File :-(, x, )
Anonymous
Hey Anonymous,

I currently attend a small liberal arts college in the Midwest. Today when leaving classes I and my comrades were greeted with a disturbing surprise. A huge hive of bees (roughly 10,000) had taken up residence in a tree directly outside of the academic building. They were swarming and generally being jackasses. I got stung three times.

I want to get rid of these goddamn fuckers. Campus Security is too scared to go near the hive, so it falls upon me to protect my friends and my country from them.

Does anonymous have any hot tips for getting rid of bees? Here is my plan thus far.
>> Anonymous
I will dress in several layers, leather gloves and trench, and cover my face with a veil of plastic wrap with pin-sized breathing holes. I will then approach the hive quietly and set off numerous smoke bombs. In case you have no experience with them, these are the kind you see around the 4th of July in the US - they produce a ton of colored smoke but very little noise.

In theory, the smoke should calm the bees. I experimented with a cigarette earlier and they seemed to, well, not keep away from me, but to move differently around me, and they did not sting.

Once the bees are fully sedated, my plan is to knock the hive from its perch onto the ground. In theory, this will disorient them and prevent a great deal of them from returning to it.

I am not sure what to use to knock it down. It needs to be a heavy object, but one that can be easily thrown from a great distance. There are rocks available but experimentation has told me that I cannot throw them terribly far. I have a copy of Kant's Critique of Pure Reason from a couple of semesters ago - it's HUGE and really heavy, and I hate the damn thing almost as much as I hate the bees. I was thinking of using that to knock their little place down.

Once the hive falls, I'm assuming they will swarm and my experience with cross-country running will come in handy. I figured I would run back to my dorm and wait several hours, then cautiously approach the area to see what has happened.
>> Anonymous
If I don't see many bees, I intend to approach the remains of the hive, douse it with a small amount of lighter fluid, and flick a cigarette at it. The ground outside is very wet, so likely the fire would be easily contained...

If they're still swarming and freaking out, I think I would throw a few smoke bombs and get out of the way for a little bit longer, biding my time until I can set them all ablaze.

Thoughts? Advice?

Pic very much related because the damn things look almost exactly like that, except that the hive structure is more elongated.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Kill it with fire!
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>>250929
PICTURE FUKKIN RELATED
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
do this first and take pics
>> Anonymous
>>250930
some of those bees survived that. so OP, your shit isn't going to work.

here's the full thread.
do this and POST PICTURES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2243176
>> Anonymous
Bees are becoming endangered.
I hope you get fined.
>> Anonymous
OP here. Dumbass - HONEYBEES are endangered. Not these aggressive little fuckwits. I forget what they're called, but they don't even make honey.... bastards.
>> Anonymous
>>250933
with the way its going, they are going to die off anyway.
might as well have some fun while you're at it.

also realize that many people have SEVERE allergic reactions to bee stings and it sounds like these bees are aggressive.
>> Anonymous
>>250934
wtf. you got the africanized ones or what?
wasps nest?
>> Anonymous
>>250935
Enjoy your food shortages/increased food prices.
>> Anonymous
theyre niggers bees, eliminate them.
>> Anonymous
>>250937
That would effect you too, buddy.
>> Anonymous
They aren't africanized bees - I believe they're called yellow coats or something like that. It was hard to see the hive's shape with all of them flying all over it.

Don't get me wrong. I believe nature is great and we should live and let live, but fucking hell, it's our goddamn campus. We pay $48,000 a year to attend. And there they are - blocking our path into the Social Sciences building. What next?

I will tell you one thing. I am not going to be late for my Nietzsche class because of some jackass yellow coats. I'ma show those fucks a little will to power.

PS the SA thread gave me a great idea - I could use the Critique of Pure Reason AND Hegel's Phenomenology as kindling... modernist fuckwits BELONG with the yellow coats.
>> Anonymous
You have two choices: Call a beekeeper, he will be glad and get rid of them for free.
Or call the fire-department.
>> Anonymous
You see that's the thing - bee keepers don't keep this kind. They only want honeybees. I only called one guy but that's what he said and I figure that's what most of them will say.
>> Anonymous
Yellow jackets?

Also, HOSE THEM! :D
>> Anonymous
Find a beekeeper that'll take them.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
Call this guy
>> Anonymous
Water hose. Use it.

