant with a gun to my face, "did you ever think you could get the best of an elephant?"
"Tell me," I replied quietly, "how high can you jump?"
The elephant laughed, high-pitched and psychotic. "You FOOL! Elephants cannot jump!"
I smirked "Yeah, but they can DIE!"

Before the elephant knew what hit it, I had it in the nearest refuse bin. Trumpeting with rage and confusion, it tried in vain to free itself from its smelly prison.

It was then I noticed the gun that other elephant had dropped. I picked it up, aimed it at them, and said, cool as a summer evening breeze, "They say elephants never forget, well I hope you never forget THIS!!" and squeezed the trigger.

An earth-shaking explosion rocked that tiny petrol station. A giant fireball erupted forth, spewing elephant debris everywhere. Everyone knows elephant blood is explosive.

>> Anonymous
And what the hazy fuck was the point of this pile of feces?
>> Anonymous
>>76141
no u