Also, you might want to get security to help you section off the area, just in case they get pissed off sting crazy and go for anyone else they can find.
>> Anonymous
if they're pissed they'll get into your apartment, and if you try to smokebomb them in there you'll probably shoke yourself.

get a fire extinguisher, the carbon dioxide from that will kill them very quickly, and in short bursts you can use it to get them off of you.

i suggest you have 2-3 frends all armed with fire extingishers to get any that chase you from the hive.

rent a video camera and post link when done
>> Anonymous
They can't get into my apartment. I live three floors up in a dormitory room about a block or more from the hive.
>> Anonymous
>>250955

Agreed. Fire extinguishers + friends + video camera and then just go to town.

You can even pretend you're ghostbusters and wear the tank on your back.
>> Anonymous
don't forget to post said video so we can watch
>> Jugs
....Flamethrower FTW.
>> Anonymous
Liquid nitrogen
>> Anonymous
>>250975
Oh God. I lol'd a little.
>> Anonymous
>I currently attend a small liberal arts college in the Midwest.

i'm sorry, i'm afraid i can't help you with that problem :(
>> Anonymous
smoke bomb
>> Anonymous
yellow jackets are wasps.

The things in the picture look like honey bees, call a beekeeper you retard.
>> Anonymous
>>251054
agreed. you have bees there
NOT wasps/hornets/yellowjackets
>> Anonymous
>>250986

This. Oh God, this. XD

Plan B: Collect their crunchy pollen balls and eat them. It's good for you.
>> Anonymous
I have a BETTER plan, wear a fully protective body armor, so there is no way bees can stun you. Use diving oxygen tanks and a mask for breathing, and get really up close to the bee hive, to either hit it like a piniata with a baseball bat, or a hose. The bees will, of course, be pissed, and try to stun, you, but they can't, due to your body armor. And then you proceed to crush them any way you want to, like Godzilla


Also NEVER forget to video tape, you could very well become an internet phenomenon for the video
>> Anonymous
bees are dyin save da bees. get bee keepa
>> tards Anonymous
GET A FUKKEN FLAMETHROWER! that should do it.
>> Anonymous
.
>> Anonymous
Ah, yellow jackets. I have such fond memories of the time I accidentally stepped on an old tin box that they had their nest in.

Good times. My ankles have never been the same.
>> Anonymous
Don't use a flamethrower !!! you'll just piss off a shit load of bees that will come after you with flame.
>> Anonymous
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>>251113

Ahahahahaha!
>> Anonymous
Just pay some mexicans to get rid of them or fucking bribe the bees. You obviously dont care about money if youre paying 48k+ a year to learn philosophy (which is hilarious cause thats twice as much as your gonna make in a year with that kinda shit degree).
>> Anonymous
Swipe a bunch of dry ice, put it in a bucket under the nest. Wait for the gas to knock them out, knock down the nests while they're out. Drown them while they're out. Need to do it quick or they wake up. Get some thick clothes and something to cover your face. Alternatively, throw large rocks and run.
>> Anonymous
>>250975
>>250955
I third this motion!
>> Anonymous
pay some kid from the special disabilities building (like someone with Downs or something) . or some local highschool freshmen and watch them get stung for lulz
>> Anonymous
Sue the college if they don't get it removed.

They're endangering your well-being, and especially that of people who may be allergic to bees.

Or bust a nut on it.
>> Anonymous
>>251317

finaly and answer that makes sense
>> Anonymous
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
>> Anonymous
Hey OP, beekeepers use a special smoke from a specific type of burning wood (I forget the type), I doubt sulfur smoke bombs are going to do anything but piss them off. If I were you, I'd just stay away from them (but I'm mildly allergic so that's why). If you're absolutely Hell bent on destroying them, wait until late at night, they will be less active and less people around to be stung. Then just knock the nest down with something. Hit it with something hard and heavy, and make sure you get it down on the ground on the first hit. I'd use a baseball bat to make absolutely sure that it goes down on the first hit. If you hit them with something, and the nest doesn't hit the ground, they are going to be super pissed. So just run and try the next day. As long as you knock NEARLY ALL of the nest on the ground, they will abandon it, and more than likely the queen will die.
>> Anonymous
Also, bees are very easily outran by a human. If I remember correcty, they can only fly a couple miles an hour.
>> Anonymous
>Campus Security is too scared to go near the hive, so it falls upon me to protect my friends and my country from them.
I fucking lol'd.

Anyways, make sure you're protected. Smoke bombs seem like a good idea, but I'd be ready to throw a bible at those motherfuckers instantly, just in case. Have bee/bug spray in water balloons and hurl those motherfuckers as you flee for sweet life.

... Do it.
>> Anonymous
get bigger bees. FUCK YEAH BEE WAR
>> Anonymous
>>251359
WRONG.
Bees can fly as fast as humans run.
>> Anonymous
>>251114
This man speaks truth, as with Zombies, guess whats worse than Bees...BEES THAT ARE ON FIRE!!!
>> Anonymous
On a related note, I challenge anonymous to find an army that would rival the unyielding might that would be Bees armed with firearms.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
A new challenger appears.
>> Anonymous
AoE+ Good Bee XP = Grinding, good luck.
>> Anonymous
You Could Try AIDS
>> Anonymous
OP, i would go wid the M16...i wouldn't recomend using fire cuz bees are bad, but flaming bees are worse
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
I'M COVERED IN BEES!
>> Anonymous
>>251388

Hahaha, I like this. Pesticide in water balloons. I imagine you'd need gloves just to put the damn stuff in the balloon, it might be a pain in the ass, etc... but goddamn that sounds fun.
>> Killin beez Anonymous
Wait till after dark, when things have cooled off somewhat, their metabolism slows considerably then, so they don't move that fast. Then, take the wasp killer in a can and spray it on the nest liberally. Then run like hell
>> Anonymous
Smoke them out, then burn the beehive. Seriously, it works. Just uh, wear thick clothes. But you don't really have to go too close, just hock some smoke bombs/flares near it, wait for a bit while they fly off
>> Anonymous
Actually my father used to raise bees when i was young. The ideal thing is to get a hive and place it under the swarm, and then give the branch a mean shake. The bees won't sting you when they are swarmed like that. The Queen is in the middle if she like the hive you have dropped them into they will stay. Either way once the hive is down lid the box, and come back at night and move the box to a safe place then reopen. Most of the time they stay and make you some nice honey.
>> Anonymous
Surely if this is on your campus and these bees are as aggressive as you say, wouldn't your college be endangering students by not keeping the campus safe?
>> Anonymous
Few things you can do.

A) Get some hairspray and a lighter. Go ghetto-flamethrower on them

B) Get some of that industrial bee-killer. Have you and your friends get near the hive and just blast the thing into foamy oblivion.

C) Put a bug-zapper nearby.
>> Anonymous
>>250930
Holy fucking shit, I remember that thread!
>> Anonymous
>>251428
Fuck yes. Import a group of 30 of them from Japan and let them loose.
>> Anonymous
take a bee-bath in the, so refreshing
>> Anonymous
Headline: Liberal Arts student dies in stupid stunt, Professors say education working as intended
>> Anonymous
Is..is that the hive in your picture, OP?
>> Anonymous
oh, for the love of god, go to fucking wal mart and buy a two-pack of wasp & hornet killer. spray the hive with it, get some one to help you. do it as the sun is going down so the bees are returning to the nest.

GOD WHY IS EVERYONE INCOMPETENT NOWADAYS?
>> Anonymous
get some smoke bombs and a 50-gallon drum. collect the bees as they get drowsy and fall into the drum.

do you have any idea how valuable bees are now? people are stealing them from keepers.
>> Anonymous
Paint yourself like a clown and just relentlessly attack the hive with a golf club with no regard for life or limb.
>> Anonymous
>>253626
It'd work better if you gathered yourself a posse of like-minded clowns.
>> Anonymous
this many replies and not one of you has realized that this is stale copypasta from weeks ago.

wow
>> Jack Bootheel
OP, bees are expensive and becoming endangered. Look up Colony Collapse Syndrome. Beekeepers might be willing to buy them from you if you've already subdued them. Or perhaps one might prefer to come all the way there and deal with it himself.

But if not, put on some protective gear, smoke them to sleep, and then knock the hive down into a large plastic container. Seal container. Relocate Bees to more secluded place like an empty field then either

A: Open container and run away quickly leaving the bees in a happy new environment free to pollenate and propogate as they wish.

B:Cover container in high octane gasoline or similarly flammable substance. Set alight. Open container optional but more enjoyable to watch- do flaming bees fly? For how long?
>> Anonymous
Great now i have the ghostbusters song going in my head with the vision of a bunch of collegeFags dressed up in ski gear and super soakers attacking a bee hive.
>> Anonymous
     File :-(, x)
PINATA ! ! !
Hit it with a bat and sweets should fall out from it .

:]


Profit !?!?
>> Anonymous
Bees. My god.
>> Anonymous
>>253697
Well, honey is sweet but... the other stuff isn't candy.
>> Anonymous
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
>> Anonymous
Just don't wear black when you attack the hive.

Scratch that. Wear black.
>> Anonymous
>>253781
Bees cum when you hit them with bats?..
>> Anonymous
use smoke...smoke makes bees calm. then when there all mellow you torch the fuck out of them!
>> Anonymous
Definitely looks and sounds like Africanized. Where is this Midwest college located?
>> Anonymous
>>254375

Africa
>> Anonymous
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>>250925
Need a light?